


Redemption Citadel

by Froggy1988



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Cassarian Month 2020 (Disney), F/M, Five Years Later, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Pregnancy, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:48:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 125,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24943369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Froggy1988/pseuds/Froggy1988
Summary: Now Complete! A novel length Cassandra X Varian story!Five years after the battle with Zhan Tiri Cassandra still hasn’t found her destiny. Close to death she travels back to the Dark Kingdom deliriously searching for answers. Instead she finds the one person that can help her.Varian has spent the five years learning new skills, no longer just an engineer and alchemist he has developed a keen knowledge of anatomy. Having forgiven himself for the past he’s ready to see the world outside of Corona. When he finds Cassandra he soon discovers that it’s not just her body that needs fixing.The Dark Kingdom is being rebuilt under the new name of the Redemption Kingdom. King Edmund has opened the doors to all those looking for a new start.Featuring Varian, Cassandra, Eugene, Rapunzel and Edmund.Slow-burn with adult themes and smut.
Relationships: Cassandra & Varian (Disney: Tangled)
Comments: 270
Kudos: 159





	1. Disconnected

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction using Character from the world of Tangled: The Series. Owned by Disney. I do not claim any ownership over the characters nor do I make a profit off of them. This is a work of imagination – it is not canon. Thank you to all the writers and artists who have put together the wonderful world of Corona and it’s inhabitants.
> 
> Warnings: Brief mention of kidnapping, brief mention of violence, medical situations and explicit sex between consenting adults. Also foul language, some homosexuality, passing mentions of miscarriage and infertility. Basically, don’t read it if you are underage, or if you might be easily upset or triggered by any of the above.

** Chapter one: Disconnected **

Her vision blurred as she saw the towers, how long had she been walking? Weeks, maybe a month. Her leg was agony now. How long had it been since she had hurt herself? She did not know, it was as if the pain had always been a part of her. She had to keep going, she had to make sense of what had happened to her. Here she finally was, where it had all begun.

It looked different from her memories. The black towers raised out of the gully but without it’s surroundings of black rocks it looked less threatening. There was now grass growing on the hillside, a stream running down below the mound it was built upon. There was the sound of birds and the footsteps of some larger creature. Was it her imagination, or was there a light on in the tower?

Her leg gave way. She sprawled on the hard floor, stones biting into her hands. She tried to find the strength to push herself up but as much as she concentrated her arms would lift her body, they were shaking, weak.

“Hey!” She heard a voice in the distance, yet boots had come in to view. Why did it sound so far off?

  
“Are you Okay? Are you hurt?” Then there was a gasp “Cassandra, is that you?”

  
Cassandra raised her head, sweat dripping down into her eyes. There was a tall lean figure of a man in front of her. Then everything was dark. She thought she heard a voice as the darkness took her.

“I’ve got you.”

***

_She was running, black rocks chasing her, green demon eyes and cackling laughter. But a voice was coming through, hazy, but welcoming, she tried to cling to the words._

“Can you do anything for her?”

_That sounded like Rapunzel. She tried to reach out to her, but her arms were heavy like stone. They were stone, the black stone was wrapping around her arms dragging her down to the floor._

“The infection has reached her blood, fetch the doctor. I’ll try and treat her best I can till he arrives.”

  
“Why did she let it get that far?”  
  


“I think she probably didn’t realize how bad it was till it was too late.”

_The rocks were pressing in, crushing her chest, making her struggle to breathe. The rocks were hot, burning._

  
“Too late? What are you saying?”  
  


“Princess, she’s strong, but this is serious, there is a chance she won’t make it.”

_Was she dying? She would be okay with dying if it was quick. Not this suffocating pressure and heat. She tried to reach out again, but the darkness took over._

***

“Are you sure about this kid?”  
  


“No, I’m not. I’ve only heard of it being done on a few occasions and it failed as often as it worked. I don’t know enough to know what variables determine the outcome.”  
  


“Perhaps there’s a book in the library.”

“No Eugene, there’s not. Trust me, nobody knows the answer.”  
  


“Stop, listen to me. Do you really want to do this?”  
  


“No, I’m scared it will kill her and it will all be my fault.”  
  


“Then don’t do it.”  
  


“SHE’S DYING EUGENE! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT! If I don’t do anything she’s going to die.”  
  


There was a long pause.

“Okay, just tell me what to do.”

***

_The pain in her leg was unbearable. Something was poking her, adding to the pain, she tried to swat it away but again her fingers would not respond. There was a strong smell of rotten flesh, like a slaughterhouse left abandoned in the heat of summer. She gagged. There was a voice coming through again, and again she tried to follow it._

“Jez Cassie, it was my dream to see you again. But this feels like some kind of twisted nightmare instead.”

  
She managed to open her eyes. The image in front of her swum. She took in little details before her eyes moved of their own accord to something else, unable to focus. A dark room, a bed, strong muscular forearms. A bowl of water tinged red, blue eyes behind big round glasses, black hair falling into them. Something familiar, but she could not quite get her brain to make sense of it all.

“Who are you?”  
“Cassie, Cassie you’re awake.” A face swam into her vision, the one with the glasses, high boned cheeks, pointed nose, not an unpleasant face. She blacked out again.

***

_When she came into awareness, she was aware that time had passed, she was aware of being in a room and of voices around her. She saw things in the blackness. Her father stroking her hair and whispering softly too her as he had done as a child. Her mother, always turned away from her, always leaving. A male voice in the background, familiar, calming, most of the time the words did not make sense, a few times they did. She appreciated the voice, it meant she was not alone in the darkness._

“You’re still wearing the cassandrium necklace.”

There was a small huff of a laugh.

“I can’t believe how obvious I was. Still, if a woman you admire so much keeps your first love letter, or token rather, I guess that’s not a bad thing.”

_Her necklace? It had been a gift, from somebody she had once knew, the young scientist._

***

_Something was wrong, there were more voices, they were shouting. Her body was burning again, was she getting worse? How much time had passed? She wanted to reach out to the voices, tell them that she was there, but she was not able to open her eyes. She tried to talk, but it was as if her tongue had forgotten how to form the sounds._

“Your majesty, I beg you. Do not let him do that.”

  
“Dad. I trust Varian.”

  
“Doctor, I realize that it may seem disgusting to you, but I’ve made a study of the maggots and they only eat dead and infected flesh. By eating the infected flesh, they will clean out the wound. You must trust me, it will help.”

  
“I will not allow her to be eaten alive by maggots.”

  
“Doctor. She is under my protection and I am going to allow it.”

***

_Time had passed again. There were maggots, she had heard them talking of maggots. She could feel them crawling around her leg. She thought she could see them, not little white maggots, giant red maggots with fangs biting into her. She was not dead yet, she knew she was dying, but she was not dead yet. There was screaming but she could not figure out where it was coming from. Somebody was in trouble._

“Cass, Cassie!”

Somebody was calling her; somebody needed her help. She opened her eyes, there was a face in front of her, she could not focus. There were blue eyes, pretty really. She was in a room, everything was burning, her body was burning, there was sweat dripping into her eyes. Who needed help, she needed to find out.

“Help?” She croaked.

“What do you need? Water?”

A hand was behind her neck, lifting a cool glass of water too her lips. It was wonderful on her parched tongue. It was starting to make sense, it was her in need of help, nobody else. The room was quiet and dark, she and the man were alone, nobody seemed in need of help.

“Nightmare.” She said in explanation as she was laid back down. “Maggots.”

  
“Ah, about that.” The man said sheepishly.

But she was asleep again.

***

Her eyes swam but finally she was able to focus. She knew the person in front of her was the same that had been there before, how long had it been – minutes or days she did not know. Everything seemed strangely disconnected.

“Good morning sleeping beauty.”

The figure leaned in close to her, and from here she could make out his hair pulled into a short ponytail, gathered at the neck, and under the rims of his glasses there was a faint starburst of white lines, scars perhaps, around his left eye. His arm was behind her back firmly pulling her up, a glass was pushed to her lips, she drunk the cool water.

“Who are you?” She rasped.

He smiled slightly.

“Guess I have changed. You, not so much. Except the hair, I like it.”

That confirmed she knew him, but where from?

Then it clicked, she saw the bluish grey stripe in his hair, the bright blue eyes.

“Varian?” She gasped.

Varian smiled.

“Milady.”

  
“I’m in corona?”

  
“No, you’re in the redemption citadel.”

  
“Where?”

  
“It used to be the dark kingdom, it needed a touch of rebranding, not very welcoming. I found you a week ago out in the woods. You had a bad infection Cassie. You have been passing in and out of consciousness ever since. Things got a bit hairy for a while back there.”

Cassandra looked down and pulled at the covers. Varian seeing what she was trying to do reached across to help, under the covers she was wearing a blue nightgown, shortened so it only came up to mid-thigh, below that she could see that her left leg was heavily bandaged.

“It’s been cleaned and sewn up, but the infection had got into the blood stream. We had to try quite a few things before the fever started to abate. But you’re going to be fine now.”

  
Cassandra pulled the covers back up wondering if she should be embarrassed by Varian seeing so much of her flesh, but she just felt too tired to really care about much.

“Just a moment, I’m going to send for some bone broth.”

The figure of Varian disappeared, and Cassandra attention wavered, only making out a few words.

  
“Did you just say Pascal?” She said as Varian sat back down next to her.

“Yes, he was waiting outside to run to the Princess with any news. I asked him to let her know to go to the kitchen and get you food first. Not sure if how he understood but I’m sure he did.”

  
“The Princess?”

  
“Rapunzel has been sitting with you for a few hours every day.”

  
Cassandra’s puzzlement must have shown on her face.

“We’re all her for the summer helping with the rebuild.”  
  


Cassandra sighed and closed her eyes. She felt so tired.

“Hey.” A hand touched her shoulder. “Stay awake just a bit longer. You won’t start to regain your strength unless you eat.”

“CASS!” A loud voice rang through the room and Cassandra groaned at the noise of it, her head was throbbing. She had not realized just how softly Varian had been talking to her.

The next thing she knew there was a weight on her chest and arms around her and it all felt too heavy and too much.

“Princess.” She was aware of Varian stepping over and tugging at the slight woman.

Cassandra looked on the face of her best friend for the first time in five years, unlike Varian Rapunzel hadn’t changed much. Perhaps a little rounder in the face, a little fuller in her body. She was wearing a light green dress which matched her eyes. There was an enthusiasm and openness there that was so completely the Rapunzel she remembered that her heart ached a little bit. Cassandra knew two things, the first, she had missed her friend deeply. The second, she was way too tired and way too achy to deal with the reunion right at that moment.

“Perhaps give her a little space. “ Varian suggested before Cassandra said anything.

“Ops, sorry, ill got it. I’m just so happy to see you’re finally awake.”

Cassandra gave a small smile.

Varian helped her to sit up and handed her the glass of water, but her hands were shaking too much. Rapunzel grabbed it and held it up to her mouth.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, Raps, you didn’t hurt me. I’m just very tired.”

  
“We need to get her some food and then let her rest.” Varian said.

Rapunzel nodded.

“Eugene is bringing it up.”

  
Cassandra audibly groaned; she just could not cope with anymore reunions right now. Especially not with someone as annoying as Eugene Fitzherbert.

“I’ll just go and fill him in on how she’s doing.” Varian said, seeming to guess her need for space and rushing out the door to intercept any further visitors.

How are you doing?”

  
“I’m just tired.”

  
“Did you know we were here? Did you come to find us?”  
  


“Everything is a bit of a blur.” Cassandra said not wanting to admit her true reason for being in the vicinity.  
  


“Varian said you must have been ill for a while for it to get so bad.”  
  


“I think I was. I remember getting hurt, falling off Fidella and onto a jagged rock. I remember the days afterward just thinking I could deal with it myself. I even saw a healer, but the stiches did not hold. I don’t remember much after that.”  
  


“Well thank goodness for Varian finding you, and looking after you, honestly he knew exactly what he was doing. And the surgeon who lives close by. You were incredibly lucky. I’ve been so worried.”

  
“Princess.” Varian was at the doorway now holding a tray with a steaming bowl of something that smelt delicious.

“She needs to rest now. I’ll let you know when she’s able to talk more.”

  
Cassandra was slightly taken aback at the authority in his voice, and the way that Rapunzel just seemed to defer to his judgement. She was also grateful that he was shielding her from having too any people at once.

“I’ll talk to you soon Cass. I’m so glad you’re better, and so glad you’re here.” Rapunzel squeezed her hand before leaving.

“So, does everybody just follow what you say now?” Cassandra asked when they were on their own.

“Sometimes, usually only on science and engineering, but it seems like on nursing too.”

Varian said taking his seat beside her again and holding the bowl to her mouth. She gratefully took a gulp of the rich broth.

“Part of being a royal advisor I guess.”

  
“You’re a royal advisor now?”

  
Varian nodded.

“Royal engineer and scientific advisor. Enough talking now, save your strength. “

He helped her finish the broth then fluffed her pillows. She was asleep again the moment her head hit them. This time resting easily knowing she was being watched over by friends.

***


	2. Conversations and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still bed-bound Cassandra's friends try to keep her entertained.

“The Prince offered her endless jewels, ships, and lands. All to which she shook her head. Then he offered to make her Queen, and to worship and love her until his dying breath, but from him all Cassandra would accept was a single kiss. It was a kiss goodbye, for never would they again meet.“

Cassandra looked around confused, then she remembered where she was. The dark kingdom, or whatever they were calling it now. Her leg hurt like the blazes and Varian was sat next to her reading to her whilst she slept.

“What on earth are you reading to me?”  
“The adventures of Cassandra of Corona. It’s very popular, well, not in Corona itself, but in the other kingdoms it’s become more popular than the adventures of Flynn Ryder, much to Eugene’s horror.”  
“Somebody wrote a book about me?”  
“Three books, well, four if you count Cassandra and her Secret Chamber, but that one was by a different author, and banned in all seven kingdoms. I have to say, very poorly written and an appalling grasp on anatomy. Anyhow, there’s ‘Cassandra in the realm of dragons’, ‘Cassandra and the ruby of Reisling’, and ‘Cassandra and the endless storm.”

“Who is writing these?”  
“I don’t know. But their knowledge of the seven kingdoms is good, so I think they are probably travelling around, collecting stories about you form the places you’ve been. The Prince of Reisling did write to us telling us that you had spent several months with him helping him locate a stolen ruby and dealing with a crime problem in his kingdom. Which is how we figured out that there was some truth to the books. ”  
“Well, yes, but it’s not like that book said. He wasn’t in love with me, he was always scared, bandits, zombies, spiders, his mother, everything. I’m sure he was scared of me too.”  
Varian smiled.

“So, you didn’t fight a dragon?”  
“No, he just had an allergy to the crops they were growing near to the valley where he lived. I told them to change their planting around and that solved the sneezing, Dragons are quite peaceful you know, I t’s not like any of them ever mean to destroy villages it’s just they aren’t very good at controlling their fire.”  
Varian was staring at her with an open mouth.  
“That’s fascinating.”  
“I can’t believe that somebody is writing these lies about me.”  
“Oh, it’s not so bad. Cassandra the brave warrior, going from town to town setting wrongs right, leaving a trail of broken hearts along the way”  
“There’s no broken hearts, and really, I’ve helped a few places out but it was never anything to write home about.”  
“I know.” Varian said sullenly. “Which is why you haven’t written home in so long?”  
Cassandra fidgeted uneasily.

“Anyways, this does bring us to the next port of call.” Varian closed the book he was reading and Cassandra saw that beneath it there was a pad of paper and pen. “I’m going to help you write to your Father. Rapunzel did send him a letter, but we’re not sure if it’s still the right address.”  
“It would be. He hasn’t moved. What did the letter say?”  
Varian blushed lightly.

“To come at once.”  
“What?” Cassandra said anger rising.

Varian raised his hands.

“Calm down Cassie, she had too. You don’t realize, it really did look like we were going to lose you for a while there. Your Father had the right to know.”  
“But he’s going to be so worried when he gets the letter.”  
“Which is why we’re going to write this one and get it there as quick as possible. Now, do you want to dictate, or are you up writing yourself?”  
Cassandra reached for the pen, but her hands were still shaking.

“It’s Ok. You just take your time, there’s a sandwich and some water there for you and we’ll get this written ad sent off.” Varian said gesturing to the plate of food that was sitting unnoticed on the bedside table.  
Cassandra took a few minutes to eat and then started dictating a letter to her father.

 _“Dearest Father, I have heard that Rapunzel has been in contact with you. I am sorry that I have worried you. I am well now and there is no need to come. I am with friends in the Redemption Citadel, what used to be the Dark Kingdom. I am sorry for the trouble I have caused and hope that this letter reaches you before you begin an unnecessary journey. Your daughter, Cassandra. Dictated.”  
_ Varian’s brow furrowed.

“You don’t want him to come?”  
Cassandra shook her head as she laid back down.

“Cassie, it’s going to be quite a long recovery, wouldn’t you like him here?”  
Cassandra sighed.

“No. It’s fine, I’ll be leaving as soon as possible anyway.”  
Varian shuffled uncomfortably.

“Cass, it’s going to take weeks before you can walk again. Probably months before you’re well enough to travel on your own.”  
“I heal fast.”

“Not this time. “He stood up and placed his hand on her shoulder. “I know that it’s hard to accept when you come so close to death, but you’re with friends Cass. We’re not going to let you go anywhere until your fully healed.”

Cassandra turned to face the wall. She was tired and in pain and she did not like anyone dictating what she could and could not do.

“Okay, well, we’ll talk about it when you feel a bit better. Are you up for a sponge bath before you go back to sleep? I have to say, you smell like death, I mean, kind of like a dead fish that’s been left in the sun to fester for a month of two.”  
Cassandra sent an annoyed glare his way.

“You are not giving me a sponge bath.”  
Varian laughed out loud.

“Oh, I am your faithful servant Milady.” He said with a bow. “But I’m afraid that I simply do not have the devotion to get that close to you when you are smelling so ripe.” He said in a grandiose fashion gesturing wildly with his hands.

“You’d stink to if you’d spent a week in bed with a fever.”  
“Granted.” He conceded. “We’ve hired a woman to take care of your personal needs.”  
Cassandra let out a moan. She did not like being fussed over, she also did not like feeling helpless, so to have to have somebody help her to get washed or even use the bathroom was distasteful to her. But as she thought that her bladder started to ache reminding her that it was necessary.

“Okay then.” She sighed.

“I’ll go fetch her.” Varian said running out the room.

Cassandra pulled her pillow over her head but gagged when she smelled it. Varian was right, she did smell ripe, but it had been rude of him to point out. Had she forgotten how infuriating he was, or had he just got worse as he’d got older? She was sure that he had been quite endearing as a teenager, eager to please and a little shy. She wasn’t entirely sure if she like his new found confidence.

***

“Hey.”

Rapunzel’s slim form appeared in the doorway. Cassandra smiled at her.

“Hey yourself.”

Rapunzel held up a hairbrush shyly.

“Can I brush your hair?”  
Cassandra let out a short laugh at the change in roles. It was true that she had needed some help with her hair. Sophia, the woman who had helped her get washed and changed had made a quick job of rinsing her hair through with some rose water but it was still in need of a proper wash.

“I’m betting it’s a bit of a mess. Might be best to just cut it off.”  
“Don’t you dare.” Rapunzel said rushing towards her and sitting crossed legged on the bed. “It’s beautiful.”

Cassandra had let her hair grow out a few years previous. It now rested in curls reaching to her lower back. Cassandra sat and allowed Rapunzel start brushing her hair in awkward silence. She was waiting for the questions to start, and in all fairness, there were so many that she could shoot at her she did not know which one was going to come first. But what Rapunzel said came as a complete shock to her.

“It reminds me of when I used to brush mothers. Your mothers that is. Most of the time she’d just brush mine due to the whole healing thing, but sometimes when I was younger, she’d let me brush hers for her. It’s just the same, hers was thicker, but it’s the same colour and it has her curls.”  
Cassandra didn’t know how to reply.

Rapunzel stopped brushing for a moment. She moved into Cassandra’s view.

“We never talked about her. Did we?”  
“No.” Cassandra said.

“I was thinking that a couple of weeks ago. I received another letter from your father. I had written to him to ask if you were back yet, and if you had seen any of my letters to you. But he said you had not returned in over a year, and although you wrote to him often you didn’t tell him where you were. Cassandra, why did you stop writing?”  
Cassandra sighed, she’d left the house that her father had built a year previous, and just before leaving she had written to Rapunzel. She hadn’t written to her since. She did’nt have any answer as to why she had stopped writing, it hadn’t really been an outright decision and there hadn’t been any bad blood between them.

“I just didn’t know what to write anymore. It’s like, I know all the people that you write about, I know their names and faces but everybody’s lives have moved on so far I don’t have any connection with them anymore. You and Eugene, you’re lives seem so peaceful now, I found it hard to explain what it’s like to be on the road for years at a time.”  
“You don’t have to be on the road Cassandra. You could come home.”  
“It really isn’t home anymore Raps.”  
Rapunzel nodded solemnly.

“I realized it won’t be long before you become a mother.”  
Rapunzel gasped but Cassandra let it go over her head.

“And then we will really be completely separated, what place would I have in your life then? Happily married with kids, soon to be a queen. And me, wandering around sometimes not even with a plan or an idea of where to go.”

“You’ll always have a place in my life Cass. It doesn’t matter that we’re different, we’re friends.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“You seem really lost Cass.” Rapunzel said as she continued to brush her hair.

“Maybe I am. I don’t know.”  
“Maybe having to stop here for a while will be good for you, you’ll have the time to rest and decide what to do next. At least know what direction to head in.”  
“Maybe.”

They sat in silence for a while longer.

“Do you want me to tell you about mother?”

“No.” Cassandra said. She didn’t want Rapunzel to feel like she was just shooting down the conversation though. “Another time, I; m tired. Tell me about Varian instead.”

“Varian?”  
“He grew up.”  
Rapunzel laughed.

“Yes, quickly too once people started to actually listen to his ideas and put a little faith in him.”  
“He’s a royal advisor?”  
“Our most trusted.”  
“He told me that you’ve been sitting with me every day, thank you.”  
“Well, I have been. As much as I can, which is less than I would like because of all the diplomatic meetings we’ve been having with the neighbouring kingdoms. They are a bit concerned about our plans here but we’re working it out. It’s Varian whose been sat with you almost all day and all night, if I didn’t make him go and get some sleep occasionally, he never would have left your side. I mean, we did need him, but I think you needed him more so we managed without.”  
“Why did he do that?”  
“Maybe because he found you, I’m not really sure. Or maybe because he’s pretty good with biology and he came up with some things that really helped you heal, like the maggots.”  
“Ugh, I’d been hoping that was a nightmare.”  
“Nope, he got into such a big fight with the doctor that we had to go and fetch a surgeon from the next kingdom. But it worked.”  
“If memory serves, he’s crazy schemes do tend to work. Or blow up.”  
“Well, we didn’t think the maggots we’re that likely to explode. He did suggest cauterising with gunpowder at one point, but that’s when Eugene suggested that he go and get some rest. He was a bit pale; he forgets he needs to sleep sometimes.”  
“Well thank you for saving my leg from being blown off.”

Rapunzel took a shacky breath.

“Raps?”  
“You we’re really close to losing it Cassandra. Why did you let it get so bad? It was horrifying. At first Varian and the doctor were telling us that you weren’t likely to make it, but then you seemed to come to a bit but the doctor wanted to amputate your leg – if it wasn’t for those maggots eating all the dead flesh away and the new surgeon sewing it up properly then you would have lost it.”  
“I thought I could deal with it.” Cassandra tried to explain. “I did see a healer Rapunzel; I promise I did. But things got confusing after that, and I’m not sure what happened.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay now. And so happy that you are here, we have so much catching up to do.” She reached for something on Cassandra’s bedside table, Cassandra saw that it was her necklace, thought she wasn’t sure when it had been removed. Rapunzel leaned forwards and fastened it around her neck.

“There all done, you’re looking much less wild now.”

Cassandra smiled her thanks.

“Rest up now Cass, we’re going to have plenty of time together when you’re better.”  
“I look forwards to it.” Cassandra replied, and truthfully, she really did.

***

“Looking good Cassie, smelling good too.” Varian said leaning against the doorframe.  
“There was no need to be so rude about it.”  
“I brought you a visitor.”  
“I’ve already seen Raps, she visited this morning.”  
“Nope, it’s the other half of the delightful and undeniably best looking duo in Corona, or in the Redemption Kingdom for that matter.” Eugene said striding in.

“Oh, you.”  
“You can do better than that Cassandra. Where is the witty names? Your royal travesty was one of my favourites.”  
“Prince of a lava filled hell hole with no subjects.”  
“The lava is actually quite useful.” Varian said.

“And I’ll have you know that we have quite a few subjects now. See Varian, I told you when we gave her that blood transfusion we ought to give her a personality transfusion as well.”  
“And I told you that’s not possible.”  
“Blood transfusion?” Cassandra asked.

Varian shifted uncomfortably.

“He did this thing with needles and tubes where he put his blood into your body, actually it was very gross. Plus, he fainted because he’s got that thing with the blood.” Eugene added quietly putting his hand up to his mouth as if he didn’t want Varian to hear, whilst talking loud enough that Varian obviously could.

“I didn’t faint, I just got lightheaded, I haven’t fainted at the sight of blood in years. I was only lightheaded because I was losing blood myself.” He looked over at Cassandra. “It was an experimental treatment, you’re red cells were depleted by the infection, I just thought it might help.”  
“And he’s always wanted to get inside you.”  
Varian frowned at the older (and now slightly shorter) man. Cassandra watched amused as he gently slapped him across the back of the head.

“Hey, watch the hair Cuz!” Eugene snapped hands automatically going to flatten the hair at the back of his head.  
“Well you watch your mouth.”  
“Cuz?” Cassandra interrupted them as they faced each other off. It seemed to break up the small fight they were having.

“It turns out that our mothers were cousins. There’s a lot of interrelationships between the brotherhood.” Varian explained. “Which kind of makes us cousins.”  
Eugene wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

“Which explains the good looks. Now, if I’m honest, I was a bit of an awkward looking teenager, but we dark kingdom men, we hit twenty, twenty-one and watch out ladies, super human good looks.”  
“I’m sad to see that you haven’t changed. “Cassandra said sarcastically.

“Older and wiser Cassandra, older and wiser.”  
“Well you couldn’t possibly be less wise.”  
“She’s getting there.” Eugene said to Varian with a smile. Then he turned to Cassandra and put his hand on her shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re awake. Really.”

Cassandra gave a small smile. She could not begin to explain her relationship with Eugene, they hadn’t seen each other in five years, and yet she still felt annoyance at the sight of his stupid face. It was an instant annoyance the second she saw his preening, egotistical, punchable face. Yet, they were sort of friends, she would pull him out of the path of a raging rhino if she had too, and she was fairly sure he’d do the same for her. She could even admit to a little respect for the way he was so helplessly devoted to Rapunzel and his determination. She’d never admit that though, she would also never admit the affection that she felt towards him – occasionally- when he was being less egotistical and punchable.

“Thanks, what do people call you these days, Flynn, Horace?”  
“Still Eugene, but for you, you can call me your Highness, Prince of the Redemption Kingdom, Prince consort of Corona, and best looking guy on the planet.”  
“Buttface it is.”  
Varian snorted.

“And she’s losing it again.”  
“I’m just tired.”  
“Come on.” Varian said putting his arm across Eugene’s shoulders. “Let’s let her rest up.”  
Cassandra gave him a small smile of thanks as she settled back into the bed.

***

“So guess what?” Varian said walking into Cassandra’s room a few days later. Cassandra rolled her eyes. She was getting a bit fed up with her friends’ inability to knock. She had numerous visitors every day. Sophia, the woman who helped her came several times daily and was on call if she needed her (which she never did), then there was Rapunzel who had taken it on herself to brush Cassandra’s hair daily. Eugene kept ducking his head round the door to see what insults she could come up with (he had even made numbered cards for judging them), and King Edmund had dropped in on a few occasions. It was Varian though who tended to spend the longest with her. He usually brought both their lunches and sat and talked with her till it was late afternoon, he’d brought her books to read, and pens and paper in case she wanted to write more letters (she hadn’t). He was also the one who carefully taught Sophia to rewrapped her bandages and put on healing salves. Yet he always took it upon himself to visit her at night and give her thick, sweet smelling drinks that took away the pain and sent her to sleep.

“What?”  
“Fidella has just arrived.”

Cassandra sat up eagerly, swinging her injured leg over the side of the bed.

“Wow, wow. “Varian said his hand stretching out. “Don’t do that.”

“I can do it.” Cassandra said placing her bare feet on the floor and shifting her weight onto her leg.

Varian rushed across the room to her, but he didn’t reach her in time. Split seconds after standing up her leg gave way and she fell grasping at the bedsheets in an attempt to break the fall a little.

“Wow, easy.” Varian said kneeling besides her. Her face was screwed up in pain, but more than that she felt humiliated. She had thought she was getting better, she had thought that all of the fussing around her was just over caution. Now she realized she was still helpless.

“I want to see her.” She said in as strong and determined a voice as she could muster.   
“She’s fine, and owl is with her.”  
Cassandra looked up at him, pain and worry evident despite her attempts at hiding it.

“They’re ok? Where have they been? I don’t remember when I lost them. “  
“The animals are rather good at looking after themselves Cassie. They wandered into town this morning and somebody realised a horse without a rider could mean trouble and notified a guard. Fidella is with Max in the stable and Owl is currently outside your bedroom window.”

She heard the familiar little hoot from the open window and she gave a loud sigh of relief.

“I was scared that I’d let something happen to them.”

“No, they’re perfectly fine Cassie, which is more than can be said for you. Now, let me help you.”

“I got this.” Cassandra said placing her two hands on top of the bed ready to pull herself up.

“No, you haven’t.” Varian said quickly scooping an arm under her legs and one under her arms and hoisting her up.

“HEY!”

“Learn to accept help.” Varian said placing her gently down and puling the sheets up around her.

She rolled her eyes.

“When Owl has rested up we might be able to get a letter to your father faster, and either intercept the first one or beat the second one so that he doesn’t have to be worried for as long.”  
“That’s a good idea, thank you.” Cassandra reached across for the paper thar Varian had left her and immediately started writing.

“So, have you changed your mind about him coming?”

“No.”

Varian sighed.

“I really think you should.”

“I know what you think.”

“What’s the real reason you don’t want your Dad to come? Is it just because you’re terrible at accepting any kind of help whatsoever?”

  
“I told you, I don’t want him to worry.”

  
“There’s more to it than that isn’t there?”

  
“Okay, he met somebody.”

Varian gave her a look that said ‘go on’. Cassandra sighed.

“We were travelling together for about two years. As we travelled we’d hear stories about places that were in trouble, or were crime hot spots, we’d travel to them and see it we could help put them right. It felt good, like I was back on the right path, and I felt appreciated by the people we helped. We kept moving, until one day, he met somebody, and he wanted to stick around for a few more days, and a few more after that. Finally, he told me that he wanted to settle down. That he felt like he was done with travelling and wanted to build a home. I do miss him, but I’m actually really happy for him. He gave up a lot for his job in Corona and I’m the only family he’s ever had.”

  
“ He’s starting a new family? That’s cool, I can just imagine you with a kid brother. I guess he’s girlfriend must be a bit younger than him though.” Varian said with a smile.

“Uh, no.” Cassandra said looking away. “I didn’t mean he’s starting a new family. He’s just settling down with the person he met. Together, not with children.”

  
“Oh, so what’s his girlfriends name?”

  
“Why are you asking so many questions?” Cassandra snapped. Varian found himself unconsciously leaning away from her.

“I’m just chatting Cassie, I’m glad to hear he’s happy.” Varian looked at her hard, she was being so cagey. He placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

  
“You can tell me Cass? I mean, I get that your Dad is happy, but I still think he’d want to come and see you if he knew you’d been injured. Do you not get on with his girlfriend?”

“It’s not my secret to tell.”  
  


“Uh, okay.”  
  


“Promise you won’t tell anybody.”  
  


“I promise.”  
  


“I’m serious Varian, if the wrong people found out then it could be really bad.”  
  


“Okay, Cassandra. If you want to tell me something that’s on your mind, I won’t tell another living soul, or mutter the words aloud, or write them down. I’ll keep you secret, or you Dad’s secret, whatever it is.”

  
“He doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

  
“What did they already get married… Oh.” Varian suddenly thought he understood the reason for the caginess and secretiveness.

  
“He doesn’t have a girlfriend. “He repeated.

Cassandra meet his eyes in panic.

“Don’t tell anyone.”

  
“I won’t. I promised you.”

“It’s just, he always wanted to be captain of the guard, that’s was his dream, and if the men that he worked with and trained with and led knew… well they probably wouldn’t have looked at him in the same way or wanted to train with him. You know people get quite close and they would always assume…”

  
“That because he liked men he was interested in training with them for some sexual reason and not just to stay strong and learn how to fight.”

  
“Exactly. But though he was living his dream he got lonely and depressed. He was there on the night Gothel abandoned me, and for most of my life it was just him and me and that was enough for both of us.“

  
“I won’t tell anyone Cassie, but what has this got to do with you not wanting him to come?”

  
“What if Frank comes to? I mean, I like Frank, we got quite close. He might be worried about me as well and want to come see me. Or he might not want Dad to travel on his own though these parts. I don’t want everybody here realizing what they are because I don’t want all those guards back in Corona hearing about it and judging him when he spent so many years trying to keep it secret from them.”

  
“But if your Father is never planning on returning to Corona does it matter what the people there think of him? I think it was the right thing to do letting him know. He deserves to make the choice of whether he comes to you or not. Cassie, you’ve been very ill. Don’t you want the support? The extra company?”

  
“You’re good company.” Casandra said and then blushed lightly. “I mean, thank you. For keeping me company. But I guess I’m keeping you from more important things, you’re lab, your duties.”  
Varian shook his head.

“There’s nothing more important to me than making sure you’re not alone. Let’s let your father make his own choices, he knows whether it’s a risk he wants to take or not.” Varian said squeezing her shoulder.

  
“Okay.”  
  


***

A week later and Cassandra still had not had word back from her father. Though she felt guilty about telling his secret to Varian the young man had not brought it up again. She felt that he would not betray her secrets to anyone. Besides, the more she thought about it the more she realized that Varian was right, her father was not returning to Corona, and if all that hard gained trust and respect was lost over who he choose to love, then how much was it really worth? All he seemed to want was to live out his last years in his little house between two villages, in peace, with Frank. That, and to grow his tomatoes, he was exceptionally proud of his tomatoes.

“How are you doing today?” Varian asked from the doorway holding up two slices of cake whilst expertly dodging the pillow that was thrown at him. Cassandra’s moods had been turning increasingly sour the longer she was bed bound.

“You.” She said accusingly. “She’ll listen to you.”  
“Who?”  
“That hell spawn you hired to keep me here!”

“Sophia? Sophia is hardly a hell spawn, though I’ve heard she’s got a wicked slap on her. I thought you would get along with her. She moved here from just outside the Corona walls you know.”  
“I don’t care, just tell her that I’m allowed to go outside.”  
“Well, I will do just as soon as I know you’re strong enough.”  
“I don’t like being locked up!”  
“Well, nor do I. I don understand.”  
“Oh, is this revenge?”  
“What are you talking about Cassandra? You’re still weak, we’ll try and get you up and walking in a few days, I promise, just a few more days. “

“I hate being stuck inside. I feel suffocated.” Cassandra said, feeling embarrassed as her eyes welled up with tears.

“Hey. It’s okay.” Varian settled on the bed beside her and reached for her hand. Cassandra jumped slightly at the contact but didn’t pull away. After all, why would the young man think anything of touching her, he’d wrapped her leg up when she had been unconscious, he’d even given her his own blood to try and make her well. He might consider himself her friend, but she was also sure that he saw her in some small ways of one of his experiments, her life was his victory.

“I get that you want to be outside, I do, I get claustrophobic myself.”

Cassandra felt a familiar guilt rise up, worsened by the knowledge of how intimately Varian had been taking care of her over the last three weeks.

“I’m sorry I held you in that cage.”

Varian was taken aback for a moment by Cassandra bringing up a part of their shared history, it wasn’t something that he often thought about.

“It’s Okay, it was only one night. I spent a year in a prison before that.”

“And I’m sorry it led to you falling and would have led to you dying if Lance hadn’t been there.” She added, just to be sure that he knew that she regretted ever doing him and harm.

“That’s okay, I did kind of try to crush you to death that one time.”

“So, we’re even?”

“Well, not really, you see I did save your life a few weeks ago, so I think you still owe me one.”

“Okay, next time your life needs saving I’ll try and be there.” Cassandra joked pulling her hand away and wiping her eyes discreetly.

“You could pay me back in some other way. Like, not throwing things at me when I enter the room. “ He said reaching behind her and tugging at her remaining pillow.

“No, I’m fine with the saving your life. Now do you have a date for when your life is next going to be in danger? Because I wouldn’t want to miss it.”

"Just stick around the lab for long enough and something is bound to explode.” Varian joked.

Cassandra’s eye flickered over the scars on Varian’s face. Noticing Varian lifted his hand to his eye as if trying to hid it.

“What happened?” Cassandra asked softly.

“An accident. In the lab.”

Cassandra stayed silent allowing him to continue.

“It was a stupid moment, not long after you left. I wasn’t wearing my googles, what I was doing should have been safe. I was heating up some chemicals and the flask exploded. I was very lucky; I could have lost my sight. Instead I just scratched my cornea, which led to a change in shape – hence, the glasses, and bigger goggles.”

Cassandra nodded, she didn’t understand some of the words he said but she understood the self-blame, the self-consciousness and the remains of pain and fear. She had lived with it herself after her hand had got injured in the great tree.

“They’re not noticeable from a distance.”

  
Varian gave a short huff of a laugh.

“I’ll just tell everybody to stand a few metres away then.”

  
“No, I mean, they don’t take anything from your face, they’re very thin.” Cassandra wrapped her arms around herself feeling uncomfortable at having drawn so much attention on to the young man’s scars.

“Do you have any scars?” Varian asked trying to break the awkwardness.

“Well there’s my leg.”

  
“Yeah, I guess that’s going to be a pretty big scar.”

  
“I um.. I had an injured hand, it was all burnt and withered, and I couldn’t use it well, the skin was all tight. It was cured when Rapunzel brought me back after Zhan Tiri, all the scars I’d had before then actually disappeared. It healed me completely. I think it may have even made me younger.”

“Oh, so there’s less of an age difference between us then?”

  
Cassandra gave a slight laugh.

“Not that it matters, but my mind is still twenty -nine.”

  
“Can I ask you something?”

  
“Okay.”

“Rapunzel thinks that you must have heard that we were here and was either coming here when you got injured, or that you came here because you got injured. But, when you were ill, you had no idea who any of us were. You didn’t come here for us, did you?”

  
“No.”

“Then why did you come here?”

“I think I’ve been trying to finally sort things out in my head. All this time I’ve been trying to ignore it. I know what happened five years ago, with the moonstone, but it’s sometimes like I’m watching a different person. I thought I needed to come back here to understand it.”

“I understand, parts of my life feel like they were lived by somebody else too. You know all the steps that got you to a place, and yet you still don’t know quite how you made the journey.”

“Yes, except, some of the steps are really blurry. I understood that the lies I thought I had been told, by Rapunzel, by my father, weren’t actually lies. Things that I thought were true, were only imagined. But It’s still confusing.”

“I only had Zhan Tiri in my mind for a few minutes and it was completely disorientating so I don’t know what it must have been liked for you having her in your mind for months.”

“When did you have Zhan Tiri in your mind?” Cassandra said in shock.

  
“She told me how to find the forth incantation.”

"Urgh, I should have known that. She was playing everybody all along, I’m so stupid.”

  
“No, you were vulnerable, and somebody used everything, every bit of hurt and insecurity they could find against you.”

“I hate being vulnerable.” Cassandra admitted.

  
“I know, at least this time you’re surrounded by people who care about you. “ Varain said, knowing that she wasn’t talking about the past anymore but how she felt being bedridden. “Nobody is going to let you fall this time Cassandra.”

  
“And this time there’s hopefully no daemons around.”

  
“Hopefully.”

***

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

  
“Yes!” Cassandra exclaimed for the third time.

“Okay, take it easily.” Varian replied steadying her as she got to her feet. The muscles of her legs twitched and cramped with the weeks of not being used.

  
“We’re all here Cassandra.” Rapunzel said from the doorway where she stood with Eugene.

When he knew that she was firmly on her feet Varian let go of her hands and backed away from her, not to far, so that he could still catch her if she fell.

Unsteady but determined, Cassandra shuffled one foot forward followed by the other. Both her legs ached but her left was stinging and burning where the sown together skin stretched and pulled. She looked up and met Varian’s eyes. He had a strange stern and serious expression. She took a deep breath and concentrated on his outstretched hands, large hands with long elegant fingers. Graceful hands that had taken care of her for a month. 

She took a step and another.

“Atta girl.” She heard Eugene say, but all she could see was Varian’s wide smile as she took a final step and grasped his out stretched hands. It had been him that had been calling her back through her illness, him who had given so much of himself to save her.

She meet his eyes and gave him a wide smile in return.

  
  
  



	3. Hopelessness Part One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings on this one – except maybe for descriptions of wounds.  
> Also, may have nicked the name of Varian’s horse as I read it somewhere and don’t remember if it was cannon or not…. So sorry about that.  
>  Also, I’ve called the Captain John, and his boyfriend Frank.

***

“Are you ready?” Varian shouted from the corridor, where for once he was waiting rather than striding right in.

“Almost.” Cassandra replied as Sophia helped tie up the laces of her top. When Fidella had been found all Cassandras packs had been missing, she had lost all of her belongings except those she had with her when she had reached the citadel Sophia had mustered together some clothes for her from the camp of settlers who were helping rebuild the kingdom. Having found out that she preferred trousers to dresses she had altered some men’s clothes. As Cassandra looked down at herself, she could not help but admire Sophia’s, her sometimes helper sometimes captor’s, skill. She was wearing form fitting black trousers, that hugged the hips but flared out towards the ankle, and a light blue men’s shirt, sleeves shorted and some lacing in the small of her back to pull It into her figure.

  
“Is it loose enough for you Miss?”

“It’s perfect. Thank you.”

  
Sophia nodded and headed out the door. Seeing her leave Varian put his head around the door.

  
“Finally, what took...” He fell silent and stared at her.

“What is it?” Cassandra said looking herself over trying to figure out if some buttons had come undone or if there was a stain in a weird place.

  
“Nothing, you’ve just uh, got you’re colour back.”

  
“So, are we going or not?” Cassandra asked eager to get out.

“Milady.” Varian said offering her his arm.

Cassandra tried to look gracious as she accepted it, after all, she’d only managed to walk up and down the hallway so far, if she was to actually make it outside without stumbling she was going to need the support. Still, it still felt strange to have to lean on somebody so much physically and metaphorically, she had always been very independent. However, she would do anything to get out of the citadel. It had been a week since she had taken those first few steps and she was disappointed at how slowly recovering was taking.

She as they walked down the hallway and into the great hall she felt stronger than she had done in weeks. Varian ran forward to open the doors for her and help her down the steps. She took a relieved gasp of fresh air, she was finally going to be free from this lump of rock, not that it looked just like a lump of rock anymore. The black rocks that had surrounded the citadel had disappeared and grass had started to regrow. She had remembered that the Citadel was built on an unusual rock formation in the middle of a gully but with the rocks gone and the wildlife returning she could see that the rocky outcrop was no longer barren and in her mind she could see how stunning it would someday be, fully covered in trees and mountain flowers.

Almost directly in front of the citadel doors a large terrace had been built jutting out from the side of the rock. On this platform there waited a brand-new gondola.

“Take your time.” Varian said.

“I’m just taking it in.” Cassandra replied. On the other side of the gully there was nothing but trees and foliage but to the left in the distance she could make out the puffs of smoke from small fires where they were rebuilding the town amongst the ruins that had been desolate long before King Edmunds reign.

They rode the gondola in companionable silence, Cassandra taking in her new surroundings, comparing it to her memories of the place. It looked friendlier than before; the forest looked less foreboding. The huge field of giant thorns had been cleared and the colossal statues in the background of long-ago rulers now looked quite grand.

She thought back to the day before when she had been in a rather black mood – yes she was up and walking now, but the citadel had been practically abandoned for many years and was a bit bare and lacking in amusement. True, it had a decent library, and they had got the kitchens running again, but large parts of it were still uninhabitable and full of birds. She had not been able to go outside and it was driving her crazy.

She had decided to go down a winding corridor, branching off the main corridor to the left of her room. It was in the opposite direction to the great hall, which was now clear of the debris of destroyed statues. On the hotter nights of the summer they were using the hall as a dining room as it was nice and cool. On the cooler nights they ate in a small room off the kitchens. This other corridor she had not explored yet because she could see that it led to stairs and Cassandra hadn’t felt able to manage the stairs up till this particular day.

It had taken much longer than it should have but she had emerged at the bottom of the stairs to find herself in a large basement. It was full of large curved sheets of metal and shelves of glowing liquids. The walls were covered with sketches, some of which were of buildings and streets, others of strange looking machines, and some she could not even take a guess at what they were meant to represent.

She jumped back when a figure came out from behind one of the large pieces of metal. Its eyes were glowing, it’s mouth nothing but a black grating. She reached for her non-existent sword before she realized what she was seeing, a mask.

“Hi Cassie.” Varian lifted the large face guard off. “Didn’t scare you, did I?”

  
“No. Well, maybe startled me a bit.”

  
“Sorry.”

  
“So, I take it this is your lab? Dark kingdom version?”

  
“Yep, nothing as grand as my lab back in Corona. Well, my two labs, I have one in the caverns under Old Corona and one in the basement of the castle, what used to be the Demanitus chamber. I need a lot of space.”

  
“I can see that. “Cassandra said stepping over a jumble of copper fragments. “So, what are you doing?”

  
“Trying to harness the natural geothermic energy from under the citadel to make the gondola’s run without the need of somebody turning the winches.”

  
“I’m going to pretend I understood that.”

  
“Lava fields, turbines, it’s awesome, trust me.”

  
Cassandra smirked.

“I’m sure it is.”

  
“So, what can I do for you?”

  
“Oh, nothing. I was just exploring the citadel, as it’s the only thing I can do now.”

  
“Feeling a bit claustrophobic still?”

“Yep. I just wish I were out there in the forest, riding, you know. I just want to be out in the open and breathing the fresh air.”

  
“I’m a bit busy now But I can spare some time tomorrow if you want to go riding with me.”

  
“Really?” Cassandra said feeling excited at the idea.

“Yeah, it’s no problem.”  
  


The gondola shuddered slightly as it touched down on the opposite side of the gully. Cassandra was shaken out of her daydream and looked across at Varian. He was already up and flinging the door open.

“I’m looking forwards to this myself actually. It has been ages since I went out riding. I get kind of caught up in the lab sometimes. The horses are in a paddock, it’s a short walk away but the ground is even so you should be fine.”

Cassandra followed him as he walked along the edge of the gully, they rounded a corner and in front of them was a large open field closed in on all sides by a fence, at the back of the field was a stable and there was a middle age man hauling hay. Cassandra barely noticed because in front of her, galloping over to her looking healthy and contented was Fidella.

“Here.” Varian had opened the gate for her and was gently guiding her in the direction of a tree stump a few feet away for her to sit on.

The opening of the gate had attracted the attention of the middle-aged man who waved at them and headed over. But Cassandra was only interested in the horse who was now fondly rubbing her nose against Cassandra. She took the animals familiar silken muzzle in her hands and placed her forehead against it.

“Good Moring sir.”

  
“Good morning, how is Fidella doing?” Varian asked.  
“She seems in good health now; she was just in need of a good groom and a warm stable. You’re riding today, sir?”

  
“Yes, just Eden.”

  
“I’ll saddle her for you sir.”

  
“Thank you.”

  
“Fidella I missed you.” Cassandra said fondly to the horse as the man walked away. She heard the swift flutter of feathers nearby and looked up to see Owl swoop down and land on the fence beside her. She reached out and caressed the top of his head before bopping him on the beak.

“You too Owl. I’m so glad you’re here.”

The owl cocked his head and hooted. Feeling safer and more at home than she had done in weeks she took in the rest of her surroundings. She saw Varian’s sturdy brown mare being saddled at the back of the paddock, a few horses that she didn’t know, one with a distinctive diamond pattern over its eyes, and whinnying at her in hello was Max.

“Hello Max.” She said raising her hand to let him know that she hadn’t forgotten him. It seemed to be enough for the horse who went back grazing.

“It seems so strange to see people deferring to you.” She said to Varian. “When I just know you as the kid who blew things up all the time.”

  
“I did not blow things up. Well, sometimes, usually It was planned though.”

“It’s like a reunion of the animals.” Cassandra sighed happily, holding her arm out for Owl to shuffle along. She looked at Varian. “Where’s Ruddigr? I’ve seen Pascal around and now Max, where’s the racoon?”

  
Varian’s face fell for a moment.

“Racoon’s don’t live very long Cassandra, only a couple of years.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Varian gave a little shrug as if to say, ‘don’t worry about it’, but Cassandra could tell that he missed his pet.

  
“I still have Eden, she was a gift from Rapunzel. “He pointed across the field to the horse who was being saddled. “And Gunner.”

“Gunner?”

“Eden and Maxes colt. He’s two now, I’m going to start training him when I get back.”

  
“Wait, Eden and Max are a pair?”

  
Varian nodded.

“Pretty inseparable, If I were to ever leave for any amount of time, I think I’d have to leave her behind with Max. It would be cruel to separate them. “

“Not feeling jealous Fidella?”

The horse whinnied and shook her head.

“It’s funny how well they understand us isn’t it? “

The groom was now leading Eden over by the reigns. Varian offered Cassandra a hand and helped her to her feet. Fidella gave an annoyed little grunt.

“Sorry Fidella, we’ll ride out together as soon as I’m able.” Cassandra explained patting the horse. “I’ve got a bad leg and until it heals properly, I need to ride with Varian.”

  
“Eden’s a very gentle and steady horse. She’s not fast and she doesn’t jump far but she’s reliable and as she’s part shire won’t tire quickly carrying us both.”

Cassandra walked to the horse and hitched her good leg into the stirrup, trying not to wince as all her weight was on her bad leg. She jumped as she felt a pair of hands firmly grab her waist.

“One, two, three.”

The counting prepared her, and she managed to swing her bad leg over the horses back as Varian lifted her into the air. She tried not to blush as she felt the ghost of his warm hands imprinted beneath the thin material of her shirt. She leaned forwards to stroke Eden’s mane as Varian pulled himself up and settled himself behind her.

She hadn’t ridden double with somebody in a long time, and she was aware of how close they were, with her sat between his legs it was impossible not to touch each other. As he adjusted to get his feet in the stirrups correctly his thighs brushed against hers and as he reached forwards to take the reins his arms brushed the sides of hers.

“Comfy?”

  
“Hua? Oh yes.” Cassandra said distractedly.

“We’ll be back in a few hours.” Varian shouted to the stable hand and then he confidently led Eden out of the paddock and around the outskirts of the forest until then came to an opening. They took the pathway into the trees at a leisurely pace.

It was a beautiful day to ride, then sun was hot but there was a light breeze and high clouds cast passing shadows. The shifting leaves casting an ever-changing mottled pattern on the forest floor. They rode in companionable silence and as the gentle rolling loll of Eden’s steady pace rocked her Cassandra started to feel all the tensions of the last months leave her body. The wind was gently tousling her hair, and the sound of a nearby stream reached her ears. She took a deep breath and relaxed back, just content to let the peaceful world pass around her. There was the steady slow pounding of hooves below her, the gentle rhythmic breathing behind her. She opened her eyes and looked up at the sunlight streaming through the bright green leaves. She gave a happy sigh, and spent a moment just feeling the steady heartbeat against her back, the arms brushing the tops of hers as they held the reigns in front of her.

Suddenly realization hit her, and she jerked forwards.

She had relaxed so much that she had been slouched back against Varian, resting against his warm solid chest, her head practically on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

“Uh, yes fine.” Cassandra said.

Bereft of Varian’s heat her body gave a complaining shudder. Though she had not noticed slouching against the body it seemed that her mind had unconsciously been analysing it, the buttons of his leather jerking had been resting against her spine, a slight stubble from his chin had at one point brushed against her cheek as he had readjusted the reigns. Though tall and slim he was fairly broad across the chest, tapering down to his waist. She was shocked at how much she knew of his body from his touch and his hours sat in her room.

Men were just men to Cassandra, she was aware that some were more attractive than others but it was very rare that she had actually stopped to admire them, rarer that she’d spend any time with them, and practically unheard of that she would get physically close to them. She had locked away the part of her that was interested in romantic liaisons years ago. To become a member of the guard, a warrior, and gain the respect she had desired she had needed to lock any romantic inclining away. The men of the guard would not have accepted her as one of their own if she were dating one of them, at least, that was how she had explained it in her mind. Also, once burnt twice shy. She had learnt about the tricks men and desire could play on an otherwise sensible mind early on.

“Do you want to stop and stretch your leg a bit?” Varian asked.

“Yes.” Cassandra said, needing a few minutes where she was not so close to the young man. At least to stop her blushing and her minds unwanted analysing of his body.

He pulled Eden to a stop and jumped down, his hands reached out for her, and as she threw her leg over to dismount, she felt those strong agile fingers against her waist again. She walked away from him the second her feet touched the ground. Varian stepped towards her concerned.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

  
“Yes, just my leg you know.”

  
“Perhaps this was a bad idea.”

  
“No! No, I love being out. It’s just from being in one position for too long. We should just break up the ride back with a bit of a stroll that’s all.”

  
“Good idea.” Varian took a skin from the saddle bag and walked over to pass her the water. He froze mid-step and looked around.

Cassandra froze too. She had heard the same thing, the pounding of horse approaching, fast. She looked Varian up and down and realized he was unarmed, as was she, with her leg injured she knew she wasn’t going to be much good in a fight if it came to it. Varian grabbed her and pushed her between him and the horse he rustled behind him in the saddle bag and pulled out a long dagger, he wordlessly handed it behind him to her. She hid it behind her back, if the people approaching were peaceful, they didn’t want to startle them.

Down the path they could two horses turned a corner at a gallop. Riding them were two middle aged men. As they sped closer Cassandra gasped recognising the stern features of one of them.

“Dad.” She shouted.

She saw the startled look on the men’s faces, then they pulled on their horse’s reigns slowing them to a walk as they approached. She had been right; it was her father and Frank. Cassandra’s heart ached in her chest at the sight of the two of them, she had not realised till that point just how much she had missed them.

“Cassandra!” Her father jumped to the floor and rushed over to her. Varian stepped aside and Cassandra dropped the knife in time to wrap her arms around her Dad. He held her in a big bear hug, his breath coming out in short sob.

“My girl. I thought I’d never see you again.”

Cassandra pulled away feeling her own eyes go blurry with tears as she looked at the man who had chosen to be her father. She wiped her eyes as he pulled her in for another hug, his hand going to the back of her head to stroke her hair.

“My girl, my daughter. You are okay. You are okay.” He said as if he could barely believe it.

“I’m sorry you were worried Dad. Did you get the letter I sent?”

  
He shook his head and pulled away to look at her.

“The Princess wrote to me saying you were deathly ill, but that they were doing the best they could for you.”

  
“I sent you a letter a week after that telling you that I was getting better and that you didn’t have to come.”

  
Her father shook his head.

“I would have come anyway. What happened?” He was looking her up and down, checking that she was unchanged and in one piece.

“A cut got badly infected.”

  
He looked confused.

“Cassandra, you know how to treat a cut.” 

  
“It just wouldn’t heal Dad. It wouldn’t hold stitches.”

  
“It was too the bone. “Varian spoke up. “She was lucky it didn’t hit any arteries.”

  
“But you’re okay?” Her father said staring into her face and barely glancing at Varina when he spoke.

“I’m getting there. “

“Thank god you’re Okay. We set of within minutes of getting the letter, but it is such a long way, I thought I wouldn’t get here in time. But here you are, completely Okay.”

“Well not completely, she still has quite a way to go before she’s healed Sir.” Varian interrupted nervously.

John, Cassandra’s father, looked over at Varian as if noticing him for the first time. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the younger man.

“Is that Varian?”

  
“Yes Captain.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Here? Oh, just helping Cassie get some fresh air. Oh, if you mean in the Dark Kingdom, I’m doing some work for King Edmund.”

  
“Are you staying out of trouble?”  
  


“Yes Sir.”  
  


The little group was awkwardly silent for a few moments not knowing what to say to one another. Then Cassandra went to walk towards Frank who was dismounting, she heard the sudden intake of breath from her father and knew that he had noticed her limp, but he didn’t comment on it.

“Frank.” She said opening her arms to him.

“Cassandra.” He said giving her a brief hug. “I am glad to see you, I was worried too.”

  
“I’m glad to see you too, thank you for looking after my Dad on the journey. You must both be hungry. Let’s head back to the Citadel, King Edmund will have rooms for you and we can see what the kitchen can rustle up.”

  
“That seems like a good idea.”

  
“Come ride with me Cassandra.” Her Dad said reaching his hand out to her. “I want to keep you close.”

*****

“The Princess sent a dress for you Miss.”

Cassandra turned to look at Sophia. Having rested up the day they arrived, the Princess had organised a welcome feast in honour of her father and Frank on the second night of their stay Though the various people staying at the Citadel often had meals together it was not unusual for more than half their company to be missing at any one time, what with various duties, or just because when it came to it the Brotherhood were a solitary bunch. Rapunzel had used all her charm to convince everybody to be there for tonight, and to be on their best behaviour.

Cassandra had spent most of the day with her father, they had spent time sitting outside, and browsing the library, catching up on what each other had been doing with their lives in the year since they had parted. However, as the day had gone on, she’d felt increasingly tired and out of sorts. She figured it was just from having. Still, she wasn’t going to miss a meal that was in her father’s honour.

The dress that Sophia held out for her thankfully wasn’t pink. Instead it was red, it had short sleeves that stopped just below the elbow, and a low neckline that swooped down in a curve and ended in a little triangular point between the breasts. The dress flared out at the waist in drapes of red fabric.

Sophia helped her into the dress, pulling it tight in the back, and fussing over the hems to make sure it fell correctly.

When she turned to look at herself in the mirror she gasped. The dress was definitely more risqué than it had appeared draped over Sophia’s arm. The neckline fell much lower than she had thought it would. In fact, although it securely held her breasts the tops of them were bulging outwards (making them look bigger than they actually were) and the little point at the end of the neckline rested against the bare skin between her breast, pointing suggestively downwards.

“Wow, Raps actually wears this?”

  
“If you don’t mind me saying Miss, you’re a bit bigger in the bust than the Princess. I doubt it shows quite as much off her.”

  
“Maybe I should wear something to cover up.”

  
Sophia gave a smirk.

“I don’t think so Miss. You look nice, feminine. You know, I think a necklace would be just the thing.”

  
Cassandra reached for her purple stone necklace.

“Uh, that’s lovely miss, but maybe something in gold, a long one that dangles to here.” Sophia poked her where the neckline plunged. “Shall I go ask the Princess?”

“Okay.” Cassandra agreed.

She continued to look at herself in the mirror. If truth were told, she did think that she looked nice. It wasn’t often that she felt comfortable in a dress, part of that was because she liked looser fitting clothes and that looking pretty didn’t mean as much to her as being able to hold one’s own in a fight and being useful. However, a part of her knew that it was also because whenever she tried too hard to look pretty, took time on her hair and wore a little make up she always looked in the mirror afterwards and was disappointed with what looked back. This dress suited her colouring though. and it hugged her curves in just the right way. She found it shocking that Rapunzel would actually own something like this, but as she looked closer at it she realized that it was a French design and she wondered If it had been worn for some state occasion involving her mother’s country.

There was a knock on the door.

  
“Who is it?”

  
“Uh, it’s me.” Varian’s voice answered.

“I’m just getting ready.”

  
“Oh, Okay. I was just heading in that direction and I thought I’d walk with you.”

Cassandra had to hold back from rolling her eyes. Honestly, it was just walking down a corridor, she could manage that on her own.

“Oh, Sophia. How are you?”

  
“I’m fine Master Varian. You are looking dashing if I may say so. Did you come to accompany Miss Cassandra to dinner?”

  
Cassandra opened the door.

“I do not need accompanying.”

  
“Wow.”

  
“What?” Cassandra said looking at Varian who was staring at her.

He gapped for a second, but Sophia talked before him.

“It’s the proper thing to do Miss, it’s nice when you’ve got all dressed up to walk in on a gentleman’s arm and have your chair pulled out for you. It is about time that we started doing things nice and proper here if we’re to have a proper royal household in the Kingdom.”

  
Cassandra looked at Sophia for a moment. Her history as a handmaiden told her that Sophia was right. There was a certain decorum to uphold.

“You look, lovely, like a woman. I mean I know you’re a woman, but you look like a .. “ Varian blurted out nervously. “Umm… you look beautiful, that’s not to say you don’t always look beautiful, just.. nice dress.”

Cassandra felt her cheeks growing hot. She did not recall the last time that somebody had called her beautiful. Varian himself cleaned up well, and truth be told with her confusing revelations about the young man the day before the last thing that she needed was for him to be looking quite so handsome. He was wearing pale trousers, off white. With a blue jacket on over the top of a paler blue waistcoat. It was more form fitting than his usual clothes and the difference between his broad shoulder and his trim waist were more prominent.

“A necklace Miss.” Sophia said holding it out to Cassandra. She was giving a knowing smirk that made Cassandra feel disgruntled. “Thank you.” She said as she bent forwards for Sophia to clasp it around her neck.

“Oh, the sign of Corona.” Varian said looking at the gold chain resting between her breasts, before looking away and blushing.

Cassandra’s fingers reached down, and she stroked the little sun at the end of the chain.

“Cassandra of Corona.” Sophia said with a smile. “Will that be all Miss?”

“Yes. Thank you, Sophia.”

  
Varian held his arm out.

“May I? I mean, I know you can walk on your own, but I’m here now and..”

  
Cassandra took his arm wordlessly.

Most of the guests for the night had already arrived. Looking around Cassandra already felt over dressed- Adira and Hector had not even bothered to get changed. Though her father, Frank , Rapunzel and Eugene had gotten dressed up for the occasion. She felt herself growing hot as all eyes turned on her as she walked in.

“Whooeee.” Eugene said. “I have to say, Sunshine. She looks almost as good as you in that dress.”

  
“Don’t embarrass her Eugene.” Rapunzel said.

Cassandra quickly noted her father disapproving look as Rapunzel came up to her.

“Do you like it? I got it in France. They prefer a much more structured and less layered clothing than we do. I never wore it in Corona, because, you know, I have to sort of always look like their Princess , in their clothing when I’m there, but we’re not in Corona and the Dark Kingdom, Redemption, doesn’t exactly have its own fashions yet.”

  
“Yes we do.” Adira interrupted. “We like furs.”

  
“Skins and leather are also okay, anything that was once alive.” Hector added.

  
“I am partial to a nice full bear skin myself.” King Edmund said. “But It is a nice dress, it will be nice to have some parties and have everybody dress up. Don’t they look like a handsome couple?”

Nobody answered as the King had looked sideways when he had made the last comment, a sign that he had not meant to say it out loud, a habit he had never quite gotten over.

  
“I do dress up.” Adira said. “I am wearing my second-best boots, they might look like my ordinary boots, but these ones have never got stuck in a river of cow dung or chewed by a Chupacabra. They’re much nicer.”

“Thank you for putting in so much effort everybody.” Rapunzel said enthusiastically and with not even the slightest hint of sarcasm.

Varian cocked his arm out again and Cassandra took it without thinking as he led her over to the table. For some reason, her leg was hurting more than usual that night and as she took the few steps to the table it suddenly gave way. Varian caught hold of her other arm with quick reflexes and stopped her from falling.

“Cassie!” He cried, startled.

As Cassandra steadied herself she realized that with her stumbling and Varian turning to catch her she had laid her hand against his chest. She could feel the quick beating if his heart under her palm. She also realized as she looked up that it had brought them inches away from each other, close enough for his breath to move the strands of hair that had fallen across her face.

“I’m okay.” She said breathlessly. “I just tripped.”

  
Varian did not look convinced, but he let her go and continued to a couple of spare chairs at the table. Before he could pull out her chair Cassandra’s father had taken a step between them and pulled Cassandra’s seat out for her. Varian stepped back confused and watched as John took the seat next to Cassandra that he had planned to take. He hid his surprise as he went to the other side of the table to sit next to Adira.

Half way through the meal Cassandra started to feel nauseous, she wondered if she was just unused to the food but it wasn’t all that different from what they would have at Corona, suckling pig, vegetables, a wine laced sauce. Across from her she noticed that Rapunzel was not her usual exuberant self. In fact, she hadn’t touched more than a few bites of her pork and was sipping at water whilst trying to engage Frank in a conversation.

A few minutes later and Rapunzel jumped up putting her hands squarely on the table and swallowing hard.

“Excuse me, I just need to step out for a moment.” She said before bolting for the door.

Eugene looked worried and followed her out with a brief ‘excuse me.’

Cassandra could feel her skin under the dress getting damp as she felt hot and breathless. She thought that she could catch whiffs of something rotten and bad, it left her feeling nauseous. Every minute her dress seemed to feel tighter, the room hotter, till at last she could not take it anymore.

“Sorry, you’ll have to excuse me too.” She said as she walked out.

“Do you think it’s the food?” She heard Frank ask.

“Everybody stop eating. I’ll order us cheese and bread instead.” Edmunds voice boomed down the corridor, below the heavy deep voice she could hear footsteps following her. She swung round ready to confront whoever was creeping up on her.

It was Varian. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

“Are you okay?” He asked concerned.

  
“Absolutely.” Cassandra lied, there was a pain in her leg spreading up towards her groin and she shifted uncomfortably trying to ease it.

Varian frowned and placed a hand on his waist.

“I’m only tired Varian. I’ve done a lot these last few days.”

Varian looked behind him then whispered.

“Are you okay with Frank being here?”

  
“Yes. They both now how to be discrete. It is actually good to see him again. Now, can I go to bed?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Absolutely”

“Do you want me to bring you some medicine?”

The idea of some of Varian’s pain killers was a welcome one, but she knew if she accepted then Varian would just worry and ask more questions.

“No.”

“Do you need somebody to lean on?”

“Varian! “Cassandra snapped. “Stop treating me like an invalid.”

He jumped back at her raised voice and looking down nervously as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Okay then Cass.” He said dejectedly. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Varian.”

Cassandra felt slightly guilty about snapping at Varian as she walked back to her room, but she had just wanted to get away and lie down. In her room she frantically pulled at the laces of her dress finally loosening them enough to get it over her head. Her skin underneath was damp and she felt herself shiver when the cool air of the room hit her.

She sat down on her bed taking several deep breaths to try and stop herself from heaving. She caught another whiff of something rotten. With a feeling of dread, she looked down at the wound on her leg. The skin around the puckered healing wound was redder than usual, and there was the gleam of liquid seeping from the wound. Bracing herself she gently reached out and pushed down, she gasped in pain but saw thick yellow liquid appear in the raw gaps of flesh.

She took a deep breath; she could handle this. She gave herself another couple of minutes sitting down, then she slipped a tunic over her head and headed to the kitchen to find clean bandages and salt water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to split this chapter in half because it was getting to long. The second half, starting with a section from Varian’s POV for a change will be uploaded in a couple of days depending on if my toddler actually sleeps at any point.  
> Also, has anybody noticed that when riding these guys never actually have there feet in the stirrups, I mean Max in the movie has stirrups but I don’t think anybody ever uses them – is that an American saddle thing? As I’ve only rode English saddle before.


	4. Hopelessness part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings : alcohol use, violence and graphic surgeries

Varian was awoken by noise in the corridor, the usual toing and froing of the citadel waking up. His stomach growled reminding him that he had not eaten much the night before. He had not returned to the table after Cassandra had left. Cassandra, she was the thing that filled his minds these days. It was almost like going back in time to those days when he was a foolish fourteen-year-old and he’d had a crush on the older woman. Every experiment that he had done he’d imagined explaining to her, everything he’d made he imagined presenting to her, he’d gone through his days in a fantasy of impressing the woman. It was the part of that year that he’d considered normal, the first awakenings of feelings from a child on the cusp of manhood. Unfortunately, it had been darker feelings to overwhelm him in the end, and his transitioning to adulthood had partly taken place in a cell.

Cassandra had been ill the night before, that much was clear – despite how good she had looked in that dress with the soft mounds of her breasts.. no, stop it Varian, he silently told himself off. But he didn’t know if it was as she had said just tiredness making her pale, or something more sinister. He suspected the latter.

Varian was used to feeling hopeless, he had felt powerless as a child as he had watched his mother slowly die of some kind of consumption, the details of which were never explained to him. Even now he could smell the blood and that heady overwhelming smell of rotting. He’d been ten, old enough to understand long before her death that she was dying, young enough to think that there was still hope right up till the end. He’d taken on so much at that young age, he’d helped nurse her, he’d helped in the orchard – that was when his odd little experiments had taken on a more all-consuming form. He’d wanted to invent things to make their lives easier after the death of his mother, when everything had seemed so hard and he couldn’t do the one thing he wanted to do – to bring her back. So, he’d locked himself in his lab and started inventing, the village had thought that he’d gone insane, then they’d thought that he’d somehow come into the procession of some kind of dark magic. They stayed away, and he had never thought to try and reach out or explain to them. He had never really tried to explain to anybody except his father until that day when Rapunzel and Cassandra had come into his life.

Then he’d felt hopeless as he’d watched his father being slowly surrounded by one of his own experiments. When he’d returned home after trying to seek help to find his father completely contained within the amber, he’d realized that he was now completely and utterly alone. That feeling had stayed for him for many months, as he sat in a cell, endlessly thinking about just how alone he now was, until his friends had shown him they’d not given up on him yet, and his father had been returned to him.

It had been a few years ago that the feeling of hopelessness had crept back upon him and this time he’d realized that he would not feel as powerless if he had some medical knowledge. He had gone out riding with his young friend Catalina, it had been her fourteenth birthday and he had been taking her to a surprise, a hot air balloon ride. She had fallen from her horse and landed badly. At first, he had not realized anything was wrong, he’d approached to see curled in on herself, her body shaking, and pieces of fur erupted from her skin as she tried to suppress her inner wolf. After a minute she had passed out, and Varian had seen her arm dripping with blood, pieces of shattered bone poking through the skin. That same overwhelming feeling of hopelessness had descended upon him and for a long moment he had just stared before his brain had kicked in and told him to load her onto his horse and race back to the castle. Catalina had been fine; a surgeon had been able to reset her arm and with her werewolves healing powers within a month there had been barely a mark left on her skin.

It had been as he had sat quietly at the back of the room, unnoticed as Rapunzel and Lance had rushed around, giving orders and finding bandages and being generally useful (something that he wasn’t) waiting for the surgeon to arrive that Varian had realized something. The human body was like a machine, it had joints and tubing and delicate mechanisms that he didn’t understand but was not actually beyond his ability to understand. If he understood alchemy and it’s mix of chemicals could he not come to understand the delicate mixes of fluids within the human body? If he understood automaton and how they moved could he not understand the human skeleton? In the next few months, he took those first steps to becoming not just an alchemist and an engineer but an anatomist. Now whenever his friends were ill or hurt, he did not have to watch helplessly. He still trusted surgeons a lot more than his own knowledge, most of the time, but he knew enough to help in an emergency. He could mix up simple pain killers and cough medicines, and it seemed, when the situation was dire he could mix his knowledge of alchemy, anatomy and mechanics and come up with experiments that might just save people’s lives – best to just use those when there was no other options left though, as he could kill somebody just as easily as save them and he didn’t want that on his conscience.

So, he didn’t need to feel helpless anymore. Except, when faced with Cassandra he did. He felt helpless because he knew that she wouldn’t accept his help, he felt helpless because he still felt an overwhelming amount of respect for the young woman, still felt the old need to impress her, but also he wanted to protect her even though she was too independent to accept that protection. There was something softer there too, something that had made his fingers cautious as they had wrapped bandages around broken flesh, something that had made him speak soft words into the lonely night as she had tossed and turned on the bed next to him, something that had made him stroke her hair and kiss her forehead like his mother had done when he was sick.

He shivered just at the thought of how close to death she’d been when he had found her in the woods. He had no idea how she had carried on walking for as long as she had done. His mind swirled with the memories of turning the lifeless body in the woods over, seeing that it was truly Cassandra, then smelling that familiar smell of blood and rotting. Her clothes were so dirty that he could not pinpoint where the wound was but as she was not bleeding heavily, he had rushed her back to the citadel. He remembered kicking the door open and sprinting through the hallways, the shocked faces of his friends as they ran after him, asking questions he didn’t hear, their gasps as they realized just who it was in his arms. He had rushed her to his own room at first, and grabbing scissors had cut away at the clothing until he had found the fetid and gangrenous wound, he was aware of Rapunzel throwing up in the corner, Eugene rushing out to fetch the surgeon, a whole citadel suddenly filled with activity behind him, but in front of him all he could see was the red lines spreading upwards from the wound, over the flaming hot skin. The medical books called it sepsis, the medical books said there was little hope, but nothing in the world would have made him give up on her.

Sighing he raised himself out of his thoughts, he was hungry and knew that a breakfast would have been laid out in the great hall. He would eat and then seek out Cassandra to make sure she had got over whatever had been bothering her the night before. He knew he was annoying her, checking in on her every day, but he found it hard to concentrate until he did. He needed to know that she was alright so that he could put his fears that she was ill again to the back of his mind and concentrate on his latest engineering project, he was already weeks behind schedule and some of the plans he had for the town of Redemption were just going to have to be put on hold.

His heart leapt in his chest as he entered the great hall and saw Cassandra sat at the table with her father and Frank. His happiness was short lived through when he saw how pales she was and how she was barely nibbling at her toast as she listened to the conversation going on next to her.

He said a cheery ‘good morning’ as he sat down at the table and began to pile his plate with scrambled eggs and bacon.

“Hopefully that isn’t the same pig the pork came from hey.” Frank said next to him. Varian smiled at him in response.

  
“I don’t know if the pork was off, I mean, I feel fine.”

  
“The Princess is still ill though, Prince Eugene was just here collecting some toast to settle her stomach.”

  
Varian nodded. He was not good at keeping secrets or lying so whenever he knew (or in this case thought he knew) something private he found it best just to keep as quiet as possible. It seemed to work, everybody just assumed that he was a bit shy to begin with. Often he was caught up thinking about some kind of new experiment or plan and forgot to respond to questions anyways. He was never trying to be rude, and his friends accepted him as he was.

“Excuse me.” Cassandra said getting up and leaving the table, her breakfast practically untouched.

Varian got up to follow her, his mind set on finding out what was wrong with her. As he walked down the table, he felt a hand grab his arm, restraining him. He turned and looked into the stern face of Cassandra’s father.

“Don’t you think you should leave her alone Kid?”

He grimaced at the word ‘Kid’ but didn’t answer. He looked back at the retreating form of Cassandra, he was used to her limping now, but he thought that he could see a new tremble in her legs as she walked. He looked down at the hand clasping his arm and sighed. Cassandra had snapped at him the night before. Maybe he was being a bit to over cautious, maybe she did need some space. Shaking of John’s hand, he returned to his place at the table, finishing his breakfast in silence, ignoring the questioning looks that Frank was sending his lover down the table.

When he had finished his eggs and downed a glass of water he got up. He was still concerned about Cassandra. He got up pretending as if he were heading to his lab, then with a quick glance behind him to make sure that John and Frank weren’t watching, he quickly turned and slipped out the doors to look for Cassandra.

He saw her almost immediately sat on a low wall with Owl perched next to her. From a distance she looked fine, as if she were just spending some time with her pet. Satisfied he turned to leave but as he did, he heard a faint gasp of pain.

His legs had carried him over to Cassandra before he had even registered that he was moving, he dropped to his knees in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders searching her pale face as if it would tell him what was wrong.

“I’m fine.” She said her hand reaching for his to remove it from her person, but as her skin touched him, he was filled with a sense of dread. The skin on her hands was unnaturally hot. He squeezed her fingers and with his other hand reached up to feel her forehead, he was right, she was burning up with a fever.

“Cassie you’re hot.” He said. One look into her grey green eyes told him all that he needed to know. She knew that something was wrong, she was staring at him a mixture of fear and defiance.

“I think I’ve just got the same thing that Rapunzel has.”

“I doubt that, you’re ill.”

She shrugged.

“There’s something wrong with your leg again isn’t there?”

  
“It’s fine, I’ve been treating it, it’s just.”

  
“Let me look.”

  
“No, it’s gross.”

  
“Then I’ll definitely need to look. A bit of blood and pus isn’t going to make me see you any differently Cassandra.”

  
“I think most people just see me as a big pile of blood and pus.” She tried to joke.

“Not me.”

He held his hand out and helped her stand up. He saw her sway slightly as she took a step forward and reached out for her.

“Cassie, I don’t think you can walk.” He said gently.

She avoided his eyes. Her hands folding uncomfortably across her chest.

“Cassie, accept help.” He gently beseeched her.

She nodded and he quickly picked her up before she could change her mind. He carried her slowly and carefully to the door, keeping her body close to him. He could smell the dried sweat on her now, and that slight rotten smell that told him there was something unpleasant happening in her body. He felt annoyed at himself knowing she had been in pain throughout the night, if he’d just been a little firmer, stayed with her a little longer then they could have got this sorted out then rather than letting it fester overnight. He took the steps going up to the door carefully, Cassandra was not light, even after a month in bed she was muscular, but he didn’t struggle with her. As they reached the door she pulled it open for him. He was relieved to see that he father and Frank had moved on, he didn’t want to deal with their reactions to seeing him carrying her. It was clear that the Captain, or ex-captain he supposed, did not want him anywhere near his daughter.

He carried her to her room and laid her on her bed. He hesitated as he reached for the waistband of her trousers. She was no longer deathly ill, and he was no longer exempt from decency by the need to take life saving measures.

“I’ll uh, turn around and let you cover yourself with the blanket.” He said.

“I think that’s for the best.” She said shooting him a look of slight annoyance. Varian felt himself blush. Yes, he had seen Cassandra in her undergarments when she had been unconscious, but he’d not noticed, he had been too busy assessing the situation and tending to her needs. She couldn’t hold that against him.

“You can turn around now.”  
  


Varian turned around, she was still wearing her top and had draped a blanket around her lower half so that only her injured leg was showing. Varian took a deep breath as he knelt by the bed. Cassandra had healed considerably since he had taught Sophia how to dress the wound. He had half expected to see that gapping open wound he had nursed for the first few weeks Cassandra had been at the citadel, but no, he saw the thick white line of healing flesh, puckered and wet, but not the gaping hole in the muscle it had once been. Even though it had been healing there were signs that something had started to go wrong. The skin around the area was red and shiny, he touched it gently and found that it was even hotter than the rest of her fever filled body.

“Has there been any discharge?”

“Pus.” Cassandra answered shortly.

“A lot or..”

  
“No, just a few drops.”

  
“And when did this start?”

  
“I started to feel unwell yesterday, around midday.”

  
Varian gently pulled the blanket back over Cassandra. He noticed his hands trembling as he did so. A part of him wanted to scream, she had been doing so well, he had thought that she was safe. His mind filled with memories of her screaming in her sleep, the infection coursing through her body, the surgeon’s knife cutting away chunks of flesh, trying to save what could be saved by slicing away that which could not. He concentrated on the tiled flooring, clean now, once splattered with blood, soon to be again. He needed to hold it together, she was going to be alright, it was just a setback. He needed to hold it together because there were things that needed to be done, painful, disturbing things, he couldn’t[t let Cassandra know how much those things scared him because then she’d be scared herself. He reached into his pocket and felt the cold metal flask he usually kept there. He pulled it out and uncapped it, he took a small sip, just for courage. Cassandra was looking at him questioningly.

“The skins getting shiny, that means that there is an infection growing under the stiches. I am sorry Cassandra, but the surgeon is probably going to have to open it up again to clear away the infected tissue and stich it again. It’s not going to be pretty.”

  
“I can take it.”

He reached for her hand and briefly squeezed it. Cassandra was brave, Cassandra was strong, she’ would survive it just like she had survived so much else. She could take the pain, but he was not sure if he could take much more of seeing her in pain.

“I’m going to get somebody to fetch the surgeon. It’ll take him a few hours to get here and set everything up.” He handed her the flask. “Might be best to start on this now.”

***

Cassandra took a drink of the amber liquid; it burnt her throat as it went down. She was grateful to have a few moments alone right now, she needed to steal herself. She was scared, she could handle pain, she knew pain, but she could not handle weakness and vulnerability. That was what truly scared her, and with another operation, she did not know how it would turn out. What if her leg never healed? What if she lost it? There were a thousand what if’s running through her mind. She drunk again, this time deeply taking as many gulps of the strong liquor as she could. She needed to be drunk, properly out cold drunk if she was going to manage this operation.

“The surgeon is on his way.” Varian said walking in and sitting next to her.

Cassandra nodded.

“I’m trying to think what to do next, I don’t think we should alert the whole citadel because you’ll just end up crowded by everybody. “Varian said thoughtfully. “I’ll go fetch your father.” He finally said getting up.

Cassandra grabbed his hand to stop him leaving. She could feel her inhibitions slipping slightly, it was the alcohol, she had drunk it so quickly. With her defences down the fear was starting to slip in.

“Please don’t.”

  
“Cassie.” Varian wrapped his arms around her and brought her into a hug. She allowed herself to be held for a moment, the simple comfort, she couldn’t deny, she was scared. Scared that she would be at a disadvantage for the rest of her life, or worse, that it would lead to her becoming permanently unable to ride or fight, locking her into a life of sedateness and helplessness.

“I don’t want him to see me like that. “Cassandra explained pulling away. “ It would really hurt him to see me injured. It took me years to convince him to stop protecting me all the time. He sees it as his job to protect me from everything and he blames himself when I get hurt.”

“Okay.” Varian said with a sigh. “I’ll stay with you.”

  
“I don’t need..” She started to argue.

  
“Yes. You do. Cassie, you can’t.. you don’t have to do this on your own.”

She gave him a grateful smile. If she was honest with herself then Varian was exactly who she wanted to be with her right now.

***

“Still alive then? I thought that all the experiments this one did on you would have killed you.”

Cassandra looked at the doctor angrily, though she could not work out why. He was saying something about Varian, and she did not like that. She liked Varian.

“She’s very drunk right now.” Varian said.

“I ma, I am, I am not.” She said concentrating hard to get the words out.

“Good, hopefully she’ll pass out soon then. You can leave.”

  
“She wants me here.”

  
“I’m not having you interfere again. I wasn’t good enough for you before, but apparently I’m good enough for you now that your other surgeon has gone back home. You with your bloody maggots.”

  
“Look, I’m sorry. I have nothing against you, and I am grateful for your skills. I didn’t mean to insult you, I only mean to save my friend.”

The doctor murmured something that Cassandra did not catch then looked across at Cassandra.

“I still think it’s luck and the gods will rather than alchemy.”

  
“I don’t mind what you believe, just please, will you treat her?”

  
“Of course, I’m not going to leave a patient in trouble.”

Cassandra tried to focus on the figure of the doctor as he stepped forwards, he pulled the blanket off of her legs and started poking at her bad leg.

  
“Ouch!”

  
“Hmm, the infection is back, but it seems to only be in this part.”

“Stop it!”

Varian grabbed Cassandra’s arm to stop her from pushing the doctor away.

“I’m going to reopen the wound where it hasn’t healed well, it should only be a small incision. I will then clean out the wound and sew it back up. I’ll dress it and we will cross our fingers and hope that the job is done.”

Cassandra stared at the man, she could see his mouth moving, and could hear the words but they didn’t make much sense to her/

“Okay.” Varian answered.

“She’s feisty one, are you sure you can hold her on your own?”

“Yes. Cassandra, Cassandra, look at me.”

Cassandra focused on Varian. He was looking very serious and she knew that she needed to listen.

“It’s time for that operation, the one we talked about. It’s going to hurt, but I’m going to be here Okay?”

Cassandra nodded.

“I’m going to need you to lie down and try to be still.”  
  


Cassandra did as she was instructed, she was aware of people bustling around her bed, and a large smooth leather strap pinning her injured leg down.

“Stand on the other side of her. I don’t want to restrain her completely as it can interfere with the circulation. Just hold her down.”

  
Varian’s hands were on her arms now. He was leaning over her, his face a foot from hers. He still looked serious. She knew what was happening now, they were going to cut her now, to try and save her leg, and she had to just try and let them.

“It’s going to be Okay.” Varian said.

She screamed as she felt the blade dig into her, a deep steady slicing. She struggled against the hands holding her down.

“Hold her.”  
  


“I’m sorry Cass. You need to keep still.”

  
Cassandra heard the words, Varian, she trusted Varian, if he said keep still then she had to try even though her body was screaming at her to try and escape the knife cutting her open. She opened her eyes which had been squeezed shut and found Varian’s face hoovering above her. He was crying, why was he crying? As the pain dug in further, she concentrated with all her might on Varian’s face. Varian was there, Varian was with her, she could keep her mind from flying apart with the pain just as long as she just kept looking into those serious, scarred eyes. It was a relief when the darkness took her.

***

_Varian was in a cage, a cage shaped like grasping hands. His eyes bore into hers, not afraid, not pleading, just accepting. She didn’t want to do this, but she couldn’t control herself. Her hands grasped the sword at her back, unhooking it. She wanted to scream, to be outside of her own body, to grab her own hands and to stop what was happening, but nothing could be done. She watched through her own eyes the huge blade of the sword as it sunk into Varian’s chest. Saw his eyes widen, heard his last breath rattle out in a gasp. Felt his long fingers grasping at her, the touch burning through her armour. The blue eyes turned dull, the expression slack, the taught muscles relaxed, and his body fell._

_“I’m not like you, I choose this.”_

“Varian!”

  
“Cassie, I’m still here.” Calloused fingers were gripping at her hand, warm and gentle despite the roughness of the skin.

She looked up into blue eye filled with life, not expressionless, but brimming with worry and sympathy. Her hands reached for his clothing, pulling at the soft blue shirt seeing glimpses of uninjured skin underneath, no blood, no large hole, he was complete and safe, and it was all just another of her nightmares.

  
Varian caught up her hands and moved them away, thinking that she was reaching for him out of pain.

  
“It’s Okay, here drink this.”

  
Cassandra obeyed, recognising the sticky sweet liquid that had eased her pain at night in those first few weeks of recovery.

“It’ll feel better soon. The operation went well, and we caught the problem early. I don’t think it will happen again.”

“You’re okay?”

  
“What? Oh yeah, still not the best with blood, but it was no problem.”

Cassandra took a deep breath, she felt foggy from the fever and the medication and the dream. She looked up at Varina.

“Stay with me.”

  
“I’m not going anywhere Cassie.”

  
“Cassandra!” The door burst open and Cassandra saw her father rush in. He paused his eyes widening in horror. Cassandra turned her head around, there was a bucket of bloody rags on the floor , and there was still a tray of blood coated surgical equipment on the bedside table. It was obvious that the operation had not ended long before.

“It’s okay, it’s not as bad as it looks. “Varian said stepping towards John.

“Why did you not fetch me?” John shouted his face growing red.

“She didn’t’ want me to.” Varian said nervously.

“Who was with her?”

“I was.”

“And what right do you have to be here? When she obviously needs her family or at least a friend.”

“She asked me.”

Cassandra struggled to sit up, but her father sat beside her in the chair previously occupied by Varian. He gently pushed her back down into the pillows.

“Dad.. I’m sorry..”

Her father ignored her putting his hand on her forehead and turning his attention back to Varian.

“She has a fever, she’s ill, she needs the people who care about her around.” He said angrily.

The two men stared at each other, it seemed like something passed between them. Cassandra sighed, she felt so tired and so sore, she really could not deal with this right now.

“I have been here with Cassie..” Varian said slowly.

“Her name is Cassandra.” John interrupted.

“I have been here with her through all her previous operations. I know the situation, I am in a better place to assist the surgeon if he needed it. “

“I would have been here if I could.”

  
“I know, I’m not holding that against you. I’m just saying that I’m not the worst person in the world to be with her.” Varian continued speaking slowly and calmly, each word pointed.

“ Dad, please stop arguing.”  
  
Her father turned to her, his eyes softened and he stroked her hair. His focus finally away from Varian.

“What do you need?”

“Just some quiet, I need to sleep.” She groaned.

  
“Shall I leave?” Varian asked.

“Yes.” The captain retorted. Varian ignored him and looked at Cassandra.

Cassandra didn’t want him to leave, she wanted him here next to her so that she felt safe when she woke up. But, her father was here now and he would take care of her. He wanted to take care of her, and he seemed to be taking his anger of not being there for her out on Varian – which was unfair as it had been her choice. Mainly, she was just exhausted.

“I’ll be fine.” Cassandra answered.

  
Varian’s eyes furrowed but he gave a short little nod.

“Feel better soon Cassandra. “He said as he left.

***

Cassandra could hear a voice, this time it was familiar to her, that was the voice of warmth and safety, his voice.

“Listens raptly to your lilting voice, and lovely laughter. Which as it wafts by sets my heart in it’s ribcage fluttering, as soon as I glance at you, a moment, I can’t say a thing. My tongue stiffens into silence, thin flames underneath my skin prickle and spark, a rush of blood booms in my ears.”  
  


Cassandra opened her eyes and they met instantly with soft open blue. Varian gave her a small smile, welcoming her back into the world of the awake. She stared for a moment, wondering at his gentleness, his ability to be kind when most of the world seemed so rough. Even knowing he had felt the roughness and loneliness of the world, and had seen her at her worst, he was still kind and gentle to her.

“Do you always read to me when I’m asleep?”

  
“Given the bourbon and the medication I’d say unconscious. I wouldn’t dream of reading to you while you were asleep, that’s kind of creepy, but unconscious is a different matter.”

  
“Why?”

  
“When you first came here there were a lot of hours when you were delirious, when you needed somebody watching over you in case you took a turn for the worse. I started reading to you then because it was something to do, and because at times it seemed to ease your restlessness.”

Cassandra nodded.

“I don’t mind it.”

“I’m sorry that I got into an argument with your Dad, I should have just left.”

  
“I think he was just stressed and worried.”

  
“He dousn’t like me.”

  
“I don’t think that’s it.”

  
“He just stopped me in the hall and said, ‘I don’t like you’.”

“Well, I’m sure it’s just because he’s had a stressful day.”

  
“And he said ‘You might think I’m just saying this because Cassandra’s hurt and I’m worried but I’ve never liked you. I, unlike everybody else have not forgotten that you kidnapped the queen. I don’t like you hanging around Cassandra because I don’t want you putting into her head any of you cockamamie ideas about explosives and memories potions.”

“Urgh, thanks Dad.”

  
“I think he thinks that if we teamed up, we’d try and destroy Corona again.”

  
“Well, now that you mention it that does sound fun, do you think the leg might be a problem?” Cassandra joked.

“I could make you a robotic one.”

  
“Oh, that does sound great. But we can’t do kidnapping queens, demons, moonstones, explosives, airships or memory loss again, as they’ll see those coming.”

  
“Damn, I’m all out of ideas.”

  
“How about we create some mutant animals?”

  
“Nah, already done that one. What if we somehow took control of the ground itself? Like the rocks.”

  
“No we did that one too.”

“Damn, you know I think I’m all out of city destroying ideas, might just have to try building them instead.”

  
“Damn.” She said smiling at him. Then she sighed, it was all well and good them teasing each other but another few weeks of being stuck inside spread out in front of her, she’d only just been able to get out again and this small dark room was growing more claustrophobic by the hour.

“Varian, when do you think I’ll be able to go outside again?”

  
“Tomorrow.”  
  


“Varian, don’t tease me.”  
  


“I’m not, your leg is nowhere near as bad as it was last time. We are going to keep you on your feet whether you like it or Not. I will help you go sit outside for a while tomorrow. Cassandra, everything is going to be okay now. I promise you.”

“I wish I could believe you.”

  
“Then let’s make a plan. Let’s say that in seven days, when you’re well, I will take you into town. To the pub, or there is a bakery that lets you sit down and drink hot chocolate and eat freshly made pastries.”

  
“The town has a pub? I thought it was just a hoard of tents.”

  
“Well, you’ll see. There is still a lot of tents but we’re building fast so that they’ll be plenty of shelter for winter. The pub was by a consensus the first thing to be built. Wait till you see it Cassandra, it’s pretty amazing how fast it’s coming together. Every time I visit a new building has spung up, all the plans and sketches I made have come to life. The people who are settling there really brought into the new founding ideals that anybody is welcome. No matter what they’re past looks like, they’re given a clean slate.

  
“So, the town is made up of people who are trying to forget their past?”

Varian nodded.

“People who need a second chance are coming in from all over the seven kingdoms, previous thieves, ladies who have had their reputation tarnished, teens fresh out of orphanages. As long as they’ve served any outstanding sentences they’ve held, and they agree to a code of conduct then they’re given citizenship. It’s amazing Cassandra.”

  
“You do know that Eugene still has outstanding warrants and sentence unserved don’t you?”

  
“The joys of diplomatic immunity.”

  
“Okay. In seven days, you and I will go to town and see what pastries we can find.”

  
“Deal.”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this was supposed to be a short fic but I’ve got another fifty pages of notes alone! At least I managed to finish editing this before the weekend was over.  
> Varian is reading Sappho when Cassandra wakes up – just to be clear that they’re not my own words.   
> I think I need to clarify the rating, I’m not sure if it should be explicit or mature – I have written some quite explicit scenes for the later chapters and there’s some mature themes coming up, but it is 95% story line 5% smut. I’ll keep it explicit rated to be safe.


	5. Varian's women

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nickname this chapter ‘death of the cinnamon roll kid’. (Nobody actually dies in this chapter).  
> So, warnings for adult themes mainly sexual references.  
> And I apologize in advance for the song…

John (the Captain) had been called to King Edmunds office. He felt uneasy, not with being in the presence of a king as he had over the years become at ease when in close contact with royalty. No, what made him ill at ease was that from the small amount of time that he’d spent with King Edmund he’d realized that it was quite hard to get to know what was going on in the man’s head, even with his habit of speaking his thoughts aloud at times. King Edmund was a king who had been used to fighting, whose closest advisers had always been well…. Unique characters. Plus, two decades of isolation had left their mark, and he was quite frankly, a little insane. Still, from what John had seen of the town of Redemption on his brief visit, and had heard whilst travelling, he still made an effective king and managed to charm his neighbours and make strong connections and good choices.

As too why he had been summoned he could not guess, but as a guest in Redemption he was bound to answer the call and to fill out any small request that might be made of him – with limits.

He knocked and entered the office; it was a dark and dingy room at the top off a tower. Three crows were sat on a perch and faded maps and documents lined the spaces of the walls that were not filled with curved bookshelves. The desk was to the side, in front of a window from which John imagined that you could see anybody approaching the Citadel before they’d come within a mile of the door.

King Edmund was sat facing him. He had changed since John had first laid eyes on him, his beard was shorter and his clothing had changed from old furs to a tight leather jerkin over a black shirt that showed his Son’s influence. He smiled in welcome and indicated for John to sit across from him.

“You asked for me your Majesty?”

“I’m not going to beat around the bush, I need a captain of the guard- well, I need a guard as well to be honest. I think you might be the best man for the job.”

“I don’t think so.” John answered shaking his head.

“Have you been into the town?”  
  


“Yes.”  
  


“So, you have seen the men that I would be working with? They were all criminals; they are all here ready to change. You are the type of man that believes that a criminal can change. That a person if they are willing can rewrite their lives. You made my son Captain of Corona guard after all. That is the type of man that I need, one who believes in the power of redemption.”

“I’m retired.”

“You’re barely fifty, younger than me even. You have years left in you.”

“I know, but my life in the last few years has been chaotic. I’ve finally come to rest, and I just want to live a quiet life now.”

“I know what you and Kevin are.”

John felt a sudden cold shiver of fear.

“I don’t know what you mean?”  
  


“You’re companion, he is your lover.”  
  


Johns eyebrows furrowed; he felt his muscles freezing up. He didn’t know how to escape the accusation; he also had no idea how the King had discovered him.

“I do not judge you. Maybe once I would have, but I spent so many years alone that I know what it feels like to face endless days without another soul to share your life with. You are lucky to have your daughter, I am lucky to have my son, but I cannot begrudge you a romantic relationship. You can live here peacefully and still have a calling in life. The people here, they’re not going to judge you. They have all seen a lot of the world, you can be accepted, protected. As the King I can make it so that it is not illegal for any person to love another. Think about it.”

The king reached out and clasped his shoulder.

“Tell me, do you really live freely now? Or is that little cottage in the woods less an idyllic home and more of a convenient hiding place?”

John stared at him in disbelief, he had never expected to hear such words.

“You mean, live openly with Frank, as a married couple?

“I’m not sure if I could convince a priest to marry you, but you could live as if you were a married couple, with nobody harassing you.”

“This was not what I expected.”  
  


Edmund nodded.

“You have given me a lot to think about.”  
  


“Take your time. I hear your daughter is going to be here for a while longer, though luckily, she does seem to be healing well now. She’s a woman I wouldn’t mind having on my side either. Now, I have some paperwork to go through. Can you see yourself out?”  
  


John nodded and bowed as he left.

***

“Just show her.”

Cassandra heard muttering and the pacing of feet through her open door. She rolled her eyes fondly recognising the voice.

  
“Show her what?” She said going to lean against the doorframe.

Varian jumped.

  
“Oh, uh nothing, I didn’t say show her, I said shower- yep, shower, my new invention that I wanted to show you. Wait..” He shook his head, having managed to confuse himself.

  
“New invention?”

  
“Yes!” He said getting back on track. “I thought it would be therapeutic for your leg, ease the pain, loosen the muscles, just generally help.”

  
“Okay then, I’m in.” Cassandra said joining him in the corridor.

  
“Great, you can be the first one to try it.”

Cassandra turned around to walk back into her room.

  
“I’m out. I’m not having one of your experiments explode on me.”

Varian caught her arm.

  
“I haven’t had any experiments actually explode in years, a few imploded, but that’s not the point, the point is I’ve used it many times myself and it’s perfectly safe. It’s part of my hot water experiments.”

Cassandra raised her eyebrow at him.

“I spent all morning trying to get it to the temperature I thought you’d like best; I really do think it will help Cassie.”

  
“Okay.” Cassandra agreed apprehensively. “But I reserve the right to back out at any time.”

“Great!”

Varian pulled her back further along the corridor. They passed the stairway to his lab, the libraries, and the entrance to King Edmunds private tower, down steps taking twists and turns till he finally led her into a long thin room with a vaulted ceiling. It looked like it had been a storage cellar but Varian had obviously been using it as a bedroom due to the four poster bed that had been pushed to the back of the room, it’s posts scraping the ceiling. The walls were covered with more sketches, though this time amongst the plans and designs were bright paintings of Quirin, Eugene and Rapunzel, Ruddiger, Varian riding and his home. Cassandra detected Rapunzel’s hand.

“So, I take it this is your room?”

  
“Yep.”

  
“Any reason it’s so far from all the others?”  
  


“This!” Varian said with a flourish pushing open a door to the side of the room that Cassandra hadn’t noticed.

“You needed more closet space?”

  
“It a was wine cellar I think, but that’s not the point, the point is that there are two small rooms back there, one for the water heater and one for the heated water dispersal component.”

Varian said it with another flourish as Cassandra craned her head into the little side room. It was decorated fully with green square tiles, and the room had been altered so that the floors slopped down into a grating in the middle. A pipe was snaking from under a hole cut into a door opposite, it was nailed to the wall heading across and upwards, ending on the far wall with some kind of metal square that hanged a couple of feet from the wall and a couple of feet from the ceiling so that a tall man could easily stand under it. Beneath the square was a couple of dials.

“I thought you called it a shower?” Cassandra said, she wasn’t able to figure out what the strange collection of objects did.

  
“Uh yes, that’s a… an anagram.. for…” Varian struggled to think of something scratching his head.

  
“So, let me get this straight, you picked down here because?”  
  


“I’d been working on the plans as we were travelling and I also managed to get the tiles too, the metal components took some time to explain to the blacksmith but I was able to help. “

“So, you said it had something to do with hot water.”  
  


Varian grinned and walked over to the dials on the wall, standing to the side with his arm outstretched as if he were avoiding being under the metal square, Varian turned the dial. There was a clinking noise and a steady rush, and then, to Cassandra’s amazement the backwall become shrouded with a waterfall.

She gasped, and stepped towards it, open mouthed, her hand reaching out.

“Is it safe?” She said glancing at Varian.

“Very safe.”

  
Her fingers touched the water, it was warm, in fact steam was coming off it – but it wasn’t hot enough to be uncomfortable. She looked up towards the ceiling and saw that the water was coming through tiny holes in the strange metal square.

“What’s it for?”

“It’s an alternative to a bath.” Varian said with a satisfied smile. “All that heating water on the stove and filling the tub and then it being cold anyways by the time you’ve filled it a decent amount. I thought this would be easier.”

“Vare, it’s amazing.”

  
Varian was momentarily taken back. One, she’d called him Vare which nobody had ever called him before but from her lips was the coolest, most seductive sound he’d ever heard, secondly, something he’d done had actually impressed her.

“Are you ready to try it out?”  
  


She was, Cassandra loved water, she loved swimming and waterfalls, she loved the endlessness of the sea, and she loved Varian’s invention, it was her favourite yet.

“So, what do I do?”

  
“Ah.” Varian held his finger up to indicate for her to wait for a minute, he ran into his room and dragged in a chair and some fluffy towels.  
  


“Your clothes won’t get wet over here. When you’re done you just turn the dial back in that direction. I’ll uh.. wait in there.” He gestured to his bedroom. “Shout if you have any problems.” He shouted as he closed the door.

Cassandra didn’t hesitate in stripping off her clothes and hanging them over the chair. She walked over to the stream of water, her hands running through it admiring the way that the light glinted of the droplets. Taking a deep breath she stepped under the stream. It was beautiful, it was like being under a waterfall but instead of it knocking the breath out of her with its coldness it wrapped her in a warm hug. As the water ran over her limbs, she could feel them relaxing, there was a light sting from her injured leg but as the water warmed the muscles the aching and cramping that she’d had for weeks subsided a bit. She tilted her head up to the stream and let the water run over har face, she let out a little groan as tension left her body.

“Cassandra? Are you okay in there?”  
  


“Fine.” Cassandra replied, realising just how thin the walls must be for Varian to have heard her. His question snapped her out of her reverie and with regret she turned off the dial of the water off, moments later the stream was just tepid little drops. She got herself dry and dressed and stepped out to see Varian sat on his bed looking at notes.

“Did it.. did it help?”

“Yes.” She sat on the edge of the bed. “Varian what you’ve created is wonderful.”  
  


“I’m glad you like it Cassie. I was thinking of installing a few in the castle at Corona, I’m trying to work out where they would go without the remodelling the whole place, and with the size of my water heaters I don’t think they would fit into most peoples houses which is a shame.”

  
“How about a dedicated building. I mean, it would have to have places for people to get undressed and you would have to separate women and men, but it could work.”  
  


“A dedicated building for citizens to wash in, like the ancient cultures had public baths.” He mused and picked up his pen and started scribbling something down, his tongue poking out from between his teeth.

Cassandra found herself smiling fondly at him.

“I’ll uh leave you too it then.”  
  


“Uh, what? Oh yes, bye Cassie.”  


Cassandra hesitated at the doorway.

“Varian?”  
  


He glanced up at her.

“I really am grateful for everything you’ve done for me these last few months.”

  
Varian looked slightly taken aback but then he gave her a wide smile.

“What are friends for?”

She smiled to herself as she walked away It had been a long time since she had been close to her friends. Yet, she was surprised at just how warmly she felt towards Varian. Dorky, sweet, intelligent Varian.

***

Cassandra stepped out into the bright sunshine, it was the perfect summer weather, the air warm but with a slight breeze. In a few days she was going to be enjoying summer as she should, out riding, exploring a new place, eating pastries. It felt like she’d been locked inside forever, but freedom was now in sight. As was her father, sitting at the bottoms of the steps looking out across the gully.

“Dad, are you okay?” She asked sitting down next to him.

  
Her father sighed and looked at her.

“I don’t know. How is your leg?”

“I’m fine Dad. Now, what’s bothering you?”

  
“I just had an interesting conversation with King Edmund.”

  
“Well, we’ve all been there.”

  
“He offered me a place here as head of the royal guard.”

  
“Do you want to be a guard again?”

  
“He also said that he knew what Frank was to me and that he would make sure that we’re both welcome here.”

Cassandra looked at him, her mouth open for a moment as she took in what he had said.

  
“That’s great, I guess, the welcome part, but how did he know?”  
  


“That’s what I wanted to ask you.” John sighed. “Cassandra did you tell anybody?”  
  


Cassandra felt guilt rise upside her.

“I.. yes, but just Varian, and he wouldn’t have said anything. Maybe King Edmund figured it out himself somehow.”  
  


She could see her father’s temper rising, his jaw set, and his hand clenched into a fist.

“Varian.” He growled standing up.

“Wow, Dad.” She stumbled up and put her hands out to block his path.

“I’m telling you it wasn’t him. I know you don’t trust him, but I do. He would never had told anybody.”  
  


“Cassandra, that boy is trouble.”  
  


“Man, and he may have made mistakes in the past, but now he’s Corona’s most trusted adviser, and my friend.”  
  


Her father scoffed.

“No, seriously Dad, his blood runs through my veins. Literally.”

This threw her father out of his bad mood as he stared at her in puzzlement.  
  


“What? You’re not related.”  
  


“No, he literally put his blood into my veins to save my life. Dad. I wouldn’t be here without him.”  
  


“He experimented on you?!”

“To save my life. Everybody told me when I woke up that I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for Varian. I believe them, not only was it him who found me when I was injured, but he did things to try and save me that the doctors had never thought of. Dad, please, go easier on him.”  
  


Her father looked at the floor and he took a deep breath.

“Okay Cassandra.”

He pulled her into a hug.

“The thought of losing you, Cassandra, I couldn’t bare it. I’m always going to regret not being here for you.”  
  


“It couldn’t be helped Dad, and I know you’re always here for me.”

“Cassandra don’t get too close to Varian. He’s not a suitable… friend for you.”  
  


“Because he will draw me back into a life of villainy?”  
  


“No, because he is not a good man.”  
  


“Dad, I know you think you know who Varian is, but you’ve got it all wrong.”  
  


“I still get letters from Stan and Pete. They tell me that Varian has a reputation for hanging around with woman of ill dispute.”  
  


“Dad, people in Corona gossip.”  
  


“Cassandra, I am telling you that he frequent brothels. He has been seen going into a well-known house of disrepute on multiple occasions. He got caught up in a raid there last year, he’s been involved in a brawl at another. The King and Queen cover for him because of his position but he is far from discrete.”

Cassandra looked at him sceptically.

“I’m sure they’ve just mistaken him for somebody else.”  
  


“Cassandra, be careful.”

  
“I will Dad, I’m always careful.”

***

“So, tomorrow is seven days.” Cassandra said as she reached the bottom of the stairs to Varian’s lab.

  
“Uh ha.” Varian said squinting at a flask and pouring a liquid into it.

“So, that means we get to go out to the town and eat pastries.”  
  


“Uh ha.”

“Vare, are you even listening to me?”  
  


“Tomorrow, town, pastries, got it.”

She had thought he’d be more excited, but then why should he be? He went into the town frequently on all kinds of business, she knew because sometimes she’d seek him out for company and the maids would tell him that’s where he was.

“Okay then.” She said heading back towards the stairs.

Now Varian looked up.

“Aren’t you going to stay for a while?”  
  


“Well, you seem busy.”  
  


“I am, now, but if you give me twenty minutes then we can go up for lunch together,”

“Varian, it’s dinner time.”  
  


“Is it? Wow, was I at breakfast?”  
  


“Not when I was there.”  
  


“That would explain why I’m so hungry.”  
  


She shook her head at him.

“Well, want to head up to dinner with me in a while?” He said.  
  


“I’d better, otherwise you won’t eat and sleep, and I’ll come get you to go on our outing tomorrow to find that you’re still messing around with, what are you doing exactly?”

  
“Oh, I’m figuring out different chemicals I can mix in with the sand in my elemental remogrifier to make different coloured Cassandrium. It doesn’t really have many uses, it’s just a passion project.”  
  


“I like the purple.”  
  


“I like it too, but I might be able to improve it somehow.”  
  


Cassandra walked around examining things on the shelves. She saw a little tin, it looked like the kind of tin that would contain a piece of jewellery or similar, she picked it up and flicked the lid off, inside was a little round clear circular… thing.

“What’s this?”

“Uh.” Varian blushed scarlet. “That’s a super thin polymer I invented.”

She took it out of the tin, and as she did it unravelled into a thin tube with a closed slightly bulbous end.

“It’s a container of sorts?”

“Of sorts.”

“Care to be any more cryptic?”

Varian sighed and ran his hands through his hair making it stick up at the back.

“It’s to stop women from getting pregnant.”

“Oh, you eat it?” Cassandra winkled her nose as she sniffed the weird smell of it.

  
“No, it’s uh… worn.”

Suddenly the shape made sense.

“Oh!” She was a little taken aback. She examined it more closely, she’d heard of something once, made out of pig’s skin, but judging from the conversation she had overheard it was a rare and foreign thing not easily found in Corona.

“Why did you..” Cassandra began to ask why he had made it before realizing just how private a question and deciding it was best not to ask. Varian answered anyways.

“Just after they got married Eugene came to me saying how nervous Rapunzel was getting, she wasn’t sure if she wanted kids right at that point. So, I told him to leave it with me.”

“EWW THAT THINGS TOUCHED FITZHERBERT AND YOU LET ME PICK IT UP.” Cassandra said dropping the rubbery thing on the floor.

“No, no, they’re single use and that one hasn’t been used yet. Never will now.” He said picking it up and throwing into a wastepaper bin.

“Hua, so that’s why they don’t have kids, yet It always was a bit of a mystery to me, considering how much those two fawn over each other.”

Cassandra didn’t notice Varian go still and avert his eyes.

“I can’t believe that he made you make a” she waved at the bin “sex thing.”

Varian gave a little shrug.

“Honestly, he didn’t. If somebody comes to me with a problem, I just feel like I have to solve it. I don’t think he expected me to come up with a solution, I think he just wanted to talk to someone. I am more discrete than Lance. Besides, they are extremely useful, they offer protection against venereal diseases as well as pregnancy. I make a lot of them because I distribute them around certain people who might have a vulnerability to that sort of thing.”

“So, you do frequent brothels?”  
  


“You’ve heard the rumours.” Varian said with a short bitter laugh. Then he looked at her seriously. “Would it change how you thought of me if I did?”  
  


Cassandra was taken aback.

“Well, I don’t know. I guess I wouldn’t have thought you the sort.”  
  


“Well, that’s an honest answer at least. Who told you the rumour?”

“My dad was telling me that you had been involved in a brawl.”  
  


“Hey, he deserved it, you never hit a woman.”  
  


“Oh? Why is that?” Cassandra asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  


“Uh.. I mean, a vulnerable woman, not like you, you’re a fair opponent.”  
  


“And you’d better remember it. So, I shouldn’t be annoyed at my Dad?”  
  


Varian shrugged.

“He is only repeating the rumours that spread around some of the men in the city.”  
  


“And what do these rumours say?”  
  


“That I am a sex addict, that I do perverted experiments on people, and I invent weird sex machines.”

Cassandra scoffed.

“Well I know that’s not the truth. What is the truth Vare?”  
  


“The truth is that I wish those places didn’t exist. The women are usually recruited straight out of orphanages when they are turned out with no place to go and no skills. Or they’re widows who have kids to support, they’re people who through no fault of their own have ended up with no options, they’re exploited, and sometimes beaten, and there should just be another option for them. Like a safety net, to protect these people.” Varian said, his voice becoming impassioned as he spoke.

“So, you go there too…”  
  


“To give them the prophylactics, that’s what they’re called, so they don’t get ill or pregnant. I’m not always successful though, sometimes their customers, or the men who run the places can’t be convinced to use them. There is one though, run by a woman could Madame Phantasma on the other side of the Corona walls, she cares about keeping the girls safe. She lets me go in and talk to the women, and they helped me come up with the design, and ran trials for me. We uh, got close. Rapunzel and Eugene understand, they try to keep the rumours at bay, the King and Queen are suspicious. As for my Dad, he wants to get me married off as quickly as possible.”

“You got close?”

He nodded.

“Madame Phantasma now demands that the customers use the prophylactics, the girls now don’t have to worry about diseases or pregnancy, and well let’s just say now those ladies love me.”

Cassandra raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, I mean we’re friends. I mean, I haven’t used those with them, I haven’t not used them either I mean. “

“Keep digging.”

“I give them my services for free, and they have at times offered me their services for free, but I wouldn’t agree to that. I just like to hang out with them sometimes because they have good stories, and they know what it’s like to feel like you’re on the outside. I’ve never tried the prophylactics, well I sort of tried one on obviously, I had to make sure they were comfortable.. AH. “

He banged his head on the table ending his quick talking, awkward rant.

“Why am I such a dork?” He groaned.

“I like it, it reminds me of a co-lady in waiting I once had.”

Varian turned his head to look at her

“Total dork, used to call me milady, but he saw me. He has this really good quality where he can see the people who are in the wings or in the shadows, and he’s happy to help them, without judging.”

Varian took a deep breath and raised his head. There was a smile that passed between them that lingered too long.

“I’d never actually sleep with those woman Cassandra, and it’s not because I don’t like them, or that I judge them. It’s because most of them, if they had any other options, wouldn’t be there. I don’t want to be with a woman who doesn’t really have a choice in the matter. Now you know the full story, do you see me any differently?”

  
“No, No, I don’t.”

Cassandra saw Varian as a person with a kind heart, somebody who wasn’t quick to judge. What she’d heard had only helped to confirm that.

“I think that it’s very kind of you. I know that there are some other ways to try and avoid pregnancy, but I know that they’re not very effective. I think you have probably given those girls a lot of peace of mind. It’s hard those days, the anxious days when you’re waiting to see if you bleed. Knowing some mistakes can’t be taken back.” Cassandra realised she had said to much when she saw Varian’s eyes widen slightly and a look of understanding settle on his face.

“You’re talking from experience.”  
  


Cassandra sighed.

“It was a long time ago, like ten years ago.”  
  


“What happened?” Varian asked gently.

“Oh, ha, a regrettable moment by the docks, afterwards he just became very cold to me.” Cassandra rubbed her arm. “Turns out there was another girl, he had already started stepping out with her before we.. Well, you know.”  
  


“Oh. Cassie...”

  
“It doesn’t matter. I can’t imagine having to keep a jerk like that’s dinner warm, or his bed either, it wasn’t a good experience.”  
  


“He was only interested in his own pleasure, not that you felt good too.”  
  


Cassandra was once again taken aback.

“Yes. That’s exactly how it was.”

“A low bar, just how I like it.” Varian joked, his face suddenly becoming less serious.

  
“Hey, the bar might be low but you’re not getting anywhere near it.”

  
“Ha.” He laughed.

“Now, do you see me differently?” Cassandra said turning his own question back to him.

  
“No, no I don’t.”

“So, we see each other exactly as we are.”

  
“That’s a good way for friends to be. Shall we go get dinner?”

  
“Yes, and then you need to go to bed.”

  
“I just have to finish up...”

  
“Oh no you don’t, you have to sleep at some point you know.”

***

“So, this is the dark realm?” Cassandra said looking down the building lined street.

“No, this is the town of Redemption.” Varian corrected her.

  
“I’m not going to call it that.”  
  


“Why not? It does what it says on the tin.”

“Don’t talk to me about tins.” Cassandra said with a shiver.

“I told you Eugene never wore that.” Varian said rolling his eyes. “Besides, is Redemption any worse than dark kingdom?”  
  


“I guess not.”

  
Cassandra took in the squat grey bricked buildings that made up the main street, surrounding them on the outskirts, were little wooden houses with tiled roofs. It could have seemed gloomy, but there were little touches of personality everywhere she looked, flowers in boxes on windowsills, brightly coloured curtains and the occasional painting on the walls (some of which looked like they’d been done by Rapunzel). The town centre was a bustle of activity, the buildings on the far side were still being built and she could hear the hammers and saws and shouts of the men working. People were leaning out of shop windows to talk to passers-by, and there were people carrying baskets of wood and supplies on their shoulders.

“What are they building?”

  
“Well, the building on the far left is going to be a shop, there’s a famous wood carver and clock maker arriving soon. The quality and density of the wood in this area is brilliant, they’re going to be able to make intricate carved wall clocks to export throughout the seven kingdoms and beyond. Then on the right, that’s going to be the school, there’s not many families here at the moment but we want to be prepared for any that arrive.”

  
“Who are the people building them?”

  
“They’re soon to be citizens, you see, the whole place is being built on an agreement. If people spend six months working on the building, or helping cultivate the farms, or manage the sewer systems then they are given citizen status, and they receive one of the wooden houses. Eventually they’ll be made out of stone, but for now we can only import so much, and it needs to be used for the public buildings and shops. The tent village is just a little further down the road. It is not the comfiest, but we insure they keep warm and are well fed, we don’t get any complaints, people are happy with deal. “

Varian smiled as he looked around.

“It’s really coming along now. You know I used to imagine that you’d come through here on your travels one day, and you’d see what we’ve all created here.”

“Well, you were right, and I’m impressed.”

“Varian!”

Cassandra turned around to see a pregnant woman with long blonde hair coming up behind them. Varian grinned at her and ran over to greet her. Cassandra could not quite make out what they were saying, but she felt a strange sinking feeling at how easily they seemed to talk with each other, especially when she saw Varian lay his hand on her pregnant belly.

“Hey, is that Cassandra from Corona!”

Cassandra jumped at her name and saw two young women approaching her. She felt nervous at being recognised, were they people she’d hurt in the past? When she was with Zhan Tiri?

“From the books?”

  
“Yes, it’s her. I swear it is.”

  
Cassandra took a breath of relief; it was about those stupid books again not the moonstone.

The two women rushed over her, and started bombarding her with questions. Cassandra looked around helplessly for Varian, catching her eyes he quickly said something to the pregnant woman and began heading over to her.

“Why did you turn down the Prince of Reisling?”

  
“Uh I..”

  
“Julie, didn’t you read the one with Dragons. Look, she’s wearing the necklace. The one that her lost lover gave her. So romantic.”

  
“This?” Cassandra said pulling at her necklace. “No, Varian gave me this.”

  
Both woman’s eyes widened.

“Varian is your lost lover?”

  
“AWW!”

  
“No, Varian and I are just friends.”

  
“Then why did you turn down the Prince?”  
  


“The books aren’t real, okay.”  
  


“You mean there wasn’t a Ruby?”  
  


“No there was.” She admitted.  
  


“And there wasn’t a Prince?”  
  


“No there was.”  
  


“And you didn’t save him from a hoard of the undead?”  
  


“Well, yes that bit was true, though I’m not sure if it constituted a hoard, more just a gang.”  
  


“So, it’s just the necklace they got wrong?” One asked.

“You’ve no long-lost lover?” The other asked disappointedly.  
  


“Are you going to help me?” Cassandra asked Varian who was stood behind her smirking at her discomfort.

“Alas, it is true.” Varian said placing his hand on his heart as the two women turned to him. “I like many before me wished to win the heart of milady Cassandra.”  
  


“Not helping.” Cassandra sighed hiding her face in her hands.  
  


“I gave her the necklace to declare that my love was true, but when she told me she could not be mine I begged her to keep it with her as a reminder that my life was hers. That I had forsworn all other women, taking no lover or wife till the end of my days, In the hopes that one day she would return to me and judge me worthy.” Varian said dramatically.

The two women gasped.

“So romantic.”  
  


“She doesn’t deserve him.”  
  


“This is ridiculous.” Cassandra sighed.

“I will have to recount the story of our meeting some other time.” Varian said. “My fair lady Cassandra is in need of refreshments.” He put his arm around her waist and led her away from the two women, who instantly began gossiping over the towns new celebrity.

Once out of earshot Varian started laughing.

“The look on your face!”  
  


“That was not funny Vare! Now everybody’s going to think that I’m some kind of heartbreaker.”  
  


“Oh, who cares what they think?”

“I do, I might end up visiting here a lot if my dad moves here.”  
  


“You’re dad is moving here?”  
  


“Maybe, King Edmund offered him a job, and he knew about Dad and Kevin.  
  


“What?” Varian said his face becoming serious. “Cassandra, I swear I didn’t…”

A that point there was a ruckus behind them, a loud clattering and startled shouting. They both looked down the road to see a cart horse bucking, causing the lumber on the cart to roll into the street. The shaft of the cart broke startling the horse further. It broke free and galloped straight towards them. Varian dove into Cassandra, knocking her out of the way and pinning her against a wall with his body. As the horse ran past, he snaked his fingers into her hair and pulled her head into his shoulder.

His firm body was against hers, radiating heat. She could see the prickles of a stubble breaking through the skin of his cheek, the light white scars that detailed the skin around his eyes. Her heart was beating wildly at the sudden danger, she was vulnerable at that moment, with her leg hurt she could not move quickly. The danger passed, his blue eyes meet hers, concern furrowing his eyebrows.

  
“Are you Okay?”

  
She barely heard the words, her eyes focusing on the movement of his thin lips, and without knowing why she moved forwards and gently kissed them.

They were soft, dry, and entirely pursed shut. They were not apart and waiting to be kissed, not responding to her own lips. It was only an instant, a scattering of seconds. She gasped at her own actions as she felt a cold shiver run through her body in shock at what she had done.

“Cassie?” He asked.

Avoiding his staring eyes, she pushed against him freeing herself from the wall and blindly walked away as quickly as her leg would let her. She was aware of him staring after her for a moment, him calling to her again.

“Cassie, wait up.”

She walked a few more steps, but when she finally turned to look at him, she saw he had already walked away to help up a man who had been knocked down by the loose horse. 

Cassandra ducked down a little alleyway coming out in one of the rows of wooden houses. She leaned against a wall and tried to get her thoughts into order.

Why had she done that? Was she falling for Varian? She could admit that he was attractive, he had a very pleasing shape, his hair was silky and always flopped into his eyes in a distracting manner. His hands were always warm and gentle, and moved with an elegant ease whilst he worked with his metals and chemicals. He had three completely different ways of smiling at her, a big goofy one when they were teasing each other, a half turned little quirk of the lips when he was saying hello or about to agree with something she was saying, and a soft gentle one that was the rarest and was mostly in his eyes – like when she had first walked after her accident, or when she had woken up after her operation – that was the smile she liked the most, it was the one that made her feel safe. Then there was the way his eyes twinkled when he laughed.

She gasped, she wasn’t falling for Varian, she had already fallen for him, deeply. That’s why she was always seeking him out, why she was so happy when they planned their outings, why she wanted him near her when she was in pain, or scared. She was stunned, this never happened to her, she was not the sort to feel things like this. It had been so long since she had locked her heart away that she had thought herself immune to these feelings.

“Hello.”

She jumped at the smooth voice and saw that she was being watched by the pregnant woman Varina had been talking with.

“You’ve had a shock, come in, I’ll make you some sweet tea.” She said indicating the open door of a house not far away.

“I’m alright.” Cassandra said starting to walk away, but the woman stepped in front of her, surprising quick for somebody so large.

“I’m not likely to take no for an answer.” She said with a friendly and welcoming smile.

Cassandra hesitated, earlier it had seemed like the woman and Varian were friends which meant that she wasn’t likely to be dangerous in anyway. She gave a small nod and followed her into the small house. It consisted of just one room at the bottom and probably only one room at the top of the stairs. On one side of the room there was a small kitchen area with a table and two chairs. On the other was a rug, two armchairs and a shelf with a couple of books. Although small, the woman had obviously put a lot of effort into making it homely, there were bright yellow curtains and pale green cushions on the chairs and on the walls were a couple of small painting of flowers.

“My name is Angelica.” She said as she fussed around the kitchen.

“Cassandra.” Cassandra answered as she sat herself down at the table.

  
“I know, I heard the rumours that the famous Cassandra of Corona was here.”

  
“Those books aren’t real you know.”

  
“I figured as much. I mean that secret chamber one seemed biologically impossible.”

“Gah! Has everybody read that piece of pornography? I thought that it was banned in all seven kingdoms?”

“It is. That is why everyone has read it, if you ban a book then immediately everybody goes out and tries to find that book. Though I've never seen a dragon, I imagine it's not actually biologically possible for a human woman to have sex with one.”

“I don't know who wrote that crap, but if ever find him it's not going to be biologically possible for him to have sex with anything.”

Angelica laughed as she put two cups of tea on the table and sat across from Cassandra.

  
“Have you got names?” Cassandra asked nodding to Angelicas belly. In Cassandra’s experience pregnant woman were always happy to talk about their future offspring.

“Quirin for a boy, and Varity for a girl.”

Cassandra felt a shiver run through her body.

“Oh, those are ...”

  
“The name of Varian’s parents, I know, and no, the child isn’t Varian’s.”  
  


“I didn’t..”  


“You didn’t have to, Its written all over your face. Nobody here has ever got close to that man, though quite a few have tried. “  
  


“It’s none of my business.”  
  


“ I owe Varian a lot, most people here do, he pretty much created this place. He was the one who came up with the idea to make it a settlement for ‘lost souls’ as it were. He came into the brothel I was working at several months ago, and when he left Sophia and I went with him. He made sure that I got this house in time for the baby, even though I couldn’t carry out the usual six months of work. I wanted to thank him so I said that I would name the child after him, but he asked me to name it after his parents instead.”

“I didn’t know that he had played such a large part in the forming of the town.”  
  


Angela nodded.

“We respect King Edmund, he is, despite his quirks, a strong leader. He has known war, and he’s led before, he knows how to rule. But Varian, Varian put his soul into this place.”  
  


“I just remember him as a geeky teenager who everybody was kind of scared of.”  
  


“I know about his past, I know he spent time in prison, but he also told me that his friends had forgiven him and helped him to have a second chance, but when I asked him if that’s why he was helping build a town for people who need second chances he went quiet for a moment, and then he told me another story. He told me that he’d watched as somebody he cared about get taken over by hate, and that it had been almost as painful to watch her loose herself as it had been when he himself had lost his mind. I’m guessing he was talking about you.”

  
Cassandra looked down; she didn’t answer. Her tea was only half done, but she was hoping to finish it quickly so she could take her leave and avoid getting into a conversation about the past.

“He realized that a lot of people struggle with things in their lives, and can easily go down the wrong path. Sometimes they just need somebody to led them back.” Angelica continued. “ I think this place is designed with you in mind, it’s like a love letter to you Cassandra.”

  
“No, you’ve got it wrong. Varian and I were never that, he was still a child the last time I saw him. We knew each other once, for a short while five years ago, and we only meet again two months ago.” Cassandra said, but as she talked, she remembered the words he had said to her when they had arrived in the town.

_“I used to imagine that you’d come through here on your travels one day, and you’d see what we’ve all created here.”_

  
“I know what I see, and I know what I saw.”  
  


Cassandra blushed at the realization that Angelica had seen her kissing Varian.

“That was just, I didn’t mean anything by it.” She stuttered.  
  


“Yes, you did.”  
  


“It’s just, I’m grateful for him, he’s done a lot for me.”  
  


Angela took her hand and looked deep into her eyes.

“I have spent a lot of time with Varian, I helped him with some...research. He is curious, and I have knowledge that most people don’t talk about. Yet, I have never seen him look at anybody in the way that he looks at you, when you move, he moves. He’s always leaning close to you, he’s always watching you. “

  
Cassandra shook her head, denying the words she was hearing.

“Knowledge?” She asked trying to change the topic.

“He wanted to know what makes sex good or bad for a woman.”

“Oh.” She blushed taken aback but then she remembered his words from the day before

_“He was only interested in his own pleasure, not that you felt good too.”_

“I guess he just wants to be prepared. I heard from some of the girls from Corona that his father was putting pressure on him to marry.”

He’d said something about that too hadn’t he?

_“_ _As for my Dad, he wants to get me married off as quickly as possible.”_

“There was the girl, Faith.” Angelica was looking over her cup at her and smirked slightly when she saw Cassandra’s eyes widened.

“Faith?”

“Perhaps you should ask him about it yourself? Why he wanted to know? If anybody in particular was on his mind? I mean, he can say it’s just for research but, I think he wants to be able to please somebody.”

Cassandra knew she wouldn't ask. Of course, Varian was thinking about marriage, he had been of marriageable age for years. Of course, he had somebody. He'd never told her that he hadn't, and she'd never thought to ask.

“It’s really none of my business.” Cassandra said again.

“But you want it to be.”

“I need to go now.” Cassandra said standing up.  
  


“Okay.”  
  


“Thank you for the tea.”  
  


“Anytime, Cassandra of Corona.”  


She led her to the door.

“He cares about you Cassandra.” Angelica said as she was leaving.  
  


Cassandra thought as she rode back to the citadel.

Faith, the timid girl, who gossiped and giggled, and was for some reason was often found crying in a broom closet. Yes, she had been nice, and yes, she was quite talented at cooking and sewing and the likes, but she was just a little… unadventurous, uncurious. Cassandra had no doubt she would make a good wife for somebody, but for Varian? No, that’s not what Varian needed, he needed somebody who could understand his plans, or at least ask the right questions. Somebody he could joke with, explore with. Somebody not easily upset when she wasn’t his whole focus all the time.

On the other hand, Varian was a young man, it had been five years since she had seen him, and of course things had changed. He was good looking, intelligent, had a high up position. Of course, he had dated, and he knew a lot of the world of sex, he'd hanged around brothels, so his mind was far from innocent and untouched by that sort of thing.

A few days ago, she’d thought she’d known who Varian was, now she knew that he was far more complicated than she had originally thought. His sympathy for those on the edge of the society had made her like him even more, but... who was she too him? Just another lost soul who needed his help? An experiment that had gone right? An old friend who was visiting and would soon be gone? Yes, he cared about her, he cared about everybody. That was all it was, and that hurt. Angelica was mistaken to think Cassandra was anything else to him. She was mistaken if she had thought she was anything else to him. He had Faith.

***

“Cassandra! Cassandra!” Varian rushed through the streets and to the edge of the forest. He had lost sight of her in the town, he had assumed that she would still be in town, at the pub or maybe the bakery, but she had vanished.

“Excuse me, have you seen a woman, about yay tall, long black hair?” He asked some workmen who were immerging from the trees.

  
“No sorry.”

  
He went to where they had tied up their horses thinking she would be waiting for him there, but Fidella was gone. He jumped onto Eden and raced her back to the gondolas. It didn’t look like any had been move, there was one on the other side but he’d designed them so that when one moved in one direction the other moved in the other so that there would always be at least one on each side (the third moved independently).

He dismounted and brought Eden’s muzzle down to his face.

“Will you go back to the pasture on your own girl? Go to Max.” He said hoping the horse would not wander off, he doubted it, she knew where she’d get some hot oats and apples. As she trotted off to the pasture Varian got into the Gondola. The journey across the gully gave him time to think.

Cassandra had kissed him. It had been a shock, and honestly for a moment he thought it hadn’t really happened. She had kissed him, and at the point where he had wanted to kiss her back, she had pushed him away and walked off. Now he couldn’t find her, and though he hadn’t thought that she’d got injured when he’d pushed her against the wall, he was now doubting himself.

Cassandra had kissed him, it’s something that had happened many times before, in his dreams, that is. It hadn’t been like kissing Faith, it was like some kind of charge had run through his body, though the touch of her lips had been slight and brief, it had left him breathless, and staring like a moron.

She’d walked off, and he’d not followed, which is what he knew he should have done. He’d had to check that William wasn’t hurt, because he’d noticed he was on the floor. William had been fine though, just a twisted ankle, and then Varian had gone and calmed the horse and led her somewhere quiet to calm down. All of which was entirely stupid because somebody else could have done it, and he should have been with Cassandra, the woman who was kind of under his care because she was still injured, and WHO HAD JUST KISSED HIM! Gods, why was he so bloody awkward all the time? Why didn’t he know what he was meant to do, or how he was meant to react? He knew what he’d have done if he was anybody else, he would have swept her off her feet, taken her into the back room of the pub to check that she was okay, and then he would say something suave and kiss her till she was breathless, tell her that she was the most beautiful woman that he’d ever seen, that he wanted to be with her. Instead, he’d run after a bloody horse!

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” He muttered to himself.

The gondola touched down at the Citadel, and Varian sprinted up the stairs and into the great hall. Hector and Adira were sat at the table eating lunch.

“Has Cassandra been here?”

  
“Short-long hair? No.”  
  


He speed off again at a run towards her room, passing Rapunzel and Eugene as he went.

“Have you seen Cassie?”  
  


“What, no. What’s wrong?” Rapunzel asked.

“I can’t find her.” He shouted over his shoulder as he continued to her room, but she wasn’t there either. Now he was growing really worried. Maybe she was looking for him as well? Maybe she was down in his lab or his room. Breathless, he ran to check, but both were empty.

Dark thoughts ran through his mind. Her leg wasn’t fully healed, she still had a bad limp. What if she hadn’t actually been fit to ride? What if she’d had an accident? What if he’d accidentally banged her head when he pushed her out the way of the horse, and now she was wondering around confused?

He rushed back to the doors of the citadel, intending to go and search the forest, but as he reached them they began to open. It was Cassandra, he gave a sigh of relief and draped his arms around her pulling her into a hug. Not caring that she stiffened and pulled away quickly. He didn’t know how she had left before him but managed to arrive back later, he didn’t care, he only cared that she was safe.

“Oh, Cassie. I was worried that you’d actually got hurt and we’re out in the woods somewhere.”  
  


“Well, I’m not, I’m fine.”

  
“Thank goodness.” He scratched the back of his head “So..”

“We’re not talking about it.” She said walking passed him. He followed her down the corridor to her room.  
  


“We’re not? Because I’d kind of like to talk about it.”  
  


“I’m tired now Varian. Could you leave?”  
  


“Oh, uh, yes. Okay, So I’ll uh tell the King that nobody was seriously hurt in the incident then.”  
  


“You do that.”  
  


“Have a good rest Cassie.”

She swiftly closed the door refusing to answer him.

She laid down on her bed. There was a little chirp and she saw Pascal was sitting on her bedside table.

“Hey Buddy.”  
  


The chameleon tilted his head to the side.

“It’s okay I’ll get over it.” She said, then she started to sing.

“Guess we all are born with hearts to play,

Some of us are loved and others just fade away.”

In his room Varian sat down at his desk and looked up at a sketch of Cassandra he had pinned to his wall.

_“Maybe I made things a mess,_

_And maybe you don’t even love me,_

_Maybe but nevertheless”  
  
_

“When you have the passion and the love

You expect your happy ending to arrive

I show up with heart a blazing

Ready to believe amazing things,

But Faith was waiting in the wings.”

_“My heart beats so loud_

_Whenever you’re close to me_

_Let me give you a reason to believe_

_I can give you it all”_

“And still I stand here waiting,

Even if it’s somebody else who wins,

Love is never what it seems

So I keep on keeping on,

His love was there but then I blinked and it’s gone”

_“I’ll be more than you dreamed id be,_

_Maybe then you will realize that you really love me and all_

_Maybe then you will realize that you really love me and all_

_Sure, I’ve made lots of mistakes,_

_Somehow, I’ve disappointed you._

_But still though whatever it takes_

_Because I long for that look of surprise when you feel your heart rising for me,_

_That look of surprise when you realize_

_Your heart belongs with me.”_

“And I’ll shed my tears,

But I’ll keep on waiting,

Hope no one hears

I’ll keep on waiting

Love is never what it seems.”

“ _My heart beats so loud_

_Whenever you’re close to me,_

_Let me give you a reason to believe_

_I can give you it all,_

_Let me give you a reason to believe_

_I will give you my all.”_


	6. A Woman's blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one again contains mature themes, in this instance it is about miscarriage. Oh, and sexual situations, not very nice ones.  
>  A much younger (18) and naïve Cassandra at the start of this one.

** Twelve years ago **

Cassandra anxiously took another look at the note she’d received earlier in the day.

_Meet me by the docks_

_Midnight_

He was late, she hoped he hadn’t arrived early and missed her. Her Father had taken longer than usual to go to sleep, but finally she had managed to put on her clock and excitedly sneaked out of her window.

The letter had been a pleasant surprise. She was usually the one to seek him out, he was not the type to come up with plans. She didn’t mind, that’s just how he was. She was proud when she walked around town with him, he was the best looking boy in Corona, broad shouldered and tanned from working on the fishing boats, and he was all hers.

She was pretty sure that he had sent her the letter because he was thinking of doing something special, after all, a few days ago she had told him that she loved him for the first time. He hadn’t said it back. Instead he’d looked at her with a little smile, and he had asked her if she knew what occurred between men and women when they loved each other. He’d answered her confused look with a few words, maidenhood, virginity. She had nodded, though her knowledge in the area was rather vague, she knew about male and female parts and that they go together somehow. He asked her if she would do that for him. She’d been shocked, after all, that sort of thing was reserved for married couples, but then she realized that if he was asking her then he must be thinking of marriage. She had said that she needed time to think.

She had expected to have found him waiting in the docks, she’d expected some kind of romantic gesture. Not that he was big on romantic gestures, he smiled at her in a dazzling way, and walked holding her hand (in the countryside but not in the town) and he kissed her deeply, his tongue searching her mouth. When they were out in the country, with nobody around for miles, his hands, big and calloused held her waist and his fingers snaked through the layers of fabric of her dress, loosening the ribbons until his finger graced over her breasts, toying with her nipples. Those were the things people did when they were in love, weren’t they?

She thought about him at night, sought out his face in a crowd, soaked up every word he ever said to her. Now, here she was, in the middle of the night waiting for him. Ready for him. There was something forbidden and untalked about beyond those kisses they had shared. Something dark and dangerous in the desperate whispers of the nights when they crept out to meet. Cassandra wanted to know what it was, she wanted for one hour, one moment, to not be the sensible, dour, daughter of the Captain of the Guard. Just once, she wanted to let her feelings take charge, she wanted them to run wild, she wanted to feel everything, experience everything that was on offer. But, mostly what she wanted was for him to love her. Men, they desired these moments with women, as hazy as the details were in her mind, she knew that. Maybe if she gave him something other girls wouldn’t until marriage, he’d understand how much he meant to her, how much she loved him.

A shape appeared from out the darkness. Cassandra stood on guard for a moment but then relaxed when she saw it was Duncan. He greeted her by pulling her towards him and kissing her, a big sloppy kiss laced with the taste of beer.

She didn’t get to speak to him, he was content with kissing her, and pushing her against a wall. The hard stones poking into her back, but it was okay, he was always a little clumsy, he was just happy to see her. As he kissed her over and over again, she started to feel that familiar thick hard shaft pushing into her stomach, his manhood, pinned between their bodies as he incessantly pushed his hips towards her.

His hands reached down and pulled her skirts up. Cassandra was a little taken aback and reached out to stop him from pulling them up past her knees.

His big dark eyes meet hers. So intense her stomach flipped.

“You know I love you Cassandra.”

That was exactly what she had been longing to hear. She smiled and let him kiss her again. Let him pull her skirts up till they were around her hips and her bare nether regions felt the coolness of the nights air.

“You’ve had time to think.” He whispered into her ear.

She nodded, she didn’t know if she was scared or excited or some strange mix between the two.

“And?”  
  


She looked up at him and bit her lip. He was staring, waiting for an answer. He meant there and then she realized. it wasn’t the romance she’d expected, but he’d said he loved her, so it would be alright, wouldn’t it? And Cassandra was never one to back down.

“Yes.” She breathed.

He smirked.

“Yes?”  
  


“Yes, we can… make love.”

He grinned triumphantly. Without another word he undid the belt of his trousers and his hardness sprung free. Then it was between her legs, and she felt it rubbing against her, nuzzling into her feminine lips. It felt too dry, and there was a friction, but if this was what men and women did then it wasn’t bad, it wasn’t exactly good to start with, but as he was rubbing he hit something sensitive and it caused a pleasant little thrill to go up her body. Then his hands were on himself and he was fumbling with her, and there was a blunt pressure, pushing, forcing inside of her. It hurt, it took her breath away, and she dug her fingers into Duncan’s shoulder. He grunted, still pushing deeper until his hips were against hers and couldn’t go any further. The worst must be over Cassandra thought to herself, relieved when she felt him pulling out of her. But then he slammed back into her forcing a yelp to leave her mouth.

“You’re hurting me.” She whimpered, her hands tightening on his shoulders, holding him close, seeking comfort even though he was the one causing the pain.

He didn’t seem to hear, he didn’t stop moving, and she squeezed her eyes shut trying not to cry. She wouldn’t cry, she was tougher than that. After a few more rough pushes he groaned and slumped against her. She was relived it was over, she’d not been expecting just how painful it was, at least it had been quick.

As he pulled out of her and she felt like she could breath for the first time in several long minutes. Though several moments later she could feel the warm gush of something run down her legs and realized that his seed was now inside of her.

“You’re a good sport Cassandra.” Duncan said kissing her on the cheek. “I’ve got to get back.”

He walked away, leaving her stood there watching him, feeling a rising dread at the realization of what she’d just done. Slowly, she fixed her skirts, wrapped herself in her cloak and walked back home, feeling a stinging with every step. Her insides feeling like they'd been rubbed with sandpaper, and the place the deepest inside of her felt bruised. There was the smell of him on her, beer, sweat and that tangy earthiness she’d never smelt before but suspected was his seed, something metallic underlying it all. She needed to wash, she felt so unclean, and as she walked, she felt that tingling wetness slowly dripping down the inside of her legs.

At home, she’d cleaned herself as quietly as possible and curled up in bed, hugging her stomach, feeling a light cramping as if her monthly’s were due, though they weren’t for another week. Eventually she slept.

The next morning Cassandra got up early to seek Duncan out. She headed back towards the docks where he’d usually be getting one of the fishing ships ready to take out. As she walked she had time to think. She didn’t know what had happened last night, well, she did, but she hadn’t really been prepared for it. Was that what all women and men did when they were in love? Was that what they did on their wedding nights? The line between maiden and virgin to wife? How did any woman bare it? Maybe there was something wrong with her. She had always been made to believe that the joining between man and woman was joyful, pleasant. Duncan couldn’t have realized how much that he had hurt her, how much she was still hurting. The blood that had been on her skirts when she had got home, and on her bed sheets in the morning. He wouldn’t have done that, people who care about each other don’t hurt each other.

What’s more, is that she knew there was a chance she could become pregnant, and that terrified her. She was desperate to talk to him, find out what would happen if she was. He’d have to marry her, but that’s where they were going anyway. It would all be okay, she told herself, but somewhere inside she knew something was wrong.

At the docks she looked around but couldn’t see Duncan anywhere, she spied another boy that she knew he worked with and went up to talk to him.

“Have you seen Duncan today?”  
  


“Not since last night, but I know that he’s not working today. He’s planning on going up to the castle to have an audience with the king.”  
  


“Oh, Okay. Thank you.”

An audience with the king, she wondered what for. The gates to the castle would open soon, so, she could go and wait for him in the great hall and talk with him after whatever petition he was making. She ran up to the castle and using the back entrances made her way to the great hall where she went to stand next to her Father just as Nigel was opening the doors. Her father smiled down at her, he probably assumed she was just taking an interest in the royal duties, as she had as a child.

Cassandra watched anxiously as the first few people came in and put their problems across to the king. Then, with relief she saw Duncan walking through the doors dress in his Sunday finest. Her heart didn’t do its usual flip that it did when she saw him, instead a strange heaviness settled in her stomach. She was just worried she told herself.

“Ah, Young Duncan isn’t it? What can I do for you today?” King Fredrick asked.

“I came to ask for your blessing to get married.”

Cassandra’s breath caught in her throat. He was going to propose to her? Then it wouldn’t matter too much if she was pregnant, if they got married quickly nobody would realize. Though, if they got married she’d have to do what she did last night with him again, and that bit scared her, but it was better than what would await her if she had a child out of wedlock. So, she would say yes.

As she thought the king was making a small ceremonial speech about the laws of marriage, it was just a part of the tradition of getting the Kings blessing. When he had done, he looked back down at Duncan.

“So, who is your intended?”

“Leigh Edwards.”

  
Her mouth went dry, her stomach flipped in a nauseating manner. It was some kind of joke wasn’t it? But Duncan was looking perfectly serious, and the king was giving his permission. Then as Duncan turned he caught her eye. He must have been able to see the shock and hurt on her face, she felt too much to hid it. He didn’t look away, his mouth raised into a little smirk, and he winked at her, and in that moment she knew it was true. She knew that she’d been an unknowing participant in some kind of game, and he’d won. She couldn't breathe her chest was tight, she went dizzy.

“Cassandra!” She felt her fathers arms around her, holding her up as her legs had given way beneath her.

“Stan, Pete, take over!” He father shouted.

“John, is the girl alright?” The king was asking.

“Just a slight summer fever your Majesty, may I be excused.” Her Father answered for her.  
  


“You’re excused. Rest up Cassandra.”  
  


Cassandra barely took in what was happening, she was hyperventilating, the room spinning, a steady arm across her back was leading her away. Then she was in her Fathers office, she was gently pushed into a chair, a glass of water placed into her hands. She didn’t know just how long she sat there starring at the water glass, but eventually the rush of panic abated, leaving her numb. She looked up into the sympathetic eyes of her father.

“I'm sorry Cassandra, that wasn't right, to be stepping out with somebody else at the same time as you.”

Cassandra couldn’t do anything but nod. Cassandra couldn't tell him just how much she was hurt, because she was so ashamed. She had given herself to Duncan, willingly, without much persuasion, thinking they would be together forever - but no, she was just the good sport, somebody else was too be the bride. Now she was numb, she couldn’t face the fear, the thoughts running through her head. She could be pregnant. Unmarried woman who got pregnant were pushed away, the babies put into orphanages, the mothers into convents (or the less lucky, brothels). Her father would do we he could for her, but there was only so much that could be done. How was this happening to her? One, mistake, a handful of minutes in the night and her life could be destroyed. She could be a pariah for life, and her father, the man who had taken her in and given her everything, he was going to be so disappointed in her.

Duncan didn’t love her, not one little bit. He had never held her hand when they were around other people, never walked close to her in the streets, never introduced her to friends, never went on dates within the town. He hadn’t been avoiding being seen with her exactly, but what had they looked like to other people? Friends? Acquaintances?

“Is there something wrong with me?”  
  


Cassandra’s father sighed and kneeled onto the floor next to her to bring her in for a hug.

“Because the people who are meant to love me just abandon me, my parents, Duncan.”  
  


“No, Cassandra, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

Cassandra was too exhausted to cry, but her body trembled uncontrollably. Her father just held her.

  
“Oh, my little girl. I’m never going to leave you. You are my pride and joy.”

His words just upset her more, if he knew what she was really like he wouldn’t be proud of her.

It was a week later that she woke up to a cramp low in her stomach. She pulled the blankets down off her bed and saw the spots of blood on her sheets. She fell back into her pillow sobbing in relief, she sobbed, and sobbed, for hours letting all the pain and fear from the previous weeks out. At least she wouldn't have his child. When she got up she made a promise to herself that she’d never cry for a man again for as long as she lived. Love? Love just makes you vulnerable and foolish.

The last dredges of Cassandra’s naïve childhood passed away that day. What had hurt the most, was that it had all been so avoidable, now when she looked back she saw how she’d followed him around and it disgusted her. She’d been so desperate for attention, so desperate for affection, so naive. She’d crept out a night, she’d said yes instead of no. She’d accepted it all, no, she’d sought it all out, she’d been excited by the thrill of it all. Naïve silly little girl, she was never going to be that person again. It was time to concentrate on what she wanted from life now that she had almost lost all of her chances. She wanted to be strong, she wanted to be respected, she wanted to be a guard. 

Over the following years she put every last shred of energy into making herself harder. She made her body harder, she made her mind harder, and she made her heart the hardest of all.

** Back to the current. **

Cassandra woke up and startled as she saw big pair of eyes staring back at her.

“Gah!”

  
The little lizard jumped backwards with a squeak.

“Oh, sorry Pascal, you startled me.”  
  


He lifted a flower he had dropped, a white lily.

“That’s for me?” Cassandra said. Truly touched by the gesture.

“Thanks Pascal.” She patted him briefly on the head. “You’re a good friend.”

Pascal chirped and ran off, making his way through a gap in the door.

Owl never brought her flowers, though once he’d left a dead mouse on her pillow, she wasn’t sure if it had been meant as a gift or if he’d just decided he wasn’t hungry halfway through his snack.

She had promised herself she would never cry for a man, but last night she’d let a few tears fall onto her pillow. It wasn’t the same though, Varian had never done anything to hurt her. Varian had not deceived her, he’d not told her lies, and although she sometimes had thought he was flirting, it had always been jokingly. No, It was she who had deceived herself, again. Varian wasn’t to blame, though it was surprising in the weeks they had spent together he’d not mentioned a girlfriend, he had been concentrating on her, her recovery, her needs. Varian was a good friend too her, and she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.

Faith was feminine, she was not. Faith was physically and emotionally delicate, she was not. Faith was a good homemaker material, she was not. If that’s who Varian was dating, then it would make sense that was the type of person he wanted to be with. A feminine woman, ready for marriage, ready for children. That was not the life she wanted. She didn’t want children; she didn’t want every day to be the same. She wanted to keep moving, keep seeing the world, keep solving problems and feeling the gratitude of people. She would never be returning to Corona. Though Rapunzel, Eugene and Varian could forgive her, she didn’t expect everybody else too. She was not going to stay around trying to regain their trust, she didn’t have the skills Varian had used to win back the people. New paths were sometimes easier than ones well-trodden.

So, she had to take her heart and seal it away, like she had done before. She had to remember who she was, who she wanted to be. No man could play a part in that, all they would do was tie her down.

She got up and got herself washed and dressed. Instead of heading to have breakfast with the others she headed directly to the kitchen to hunt down some bread and cheese. She took it into the library, meaning to sit down with some of the old books from the Brotherhood, there had at one time been an impressive warrior culture in the area. After centuries of bad luck, disease and war it seemed the last in that line of warriors – was Eugene and Edmund.

As she swung the door open, she saw her father browsing the books. She smiled.

“Cassandra.”  
  


“ Fascinating aren’t they?” Cassandra said looking at the piles of old books.

“If I had discovered this when I was still Captain.” He sighed. “ Some of the training strategies in here.”  
  


“I know right.”

She held up her plate of cheese and bread.

“I have enough to share.”  
  


They sat down across from each other on the table.

“So, did you think more about King Edmunds offer?”  
  


“No, I have talked to Frank, but we haven’t made up our minds yet. He suggested that we live here whilst your recovering, not hiding anything, and see if we met with any resistance.”  
  


“That seems like a good idea.” She said biting into her bread.

“What about you? Do you know what you’re going to do when your leg gets better?”  
  


“Carry on doing what I was before seeing where the road takes me.”  
  


“Hmm…”  
  


“Why are you surprised?”

“You seem more settled here than I’ve seen you in a very long time.”

“I have to be settled Dad; I can’t walk very far. I need to heal, and I don’t have any choice but to accept that, and to stay here.”

“So, where are you going when you’re fit enough?”  
“I don’t know yet.”  
Her father sighed and Cassandra had a feeling that he was dancing around what he really wanted to say. She put her bread down and stared at him.

“What do you really want to ask Dad?”

“What is you dream Cassandra?”

“Gods! What is it with all you Corona lot and your dreams? It’s always dreams this and dreams that. Don’t you know some of us don’t have dreams? Or what? Do you think I can’t possible feel like a complete person until I’ve found the right career? Or the right man? Settled down and made some snotty nosed children?”

She realized straight away that her emotional outburst was out of order and revealing. Her father knew that she only raised her voice when upset.

Her father was silent.

“I’m sorry, just hit a nerve I guess.”

“What’s upset you Cassandra?”  
  
“Nothing, look, I can be a complete person on my own. I don’t need a dream, or a career, or a husband and Kids.”  
  


“I know that Cassandra.”  
  


“Sometimes it’s like the whole world is looking at me and judging me because I’m not what they expect me to be. It’s like the whole world tells you a woman you can’t be complete without a man.”

“My question Cassandra is, If you feel so complete what is it that you’re looking for?”

“This isn’t about a man. It is about me. It is about the life that I want to lead, and it doesn’t have room for a man in it.

“Hmm…” Her father said going back to eating.

“What?”  
  


“I just think that it is strange that you defended yourself not needing a man three times, when I never once mentioned anything about a man.”

Cassandra gapped at him.

“Now, what shall we read? If we split it up, we can find the useful parts quicker.”

***

They were all stood on the steps of the of the citadel, lined up, wearing there official clothes, even her father had found a helmet. They were welcoming an envoy from the neighbouring kingdom. Edmund and Eugene would be taking them on a tour of the town and Citadel, they would be talking them through their plans and the next day they would be in trade agreement meetings.

The only person missing from the line-up was Varian. Not that Cassandra was really paying any attention to where Varian was…

As she looked around Cassandra caught sight of Rapunzel stood at the top of the stairs. Something was wrong, she was pale and sweating, as she watched Rapunzel licked her lips and gulped. She wanted to go up and ask her what was wrong, but the gondola was just landing and Eugene had taken Rapunzel’s hand and was leading her down the steps to welcome their guests.

Cassandra watched as Rapunzel smiled and made polite conversation, as they turned to walk back into the citadel, she placed her hand over her mouth.

“Excuse me!” Rapunzel shouted, running back into the Citadel.

“Excuse my daughter- In -Law.” Edmund said. “The tail end of a summer flu I think.”

Cassandra was surprised that Eugene hadn’t run after his wife. She was worried and pushed her way through the visitors as Edmund was explaining the mechanics of the gondola’s they had come in on.

“Guess I’ll go see if your wife is okay then.” She whispered to Eugene as she passed him.  
  


“She’s okay” Eugene snapped. “Of course, she’s okay.”

“Jeeze, lighten up Fitzherbert.”

She found Rapunzel halfway down the hallway that led from the main hall to her and Eugene’s bedroom. She was throwing up into a large vase.

Cassandra held her hair back and rubbed her back.

She waited until it seemed like Rapunzel had finished to talk.

“Gosh, Rapunzel, you need to stop eating that bad pork.”

Rapunzel wouldn’t meet her eyes as she wiped her mouth on a handkerchief.

“This is the part where you say, ‘it’s not bad pork Cassandra, I’m pregnant’, and then I say’ Wow! I’m so happy for you’.”

She was still silent.

“I’m happy for you Rapunzel.”

With that Rapunzel broke into tears, not soft silent tears but great big sobs that racked up her body.

Cassandra stared shocked. She had never seen Rapunzel like this. After staring at her for a moment she wrapped her arms around the younger woman and pulled her in close.

“I thought you’d be happy.”

“Please, Cass, don’t tell anyone. Anyone!”

She looked confused; she didn’t know how to handle such raw emotion from her friend. Maybe once she would have but now, she just felt unable to help.

“I’ll go get Eugene.”  
  


“No. “Rapunzel grabbed her arm stopping her.

“No. Not Eugene. Cassie, please I am fine.”  
  


“You are far from fine. Did I get it wrong Rapunzel? Are you actually ill?”  
  


“No, no you didn’t get it wrong.”  
  


“Come on.” Cassandra said putting her arm around her friends back. “Let’s get you somewhere more private.”

  
“The vase.” Rapunzel groaned.

“I’ll wash it out later, come on.”  
  


Cassandra led Rapunzel to her and Eugene’s room, and pulling the sheets back helped Rapunzel into bed and poured her a glass of water from a jug on the dressing table.

She took it gratefully. Cassandra sat on the bed cross legged and waited for her friend to calm down slightly.

“You’re getting some of your colour back.” She said after ten minutes, Rapunzel sniffed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
  


Rapunzel nodded, but didn’t speak.

“You don’t want to be pregnant?”  
  


“No, no, I do. I do want it. It’s just a lot.”  
  


“I can imagine, well, I can’t, but I’m listening.”

Rapunzel looked down into her lap, she seemed to be still struggling with what to say. So, Cassandra thought of questions to ask her.

“Why don’t you want anybody to know? Is it because you wanted to tell your parents in person? I bet they would be excited.”

“My parents would be excited; they would be so excited to have a baby that they can watch grow up properly. They missed so much with me.” Tears started to run down Rapunzel’s face again.

“Eugene snapped at me when I asked him if he was going to come, and you don’t want to see him. Are you two fighting? Does he know you’re pregnant?”

  
“He knows, and we’re not fighting exactly. It’s just… he doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m worried, I keep thinking that something might be wrong, but he won’t listen to me. He won’t talk to me about it, any time I mention the pregnancy, he just walks away.”

Cassandra reached out and took her hand.

“Why do you think something wrongs Rapunzel?”  
  


“Because of last time.”

“Last time?” Cassandra parroted for a moment confused, then the reality of what she had said settled in.

“Oh Raps.” She pulled the other woman closer. Her heart was aching for her friend.

“I am so sorry.”  
  


“I’m so scared Cass. This is around the same time that it went wrong last time, and I can’t tell anybody because of how disappointed and upset they were last time when I lost the baby. Eugene won’t talk about it; he thinks I’m worrying for no reason. I’m so scared, and so alone Cassandra. “

“Oh Raps, you’re not alone.”

“I know that Eugene was devested last time, but he dousn’t feel the way that I feel. He can’t feel the way I feel, he’s a man, he dousn’t feel the blame that I feel.”

“Blame? Rapunzel, you are not to blame for anything.”  
  


“But what if I am? What if I did too much? Or ate something I shouldn’t have? Or what if I just can’t carry a child and this just happens again and again? It terrifies me Cass.”  
  


“Eugene should be listening to you about all this Rapunzel. He should be there for you.”

  
“I think he’s scared too Cass. Whenever I mention it, he just brushes it off, he dousn’t really want to hear it. I don’t know what’s on his mind because he won’t tell me even when I ask. Cassie, I have never felt so distant from him, what if he does think it’s my fault? What if when he realizes that I can’t have a child he leaves me?”

  
“That’s not going to happen Rapunzel. He loves you. He still loves you, and you’re not going to lose this child. Just because you lost one doesn’t have to mean that you will lose another.” Cassandra pulled her into a hug.

“Thank you, Cassandra. I’m so glad that you’re here, I’m so glad I can finally talk to somebody.”

“I love you Raps. Everything is going to be Okay, but you have every right to be scared.”

“You wouldn’t be. You’re braver than I am Cassandra, you don’t know what it is too be so scared.”  
  


“No, I don’t, because I’ve never had a reason to be as scared as you are. Rapunzel, I’d rather fight a war than face childbirth.”

She sniffed.

“I love you too. You know that don’t you Cass?”

  
“Yes, I do. Now, why do not you shut your eyes, you look exhausted.”

She held her friend until she felt her drift into a restless sleep.

Cassandra crept out of the room; she was heading to clean out the vase when she saw Eugene walking up the corridor. She felt an anger rising, how dare he treat Rapunzel like he was? How dare he ignore her when she was throwing up? How dare he leave her to handle all of this on her own?

“Fitzherberjerk!”

  
“Is she sleeping?” Eugene answered.

“No thanks to you.”

Eugene stopped and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Do we have a problem?”  
  


“You bet we do. Why weren’t you with your wife?”  
  


“I had responsibilities to carry out.”  
  


“You have a responsibility to your wife! I know that she is coming up to the point int her pregnancy when she miscarried last time. Do you know how scared she is?”

As she talked, she saw something steely enter Eugene’s eyes, his jaw clenched.

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“So why aren’t you comforting her? Why are you ignoring her? Do you think it’s her fault that she lost the other baby?”

“Of course I don’t.” Eugene shouted.

“Then why aren’t you with her?” Cassandra shouted back.

“I don’t how this is any of your business Cassandra.”  
  


“My friend is hurting; she’s scared Eugene and I don’t think you’re being there for her in the way that you should be.”  
  


“Oh, and what would you know about being there for Rapunzel?” Eugene snapped. “You think you can just swan in after five years and play at being best friends again? Do you know she wrote to you Cass? After it happened, she wanted to see you, but you weren’t there, were you? You think you can lecture me? Why don’t you just disappear again Cassandra? Before she gets it in her head that she can rely on you being here. Just leave! It’s what you do best!”  
  


He stormed off.

Cassandra was fuming as she watched him leave. How dare he? She might not have been there for Rapunzel before, but she was trying to be there for her now. She wasn’t the one who was being a jerk. As she turned a corner she ran into Varian, she jumped back and saw him stood there frowning at her with his arms crossed.

“We need to talk.”  
  


“Not now Varian.” She said trying to walk past.

“Yes now.”  


“Look, it was nothing. It was stupid, a rush of adrenaline in the moment kind of thing. It meant nothing; we don’t have to spend hours dissecting it because I am not Rapunzel.”  
  


He looked confused for a moment and then his eyes widened as he realized what she had been referring too.

“That’s not what I wanted to talk about.”  
  


“Then what?”  
  


“Eugene and Rapunzel.”

Cassandra folded her arms and stared him down.

“What you just said to Eugene was out of order.”

“You heard all that?”  
  


“You shouldn’t interfere with them Cassandra.”  
  


“You don’t know what’s going on.”  
  


“Of course I know.”  
  


“How do you know?”  
  


“Cousins, team Awesome, Eugene comes and sits in my lab sometimes. Tells me the things that are bothering him.” Varian took a deep breath. “He is probably just as scared as Rapunzel you know.”  
  


“I doubt that.”  
  


“Cassie, they might seem at odds with each other right now, but they’ll be able to work it out without interference. They always do, but attacking a person like that when they’re terrified isn’t going to do anybody any good.”  
  


“You didn’t see how coldly he acted to her.”  
  


“And have you ever seen him act coldly to her before?”  
  


“No, that’s the point.”  
  


“That is the point Cassandra! When has Eugene ever acted coldly to Rapunzel? If he’s acting that way, then it must be because he’s upset.”  
  


“She needs her husband.”  
  


“I know she does!”  
  


Why were they shouting at each other?

“You have no idea.” He said shaking his head. “You weren’t there.”  
  


“Oh why don’t you tell me then.”

Cassandra snapped refusing to look at him, feeling the accusations of Eugene’s words again – she hadn’t been there, Rapunzel had tried to contact her, but she had allowed herself to be unreachable.

“This past winter Rapunzel found out she was pregnant, everybody knew. I mean, everybody, it was Corona’s worst kept secret. Eugene and Rapunzel, they were just so overjoyed that it was like nothing could contain it. They were like newlyweds again, every time they went out they were holding hands, and grinning, and laughing with each other.” Varian paused hesitating before he continued.

“We were all at a state dinner one night, and Rapunzel stood to give a toast, and everybody could see a patch of blood growing on her dress. Eugene and I rushed her out of the room, the Queen rode out for the best doctor in Corona, but it was too late, there was nothing anybody could do. Eugene, he was broken. He couldn’t do anything to save the child, he couldn’t do anything to make things better for Rapunzel, within weeks everybody within the kingdom had heard the story of what had happened, so many people had seen it. There had been no official announcement of the pregnancy, it would have been too soon, so luckily no official announcement had to be made that the baby had been miscarried, but as the rumours spread the city started to realize there wasn’t going to be the new Prince or Princess that they had all been expecting. There was nothing Eugene could do to stop the glances of pity or the hushed whispers that followed Rapunzel around for months, everywhere she went. He felt completely helpless Cassandra, completely helpless to stop the woman he loved from hurting.”

Varian’s voice cracked slightly as he said the last words. In some small way he could understand the helplessness, as he’d watched Cassandra when she’d had her leg operated on he’d felt the same way, he had wished he could do anything to take the pain away. Yet that had been short lived pain, whereas Rapunzel would always remember the child she had lost.

As Cassandra listened she started to feel guilty, and foolish, she had not stopped to think about what Eugene felt. He was a man, these were women’s problems, except they weren’t, because it had been his child too. Cassandra had seen Rapunzel as the injured party, seen it all in black and white, but there was more than one injured party, and more shades of grey than she had realized.

“Maybe I did jump in when I shouldn’t have.”

“Cassandra, they’re both scared.” Varian said more softly seeing he was getting through to her. “They just don’t know how to say those fears out aloud to each other. They will, at some point, I have faith in them. They’re the strongest couple I’ve ever met.”

  
“I know.” Cassandra stared at the floor. She knew she had really screwed up. “I should apologise.”

“Yes, you should.”  
  


“I just, I’ve never seen Rapunzel like that, and I just hated that she was going through everything on her own. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t with her, calming her down.”

“He still feels hopeless, he probably dousn’t know how to make her feel better.”  
  


She sighed.

“I’ve really screwed up again, haven’t I?”

Varian nodded.

“He didn’t mean it when he said you should leave. He was just angry. He’s happy you’re here, I know he is.”

“I’ll go apologize. Do you think he’ll forgive me?”  
  
“Perhaps give it a few days, let him calm down.”  
  


Cassandra nodded in agreement. She’d been gone for a long time, Varian understood her friends better than she did now. Varina knew how to help them, she only knew how to make things worse it seemed.

“I owe you an apology to. “

Varian’s eyes widened.

“I'm sorry about what happened in town, Varian.”

He stared at her, unspeaking.

“I wasn't lying when I said that I'm grateful to you, and you didn’t deserve me to act so coldly towards you yesterday. I just … was confused, but I know it was just gratefulness now. Please do not think it was anything more, and do not feel awkward about it with Faith. It was nothing and it was in no way your fault.”

Now he really looked confused.

“What's Faith got to do with anything?”

“I just didn't want you to feel guilty, because you did nothing wrong, it was all me.”

“Ok... But.. Faith?”

“Your girlfriend.”

“Oh, no, Cassie, me and Faith aren’t together anymore. We were, but we broke up, in the spring, before coming here.”

“Oh.” Cassandra’s heart leapt in her chest, but she tried to ignore it. It didn’t change anything, she wasn’t his type, he didn’t fit in with her life plan. It was as simple as that, even if her heart wasn’t in agreement with her head.

Varian stepped forwards and took her by the shoulders tilting his head to look down at her.

“Cassandra, I don't want things to be awkward between us. I care about you Cassandra.”

She shook his hands off.

“Well, I'd like to put all this behind us and stay friends. If you can forgive me.”

“Forgive? Cassie I...” He struggled. “Yes, I forgive you.” He finally said.

They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, both feeling drained from arguing, both feeling as if something important had not been said.

Varian opened his arms to her. Cassandra hesitated, she told herself that he only wanted to hug her to show her that all was forgiven. She stepped forwards and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her a little too tight, for a little too long. He let her go with a sad smile.

“I guess now I just have to apologize to everyone else.”

“They’ll get over it.”  
  


“I have a pile of sick to clean up.”

Varian wrinkled his nose.

“Unless you want to help me out as my co- lady in waiting?”  
  


“Noooo...” Varian said holding his hands in the air. “I have to.. to.. do important stuff.”  
  


“Important stuff?” Cassandra said raising her eyebrow.

“Yep, I have to uh.. explain the city plans to our guests. See ya!” He said rushing off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter will be mainly cute Cassarian moments again! (When I get round to writing it after my week off…)


	7. Thirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings except for dead animals and drunken play fighting.  
> Oh, the song is She by Elvis Costello

Cassandra had apologized, and if he were honest, Eugene couldn't stay mad at her, he knew she was just trying to stand up for Rapunzel. In her own over the top headstrong fiery way. Besides, that night as he had sat on the side of his bed, knowing his wife was pretending to be asleep so as not to talk to him, he realised just how much damage his fear was doing to their relationship. It was not like saying it out loud was going to make it happen, Rapunzel was a few feet away from him, but in terms of emotionally, they might have well of been miles apart.

"Rapunzel." He said softly. "I'm scared too, I just keep wondering if there's something wrong with me, weak seed you know. " He sighed; he heard his wife turn towards him, but he didn't think he'd be able to carry on if he looked at her. "Or, if I would have noticed something before, if I'd gone for the doctor instead of your mother, maybe there would have been time to stop it all.

“There wouldn't have been”

“I know everyone said that but... there are so many what ifs.” There is just so much pressure, what happens to Corona, what happens to this Kingdom we're building if there’s no clear line of succession? I've read the history books; I know that these kinds of situations can end in war. I didn't want to talk about the possibility that there could be something wrong with one of us, I didn't want to think about if we lost this child too. He, she, our child, probably would have been born by now, I should be holding him right now.”

He felt a hand on his, and finally he was able to look up into the tear-filled eyes of his wife.

“I am so sorry.” He said letting the tears finally flow from his eyes. “I am so sorry that I've not been here for you.”

Rapunzel wrapped her arms around him. 

“I'm so sorry I can't make everything right or promise that everything will be fine. Rapunzel, I don't know how to make things right again.”

“This is enough, you’re talking to me Eugene, you’re letting me in, things will be alright as long as we stay together.” She reached up and held his face in her hands wiping the tears with her thumb. “I can't do this without you.”

“I'm here now, I promise, I'll be here now.”

She kissed his lips gently 

“I love you so much Eugene.”

“Oh, Sunshine, I love you more than you ever know.” He placed his hand on her growing stomach.

“I love this one too, my little sunray. I am going to be here for the both of you, from now on, I promise.”

So, here he was riding with Cassandra on the way back from town. He had been surprised when she’d asked to ride out with him, but she’d explained that she felt it was time that they worked on understanding each other better.

“Why did Rapunzel make you pick up a ton of lemons anyways?” Cassandra asked looking at the sack that was attached to his saddle.

“Uh… Guess she wanted Lemons… pregnancy cravings?” Eugene lied.

“She dousn’t usually like lemons, but I guess women like different thing’s when they’re pregnant. Maybe I can get the kitchen to make us all lemonade, or lemon posset, I love lemons.”  
  


“Makes sense, they’re sour, you’re sour. Oh, wait, we’re meant to be being nice to each other now.”

  
“It’s Okay, that was almost clever, if you were a five-year-old.” She wrinkled her nose. “What’s that smell?”

“Hey, It’s a new cologne. Apparently, it’s all the rage in Italy.”  
  


“No, not that, fresh blood.” She looked around.

“Oh, over there, look. It’s just a dead racoon.”

There was a rustling in the leaves in front of them, a wolf leapt out and growled, making the horses rear up.

“Wow, wow, calm down Max.” Eugene said patting his neck. He turned to Cassandra to see if she was okay, but all he saw was a flash of her travelling cloak as she dashed into the woods following the wolf.

“Cass!”  
  


“It’s chasing something.”

Eugene sighed and jumped down.

“Cass, let it have its dinner.” He ran into a clearing to see Cassandra facing off with the wolf, her sword drawn, the wolf growling.

Eugene quickly scooped to the floor and grabbed a handful of rocks. He threw them at the wolf, it turned on him, gave a growl, then thought better of it and ran away back into the woods.

“Seriously, Cass. Why couldn’t you just let it have its meal? It is the way of the world, wolves eat rabbits.”  
  


“He was just being greedy. He had already killed something to eat, why continue to hunt? Besides, it isn’t a rabbit.” She turned to the tree she was stood next to and bent down, looking closely at something. Eugene walked over to kneel beside her and saw what she had been protecting. It was a tiny baby Racoon, curled into the tree, trembling with fear.

“It’s Okay little guy.” Cassandra said. Reaching a handout for the animal to sniff. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

The tiny raccoon kit shuffled slightly closer to her and sniffed the proffered hand. As he moved, he kept a paw lifted off the ground in a limp.

“Eugene, he’s hurt.”

Eugene sighed. He had a whole list of things to do from Rapunzel, none of which included animal rescue, but it was orphaned, and hurt, and looked too young to be on its own. There wasn’t really any choice but to help it.

“Do you think you can catch him?”  
  


Cassandra took her cloak off, darted her hand out quickly catching the kit around the stomach as it tried to run away.

“It’s okay little fellow, I know somebody who’s good at fixing up legs, and he has an unusual affinity for raccoons.”

They headed back to the citadel with the little bundle held securely in Cassandra’s lap. At the Citadel they both headed down to Varian’s lab. Varian welcomed them by running up to the stairs with his arms flung wide as if trying to hide something behind him, which Eugene reminded himself was exactly what he was doing. It was not just Rapunzel who had been planning something for that night.

“Hey, she’s not meant to be here. Wait, what’s that?” Varian said looking at the little nose that was poking out between Cassandra’s arms, sniffing the air curiously.

“It’s a Raccoon. You did live with one for three years.” Eugene said.

“What’s it doing here?”  
  


“I think his leg’s broken.” Cassandra said.

“Her leg.” Varian looked over his shoulder.” Okay, bring her in, I’ll see if there’s anything I can do.”

Varian went to the table and started to clear off some of the items on it. The largest and most noticeable being a sphere, about two foot in diameter that was covered in cut pieces of mirror.

“A ball if mirrors?” Cassandra said, looking at the strange object.

Varian hesitated.

“It's uh... to refract light in...”

“Tunnels? Eugene suggested

“Yep, yep, tunnels.” Varian picked the ball up gently and moved it to a shelf. “Put her down here.” He said.

Eugene watched as Cassandra put the little kit on the table. It looked up at them with wide eyes and tried to back away.

“Shush. It’s okay.” Varian said reaching his hand out to gently touch the trembling animal and pick up its front paw.

“I think you’re right; it’s broken. Let’s splint it, and make her a little den for her to feel safe in. She needs to rest and have food, and hopefully she’ll be fine in a few weeks. Eugene, on the shelf behind you there’s different lengths of wood. Would you find one about this length?” Varian said indicating with his fingers what length he was looking for.

Eugene spent a few moments riffling thought the box of thin lengths of wood. He found one he felt was short enough and passed it into Cassandra’s outstretched hand. Varian was waiting with bandages.

“Hold it for me, so I can wrap it.” Varian said to Cassandra. As Cassandra held the wood to the little animal’s leg Varian shook his head. “No like this.” Varian reached out and wrapped his fingers around hers, their eyes met over the table. Eugene noticed that Cassandra had started blushing.

“Sorry.” Uttered Varian as he started to wrap the bandages around the kits leg.

Eugene thought it was odd that he apologised for just touching her fingers when he had seen him with his fingers literally inside her leg, and had helped him set up strange tubes from his body hers for his blood to pass into her. He shuddered at the memory.

“Done.”

“What do we call her?” Eugene asked.

“How about Racoon?”

“As imaginative as ever Cassandra.”

“How about Pen? Short for Penthesilea.” Varian suggested.

Eugene watched as Cassandra and Varian’s eyes met over the table again, a slow smile crept onto Cassandra’s face.

“Like the legendary warrior queen?”

“I thought you'd like it.”

”I love it.”

“And I'm going to just call her Pen, because I can't pronounce Penthe whatever you said.”

Eugene realised that nobody had heard him, he might as well have not been there. The way that Varian and Cassandra were smiling at each other over the little animal, it was as if nobody else was in the room. It was like… he took a step back and watched them, realization slowly dawning on him.

“You know she is kind of cute.” Cassandra said.

“She's just a baby, I wonder where her mother is.”

“We found her being chased by a wolf, but just before I saw a fresh carcass in the woods. “

“Oh.” Varian said sadly. “It's okay little one, I'll look after you. We'll be best buddies, okay?” The racoon tilted its head into his hand, nuzzling at his fingers.

“She trusts you.”

“Hmm.”

There was an awkward silence as they stared at each other. Eugene knew exactly what that look said, and it was time for him to leave, because Eugene knew he was the third wheel here. The looks that were being passed between the two of them, those were the looks of two lovers so caught up in each other that they might as well be in another dimension to everybody else on the planet. For Varian and Cass, nobody else existed.

“Well, if you've got her all sorted, I'll just leave you too it.” Eugene said backing out of the room.

“I’ll uh, come too.” Cassandra said.

“You don't have to go.” Varian said, and Eugene knew it wasn’t aimed at him.

“I’m meeting with my Dad soon. You’ll look after Pen?”  
  


“Of course, I’ve got a box and some blankets, she’ll be very comfortable.”

Cassandra followed Eugene up the stairs. He turned to her once they were alone.

“So, Varian huh?”  
  


Cassandra stopped walking and glowered at him. Well, the nice Cassandra was not going to stick around for ever.

“Varian what?”

  
“Nothing, forget I said anything.”

Cassandra shot him an annoyed look before storming off.

Could it be that the ice woman was melting a bit? Eugene knew that Varian had had a crush on Cassandra when he had been a teenager, but honestly, what he’d just saw, it was full blown lust, and not just one sided either. He doubted they had any idea of how obvious it seemed. He had to wonder just how far it had already gone. That blush, that was either something that hadn’t gone very far, the blush of people who liked each other but hadn’t admitted it, or it was the blush of two lovers scared of being caught. One thing was for sure, it wouldn’t be long before everybody else started to notice that there was something between Cassandra and Varian.

***

Cassandra managed to meet her Father in the library at the time that they had arranged, despite the morning drama. She gave a wide smile when she saw the picnic he and Kevin had laid out on the table, sure it was a weird place to eat, but Cassandra was trying to keep a low profile on this particular day. Mainly because this particular day was Cassandra’s thirtieth birthday.

She didn’t like birthdays, these days she didn’t really like to be the centre of attention, but this one felt a little bit worse than most, because despite it being just an arbitrary mark Cassandra was no longer young. She could feel it, nobody thirty was ever really described as young, and then there was the question of what had she achieved at this age? What mark of success did she have? What had she built? If she died on this day what would there be in the world to show that she had once inhabited it? She didn’t have a husband and kids, but she didn’t really care about that. She didn’t have a career, in the past she had wanted that. She didn’t have a home, she was basically a nomad. She had a horse and an owl, though sometimes she thought it was more a case that they had her. Looking back over her thirty years, she had to wonder what she had to show for her life. True, it turned out she had three books written about her, but they weren’t exactly close to the truth.

She need to escape the feelings of failure that were accompanying the day. So, to try and avoid depressing ruminations she had taken control of her day, she was going to have the perfect, low key day, and she wasn’t going to think about her lack of achievements, her spent youth, or the young man down in the lab. No, today she went for a ride on Fidella, and she would have a small lunch with her father and Kevin, and they would look through books, and talk, and enjoy each others company as a small, unusual little family unit. It was perfect.

“What’s for lunch?” She said with a smile.

The afternoon sun was low in the sky when Cassandra’s reading was interrupted by Sophia arriving in the library. Her and Cassandra’s father shared a conspiring look.

"It's time.” She said.

Cassandra looked suspiciously at her father, she had told him she wanted no fuss. She had hoped that none of her friends would remember it was her birthday what with trade agreements and pregnancies to think of, but there was definitely something going on.

“Time for what?”

“To get ready for dinner.”

“Rapunzel is planning something isn't she?”

“I'm not saying anything.” Her father answered.

“Kevin?”  
  


“Sorry.” He shook his head. “I told them you didn’t want a fuss, but I was outvoted.”

Cassandra sighed and followed Sophia out of the room.

“Varian has prepared the shower for you miss, and the Princess said you can have whatever dress you choose. How about the red one? A certain young scientist could not take his eyes off you in that one.”

“Uh, no, that's okay, just any old thing.”

“But the red is lovely miss.”

“I don't need to impress anybody Sophia.”

“So which dress miss?”

Cassandra sighed; she didn’t know Rapunzel’s wardrobe in the way she had when she was her maid in waiting.

“Okay, the red one.”

Cassandra enjoyed spending time in the shower again, the water washing away all her thoughts and worries along with her aches. When she had got dried she went back to her room, surprised to see that Sophia had got changed into a stunning satin emerald gown, long and flowing and belted around the middle.

“You look wonderful.” Cassandra said. “Are you a guest tonight?”  
  


“Yes Miss.”  
  


“Cass.” Cassandra corrected her, not for the first time. She was genuinely fond of the older woman who had helped her through her recovery, even though she knew that at times she had not been too nice to her. “I’m glad that Rapunzel invited you, it’ll be nice to socialise properly as peers.”  
  


“It wasn’t Rapunzel, Miss, Cass, it was King Edmund.”  
  


“Oh, is he involved in this as well?”

“I don’t think so, I think he just thought to invite me.”  
  


“Well, I’m still glad.”

Sophia helped her get into the red dress and fussed around with her hair. She even managed to

persuade her to let her put a little red lipstick and dark eye powder on. Cassandra had never really been one for makeup, but Sophia always put her at ease whilst helping her get dressed, and that was partly why she allowed her to fuss over her a little, the other reason was that it was just easier not to argue with the woman.

She did stop her as she was fastening the cassandrium necklace around her neck though.

“Not the gold chain?”

“No miss, I think this is perfect for tonight, and flat silk shoes, I don’t think somebody who wears boots as much as you do should dance in heels, you might do yourself an injury.”  
  


Cassandra caught the word dance, she had been assuming that Rapunzel was making them all sit down for dinner for her birthday, but the mentioning of dancing made it sound like it could be more than that.

“Sophia, I don't like surprises.”

“Then you’re going to have a bad night Miss.”

“They're throwing a surprise party aren’t they?”

“I'm not saying anything Miss, now, you’re perfect. Let’s get going to the hall.”

As Cassandra walked into the great hall she gasped.

“Surprise!”

Rapunzel and Eugene were stood in the middle of the room smiling at her, but it was not them that made her gasp. Nor was it the table at the side of the room laid out with food, was that lemon posset? Or the bundled together band in the corner. It was the lights, the little dots of light that filled the room spinning around it, she looked up and saw the big mirror ball, surrounded by candles suspended from the rafters. It was beautiful, it was magical, it was Varian.

She looked around for him, but she couldn’t see him. Everybody else was there, the Brotherhood, the King, Sophia, her father, and Kevin, but no Varian.

“Surprise?” Rapunzel said unsure walking up towards her. She gave her a smile.

“Yep, you got me. This, this is wonderful Rapunzel, you didn’t have to do any of this.”  
  


“Of course I did, thirty, that’s big, and we have to make up for the fact that you haven’t celebrated a birthday in years.”  
  


“Thank you, really, Rapunzel.”  
  


“We have your favourite, Lemon posset, and it turns out that the camp had formed a little band, this is their first time playing together, the only thing we didn’t have was a piano player but Varian is going to do that.”  
  


She looked back over to the small group of people in the corner holding their instruments. There, behind a grand piano was sat Varian, like her he was in the same waistcoat and shirt he had been in when they had a welcoming dinner for her father. Her heart jumped, she meet his eyes and smiled.

“Thank you. “She mouthed.

***

She was beautiful, so beautiful. Varian had seen Cassandra wear that red dress before, but she had been ill on that day, he’d never realised how ill until he saw her now. She had gained weight, in a good way, she had a little colour in her cheeks. She was just perfect, those long thick curls that ran down her back, the line of her neck as it ran down to that familiar purple necklace. She was wearing his gift, tonight, at her birthday party. He wanted so badly for that to mean something.

He watched her as she stared up at the mirror ball, the lights sparkling across her skin. She was looking around, a part of him hoped that she was looking for him. She met his eyes, a warm smile spread across her face and his heart leapt. She was saying something, but he couldn’t work out what. Maybe he would get a chance to ask her later.

King Edmunds voice boomed throughout the hall.

“Let’s have a song.”  
  


Varian took a deep breath and looked over at the band, they had meet a couple of times in the week and had discussed a few songs they could play, they weren’t perfect, but it had been a surprise to find that a band had been forming in the camp. It made him happy that they could come and play together, to give Cassandra a memory of this day with her friends after everything that she had been through. He managed to tear his eyes away from her and started to play. He tried to concentrate on the music, but his eyes kept wondering to Cassandra, talking with people sitting at the table, watching Eugene and Rapunzel dance. He watched her lean over and talk to Kevin, the smiles that passed between them. Varian finished up the tune to a round of applause. Eugene came over and sat next to him.

“Hey.” He said breathlessly. “She’s beautiful tonight.”  
  


“Hmm.” Varina looked up at him. “Rapunzel? Yes, she’s glowing.”  
  


“Varian, if you were actually looking at my wife with the expression you just had on your face I would be duty to bound, as her husband, to punch you.”  
  


“I don’t know what expression you’re talking about.”  
  


“Oh, you mean, not the one that looks like a mixture of the first time a kid sees the sea and a starving man looking at a roast duck, with just a sprinkle of abandoned puppy around the edges.”  
  


“Nope, no idea. You and Rapunzel look happy together tonight.” Varian said trying to deflect the questions.

“We are, we just lost our way a bit.” Eugene looked over at his wife, and Varian saw an expression on his face that he had seen many times before, it was obvious he was still absolutely in love with his wife. “You know, even pregnant I still can’t keep up with her.”

“Nobody can keep up with her.”

“You know I never learnt to play.” Eugene said indicating the piano. “I mean, it’s not like there were music lessons in the orphanage, but I’ve been in a castle with loads of instruments and I’ve never bothered to learn. Maybe I should.”  
  


“My mother taught me.”  
  


“And Horace’s mother taught her.”

They both jumped, Edmund had come up behind them. For a large man, he sure was stealthy.

“Really?” Eugene asked.

“Yes, on this very piano, it was my wedding present to her. You both sat here together, it’s like looking into the past. They would both have been glad that you two found each other.”

Varian looked down at the keys of the piano, he could remember so vividly sitting on his mother’s knee watching her nimble fingers dance across the keys. The scent of lavender which she used to perfume her clothes, the sunlight hitting her red hair. Moments of such comfort, such relaxed happiness, and she had once been sat here at this piano with Eugene’s mother, her cousin. He could never know who she was in those days, the days when she and her father had first met, the days before she was his mother, but here in front of him, was a tiny piece of that.

He looked over at Eugene, he seemed to understand, and he put his hand on the younger man’s shoulder.

“I’m glad too.”  
  


Varian smiled in response.

“We should play the next song.”

Adira was walking over to them.

“I found the music in the library.” She held the music sheets out, Varian took them, confused.

“You want me to play this?”  
  


“It dousn’t need a piano, but perhaps you can persuade the others to play it.”  
  


“I could.”  
  


“Adira.” Edmund said with a warning tone in his voice.

“What’s the matter Dad?” Eugene asked.

“Hector and I were trying to convince your father to sing.”

“You sing Dad?”  
  


“Not anymore.”

“Wait, what does this say at the top ‘wedding day? “Eugene said taking the music sheet of Varian and looking at it.   
  


Edmund sighed.

“If you must know it is a song I wrote for your mother, I sung it on our wedding day.”  
  


“It was a beautiful song, I considered crying, but I’d never actually cried before and I wasn’t sure how, so I didn’t.” Adira said.  
  


“Will you sing it Dad? I would really like to hear it.”  
  


Edmund sighed and looked over his shoulder at something. Varian tried to peer over his shoulder but couldn’t work out what, or who, he was looking at as everybody had crowded around the table.

“Okay.” He said. “It’s about time I said a proper goodbye.”  
  


“Goodbye?”  
  


“Oh, did I say that out loud?”

Adira and Edmund went to talk to the rest of the band leaving Varian and Eugene sat alone watching the party going on around them. When Varian looked at them all gathered together he realized that they were a very odd bundle of people, but they were his bundle of people, and on this night, he wouldn’t change a single one of them. The band had started up again, playing a little dancing tune. He watched as Rapunzel dragged a reluctant Cass onto the dance floor and started spinning around with her.

“Guess the morning sickness is over.” Varian said.

“Nah, she’s totally going to regret that. You know, now that you’re not playing for the next couple of songs, perhaps you should go dance. Maybe with the birthday girl?”

“You know, I think I will.” Varian said. He took a deep breath, pulled his waist coat down and walked across the (makeshift) dancefloor. Rapunzel met his eyes, and she let go of Cassandra’s arm just in time for Varian to jump in and hook his arm through hers spinning with her. Cassandra looked taken aback. The music stopped. They stared at each other.

“Hey.”  
  


“Hi Varian.”  
  


“Happy Birthday, I uh, left your gift in my lab.” It was true, he hadn’t wanted to lose it whilst playing and was going to wait to the end of the night to give it to her.  
  


“You didn’t have to get me anything. Thank you for the…” She pointed up at the mirror ball.

Before he could answer he heard the music start up again, the soft strains of a violin, something slow and romantic. Cassandra looked around awkwardly and took a few steps towards the side of the room as if she were going to go sit down. He caught her hand.

“Come on Cassie, let’s see what that leg can do.”

Edwards stood in front of the band and started singing as Cassie took a step towards Varian and let him place a hand on her waist, pulling her close. He slowly began to lead her round the dance floor.

_“She may be the face I can't forget  
The trace of pleasure or regret  
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay  
She may be the song that summer sings  
Maybe the chill that autumn brings  
Maybe a hundred different things  
Within the measure of a day”_

She was warming up to the dance, muscles relaxing beneath his hands, moving more fluidly. His eyes never left hers, and although she had started the dance looking down at their feet she now looked up and met his eyes.

_“She may be the beauty or the beast  
May be the famine or the feast  
May turn each day into a Heaven or a Hell  
She may be the mirror of my dreams  
A smile reflected in a stream  
She may not be what she may seem  
Inside her shell”_

Her eyes had not left him, they shined in the candlelight. He spun her round quickly and the dipped her. She burst out into a laugh, her hand firm on his back. When he brought her back up she held him closer.

_“She, who always seems so happy in a crowd  
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud  
No one's allowed to see them when they cry  
She may be the love that cannot hope to last  
May come to me from shadows in the past  
That I remember 'till the day I die”_

How could it be that she was so much more beautiful than his fantasies of her? Those pale voluptuous Cassandra's who came to him in the night, perhaps it was because they were ghostly images, and here was a real woman, with an intoxicating scent, the feel of her below his hands, the sounds she made, little gasps, and laughs. The reality of her possessed more perfection than the perfection of a dream. If any philosopher had asked him - is there something beyond perfection, he could answer 'Yes, Cassandra'.

_“She maybe the reason I survive  
The why and wherefore I'm alive  
The one I'll care for through the rough in many years_

_Me, I'll take her laughter her tears  
And make them all my souvenirs  
For where she goes I've got to be  
The meaning of my life is  
She, she  
Oh, she”_

As the song drew close to an end he dipped her again. She was laughing her head tilted back, hair almost touching the floor. He pulled her up slowly, closer, and closer to him, her eyes gleamed with laughter, her lips were so red, so full, he could remember what those lips felt like against his. He leaned his head down, her breath mixing with his, an inch away from her. Her eyes met his and slowly closed, her head tilted, her lips parted, she was going to let him kiss her. In that moment she was his, and nothing else existed. Except, then a hand pushed on his chest and Cassandra was twisting away from him, leaving him feeling bereft.

"Kevin.” Cassandra said, walking quickly towards her father partner. “We haven’t danced yet.”

Varian felt a heavy disappointment take over him. He knew people had seen, he tried not to blush in dejected embarrassment as he headed back passed the band, passing Eugene hugging his father, and Rapunzel munching on a sandwich. He was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw Cassandra’s father.

"She’ll never take a husband, she's always said that, so either you’re being foolish, or you’re looking for an indecent relationship.”

He brushed his hand off.

“I have no interest in hurting Cassandra”. He turned his back on the Captain, letting him know the conversation was over.

He made his way outside hoping for a bit of fresh air and a chance to clear his thoughts. He knew what he’d seen, Cassandra had enjoyed dancing with him, she had been relaxed with him, she was going to accept his kiss, he just knew it, so why did she push him away?

His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet sob. He looked around, puzzled. He saw a shadow sitting behind one of the bushes and wearily went to have a look.

“Sophia?”

The older woman jumped when she saw him and straightened herself up, wiping her eyes.

“You looked good in there.” She said nonchalant.  
  


“Are you Okay?”

“Just realizing that I’m competing with a dead woman. It dousn’t matter Varian, my life here is good, I have no reason to be upset.”

“I’m glad to hear that, but, do you mean Edmund?” He answered confused by her remark.

She squeezed his shoulder.   
  


“Don’t worry about it, concentrate on your own heart.”  
  


“Is it that obvious?”  
  


“Oh, Hunny, yes.”

He sighed.

“What is it?”  
  


“Well, if it’s that obvious to everybody else, it must be obvious to her, and if it’s obvious to her and she keeps pushing away from me then… well, I’ve got my answer.”  


She shook her head.

“I think that something more complicated is happening in that girls head. She’s a hard one to get a read on.”  
  


“Yes, she is.”  
  


“Sophia?” King Edmunds voice echoed around the gardens.

Sophia waved Varian away.  
  


“Give me a minute alone with him?”

“Of course.” Varian said heading back into the castle. He didn’t know what was going on with Sophia and the King, but his head felt a little clearer. He just had to try and get through the night with a smile on his face, eat some food, play some songs. He may be disappointed, his chest might be aching with unspent emotion, but he needed to play his part, he needed to make the night special for Cassandra, she deserved a special night.

Eugene caught up with him as he headed back to sit at the piano.   
  


“Are you Okay?”

“Fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”  
  


“I just thought I saw a slight altercation between you and our dear ex-captain.”  
  


“He just dousn’t like me that’s all.”  
  


“Ah, well, that’s Okay. Rapunzel’s Dad didn’t like me when we first met either, in fact he sentenced me to death. We laugh about it now though.”  
  


“Do you?” Varian asked sceptically.  
  


“Well… no, it’s really not that funny.”  
  


“Well, I promised these guys I’d play some tunes so…” Varian said.

“I’ll leave you alone then.”  


Varian nodded. He looked down at the piano, he just needed to concentrate on the music. The band started playing a song he knew, and he dutifully began playing along in time with them.

***

Cassandra tossed and turned in bed, her leg was aching but that wasn’t the thing keeping her awake. He was. The warmth and hardness of his body against hers when they had stopped dancing. It wasn’t that Cassandra had never had an interest in men, that wasn’t it at all. She had had her teenage crushes followed by dates, followed by well… she hadn’t even known what all the fuss was about for a few minutes of stinging and huffing and puffing followed by weeks waiting for a bled to make sure you weren’t pregnant. True, she’d only tried it once, but honestly, she’d never had a desire to try again. Except, when Varian held her close, their bodies moving together as they had both panted, his eyes had meet her and for a second she felt something pass between them. There was a hunger there, in him as well as her, she was sure about it. Varian, part of him was still the awkward teenage boy that she had left, loyal and compassionate and so smart. But he was now a young man, he had a gravity about him, he was wiser and more confident. He was tall, and had beautifully shaped forearms and cheekbones and a pout and his hair was floppy and…

Stop It Cassandra!

The life she had chosen, the life of constant movement, trying to find herself and her redemption, that was not a lifestyle that was open to a relationship. If it wasn’t for her damned leg she would leave, but as it was she wouldn’t get far. She expected if she left before her leg was fully healed then her friends would hunt her down and drag her back.

She finally managed to get to sleep only to be plagued with a familiar nightmare.

_Varian was in a cage, a cage shaped like grasping hands. His eyes bore into hers, not afraid, not pleading, just accepting. She didn't want to do this, but she couldn't control herself. Her hands grasped the sword at her back, unhooking it. She wanted to scream, to be outside of her own body, to grab her own hands and to stop what was happening, but nothing could be done. She watched through her own eyes the huge blade of the sword as it sunk into Varian's chest. Saw his eyes widen, heard his last breath rattle out in a gasp. Felt his long fingers grasping at her, the touch burning through her armour. The blue eyes turned dull, the expression slack, the taught muscles relaxed, and his body fell._

" _I'm not like you, I choose this."_

"Varian!"

She woke up drenched in sweat looking around her, it was still the dead of night, she couldn’t have been asleep for long. She gave up on sleep and got out of bed. Her leg felt stiff, she felt the need to walk, see if it would help ease the cramping muscles. Or at least help clear her head of thoughts of Varian.

She took a lantern and followed the river; she had walked out the previous day and found a small pool. It was only a ten minutes’ walk from he citadel doors, so if her leg ended up giving out she would still be able to drag herself back home.

When she arrived at the pool she discovered she wasn’t alone. Her hand reached for her dagger but then she saw a part of the black hair light up blue, almost glowing. She stepped into his lamplight. Just her luck, the person she was trying to get out her head was waiting for her here.

“Guess I’m not the only one having trouble sleeping?” She said.

“I like being near running water when I can’t sleep.”  
  


“It is calming.”

She went and sat a few feet away from him.

“Is It your leg?” He asked.

Cassandra nodded; it didn’t need words.

He took a flask that she only just noticed on the ground before him and leaned over to hand it to her. As he did so his hair stripe flashed electric blue again in the moonlight.

Cassandra jumped back startled, knowing it was the exact colour her hair had been when…

“Cassie?” Varian asked somewhere between concerned and curious.

“Your hair, it’s a different colour.”  
  


Varian gave a nervous laugh.

“Oh, yeah, that. It’s umm, it does that in the moonlight.”  
  


Cassandra stared at him waiting for him to continue. After all the trouble the moonstone had caused she felt she was owed more of an explanation.

Varian sighed and flicked the lid of the flask taking a deep drink. He then offered it to Cassandra again with an awkward little smile.

Cassandra wearily took it and took a deep drink, before coughing slightly.

“Wow, you like the hard stuff hey?”  
  


“In moderation.” He said. “When I can’t sleep.”  
  


“The hair?” She insisted.

“Cassie, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now, but I just didn’t know how to say it. Okay, here goes, I am the personification of the earth stone.”

Cassandra stared at him trying to take in what he said.

“Earth stone?”  
  


“The moonstone and Sundrop were separated into three parts, and I am the third part, the earth stone.”

She stared at him, open mouthed. Then he let out a loud laugh.

“Your face!”  
  


“Wait, what?”  
  


“I’m joking.”  
  


“You don’t have powers?”  
  


“No I don’t have powers. The hair just has less colour in it, it’s a mallen streak, it catches the light sometimes. I got you good.”  
  


“I can’t believe you would joke about that, it’s really not funny.”  
  


“It is from where I’m sitting.”  
  


“I hate you right now.”  
  


“Oh, Eugene’s right you can’t take a joke.”  
  


“And now you die.”  


“Wait, what AHH!”

Cassandra dived at Varian knocking him into the water. He came up sputtering and frowning at her.

“Now who can’t take a joke?”

“That wasn’t a joke, that was an attempted drowning.”  
  


“The look on your face.” She parroted back at him taking another big gulp of the whiskey.

“Hey, easy. That’s got a kick you know.”  
  


“You were the one who was sitting by a pool drinking it in the wee hours of the morning. No powers?” She said, just to confirm it. The idea that Varian could have some kind of cosmic force around him made her very uneasy even if it was just for a second.

“No, now will you help me out of here.”  
  


Cassandra gave him a hand and hurled him upwards, he rolled over on the grass.

“Too answer your question, it’s just a birth mark, no powers have ever made themselves known. Though with the amount of time my Dad spent around that stone I’ve always been careful never to say any of those incantations out loud, just in case.”  
  


“You don’t want power?”  
  


“I have power.”

Cassandra looked him up and down, the water was making his clothes cling to his body.

“Well, I guess you have really filled out, and you look quite strong in that sinewy hidden muscles type way, but I could still take you.”  
  


He gave a mischievous smirk.

“I’d like to see you try someday.”

Cassandra took another quick gulp of the whiskey trying not to think about the insinuations in that sentence.

“Okay, I’m taking that now.” Varian said reaching out to take it from her. “No, I don’t have any longings for power, well, knowledge which is a type of power. And, yes, I’m strong enough to cart around loads of heavy metal equipment but I was more talking about the fact that I can make a bomb powerful enough to destroy half a city.”  
  


“Oh, that.” Cassandra said awkwardly. The hair strip was glowing again as he was tilting his head in thought and Cassandra wandered if it was the same texture as the rest of his hair, and before she knew it her fingers had reached up and touched the sodden hair, it felt silky and smooth under her fingers.

Varian met her eyes, with a look of confusion. She quickly pulled her fingers away, she cursed herself and the whiskey that was quickly taking a hold of her inhibitions and making her limbs feel heavy and light at the same time.

“Pondweed.” She said.

“Pardon?”  


“I was just moving some pond weed from your hair.”

“We should get back.” Varian said getting up and wiping himself down, trying to remove more non-existent bits of weed. “It’s chilly, well, at least now I’m soaked through it is.”

“Okay.” Cassandra said.

He offered his hand help her up, as she took it, they both felt a slight jolt at the touch of each other’s skin but there was an unspoken agreement to ignore it. Cassandra shrugged her cloak off and handed it to him, she didn’t want him to get cold. They walked in an awkward silence for a while, hearing the sludge of Varian’s wet boots with each step.

“So why can’t you sleep?” Cassandra asked to try and fill the silence.

“Just thinking.”  
  


“Thinking?”  
  


Varian took a deep breath.

“That I may not go back to Corona. I mean, obviously I’ll go back next summer to set up the hot water systems, but I’d come back here, to live, permanently.”  
  


“You’re leaving Corona. “Cassandra said in shock.

“I’m thinking about it.”  
  


“But you’re the royal engineer.”  
  


“I know, that’s why I’m hesitating. Rapunzel and Eugene come to me for so many things.”  
  


“Then why are you thinking of leaving?”  
  


“Because I have put years into making Corona the most advanced kingdom in the world. I’ve put everything I have into it. But I’ve done it all to gain redemption in the eyes of the people.”  
  


“Do you think they’ve forgiven you.”  
  


“It took time, but yes, I think they have. They say hello to me in the street, welcome me into their houses for drinks when I’m working outside in the heat. They ask questions about what I’m doing, and seem grateful for the news technologies. Plus, they threw me a ‘greatest royal engineer ball’ just before we left.”  
  


“They’re always celebrating things.”  
  


“I know, it was a bit awkward to be the focus of all that attention. All the girls my age were making a special effort to dance with me because it was in my honour.”  
  


“I’m sure that’s the reason.” Cassandra said, but Varian didn’t seem to catch her sarcasm. “Then why leave?”  
  


“I’ve realized the reason I feel the need to work so hard for them is because I haven’t forgiven myself yet, and I think that it’s time that I did. “  
  


“How do you do that?” Cassandra said, the words ringing home to her.

“I honestly don’t know, but I think the first step is to know that you’re ready to forgive yourself, then go from there.”  
  


“And you want to move because you don’t think that you’ll be able to forgive yourself whilst living in Corona?”  
  


“Every day I’m surrounded by people that I love, but that I hurt. Every time they ask me to do something I drop everything and rush to do it, and I don’t mean big things that they really need help with, I mean making a light up yoyo because Rapunzel wants to call it a hayhay.”  
  


Cassandra laughed.

“I mean, I stopped the apple harvest, burnt my dinner and missed two nights of sleep trying to make that for her.”  
  


“You don’t have to try so hard to please Rapunzel.”  
  


“I know that, I do. She’s my friend, and anytime that she really needs me, I’m going to be there in a flash, but I think I need to move on. Not to start over, because I still have my friends and a place to return to if I need it, but just to see what else I can do, and who I can be on my own. I think the redemption Citadel is the perfect place for that.”

Cassandra looked up at the looming gates they were approaching.

“Now, tell me something, don’t think I didn’t catch you were being sarcastic back there. Do you think the girls had alternative motives for dancing with me?”  
  


“I think, you have a good job, you have the ear of the King and Queen and you’re you know…. So they probably see you as a catch.”  
  


“I’m you know?”  
  


“Don’t make me say it.”  
  


“I’m going to have to insist milady.”  
  


“Fine, you’re not bad looking.”  
  


“Not bad looking hey.” Varian said posing with his arm leaning against the doorframe and his lips pouting and eyebrow up in what was supposed to be a facsimile of Eugene’s smoulder. He probably meant it as a joke, but it showed of the lines of his body from his hip straight up to his ribs where his chest filled out in a broad way and he looked better than Eugene could ever hope to look (at least in Cassandra’s eyes.

“Don’t let it get to your head. “ Cassandra said strolling past him and doubling her pace to get back to her room. She slammed the door and tried not to think of all the girls back at Corona fawning over him, because she was happy for him, not jealous, not one bit, not in the slightest… well maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are wondering what's going on with Edmund and Sophia, I have written an Edmund Sophia romance that's a sister fic to this one, it's called A Second Chance, I will upload it on here soon I'm just working out the best way to do so because it was written on Wattpad it's got very brief chapters and I don't know whether to just put it all together as one or to let them be brief.


	8. Mothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope this chapter fits, It was never in the original plan for the story, but when I came up with the idea I wanted to add it to give Cassandra a chance to show her growth as a character.
> 
> By the way I have just realised that for some reason I’ve called the Captains partner Kevin a few times when it’s meant to be Frank. I have no idea why I had the mind slip, but I will go back and correct it.
> 
> P.S. I’m going a little OU here with saying that the brotherhood were aware of the sunstone for a long time, as I think Adira was unaware of it until she met Rapunzel, though it does seem like Quirin knew, so It’s hard to say.
> 
> Warning for swearing dubious consent and suicide.

Cassandra washed and got dressed in the new clothes that Rapunzel had given her as a birthday present. Well-made trousers and tunics of the sort she had always favoured, she took the leather belt that Frank had made her, and secured the dagger that had been her fathers present into the connected sheath. She turned to look at herself in the mirror, she looked like herself again, it felt good. Her leg had scarred over now, and although she had moments when it ached, or her muscles trembled, but she felt it was time for her to get strong again. Time to work out, time to push herself to get better, but first, she had to go and find Varian.

She heard from a maid that he was out in the town, so she spent the morning doing some gentle stretches, testing how far she could push her leg. She had lunch and went back around to see if she could find Varian. He wasn’t in his room, or his lab, but she found him in the library, sat at the table leaning over a huge book.

“What are you reading?”  
  


Varian jumped, he slammed the book shut and picked it up hugging it to his chest.

“Cassandra!”  
  


“Varian?” She said puzzled at his reaction. “Are you okay?”  
  


“Yes.” He said quickly.

“I just wanted to apologize for last night.”  
  


“Last night?”  
  


“Pushing you in the creek.”

“Oh right. No problem.”  
  


“You didn’t get hurt did you?”  
  


“No.” He sneezed. “Well, maybe I got a bit of a cold.”  
  


“I’m sorry.”

He was still tense , still holding the book close to his chest.

“Varian, what’s going on?”  
  


Varian sighed, he looked away from her.  
  


“I was going to tell you; I was trying to verify things with more research.”  
  


“Why are you acting so strangely? What are you researching?”  
  


Varian sighed, He looked down nervously at the ancient looking book. He opened it and turned a few pages before holding it out for Cassandra to see.

“Rapunzel?” Cassandra asked confused. Varian had opened the book to a picture of a girl, a slight girl with shoulder length blonde hair and big green eyes, but if it was Rapunzel then the hair was wrong. It was longer than that by the time she was an adolescent like the girl pictured. Plus, the book looked old, it’s pages yellow, it’s cover made of some kind of animal skin, cracked and flaking. Why would there be a picture of Rapunzel in such an old book?

“Well, one of her ancestors.”

“Oh. So, what is the deal? Why are you holding that book like it’s about to explode?”

“Because it’s about your mother.”

Cassandra was shocked at the answer, she stared unable to respond. A book, about her mother, a link to the woman she had few memories of.

“The brotherhood was supposed to protect the moonstone, and part of that was to keep an eye on the Sundrop. Which means that they knew about your mother for centuries, but as your mother never had any intentions on the moonstone, only interested in the healing power of the sundrop they just watched her.”  
  


“The brotherhood was watching my mother?”  
  


“For centuries.”  
  


“And what’s the girl got to do with it?”

“I’m not really sure if you want to know this.”  
  


“Why not?”  
  


“Because it’s pretty fucked up. Your mother was an ill woman long before she kidnapped Rapunzel.”

When Cassandra had first found out about her mother she would have taken any piece of information that she was given. She wanted to know more about her destiny, where she came from, why she was abandoned. Now she understood two things, the first, that the truth can hurt, the second that who she came from didn’t have to determine who she became.

Cassandra reached out, Varian went to hand her the book, but his eyes widened as she grasped his hand instead.

“I want to know.”  
  


Varian nodded wordlessly.

“But, perhaps it’s best if I don’t read that. Will you explain the short version to me?”  
  


Varian took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair.

“Jeez Cass, I’m not sure if I could explain it properly.”  
  


“Will you sit with me then?”  
  


Varian nodded.

“Let’s go to your room.”

Cassandra nodded, perhaps it was best for this to be done in private. She and Varian went to her room where they both sat on her bed, the book between them. It took a few moments for Varian to start talking.

“The book starts sometime after Gothel has found the flower. Most of the book is just filled with repeated reports along the lines of Gothel continues to use flower, Gothel shows no interest in moonstone. It seems to go on that way for a couple of hundred years. It’s the first chapter that’s the interesting bit, it explains a lot about Gothel, and why she was so damaged.”  
  


Cassandra just nodded.

“Does it have my birth in it?”  
  


“No, it stops a few hundred years ago, which means that there is likely to be a second volume. But, Cassandra, Edmund tried to disband the brotherhood and close of the dark kingdom a few years before you were born.”  
  


“But, it was only a few years before I was born. So if somebody was following my mother at that point then one of the brotherhood might know something about what Gothel was doing at that point. They might know if I had a father, well I know I had a father, but if it was somebody that Gothel actually loved or if I was just some kind of…”  
  


“Cassie. Whatever turns up, you are more than this. This history, it’s not you.”  
  


“I know that now Varian. I’m not my mother, and I’m not whoever she slept with either. I have a father who loves me, I have friends, I am worth more than she ever thought I was.”  
  


“I’m glad to hear you say that Cassie.” He handed her over the book.

Taking a deep breath she started to read.

_Gothel had a daughter, who as she grew up was rumoured to be the most beautiful in the land. Gothel doted on her and tried to protect her from all contact from the outside world as she wanted to keep the child’s affections all to herself. The child grew up in the caverns beneath her cottage, but one day the girl eager to see the outside world escaped through one of the tunnels and out into the outside world._

Cassandra took a deep breath.

“The picture is her daughter?”

“Yes.”  
  


“Who looked like Rapunzel, and who she also kept locked up, but not because of any powers, but because she loved her too much to share her with the world?”  
  


“To share her with a man.” Varian said. “Your mother had somewhat strange views on men, I think that she and her daughter were abandoned, there seems to be hints that that was the case. Keep reading.”  
  


_In the forest Gothel’s daughter, Cecilia, ran into an injured horseman. Taking him back to the cottage she bound his wounds and gave him water. When Gothel arrived she was outraged, but before she could exact her wrath the king’s guards arrived at the cottage as the injured man was the prince of the kingdom._

“Oh.” Cassandra said, realizing which way the book was heading.

Varian put his hand in her knee and gave her a concerned look.

_Though Gothel forbid Cecilia to ever see the Prince again the two had fallen in love._

“What is it with people falling in love within hours of first meeting each other?”  


Varian gave a shrug.

_The Prince found the entrance into the hidden tunnels, he visited Cecilia often during the nights until Cecilia became with child. Fearing her mother’s anger Cecilia fled to the castle where she and the Prince married quickly and in secret._

_Gothel was furious, but her fury would not be enacted right away, instead she waited and her fury grew. She had at this point came to process many a magical object. Her obsession with everlasting life having started many years before her discovery of the Sundrop. She spent years perfecting her magic and planning._

_Finally, her plans complete, she reached out to her daughter, asking her forgiveness for her behaviour. Being kind of heart Cecilia allowed her mother to travel to see her in the castle where she had become as a beloved daughter to the king and queen and a beloved princess to the people. Gothel begged her to join her in using the sundrops powers to live forever, but the girl refused with the words “I do not wish to live forever, although this world is wonderful and I am loved, there are also many shadows within this world, and I fear that I would become jaded if I lived more than one lifetime. The longer you live mother, the more of your humanity you will lose.”_

_Gothel was angered by not being able to claim her daughter back. She returned to her cottage as if she had given in, but she had no intentions of giving up her claim on Cecilia. She was merely waiting for her daughter to reach middle age, believing that the girls fading beauty would convince her to use the sundrops power. For a second time she went to the castle and begged her daughter to use the Sundrop. Again her daughter refused._

_“Am I to watch you grow old and die!” Gothel shouted at her daughter. “You could live forever by my side, forever young, forever beautiful.”  
  
_

_“I would rather live my one lifetime on the outside with my husband and children than a thousand lifetimes in the world you have created mother.” Cecilia replied._

_Gothel tried beseeching her again._

_“Your children will outgrow your use; you will watch them leave your home and travel far away, your daughters sold to men in the name of the kingdoms peace, your sons sent to fight and die in the name of the kingdoms wars. Your husband’s eyes will start to wander, as you are growing old, and he is a king who could have any young and pretty girl he desires.”_

_“He loves only me.” Cecilia asserted._

_Gothel was banished from the castle, told never to cross their threshold again._

_Now a great darkness entered Gothels heart, and she took to the caverns beneath her cottage mining for ores and growing the fungi that can poison. Now in appearance through the sundrops magic she was younger than her daughter, but whereas her daughter was fair she was dark, and where her daughter was slight she was voluptuous. She had attracted many a young man’s attention, but she knew that the Prince now turned King of Corona had always despised her. So she brewed the strongest potion for the raising of lust that she could and crept a third and final time into the castle. It is not known how she drugged the Prince, but he came under her power at a time when she knew her daughter would discover them._

“What?” Cassandra said, not quite believing what she was reading. “This can’t be true.”  
  


“I don’t know if it is, or isn’t Cassandra, I only know that it makes sense that the Brotherhood would have an interest in her.”  
  


Cassandra shut the book and strode across the small room restlessly.

“I can’t read it.”  
  


Varian nodded understandingly.

“Tell me how it ends.”  
  


Varian looked down at the floor.

“Your mother seduced the king.”  
  


“Her daughters husband?” Cassandra said incredulously.  
  


“Yes.”  
  


“Why?”  
  


Varian shrugged.

“Desperation, I think she was desperate to stay young forever, but that came at the cost of watching the one person she actually loved growing old and dying. The King fell pray to Gothel’s potions, and he bedded her. She had organised it to be in a time and place where she knew they would be caught by her daughter. Cecilia was devastated. She ran to the top of the tallest tower in the castle. “ Varian took a deep breath and closed his eyes as if not wanting to say the next words. “And she threw herself out of the window.”  
  


Cassandra couldn’t do anything but stare open mothed.

This book was centuries old, these people long dead and forgotten. But Cecilia was her sister, and her mother had forced her husband into betraying her with magic, and driven her into suicide.

“She had children.”  
  


Varian nodded.

“Most were adults by the time she died. It is remarkable that Rapunzel looks so much like Cecilia, but sometimes features come out generations down the line. I make this to be from about six centuries ago, so that would be around twenty four generations ago, if you take a generation to be about twenty-five years, though they used to have children earlier, so maybe closer to thirty generations, I’m sure there’s a family tree somewhere.”  
  


“You’re saying that Rapunzel is descended from Cecilia?”  
  


“The kings of Corona are an unbroken line.”  
  


“What is Rapunzel to me, if Cecilia was my sister?”  
  


“It would make you her great, great, great- add a couple of dozen of greats in there, aunt.”  
  


“And what happened to Gothel after that?”  
  


“She goes insane, she spends years tormenting the descendants of the king.”  
  


“But they were her grandchildren.”  
  


“She seemed only to care that they were the children of the king that she hated, not that they were the children of the daughter she loved.”  
  


“She lived centuries; did she have any other children?”  
  


“Uh, a couple, but it seemed that she was never as obsessed with them as her first child. It sounds like they hated her, they always left her during their teens, most to never be seen again by the person recording the history.”  
  


“So she only ever cared for Cecilia?”  
  


“It’s as her daughter said, as time went on she really did seem to lose her humanity.”  
  


“Do you think that’s why she chose Rapunzel over me? Because she looked like the daughter she actually loved?”  
  


“I think on that night when she took her she was desperate, and maybe she did feel something for Rapunzel because she looked like Cecilia, but from what I’ve heard from Rapunzel she was only ever interested in using her hair. It’s equally as likely that she actually hated Rapunzel because she was another of the kings descendants.”  
  


“History repeated itself.”  
  


“What?”  
  


“She locked Rapunzel away like she locked her first daughter away, but she couldn’t keep the outside away from either of them forever, it all ended with somebody plummeting from a tower.”  
  


“Yes, well, at least she decided to stab Eugene rather than seduce him. I mean, she learnt her lesson in that one I suppose. Sorry, I shouldn’t joke about it, I was just trying to break the tension.”  
  


“No, that’s okay. I was always trying to get a grasp on who my mother was. I thought that maybe the sundrops power had affected her over the years, but this is right at the start and even then she was crazy, and processive, and mean.”  
  


“However wrong what she did was, she did act out of love, which meant that at one point she was capable of love. It is possible she loved you too Cassandra, in her own way.”  
  


“Perhaps.” Cassandra said rubbing her arms.

“Remember what you said, she dousn’t define who you are. You have a father who loves you.” He took her hand, “friends who love you.”  
  


“Thank you for telling me this Varian, I know it wasn’t easy.”  
  


“Do you want to be alone now?”  
  


“No, no, I don’t.”  


They sat together in silence as the day turned to night, Varian just holding her hand as she cried for the siblings that had long passed and the darkness of the world she had been brought into. As Cassandra’s eyes became heavy with tiredness and tears, Varian pulled her into his arms and laid down with her. She didn’t argue or pull away, she felt comforted by him. Her fingers threading through his, holding his hands, knowing that they were the hands that had put her back together again when she was injured. His arms firmly around her were the same arms that had supported her when she was relearning to walk, they would now streaky her until her emotions abated. Soft words were spoken into her ear as she fell asleep.

“It’s alright Cassandra, you’re nothing like her. You’re wonderful.”

_Varian was in a cage, a cage shaped like grasping hands. His eyes bore into hers, not afraid, not pleading, just accepting. She didn't want to do this, but she couldn't control herself. Her hands grasped the sword at her back, unhooking it. She wanted to scream, to be outside of her own body, to grab her own hands and to stop what was happening, but nothing could be done. She watched through her own eyes the huge blade of the sword as it sunk into Varian's chest. Saw his eyes widen, heard his last breath rattle out in a gasp. Felt his long fingers grasping at her, the touch burning through her armour. The blue eyes turned dull, the expression slack, the taught muscles relaxed, and his body fell._

" _I'm not like you, I choose this."_

“Varian!”

She jerked awake, sitting up bolt right, she looked around the room. He was here, he had been holding her, but now she was all alone. She wrapped her arms around her legs holding herself together as her body shook. It was all a dream, just because he wasn’t here now didn’t mean that he was dead. He would be down in his lab, or in his room sleeping. She convinced herself not to go check on him. Though she wanted to.

***

Varian lay holding Cassandra in his arms, watching her face relax into sleep. She was so perfect, so very perfect. He hadn’t known what to expect when he had discovered the book about her mother, he hadn’t known how Cassandra would take the new information. When she had first found out that Gothel was her mother all those years ago it had led her down a dark path, but she had changed now. He had maybe expected quiet seething anger, perhaps confusion, denial, but the tears, those were unexpected. He had never seen Cassandra cry except when she had been in great pain, and even then she had been very drunk. Cassandra was not the type of woman who cried easily. He wasn’t sure what she was crying for, what part of the story had upset her the most, but he knew that she was showing him a great deal of trust letting him see her like that. Letting him hold her like this, her beautiful skin incandescent in the moonlight, he could just lay like this forever, counting each and every one of her thick lashes as they lay closed against her cheeks. She let out a loud snore. Varian stifled a laugh. She was still perfect.

As he looked at her an uncomfortable idea was starting to form in Varian’s head. One that whispered in the back of his mind making his blood start to freeze in his veins. The brotherhood had always known about Gothel, his father was a member of the brotherhood. He could write a letter to his father, but the reply could take months to come back, but maybe there was somebody in the citadel who could put his mind to rest. Even though Cassandra was fast asleep it was not actually late, he doubted anybody else would be in bed. He needed an answer, and he needed it now, because as he stared at Cassandra, he knew he would do anything in the world to claim her for his own. The one thing that he would let get in the way of that… well, he needed to know. Regretting it already he carefully moved Cassandra off of his chest and laid her gently on the pillow. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek wondering if he had just given up his only chance of holding her through the night, but if there was any chance… even the smallest chance… then even this small intimacy wouldn’t be right. He cursed his brain for making the connection and prayed to the gods that he didn’t believe in that he was wrong.

He walked through the darkened hallways and up the winding spiral steps of the tower as the clock struck ten. It might be too late, he thought to himself, but when he knocked there was a gruff answer.

“Your Majesty.” He said stepping into the firelit room.  
  


“Ah, young Varian. What brings you to my study?”  
  


“I‘ve been studying the books in the library, and I found that the brotherhood was following Gothel.”  
  


“Gothel? Why does that name ring a bell?”  
  


“She had the Sundrop for hundreds of years, and she kidnapped your daughter in law as a baby.” Varian reminded him, Edmund’s mind had the habit of slipping occasionally, a product of his years of isolation.  
  


“Oh yes, the brotherhood kept an eye on her to make sure that she did not try to get the moonstone, wielding both would have been catastrophic, as I’m sure you can recall from the battle with Zhan Tiri.”  
  


“I was just wondering if you know if anybody was following Gothel after you sent averybody away from the Dark Kingdom?”  
  


“They continued with some of their work. Somebody might have checked in on her occasionally.”  
  


“My father?”  
  


“He wasn’t in Corona at that time.”  
  


“Are you sure?” Varian asked desperately.

“He wrote me often in those early days. He was not in Corona, they settled in Corona when your mother became pregnant with you. That was a few years after Rapunzel’s kidnapping, yes?”  
  


“So, he wasn’t the one who followed Gothel?”  
  


“No, if I recall, it was Adira.”  
  


“So Cassandra’s father isn’t a member of the brotherhood?”  
  


Edmund suddenly started laughing.

“He thinks the woman that he’s in love with is his sister.”  
  


“Shush, shush.” Varian said raising his hands up. “What do you mean, I am not in love with Cassandra.” It was a lie, but he wasn’t really ready to tell the whole world, not when Cassie could go from almost kissing him to almost drowning him within a couple of hours.   
  


“Then why are you worried that she’s your sister?”  
  


“I’m not, I was just making sure.”  
  


“Oh, because you want to do things with her you wouldn’t want to do with your sister?”  
  


“Yes, No, shut up! Urgh sorry.”  
  


Edmund just looked at him bemused.

“It is so good to have people around the citadel again. I forgot how fun young people are with their romances.”

“Am I meant to answer that, or...”  
  


Edmund looked at him for a second as if he had no idea what he was talking about.  
  


“Dad! It is ten you need to get some sleep! Oh, hello Varian.” Eugene said walking into the room.

“What are you two…”  
  


“Your Dad is weird.” Varian said heading out the door.

“Ha! Yeah.” Eugene said laughing fondly.  
  


“He was scared he was in love with his sister.” Edmund explained.

“Varian dousn’t have a sister. Are you feeling alright?”  
  


“Yes, better every day.”

*** 

The next evening Cassandra knocked on the door to Eugene and Rapunzel’s door.

“Raps?” She asked poking her head around the corner. She saw Rapunzel sat in bed with her notebook.  
  


“Come in.”

“Are you okay? It’s early to be in bed.”  


Rapunzel groaned and threw herself back into her pillows.

“I’m just so tired all the time.”  
  


“You’re probably not getting enough to eat.” Cassandra said.

“I eat all the time though.”  
  


“But how much of it do you throw up?” Cassandra pointed out.

“Urgh, don’t even. I never knew a person could throw up so much.”  
  


“Just keep on drinking water, I don’t want you to get dehydrated.”  
  


Rapunzel lifted up a glass from the bedside table.

“Eugene tells me to drink about twenty times a day, I would find it annoying if he wasn’t being so sweet. Now, you didn’t just come to check up on me did you?”  
  


“I wanted you to tell me about mother.”  
  


“Oh, okay.” She said gently. “Well, her favourite colour was red, she liked soup because she said you never put on weight eating soup.”  
  


“No, I didn’t mean stuff like that. I meant, tell me a time she was kind. You were with her for eighteen years, tell me that just one time she was kind to you, that somewhere inside of her she was capable of kindness.”

Rapunzel looked thoughtful.

“It’s hard these days when I think about my past. I find it hard to separate which of Gothel’s behaviours to me were just an attempt to control me, and which were real. But yes, she was kind, more than once. Not often, but she was capable of kindness.”

The princess’s eyes grew watery.

“Oh, sorry.” She said wiping them. “I’m so emotional at the moment.”

“Do you actually miss her?”  
  


“No, not as such. But I still feel bad about her dying. I never meant for that to happen Cass.”  
  


“I know. We don’t have to speak about her if you’re not up to it.”  
  


“I am, I want to.” She grabbed her hand. “I think we’ve waited too long to talk about this.”

Cassandra smiled gratefully at her, she felt so much warmth for this girl, her best friend, the person who would never give up on her.

Rapunzel was the descendant of Cassandra’s sister, and with so many generations passed that could mean nothing, but for Cassandra who had never meet a person she shared a single drop of blood with since her mother abandoned her, that one single drop of blood that they had left in common meant everything.

She didn’t tell Rapunzel of their shared ancestor, she would one day, but for now she just wanted to listen to Rapunzel recollections. They talked for hours, the recollections of their childhoods turned to fond memories they had shared in Corona, watching Pascal’s latest impressions, and sneaking into the kitchens to find cupcakes.

When Eugene walked in he saw the two women asleep on the bed. He smiled fondly and pulled the covers up around his wife, placing a small kiss on her forehead, he got a comforter and laid it over Cassandra and then went to find a spare bedroom with clean bedding.

***

Cassandra was awoken by a loud gasp. She looked around trying to figure out where she was. Her eyes alighted on her friend beside her. Rapunzel was awake and sitting up, her eyes wide in panic.

“There’s something wrong.” She said meeting Cassandra’s eyes.  
  


“What? Wrong?” Casandra asked still half asleep. Then she saw Rapunzel’s hands grasping at the small swell of her belly. She felt a sinking feeling.

“Oh, oh. I’ll get the Doctor.” Cassandra said jumping from the bed and trying to kick her brain into functioning properly. She was going to need her wits around her.  
  


“No, no, get Varian.” Rapunzel said grabbing her hand.  
  


“Varian? Rapunzel, Varian is not a midwife.”  
  


“Please, you can call the doctor later. Just now, I can’t face it Cass.”  
  


“Okay, Okay. Just, rest, try not to panic. I’m going to go get him.”  
  


Cassandra ran through the dark corridors, it was pitch black and she felt disorientated, but she had to find the way for her friend. When she reached the hall she was relieved to see that there was a lantern still lit. She took it and continued running, her feet now surer of where they were going. She was heading for his bedroom, but as she passed the stairs down to his lab, she hesitated. Varian kept unusual hours, perhaps he was still up. She pushed the door and took a few steps, seeing a light at the bottom.

Varian was at his desk, his face mask on as he smouldered two pieces of metal together.   
  
“Varian, Rapunzel needs you.”

Varian looked up, she could not see his face behind the mask, but he turned off the smouldering iron and set the pieces of metal he was fusing down. He took the mask off and looked at Cassandra, reading everything in her face.

“Okay.” He said, his jaw clenching.

Varian followed her back along the hallways to Rapunzel’s room, though Cassandra rushed Varian walked steadily behind her, his measured steps echoing through the hallway. When they got to her room Rapunzel was sat on the bed eyes filled with panic.

“What are you feeling?” Varian asked kneeling on the floor in front of Rapunzel and taking her hand.

“Something keeps happening, it’s like a thud. I don’t know how to describe it.”  
  


Varian’s eyebrows crinkled slightly.

“Any pain?”  
  


“No.”  
  


“Cramping?”  
  


Cassandra wondered how he knew so much about woman’s anatomy. Then she reminded herself that it was Varian, and there wasn’t much he didn’t know about.

“No.”   
  


“Bleeding?”  
  


“No.”  
  


“Okay.” He said taking a deep breath.

Rapunzel suddenly jumped her hand reaching down to her stomach.

“It happened again.” Rapunzel gasped.   
  


“Where?” Varian asked, his hand reaching for her stomach.

Cassandra almost averted her eyes as Rapunzel pressed it into her stomach at hip level. Varian seemed to concentrate for a moment. Then Rapunzel jumped again, and Varian’s eyes widened a little before his face broke into a wide relieved smile. He looked up at Rapunzel, she looked down at him confused.

“Cassandra, can you get the doctor for me? He has a device for listening to the baby’s heartbeat. It should help to reassure Rapunzel that nothing is wrong.”  
  


“Nothing is wrong.” Rapunzel parroted.  
  


“I don’t think so.”  
  


“Then what is it?”  
  


“It’s the baby kicking Princess.” Varian said slowly with a smile. “Did you not know.”  
  


“The baby kicking?” Rapunzel said, then she gave a nervous little laugh. “So that’s what it feels like. Last time I never felt any kicking.”  
  


“Perhaps the baby is stronger.” Varian said gently. “Or, could you be further along than you think you are?”

“I don’t know.” Rapunzel said, she started blushing. “I’m sorry, I should have realized that’s what it was, I’ve just been so caught up with the idea that something was going to go wrong.”  
  


“Nothing is going wrong, but we are going to get you checked over anyways, because it will make you feel better.”

“Don’t feel embarrassed Raps.” Cassandra said from the doorway. “It’s to be expected that you freak out sometimes.”   
  


Varian looked over his shoulder at Cassandra and gave her a warm smile.

“I’ll… uh, get the doctor.” Cassandra said. As she went to find somebody to ride out for the Doctor she felt conflicted. She was still worried about Rapunzel, but she also felt she needed to take in what she had witnessed between Varian and Rapunzel. She trusted him so much, and he was so soft with her at a time when she was so vulnerable. How did he know to do that? She couldn’t deny that she was very impressed with him. He had a sensitivity that she wouldn’t have expect for his age. It’s like everything that Eugene and Rapunzel threw at him he raised to.

Cassandra found one of the servants sat up in the servants dining room. It was normal for somebody to be on call all night. She didn’t know who he was, but she quickly filled him in on the situation and asked him to ride out for the doctor.

“Yes, Miss.” He said quickly hurrying away. 

When she got back to the room Varian was waiting outside.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, she’s just getting changed into something more comfortable for the doctor to see her in.”  
Cassandra nodded

‘Thank you.”  
  


“For what?” Varian asked.  
  


“Looking after my friends so well.”  
  


“They look after me too, it’s just what friends do.”

“Has anybody gone to find Eugene?”

“We’re going to wait to get an all clear from the doctor, wouldn’t want to panic him unnecessarily.”

“How do you know what to do?”  
  


“What?”  
  


“Know what Rapunzel needed like that? Knew what Eugene was feeling last week?”  
  


“They’re my best friends, and we’ve all been living together in quite close quarters for a while now. The castle might be large, but you end up knowing everybody in it quite intimately.”  
Cassandra nodded, she’d been part of the intimacy once, she started missing it.

“But you’re still planning on leaving?”  
  


Varian sighed.

“I don’t know. I want to be there for them if anything does go wrong. I want to help if I can, but sometimes you just cannot help. I know that they have got each other, and Lance, and the girls, so I know they’d be alright, but what if they needed me because they need me to come up with a solution nobody else can? I wouldn’t forgive myself if something went wrong, and I could have helped but wasn’t there. Maybe I’ll wait. I don’t know yet.”  
  


“I think you should, wait I mean, in the months after they have the kid then they’ll be so caught up in everything they’ll barely notice you go.”

Varian smiled.

“Maybe, but then I might not want to leave. I mean, official toy inventor, that would be awesome.”  
  


“Can I ask you something?”  
  


“Of course.”  
  


“What happened between you and Faith?”  
  


“Oh.” He said looking at her shocked “Well, I was a terrible boyfriend Cassie.”

“I doubt that.”  
  


“No, I was I put everything before her. I got caught up in experiments and stood her up on dates, she didn’t fit in well with Rapunzel, and Lance, and Eugene, and I never did anything to help her feel more comfortable.”

“So, she broke up with you?”  
  


“No, I broke up with her, and I even chickened out of that. I told her it was because I know she didn’t like to travel and I was going to travel around a lot.”  
  


“What was the real reason? She wasn’t right?”  
  


“No, no I was the one who wasn’t right. She was everything that a man ought to want, kind, pretty, a good cook, cause apparently that’s important.” He said the last bit quietly with a shrug. “Everybody kept looking at us as if we were a sure thing, time to call the priest you know, but.. she liked what I can do, but she didn’t understand it. She didn’t ask questions. She liked that I have a job in the palace and I’m an advisor to the king, but if I tried to talk about it she just kind of shrugged it off, and said ‘the king will know what to do he’s the king.’

“You’re saying she’s not smart.”  
  


“No, no she is smart, in her own way, but she dousn’t have an inquiring mind. I just didn’t feel the connection, I guess. I wanted somebody I could share things with, my Dad told me that I shouldn’t look for somebody that understands me, just somebody that’s happy to be waiting with a warm meal and a warm bed at the end of the day. But it just wasn’t enough for me.” He looked sad. “I just regret that I ever led her on, I didn’t want to hurt her.”  
  


“She’ll get over it. Why were you with her in the first place if you knew from the start that you were never going to marry her?”  
  


“Well, there seemed to be a general consensus that I should be with somebody, and that she would be a good match.”

“You dated somebody because of general consensus?”  
  


“I know, it was terrible of me. Look I was an outcast for many years and all of a sudden there were all these girls acting interested, and I just really liked having the chance to feel normal, and Faith, she’s as normal as you can get.”

“And you stayed with her for a year and a half, when you didn’t even like her?”  
  


“Oh, I did, I was really very fond of her. Just, I never loved her. What about you?”  
  


“Me?” Cassandra said shocked. “Oh no, that stuff is not for me. You’d be lucky to get a cold meal with me.”  
  


“Well, that’s not what everybody wants.”  
  


“In my experience it is.”

They saw the doctor coming down the hall. Cassandra knocked on the door.

“Rapunzel, are you ready?”  
  


“Yes.” She heard the shout come back.

Varian and Cassandra greeted the doctor before he went in to see Rapunzel.

“You look well.” He said looking at Cassandra.

“I feel well.”  
  


“Good, now what’s going on?”  
  


“The Princess is worried about the baby. I think she just needs some reassuring.”  
  


The doctor nodded.

“Well, that I can do.” He said going into Rapunzel. “You can come in and be with her if you want.” He said.

They nodded and followed him in.

“Right, your Highness, you’ve got some worries.” He said sitting onto the bed next to her.

“I’m just being silly; the baby was kicking, and I thought it was something wrong.”  
  


“It’s okay to be nervous Princess, it’s perfectly natural. You are wholly responsible for another life, and your body is going through so many changes right now, it’s bound to be overwhelming.”  


“See, what did I tell you.” Varian said reaching for Rapunzel’s hand again.

“You’re not the father, I think he should be here.” The doctor said.

“Yes, we were just waiting for you.” Cassandra agreed, she stepped out into the hallway where the servant who had fetched the doctor was waiting. “Hey, thank you, can you do one more thing? Could you go and get Prince Eugene?”

The servant nodded and headed off.

When Cassandra went back in Varian was stood at the side of the bed with his back turned to the Princess, she was lying on the bed, covering her legs with the blankets as she pulled her nightdress up to her chest revealing her swollen stomach. She looked anxious. Cassandra went to sit next to her and take her hand.

“He’s on his way.”  


Rapunzel smiled.

“Thanks Cass, I didn’t want him to worry, but I feel much better now, and I want him here.”

“I’ll hold your hand until he gets here.”

Rapunzel smiled and squeezed her hand.

“Thank you Cass. Oh! Cold.” She said as the doctor put a stethoscope to Rapunzel stomach and leaned in listening intensely.

“How far gone are you?”  
  


“I think about four months.”  
  


“If it was four months I wouldn’t be able to hear anything, you must be closer to five.”  
Rapunzel nodded.

“It’s possible I guess. Do you mean you can hear him?”  
  


The doctor frowned slightly, moving the stethoscope around.

“it’s okay.” Cassandra said quietly. “The baby is probably just moving around too much to listen properly too.”  
  


The doctor looked up at her annoyed and shushed her.

Cassandra felt momentarily annoyed, but let it pass, she knew he needed to listen carefully. He didn’t get much of a chance as at that moment the door burst open and a half naked Eugene burst into the room looking panicked.

“Sunshine!”

Varian rushed over to him taking the older man by the shoulder.

“It’s okay Eugene, it’s just a check to reassure Rapunzel.”

The doctor hooked his stethoscope back round his neck and looked over at Eugene.

“They’re fine.” He said.

It was like Eugene crumbled in on himself, he fell to his knees letting out a loud sob. Cassandra looked away; she couldn’t bear to see the man openly weeping. She was starting to understand how much tension that he had been carrying around.

“Oh thank god. “

“Eugene.” Rapunzel said reaching her hands out, but it didn’t seem like he saw. Cassandra decided it was time to step in, she had made a promise to be more understanding to Eugene. She was starting to understand, she could not just look after Rapunzel, because Rapunzel needed Eugene, so she had to try and be there for him too. Varian was kneeling on the floor speaking softly to him when Cassandra went and hooked her arms below his armpits and yanked him up.

“Come on Eugene, you might get to feel your baby kick.” She led him over to the bed where Rapunzel reached out to him, he settled into her arms.

“Everything’s okay?” He asked.

“Both heartbeats are steady.” The doctor answered.  
  


“Oh, that’s good, though I could have sworn mine was racing.” Rapunzel said with a little laugh.  
  


“No, Princess, both of their heartbeats are strong. It’s a little early to be feeling the kicking, but it’s not a bad sign, I think that they’re just having a bit of a tussle in there.”  
  


“Their? There are their in there.” Eugene said looking shell shocked.

“Yes, twins.”

“Twins, haha, Twins.” Eugene fell off the bed.

“Now I think it’s time for me to do a more thorough check up and leave these two alone.” The doctor walked up to Cassandra and Varian his arms wide he swept them towards the door. He paused and looked over his shoulder before stepping out into the hallway with them.

“What aren’t you saying Doctor?” Varian asked.

  
“There’s nothing wrong per say. It’s just that twin pregnancies tend to be higher risk. She needs to take it easy, have regular check-ups, and if you’re going to be travelling back to Corona, don’t leave it to late. These pregnancies rarely go to full term and the babies will be smaller, they’ll need more care.”

Varian gave a serious nod.

“But, people do manage to have healthy twins.”

“Yes, they do. So far, there is no sign of any danger. Don’t panic them with this, but the sooner that the doctors in Corona are made aware of the situation the sooner they can start planning for any contingencies that come up, extra nurses and the likes, the children may need round the clock care, and that’s a lot for a woman whose recovering from the birthing process herself.

Varian nodded.

“I will get permission from Eugene and write to the doctors tomorrow. I will also make a few inquiries to some capable woman myself.” Varian said.

“Just don’t go doing any of your experiments on these ones okay, no slugs or bats bile.”  
  


Varian gave a small smile.

“I can promise, I won’t be doing anything with slugs and bats.”  
  


The doctor grunted and went back into the room with Eugene and Rapunzel.

“Let’s go?” Varian asked Cassandra. She smiled at him and they walked down the hallway, they were both grinning from ear to ear.

“Twins?” Varian said after a few steps.

“I know right.”

Varian laughed.

“Oh, when you came in I thought… well, I thought that it was happening all over again, and now they’re having two healthy babies.”

“It like the worst news ever turns into the best new ever.”

“Emotional roller coaster right?”

“What’s a rollercoaster?”

  
“Oh, it’s this thing I came up with… you know, never mind.” He grinned at her again. She knew she had the same expression on her face, she really was pleased for her friend, it had been such a stressful night but to know that everything was alright. They reached the doorway to Cassandra’s room, Varian turned to go down the steps of his lab.

“Varian, don’t you think you should get some sleep?”  
  


Varian looked down at the steps with something akin to longing, then he sighed. “You’re probably right, what is it like eleven?”  
  


“Try past three.”  
  


“Ah, yeah, sleep might be a good plan then. I’ll just go and check that Pen has enough water for the night. Oh, I never gave you your birthday present, you should come down and get it.”  
  


Cassandra looked into her room at her cosy bed, but then it would only take a moment, and Varian had obviously taken the effort to get her something, so the least she could do was walk down a flight of steps to get it.

She shrugged and followed him down the steps.

“I still say you didn’t need to get anything; you’ve done enough for me Varian.”  
  


“Oh, I didn’t buy anything, I made it.” He said as if that somehow made it worth less and not more.

At the bottom of the stairs he bent down to look into the box where the small raccoon was resting. It looked up at him and fondly headbutted his hand when he reached down to disturb the water bowl.

“That should be fine.” He said to himself.

“She looks like she’s doing well.”

“She is, she’s a very affectionate little creature actually. Though that might just be to get more treats, they can be quite conniving animals.”

Cassandra hummed in agreement. Varian went to his desk and started moving around piles of papers.

“Where is it.” He said to himself. “AHHA!” He lifted a small wooden box. He handed it to Cassandra, she looked down curiously, opened the lid, and gasped.

“It’s beautiful.”  
  


In the box was a fine silver chain, and at the bottom of the chain held in with a delicate silver swirl was a large purple tear drop of Cassandrium. She lifted it out of the box and held it up, she thought she saw something inside it glitter but told herself it was just the low light of Varian’s lab.

“Varian.” She said, not knowing quite how to thank him. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever processed.

“ I saw you were wearing the cassandrium necklace when you arrived here, and I just thought about how the stones were uncut and unpolished because I wasn’t so good with that sort of thing back when I made it, and I wanted to make you a better one.”

“I’ve always loved that necklace.” Cassandra said. “I loved it because you made it, but I’ll love this one as well.”

Varian smiled, he reached out and gently pulled the necklace from her fingers, lightly brushing over her skin he did so.

“One more thing.” He said. He went over to the table and turned on a Bunsen burner, then took a bucket of water and doused the fire in the fireplace sending the room into almost complete darkness. Cassandra watched as his face took on a soft orange glow as he approached the small flame, now the only light source in the room. He lifted his hand out above the flame and let go of the purple gem. Cassandra reached out for a second thinking for a mad moment that he was going to burn it, but it hung suspended by the chain securely wrapped around his fingers. The room was suddenly filled with starlight, twinkling dots that slowly moved around the room. Cassandra stared at the magical sight, it was just like her birthday party, but in miniature. She turned around watching the lights as Varian slowly spun the necklace. It was like a galaxy had been created just for her.

“I mixed some silver dust in with the formula.” Varian was explaining. Cassandra turned her gaze back onto the necklace in his hands and saw that the middle of the gem was sparking with dozens of infinitely small silver spots.

“Wherever you go, all you need is a candle, and you have your own little light show.” Varian lifted it away from the flames and the galaxy of light disappeared. He walked over to her, stopping just in front of her.

“It reminded me of how your skin looks in the moonlight, pale but luminescent, like the stars.”

Cassandra was speechless, her heart was thudding loudly in her chest, her mouth was dry. In front of her Varian stood skin still faintly glowing from the flame, eyes sparkling like they were the brightest thing in the room.

“May I?” He asked unclasping the necklace and holding it up.

Cassandra nodded.

His hands grazed her neck as her reached behind her, lifting her hair gently as he secured the chain.

“Why are you so nice to me?” Cassandra asked quietly.

  
“Why do you agree to dance with me? Or come to see me in my lab? Why do you call me unique, and good looking?”

“I never called you good looking, I called you not bad looking.”

His hand reached up and rested on her cheek. She fell instantly silent; she was holding her breath but she couldn’t say why.

His long delicate fingers trailed down her neck, resting on the teardrop stone where it nestled in the fabric of her blouse just above the curves of her breasts.

“Cassie.” He breathed. His hands came back up to her cheek, snaking into her hair as his head tilted down and his lips grazed hers gently. Questioning blue eyes met green, and Cassandra felt her body melt against his as she closed her eyes and felt his lips on hers again. She sunk deeper and deeper into his embrace, aware of nothing except him and the kiss. He pulled her closer, tilted her head further back and kissed her again with a greater hunger than she had expected.

An image flashed in her mind, a cage, the one from her nightmares, the one she had held him in when he was seventeen.

She pulled back slightly. Varian’s lips grazed over her cheek moving down to her neck where he gently sucked on the skin. It sent a thrill through her whole body, but then she tensed as yet another image came into her mind, the sword sinking into his chest. She gasped and shoved him away from her. He stumbled looking shocked.

“Cassie?”

She felt a sob rise up and she turned to run up the stairs. She could hear his footsteps behind her.

“Cassie wait!”

_I’m not like you, I choose this._

She tripped at the top of the stairs, pain jolting through her as her knee hit the solid stone.

“Cassie!” She felt strong arms wrap around her lifting her up.

“Are you alright?”  
  


“Fine! Let me go.”

“Cassandra, what’s wrong?”

She struggled against him, but he held her tighter staring down at her, his worried expression disappeared as his jaw set into a frown and he started to carry her the short distance down the hall to her bedroom. He nudged the door open with his foot and he dumped her unceremoniously on the bed.

“Why are you fighting this so hard? Just stop fighting it Cassie!” He said staring down at her.

She turned away, not willing to look at him. He stared at her for a long moment before giving out a long sigh. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration before walking towards the door. He turned to her and spoke one more itme before leaving the room.

“I want to be your lover Cassandra.”


	9. The Darkness Within

Okay, so, I realize Rapunzel is completely oblivious in this one, she’s just rather distracted by the whole pregnancy thing.

Warnings: Some scenes of a sexual nature. Slight violence. And random Disneyesque singing.

I do not own the songs or lyrics they are: Love is only a feeling by the Darkness (but I prefer the lounge kittens cover)

Then there is I cant’ fight this feeling by REO speedwagon

Finally I won’t say I’m in love – from Disney’s Hercules That’s mixed with For Good from the musical Wicked.

I’m just trying to copy the way that the series has multiple songs in a couple of the season episodes rather than throughout the whole thing – hence the amount of songs in the chapter.

***

There was a knock at Cassandra’s door.

“Come in.” She shouted, pulling herself up from where she was reading on her bed.

Eugene’s face appeared.

“I brought you some breakfast.” He said holding up some pastries. “Varian mentioned in passing that you’d had a fall last night. Nothing too serious I hope?”  
  


“No, just a swollen knee. It’s fine really, I would have come and got breakfast, I was just enjoying my book, but thank you.” She happily took a bite out of one of the cinnamon swirls that he’d brought her. “How’s Rapunzel this morning? I’m going to drop in on her later.”  
  


“She’s fine, I persuaded her to rest up today. Thank you for being there for her last night. I mean, you did kick me out of bed and all, but, I know how glad Rapunzel is to have you here. How glad I am to have you here.”

Cassandra gave him a warm smile, one that she didn’t even have to force herself to give.

Eugene took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. His expression turned worried.

“Cassandra, I can be observant.”  


“I know, you observe yourself in the mirror all the time.”

“There was a moment between you and Varian when you were dancing at your party, and afterwards I saw you creeping in with him in the early hours of the morning.”

“Does anybody in this place actually sleep?”

“Cassandra, he’s not a kid anymore.”  


“Well that much is obvious.”

“So any feeling he has now aren’t a teenage crush anymore.”  
  


“You’re point being?”  
  


“Just, don’t hurt him.”

“Are we done with this conversation now?”  
  


Eugene sighed and got up to leave.

“Well, I guess I said my piece.”

Cassandra stared at him as he leaved. He was worried about Varian, but what about her, what if it was her who was going to get their heart broken?

***

Eugene wasn’t done, he hadn’t expected to get much information out of Cassandra, she was never one to really talk about her feelings. So, he headed down the stairs to Varian’s lab.

“Hey Cuz.” Varian said when he saw him. “You okay?”  
  


“Yeah, just only saw you for a few seconds at breakfast this morning.”

“Alchemy was calling me, she’s a hard mistress. How is Rapunzel this morning?”

  
“Fine, the doctor says she has a strong cervix.”  
  


“And I am never going to be able to unhear that.”  
  


“Varian, I need you to make me a promise. Next time anything happens with Rapunzel, you need to get me straight away. I can handle it, okay.”  
  


“Okay, I’m sorry, I should have had more faith in you.” Varian said looking at him with that wide eyes sorry puppy dog look that reminded him of when he’d first met the young man.

“I took Cassandra some breakfast.”

“Uh hu.” Varian turned away fiddling with something on the table, Eugene knew he wasn’t actually working, he was just avoiding looking at him.

“She dousn’t seem to be in too much pain, just a bruised knee.”

“Uh huh.”

“Though I think it’s more that her leg is bothering her again, she’s probably done too much with all that dancing at her party, and you know, that long moonlit walk she took with you that night. That probably tired her out a bit.”

Varian’s hand stilled, and he shot Eugene a shocked look.

“I’m just going to come out and ask this. Are you in love with Cassandra?”

Varian’s eyes widened, he looked down and sighed, a great heaving sigh that seemed to shrink him.

“The first flush of youth was upon me when our eyes first met

And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get

I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger’s hand

An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand.

‘Cause you came at a time

When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall

Was the be all and end all

Love is only a feeling

When I’m in your arms I start believing

But love is only a feeling

Anyway

The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved

I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed

That the light of my love

Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by

Just to beam on you and I.” 

“I fucked up Eugene.”

“Oh?”

“I kissed her, and she ran away, and that’s how she injured her knee. I mean, I think I really scared her.”

“I doubt Cassandra is scared of you.”

“I did try to kill her that time.”  
  


“Yes, well, puberty sucks. And she kidnapped you, drugged you, and held you in a prison leading to you falling out of a window and almost dying, but all that is ancient history now.”  
  


“You don’t think she ran away because she’s scared of me? She seemed to completely freak out. I just never thought that I had a chance with her, but lately I thought that there was something between us, and I pushed it, probably more than I should.”

  
“I doubt anybody has a chance with her, though why anybody would want one I cannot fathom.”

  
Varian sighed and looked away. Eugene realized that he probably wasn’t helping, and by the looks of it Varian needed help, or at least somebody to talk with. Eugene knew that Varian and his father had not left each other on the best of terms, Quirin had not been happy that Varian had broken up with Faith. He seemed to have been under the impression that a wife would calm his son’s…eagerness? Unsociable hours? He wasn’t too sure really. It was up to Eugene to step up.

“Sorry, that wasn’t helpful. Look, even I can see the two of you have been getting on well lately. I guess I can see why you might think that the viper lady was looking for a smooch.”

“She kissed me first.”  
  


Eugene’s mouth dropped open.

“What the.. shut up.” He closed his eyes and put his hand to the bridge of his nose. “Let me get this straight, Cassandra, the wandering wilderness woman of the seven kingdoms, previously inhabited by daemons, whom when you were a child, locked you in a cage dangling a hundred foot in the air, kissed you?”  
  


“I wasn’t a child I was seventeen, and it was only one daemon. You just said that was all ancient history.”  
  


“Besides the point.”  
  


“Yes. It was a few weeks ago when the horse got loose in town, and I pushed her against the wall. When the danger had passed she just looked up at me and kissed me.”  
  


“Well, that’s unexpected.”

“Yep.”  
  


“What did you do?”  
  


“I went to check that nobody was injured.”  
  


“You didn’t kiss her back?”  
  


“No, I was just shocked, everything happened really quickly, and then she was walking away from me and wouldn’t come back when I tried to call to her.”  
  


“She kissed you then pushed you away, you kiss her she runs away.”  
  


“She kissed me back, at first.”

“That sounds like mixed messages.”  
  


“I tried to talk to her about it, but she told me it was just an adrenaline thing, from almost being trampled to death. So I haven’t mentioned it since. Do you think it was just the adrenaline?”

  
“Well, I don’t know what adrenaline is, but in my experience near death experiences do lead to some good loving afterwards, it’s just being grateful you’re still alive. Gods I wished I were married to Rapunzel when we first made the journey here, we almost died so many times. Such a waste of good sexual energy. We just don’t get our lives put in that kind of risk very often anymore you know?”

  
“We were talking about Cassandra.” Varian said putting his hands on his hips and rolling his eyes. “Not about how you wished you could almost die, because you think it would improve your sex life.”

  
“Okay, I was just saying, and just to be clear, my sex life does not need improvement, it’s fine, great even. So, I’m guessing you actually want Cassandra to be interest in you?”  
  


“I’ve always wanted her.”

Eugene paused at the intensity in his voice.

“Not always? I mean I know that you had a teenage crush on her, but you haven’t seen her in five years.”  
  


“Okay, I’ve not spent every night for five years lying in bed and wishing that she was there, but I did sometimes wonder where she was, and wished that I could see her again, wishing somehow, at some point, it would happen for me and her. When I saw her again, in the woods, everything came rushing back. How intensely I wanted to save her from going down the wrong route, how much I just wanted her respect. Then all those hours I sat up taking care of her when she was ill, I had so much time on my hands to think. Eugene, she’ll always be my dream.”  
Eugene was stunned at the words, so like those that he had often shared with Rapunzel ‘you we’re my new dream’.

“Oh, Kid. After everything?”  
  


Varian nodded.

“Even when she was the enemy, all I could think of was getting her back on the right path. I thought I could be the one to help her because I knew what it was like to give in to anger and fear.”  
  


Eugene was quiet for a long time. He loved his cousin, but Cassandra was not an easy person to get along with at times, plus she had never shown any interest in having any kind of romantic relationship. Hadn’t he seen it himself a few days previous though, hadn’t he seen the way that Cassandra had leaned in close to Varian, the way she’d looked at him, hadn’t he thought that she was melting just a little.

“Well.” He said finally. “There’s only one thing you can do with dreams.”  
  


“What?”  
  


“Try and get them.”  
  


“But if she dousn’t see me like that.”  
  


Eugene shook his head.

“Then she dousn’t see you like that, there’s not much you can do except show her your true self. Let her know what you think of her, listen to what she wants, and offer to be there with her whilst she finds it.”  
  


Varian nodded.

“I’ve got to tell you though, Cassandra, she’s a hard nut to crack.”  
  


“She’s worth it.” Varian answered with complete conviction.  
  


“Then you go and get her Kid.”

“Thanks Eugene, but how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me kid?”  
  


***

” Rapunzel, what comes to mind if somebody said they wanted to be your lover?” Cassandra asked as she lay on her friend’s bed eating a lemon shortbread.

  
“I would say I’m flattered but I’m married.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes.

“You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“Oh, I’m hilarious, and to answer your question, Eugene is what comes to mind. Eugene is my lover as well as my husband.”

“It’s a very different word to boyfriend and to partner isn’t it?”

“Yes, wait did somebody ask you to be their lover?” Rapunzel said suddenly jumping up and eagerly looking at Cassandra.

  
“Oh, yeah, but this happened ages ago.” Cassandra lied, regretting that she had brought up the topic, what if she’d said too much. Rapunzel, wasn’t entirely all there most of the time at the moment ,what with the bouts of illness she was suffering, and the stresses that had accompanied her pregnancy, she seemed to be pretty oblivious to most of the things that went on in the castle. Cassandra, could forgive her that though and given the circumstance, right now, that could be helpful.  
  


Rapunzel’s eyes widened.

“I said no.” Cassandra said quickly. “It’s just playing on my mind; I mean it’s a word that’s got some undertones isn’t’? I mean sexual?” Cassandra said awkwardly, her and Rapunzel had never talked about this stuff before.

“Oh yeah, that guy wanted to rock your world.”

  
“Rock my…You’ve been spending too much time with Fitzherbert.”

“You’ve been on the road for a long time, have you ever had a lover?” Rapunzel asked biting her lip as if she wasn’t sure to ask the question.

“Not on the road.” She thought of Duncan. “But I guess you could say I had a lover once, only once, before we knew each other.”

  
“What? You never told me.”

  
“You can’t be a handmaiden unless you’re a maid, my father wouldn’t have suggested me if he’d had known.”

  
“Well, I’m glad he didn’t know then.”

  
“Plus...” Cassandra took a deep breath. “It’s something I’ve been very ashamed off, for a very long time.”

  
“Did you love him?”

  
“I thought I did, now I know It was just a passing infatuation.”

  
“Then there’s no shame, if you thought you loved him, just because you know better now dousn’t change that.”

Cassandra shook her head.

“It dousn’t work like that, it’s complicated. Plus, that was such a negative experience for me, it hurt, and it was just awful, I’ve never really wanted to relive that.”

“Wait, sex can be bad?”  


Cassandra found herself laughing at Rapunzel’s confused face.

“Well, I know I don’t usually have anything nice to say about Fitzherbert, but at least he knows how to treat you right in that regards.”  


Rapunzel gave a small smile and blushed.

“So, uh getting back to you.” She said her face still beet red. “I would say that the word lover is quite a broad one, it could mean different things to different people so you should always have a conversation to check if you are on the same page. I mean, do they mean monogamous? Is it a single night thing or a long-term thing? I mean, you can be married and have a lover other than your husband can’t you? Or you could have somebody who’s not a big part of your life but who you have illicit meetings with.”

  
“I think he was talking about long term, and monogamous.” Said Cassandra, suddenly unsure, what if he just meant for that night, or whilst they were both here at the citadel together? She didn’t know anymore.

  
“Oh. So, why not just ask you to marry him?”

“I’m not the marrying type.” She answered automatically.

  
“Are you the type to have lovers then? I mean not that I’m judging or anything, some would, in fact a lot would, but some people just live life differently. If you can have a little companionship and happiness then you shouldn’t let other people opinions stop you if that’s what you want.”

  
“I think I am; I think it is what I want.”

“But you said all this all happened ages ago? Are you planning on seeing him again? Or is their somebody else?” Rapunzel was sounding excited again.  
  


“Maybe. I don’t know. It just, he is, was, well probably still is, one of the best people I’ve ever met.”  


Rapunzel stopped bouncing up and down and looked at her as if she were just realizing something.

Cassandra wondered if she’d said too much.

“You really like him?”

Cassandra didn’t answer.

“Oh Cass, maybe you can’t actually have a lover without some love attached. Maybe he didn’t just have sex in mind, maybe he wanted to be your lover because he loved you.””

Cassandra shook her head at the idea. It was too much to think that somebody as good as Varian could actually love somebody like her. It would be a mistake to love her. She betrayed the people she loved.

She got up to leave.

“I’m a pretty difficult person to love.”  
  


“But worth it when you do.”

  
Cassandra needed to clear her head. She took the gondola over the ravine and went to the stables to get Fidella. As she rode through the forest she looked at the path ahead of her, she knew it wound for miles, if she kept following it she would reach the Eastern sea, she could board a boat and sail into the horizon without ever having to make the choice whether to follow the longing in her heart and body, or listen to the doubts and fears of her mind.

“I could ride down this path and over that rise. I don’t have to choose where my destiny lies. I don’t have to break any rules or cross any lines. I could follow this path and leave it all behind.”

There was a loud crack of thunder overhead. Cassandra looked up and realized that she had been so caught up in her thoughts she hadn’t notice a huge black cloud heading over, it stretched as far as the horizon. It was going to be a bad storm. She would need to find shelter, and the nearest shelter would be back at the Citadel. She turned Fidella around and started to gallop back in that direction as the first rain drops splashed on her face.  
  


***

“Thank you.” Varian said taking the tea that Angelica handed him.

“You’re always welcome here Varian, you know that.”  
  


He smiled warmly at her.

“You know, I usually try not to comment on a woman’s size, but it’s got to be any day now right.” Varian said smiling at the pregnant woman. She gave a loud sigh, supporting her stomach as she sat down.

“You know, I bloody well hope so.”  
  


Varian laughed.

” It’s hard not to comment on a woman’s size when she’s the size of a rhino. “Angelica continued. “I haven’t seen my feet in almost three months, and I keep forgetting how big I am and knocking stuff over with my stomach.”

“Come on.” He said fondly pointing at her feet. “I know how to earn my tea.”

Angelica gave a loud sigh.

“Jeez, boy you are a saint.” She lifted one of her bare feet up. Varian took it and gently started to massage her insteps. This wasn’t the first time he’d done this for his friend. He knew that some people might have seen it as a rather intimate gesture, but he felt very protective towards her, in the same way that he felt protective towards Rapunzel now. Perhaps he just felt that way around pregnant women. Besides, he knew this simple touch was a small comfort to a woman who had been so badly abused in the past, it was nice that she trusted him so much.

“That Cassandra is a lucky woman.”  
  


Varian stopped. He looked up at her.

“You know Cassandra?”

“Well, yes, she came here to calm down after that horse broke free. Didn’t she tell you?”

“No.”

“Huh, thought she would of.”  
  


“Why would you think that?”  
  


“Well, isn’t she your girlfriend?”  
  


“No.”

“Well, what have you been doing wrong?”  
  


Varian gave a sarcastic smile, luckily he didn’t have to answer as they were disturbed by a loud rumble of thunder.

“That sounded close.”  
  


“Can’t have been, it was fine an hour ago.” Varian went and looked out the door and saw black clouds overhead. Rain started splattering down.

“Do you need to stay over?”  
  


“No, I think I can make it back if I leave now.”

“Wait up.” She went to a pile of clothes that was sitting neatly on her countertop. She searched through them and brought out a large thick coat.

“I was mending a rip for Jimmy, but he won’t mind you borrowing it.”  
  


“Thanks.” He took it and turned to leave, remembering something before he left.

“Is there anything else you need for the baby?”  
  


She shook her head.

“Nope, I’ve got everything now.”  
  


“Well, if you think of something.”  
  


She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Get going boy. You’ll get drenched.”

***

Cassandra dismounted Fidella as the rain grew heavier.

“Can you get yourself back to the stables?”

The horse neighed and started to gallop off in the right direction. Cassandra rushed forward to the gondola, her head bowed against the strong winds that almost pushed her over. As she reached the gondola the door sprung open and a hand was pulling her in. She automatically started to fight back before she saw familiar black gloves and looked up to see Varian.

A strong wind caught the door and Varian struggled with it for a moment before being able to slam it shut.

“Whew! Where did this weather come from?”

He turned to her, and they froze. It was the first time they had seen each other since they had kissed in his lab, and the words he had spoken hung silently around them.

“I don’t think it’s safe to travel across in such high winds.”  
  


“Agreed.” Cassandra said. “I guess we’re waiting it out here.”

“Are you scared of me Cass?”

Cassandra was taken aback.

“What? Why would I be scared of you?”

“I just thought, that might be why you ran away last night.”

“Why would I ever be scared of you?”

“So, if it wasn’t that, what was it?”  
  


Cassandra shook her head, the idea that she could fear Varian was laughable. He had never done anything to hurt her, well, recently. Lately he’d never been anything other than kind, and patient, and gentle to her.

“I…”

She thought of Varian’s face in her dreams, the light and life disappearing from his eyes. She couldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t tell him that the reason she stopped their kiss was because she was scared of herself, scared that the darkness that she had inside of her might wake up again, that she might hurt him again. He was watching her, waiting for her answer.

“I could never be scared of you. I know you would never hurt me, you’re not capable of hurting anybody Varian.”  
  


He gave a bitter huff of a laugh and looked down at the floor.

“I wish that were true. So, why did you run away from me?” He pushed.

“I like you okay! I just, I can’t be with you. End of story, end of discussion.”

His face had suddenly lit up hopeful and surprised and then fell again as she talked.

“And you’re not going to tell me why you can’t be with me because you’re Cass, and you don’t share your emotions.” He said sarcastically.

“It’s okay that you’re frustrated with me.”  


“Danm right it is.”

The gondola was lit up with a sudden blinding white light, followed instantaneously by an earth-shaking rumble of thunder. Varian reached for her; a small, protective gesture that didn’t go unnoticed.

“I get the feeling that we’re going to be here for most the night.” Cassandra said sitting down on one of the benches running through the centre of the gondola.

“Probably.” Varian said sitting a few feet away from her.

They sat in silence for a long time. Listening to the storm rolling around them, the ruthless splattering of rain against the thin glass, the wind as it whistled through loose wooden planks over head, and the occasional flashes and rumbles of lightening.

“You know, this is the exact spot where I first met Edmund.” Cassandra finally said.

“Really?” He muttered disinterested.

  
“Yes, well, I didn’t know it was him then, his face was covered with a bear skin, but it was this exact spot where he tried to kill me with an axe.”

Varian looked at her with amusement in his eyes.

“I think we all have had memorable moments with King Edmund, but that one does rank high up there.”

“He’s a lot less… “She made a motion with her hand. “But I can’t believe that he still has that bird, how long do crows live anyways?”  
  


“Urgh, don’t get me started on that bird, that thing was responsible for me being sucked into a different dimension and growing snake hair.”  
  


“What?”  
  


“It’s hard to explain, you had to be there. Lance was an eyeball, there were some unicorns, you know, the type of stuff that haunts your nightmares if you have too much sugar.”

“Okay then… I was a bird once…”

“What?”  
  


“Or Eugene picked the wrong mushrooms, I’m really not sure anymore.”

“Okay, I’ll tell you about my living snake hair if you tell me about being a bird.”

“Done.”

As night fell they were talking almost comfortably with each other once again. Varian had gone to stretch out on the floor of the Gondola, making himself as comfy as he could. He’d tried to offer Cassandra the big coat, but she’d refused. It hadn’t taken them long at all to figure out that their shelter wasn’t actually as wind or rain proof as they would have liked, but neither of them had thought it a good idea to venture out and take the fifteen minute journey into town, especially not when they had watched a tree felled by lightening through the window.

The light had almost entirely gone when Cassandra curled up on the bench, it was not so much to sleep, as to try and get warm. She knew that summer was almost over, but how could it possibly be this cold? And this freak storm, she had wondered aloud if it was natural, but Varian had just explained in a load of long words that she didn’t understand that it was, something to do with northern winds and atmospheric pressures.

“Cassandra.”

She rolled over to see Varian holding his arms open.

“Come here.”  
  


“No.”  
  


“I can see you shivering even from here. You know we’ll both keep warmer if we stay close.”

Cassandra turned back over, trying to ignore him.

“Cassandra, I can’t bear the thought of you getting ill again.”

Damn him, Cassandra thought, remembering how he’d been there for her when she had been sick. She knew that after everything he had done to try and get her well she owed it to him to not get ill again.

“Honestly.” Varian continued. “It wasn’t so bad when I found you in the woods, I mean, you were dying but… we hadn’t seen each other in so long, but when your leg got infected again, the idea of losing you, when we’d become friends again.” Varian sighed. ” Please, I don’t want you to get sick from the cold. Let me keep you warm.”

Cassandra silently walked over, she laid down next to him. She could hear the steady thudding of his heart as he wrapped his arms around her, and with little tugs of fingers here and there he wrapped the coat, so it was cocooning them both. Soon she stopped shivering and her body started to feel light and drowsy.

Cassandra woke up to the sound of a heart beat beneath her ear, the rise and fall of gentle sleeping breathing. At sometime in the night she had turned to him, wrapped herself around him, whether unconscious or driven by a sudden desire to be close to him in a momentary wakefulness she did not know. Looking up at him now she could see the shadow of the teenage boy she had once known. It was in the point at the end of his nose, the light freckles across it’s bridge. She smiled fondly to herself remembering the very obvious attempts to flirt with her, a strange mix between annoying and endearing. He’d come so far, but had she? She didn’t see herself as all that much more different than when she had left Corona five years ago, and there was something wrong with that, she’d been travelling to find herself and her place in the world and she had found nothing. Until, that is, she’d arrived here, because something had changed within her since she had arrived here, hadn’t it?

Why was she fighting this? The chance to wake up in somebodies’ arms, feeling warm and cared for. The chance to have a connection with somebody, and not just anybody, Varian, the person who if she admitted it to herself meant the most to her in the whole world. And the chance to feel those lips against hers again, the chance of skin against skin, the chance of knowing that a person wanted you with that deep longing, that like hunger plays on the mind until it becomes all consuming.

“Oh, I can't fight this feeling any longer  
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow  
What started out as friendship has grown stronger  
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever  
I said there is no reason for my fear  
'Cause I feel so secure when we're together  
You give my life direction  
You make everything so clear

And I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore  
And throw away the oars, forever

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you  
I've been running around in circles in my mind  
And it always seems that I'm following you, Vare  
'Cause you take me to the places  
That alone I'd never find

And I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor  
Come crashing through your door  
Varian, I can't fight this feeling anymore.”

She reached her hand up to his face her fingertips brushing the tiny raised sunburst of scars just below his eyes, the jutting cheekbones, then down to the rough prickly stubble on his jaw line. They lifted for a moment before continuing feeling the soft silken strands of a lock of hair that had come loose from its leather thong and found its way to lie across his right eyes. The freckles along the bridge of his nose felt no different than the rest of his skin, and in the harsh morning sun she could see each and every one of the light brown dots. His top lip again was covered with a fine line of stubble. Her fingers hesitated, then they moved down to stroke across the plump dry bottom lip.

A hand caught hers. She startled as Varian’s blue eyes opened and stared at her. He gave a warm sleepy smile. He gently tugged her hand upwards and pressed a light kiss to her inner wrist, she gasped at the gentle tingling sensation. Her breath was coming fast, she felt full of a nervous energy, and that place between her legs was making itself known with a gentle but insistent pulsing.

Varian raised himself up on his elbows and looked up at her, a gentle question in his eyes.

“I can’t fight this feeling anymore.” Cassandra confessed, her voice almost breaking.

He raised himself further, and grabbed her hips pulling her closer so she was in his lap with his chest pushed up against her. Their faces inches apart.

“Then don’t.”

She leaned in closer, her head tilted, her nose brushing his cheek. Varian didn’t move, he was waiting for her, he was silently insisting that she make the first move. The instance their lips touched the tension broke. Varian’s mouth closed over hers hungrily, one hand rested on the small of her back bringing her closer to him, the other wrapped into the small hairs at the nap of her neck.

His body was everywhere, strong taught muscles holding her, as she trembled with the intensity of his kisses, one, two, three, dozens quickly melding into one another. His hands in her hair were pulling her head back, revealing her throat to him, as his lips and teeth grazed down pausing and sucking deeply at the skin, the sharpness of pain mixed with pleasure, eliciting gasps from her as she dug her fingers into his shoulders.

Then again his lips were against hers, his hand resting against her throat, thumb against her jaw as his lips teased her mouth into opening, tongue claiming her, stealing the last of her breath, making her head spin. His hips suddenly bucked, and he gave a grunt against her mouth. It had been unintentional but here, her knees on either side of his, she had felt his excitement brush up against her. Hungrily she pushed her hips down trying to find that hardness, wanting to know about this untouched place of him, his length, his girth, the noises he would make if she touched him.

He was long, she could tell that even through the layers of fabric that separated them, not too thick, his manhood matched the rest of his body. His lips broke apart from hers as he stared at her, a slight look of bewilderment on his face. She didn’t care if she was moving fast, despite her past experiences, she wanted him, she wanted that part of him, wanted to feel him between her legs and take him into her body. She reached up and cupped his cheek, her thumb resting on his parted bottom lip, feeling the slick saliva there as she deliberately ground her hips onto him. His head fell back, and he groaned. Emboldened she did it again, angling herself so that her most sensitive spot felt the drag of his hardness against it. His hands clutched at her hips, his fingers digging in, almost painfully, as he helped steer her movements. It felt so good, and yet not enough.

Cassandra was aware of a noise outside of the gondola, but as his lips found hers again she didn’t care. Then suddenly he was pulling away from her. His eyes wide looking over her shoulder, she turned and jumped when she saw the gondola’s door handle twisting.

Cassandra was instantly on her feet, scurrying across the gondola to where she had left her short sword the night before. She looked back to see Varian, poised at the ready with one of the purple immobilising balls ready in his raised hand.

Cassandra bent, widened her stance, pointed her sword and hoped to high heavens that if there was trouble her leg wouldn’t give out. The door swung open, and for a second all Cassandra could do was stare at the diminutive form of a pretty young woman, there was something familiar about her but she couldn’t quite place where she knew her from. Then it hit her.

***

“Faith!” Varian gasped.

Faith stared down demurely, her face blushed, refusing to meet his eyes, and in that moment he realized that she had seen everything. How long she had been stood outside the window, trying to build up the courage to come in he didn’t know. What was she doing here? He physically shook himself, trying to ease his tense muscles. He shot a glance over his shoulder at Cassandra, she had lowered her sword and was giving him a questioning look. This was going to take some delicate manoeuvring. Firstly, he needed to make sure that Faith was only looking pale and trembly due to shock and not due to her actually being ill, he had no idea how she had got all the way from Corona to be standing there on this cliff edge with them, especially with the intensity of the storm last night.

He walked over to her and gently laid his hands on her shoulders, he spoke gently.

“Faith. What are you doing here?”

  
“You said you need somebody who would travel with you, to the other kingdoms if you were called onto help.” Faith said quietly, a note of confusion in her voice.

Varian felt a sudden wave of guilt as he remembered their parting conversation. She had come out to bid him farewell on the palace steps, and he’d told her that they weren’t a good match. That he didn’t want somebody that would wait for him, he wanted somebody that would go with him. That she should find somebody that would stay in Corona. He had been trying to come up with a practical reason they couldn’t be together, to save her from any pain or embarrassment that she didn’t’ deserve.

“Oh.” He breathed. “But you didn’t come on your own did you? Faith it’s unsafe.”  
  


“No, King Fedrick sent some caravans of supplies. I came with the guards.”  
  


“That was very brave.” Varian said. “I guess I underestimated you.”

She looked up at him, and then with a glance over his shoulder she let out a shriek and started backing away.

“The witch.”  
  


Varian stared for a moment then turned around slowly. Cassandra was in the back of the gondola fixing her sword belt, obviously extremely hard to ignore the conversation that Varian was having with his Ex.

“The witch Cassandra.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes.

“Cassandra is not a witch Faith.” He looked over at Cassandra. “One moment.”

“Uh hu.” She answered refusing to look at him, oh gods, she was pissed off with him.

He led Faith out of the gondola, pulling her back when she tried to make a panicked run into the woods. How had he never realized how dramatic she could be?

“Cassandra is not a witch. She has no powers, and she is no longer inhabited by daemons.” He explained patiently, keeping hold of her shoulders so as not to risk losing her and having to hunt around the woods, when he was already hungry and thirsty, and not a little damp from the morning dew.  
  


“She is a witch Varian, don’t you see?” Faith cried hysterically. “You were just under her spell. That’s why you were with her.”  
  


Varian sighed, he had hoped that they would have made it back to the Citadel and had breakfast before having to talk about this.

“I guessed you’d seen that.”  
  


“I didn’t know who she was, I couldn’t see her face, but now I know, and it’s not your fault, you’re bewitched Varian.”  
  


“No, not bewitched. Just… just in love.”  
  


Faith’s eyes widened, then filled with tears.

“You don’t mean that Varian. You don’t.”

“Come on, let’s go to the citadel. We need to have a talk, but first you’ve come a long way and you need to have a good hot meal and a rest.”

The short journey over the ravine were some of the most awkward minutes of Varian’s life. They all sat as far apart from each other as possible, nobody spoke, but Faith kept shooting him hurt looks, and staring with fear at Cassandra, who in turn kept rolling her eyes and readjusting her sword belt.

***

Varian could hear the light footsteps coming down the steps to his lab. He knew who it was, nobody else in the citadel was so slow, everybody else just bounded in whenever they pleased, nobody waited at the bottom of the steps seeking permission. How had never noticed that before, his labs, in which ever place they were situated were always open to his friends (unless he was doing something potentially dangerous, in which case he put a sign on the door). Yet, he’d had a rule against Faith disturbing him, she had never been allowed in his lab, it was his space, his domain, the places that she wasn’t allowed to enter- yet everybody else was.

“Come in Faith.” He said with a sigh, placing his pipet down and turning of his Bunson burner.

He watched her walk in, her eyes surveying the vials around her, hands held together in front of her as if she were frightened to touch anything.

“How are you’re rooms?”

“Fine, not as nice as Corona, but then this place is a bit, rough.”

“You’re meant to be resting, that was a long journey. Have you eaten?”

“Yes.”

“It did go okay didn’t it? I mean the journey? It wasn’t too much of a hardship on you.” Varian asked still feeling guilty that she had made the trip there to see him.

“No.”

“Good.”

He looked back down at the papers in front of him, his formula for a thick gel that would explode into little balls of flame if it were heated. A weapon, one that he would hope would never be used, sometimes the threat and knowledge that some kingdoms held advanced weaponry was enough to keep peace when disagreements arose. He picked up his pencil to add a few notes, but a small tanned hand wrapped around his.

“You still care.”

He gently pulled away from her.

“I do care Faith, but only because I would never wish any harm or discomfort to come to you.”

She stepped forwards, her legs resting against his now, her chest at the level of his eyes as she stroked his hair. How many times in the past had he taken this comfort? How many times had he rested his head against the flat stomach as fingers massaged his scalp? Taken a moment of rest and peace in a busy day? No wonder she’d thought he was in love with her. To admit that the gesture had reminded him of his mouther would have been embarrassing, and to say that the reason he sometimes twirled her hair in his fingers was because it was almost the same shade as the mother who he had lost too young.

“You look tired, you’ve not been sleeping again have you? Or eating properly? You haven’t had anybody here to take care of you.”

“I’m a grown man Faith, I can take care of myself.”

“Not as well as I can take care of you.”

He sighed and stood up.

“Enough of this. You need to rest up, and then take the first caravan home.”  
  


“But I want to stay here with you, I don’t care that it’s not as nice as Corona.”  
  


“I did you a disservice Faith, telling you that we had to break up because you disliked travel.”  
  


“I have travelled, I don’t like it but I can do it.”  
  


“I know, I underestimated you, but Faith, you don’t have to travel for me.”  
  


“I know that sometimes you’ll have to come here because they want your help rebuilding, but most of the time we’ll be in Corona.”  
  


“Faith, there is no we. You must have realized that I broke up with you for more reasons than I gave.“  
  


“What did I do?” She said aghast.  
  


“Nothing, absolutely nothing. You are amazing Faith, you’re beautiful, you’re loyal, you’re very talented, and you have the patience of a saint. But, I just can’t love you and appreciate you in the way that you deserve.”  
  


“I was happy though; I was happy with what you could give. I was happy that you loved me a little.”  
  


Varian looked down and sighed. He had wanted to spare her feelings, but it looked like it wasn’t going to be possible.

“That’s the thing Faith, I never did love you. I’m really sorry, I wanted to love you. If I were any other man I would have been able to, you are the kind of girl that’s so easy to love, but I’m just not that person.”

“You’re only saying this because of her.”  
  


“Cassandra? No, I was feeling this way long before Cassandra turned up.”  
  


“Why do you love her?”  
  


“I don’t know, I just do.” It was a lie, he could give a thousand reasons he loved her, but that wasn’t going to help this conversation end anytime sooner.

“That’s not love Varian, it’s lust. She stepped towards him. You’re a man, and all men have this problem Varian. It’s unhealthy to stay unmarried past a certain age, you need the warmth of a woman.”

Her hand was resting on his stomach between them. He felt a familiar anger rising. All the things people expected him to be, all the things people thought he should want, never understanding, never really listening, forcing him to live within the confines of their expectations when he craved the freedom to explore unhindered all that life and alchemy could offer him.

“You were just taken in by Cassandra because she gave you what your body craved, but it’s Okay Varian, because I can give you that too.”

She reached up and kissed him, as her hands slid downwards.

Varian froze, his muscles tensed, and he felt himself trembling with contained anger. He had to keep his temper in check, he knew what he was capable off if he didn’t. He’d spent so many years learning how to control himself. He did not want to push her away, and risk her falling or hurting herself instead he kept his eyes open, staring down at her, his lips pursed in a stern frown, as she pulled away.

“You can bed me Varian, if that’s what you need to come back to your senses, too come back to me.”

He closed his eyes, tried to take a deep breath to steady himself. Her hand skirted to the material of his trousers, clumsily palming him. He gasped, and grabbed her hand pulling it sharply upwards unable to control himself any longer. He pulled her close, feeling a sick pleasure when he saw her eyes flash with a sudden fear.

"I could never feel that for you either.” He said venomously. “Do you have any self-respect at all? To throw yourself at a man who has no interest in you. To come all this way without a hint that the person wants you. YOU DISGUST ME! Go home Faith, go home and get married to some baker or butcher boy and live your plain and ordinary life! Don’t you ever dare to touch me again!”

“Varian.” Eyes were filling with tears. “You’re hurting me.”

  
Varian pushed her away with force, causing her to stumble. She looked up at him from the floor with wide eyes, before getting up and fleeing.

For a long time he just stood in the centre of the room, feeling the anger as it coursed through his veins like a fire. He tried to calm himself, deep breaths, visualising flowing water, and eventually the tension left his body. He collapsed into his chair feeling a rise of guilt, he had been unnecessarily cruel. He’d failed at keeping his temper once again, that darkness in him, the cruelty, he knew it was always there, but it didn’t come forth often these days. He sighed and put his head in his hands. There was darkness in him, he always had to be careful, he had just got so angry. It wasn't Faiths fault for walking in on him and Cass that morning, she'd just been at the wrong place at the wrong time, but he was angry at her for it.

Cassie that morning, her hips grinding into his, that friction, the way her head was tilted back, eyes closed, lips apart and glistening. The groan that she had made that had rumbled straight to his core, he had almost come undone just at that noise. She had almost been his. How could he ever want another woman after that? Every woman would pale in comparison to her sensuality.

He sighed, and closed his eyes, as his hand reached down to undo his belt. 

***

He was heading to the kitchen when he saw familiar black locks heading down the hallway. He ran to catch up.

“Cassie, Can we talk?”  
  


“Oh, you’re not scared of the big bad witch.”  
  


“I’m not responsible for what other people think Cassandra, I have always stood up for you when I’ve heard that kind of thing.”  
  


Cassandra sighed.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”  
  


“I’m sorry that Faith interrupted us this morning.”  
  


She shot him a raised eyebrow.

“Okay, maybe I mean I’m sorry that Faith turned up unexpected.”

“You told me that you two had broken up.”  
  


“We have.” Varina said holding up his hands in an open gesture. “Or, I thought we had, I thought it was completely over but apparently I may have left some wiggle room.”  


Cassandra put her hands on her hip and stared at him.

“It’s just, I had tried to spare her feelings and told her that It was because she didn’t like to travel.”  
  


“So she travelled here to prove that she could and to win you back.”  
  


“Apparently.”  
  


Cassandra gave a small smirk.

“You know if it wasn’t for the fact that she thinks I’m a witch who put you under some kind of lust spell, I might actually quite like her.”  
  


“Look, this morning.”

“I think Faith interrupting us was for the best don’t’ you?” Cassandra said interrupting him.  
  


Varian paused, he thought about it for a moment. That morning things were very heated, neither of them seemed to have it in their minds to stop anytime soon. He hadn’t had any of his prophylactics on him, he’d never carried them around with him, there’d never been any point, but perhaps it was now time to. So, if things had gone the way they had seems to have been heading then Cassandra might have ended up pregnant. So, with that logic, it was for the best that Faith had interrupted them.

"I guess so."

He agreed.

Cassandra shrugged.

“Then there’s nothing to talk about.” She turned around to walk off again.

“Wait! Wait! Was that the wrong answer? Can I change my answer?”

Cassandra sighed.  
  


“We will talk about it soon Varian, I have to find my Dad. Please, just be patient with me.”

He stopped, patient, she wanted him to be patient. Well, it had been eight years since he’d first fallen for her, so he knew a little something about patience. He sighed.

“Okay Cass, I’ll wait a little longer.” He said with a sigh.

He watched her walk away when he was out of sight he started to berate himself.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why am I always saying the wrong thing?”  
  


“Are you okay?”  
  


“Just contemplating my perpetual virginity.” He said not looking to see who had spoken. Then realising he’d actually spoken out loud her turned around to see a woman standing looking at him in puzzlement, she was blacked skinned, with grey-brown eyes and shoulder length curly hair. She was just the perfect height.

  
“I could help with that.”  
  


What was it with all these women offering him sex today? Was he giving off some different pheromones?

“I’m umm.. you are very beautiful, but.. I maybe sort of taken.”  
  


“Okay, well if you change the mind, just ask for Kitty.”

  
“Uh.. I’m just going to go now.”

***

“Something is different about you Cassandra.”

John said as they sat across from each other in the library eating lunch as it was now their habit to do.

  
“I have a limp.”  
  


“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”  


“You don’t have to worry Dad, I’m not being followed around by any daemons and I’m not planning on overthrowing any kings.”  
  


“You know I was not talking about that either Cassandra. Why are you avoiding this conversation?”  
  


“Hey, you were the one who taught me all my evasive manoeuvres.”

“Is it because you’re uncomfortable with Frank?”  
  


“No! No, Dad, I’m happy you’re with Frank. Honestly. He makes you happy, and I really like him.”  
  


“Okay, that’s good. For a while after you left us I wondered if you were feeling a little put out. You and I, we always just had each other.”  
  


“Why did you adopt me?” She blurted; it had been playing on her mind ever since Varian had found that book.  
  


“Is that’s what’s bothering you?”  
  


“No, it’s just, lately I’ve been trying to make sense of everything, who I am, where I came from, where I’m going next.”  
  


“I was alone. I was desperate for somebody to love, and to take care of. It didn’t all fall into place at once. That night when your mother abandoned you, we thought she’d come back, try and find you. You were to be a bargaining chip, her true child for the one she stole, but as time went on we realized she was never coming. You were kept in the castle, below stairs, the King and Queen, they had just lost their child and for a while couldn’t bear to see you, not that any blame was ever put on you. The maids looked after you, and I used to check on you every day after work. Every day I would spend a little time with you, reading you books or playing with a little dolly you had.”

A smile spread across her father’s face as he remembered those simple times from her childhood.

“After a while I started to realize that in your short life you had never really been properly loved or taken care of. You were so young, but so stoic, and you already had such a sense of duty. I saw so much of myself in you. I started to think to myself, she could be my daughter. Then the idea started in my head that you needed somebody to take care of you, and I needed somebody to take care of, maybe you really could be my daughter. One day, I just went to talk to King Fredrick about you, and about how we needed to decide on what to do with you, and that night you came home with me. You were my daughter, and I never once looked back or regretted that decision. I needed you as much as you needed me, probably more if I am honest. Many men like me, can rise to the occasion with a woman, have a family, hide their desires for other men, but I never could. I could never have had my own child, you were, are, such an unexpected blessing in my life.”

Cassandra smiled and reached across the table to take his hand.

“I love you Dad.”

“Now, Cass, if that wasn’t what was bothering you, then what is?”

“If there's a prize for rotten judgement,  
I guess I've already won that  
No man is worth the aggravation  
That's ancient history, been there, done that.”

“ _I've heard it said  
That people come into our lives  
For a reason  
Bringing something we must learn  
And we are led to those  
Who help us most to grow if we let them  
And we help them in return.”_

“I thought my heart had learned its lesson  
It feels so good when you start out  
My head is screaming "Get a grip girl  
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out”

"Cassie."

She jumped in shock at the familiar nickname.

"You called me Cassie."

"Did I? I'm sorry, slip of the tongue. Now, my child, let us speak plainly, what is it that’s wrong?"

“Dad, I think I’m in love with somebody that I shouldn’t be.”  
  


The Captain sighed and put his head in his hands.  
  


“Well, it was going to happen one day.”  
  


“Yeah.” She answered.

“A woman?”  
  


“No. Just, not a good choice.”  
  


“Why not?”  
  


“I guess that nobody would be a good choice for me. I am not really the settling down type. But he’s more of a bad choice than the rest because he is so much younger than me.”  
  


“How much younger?”  
  


Cassandra rolled her eyes slightly; she didn’t want to give too much away.  
  


“Okay then, well, if he’s an adult and capable of making his own choices...”  
  


“Of course he’s an adult, and of course he’s capable.”  
  


“Cassandra, let me ask you this. Men frequently take wives that are a decade or even two younger than them. It does not often cause much of a stir. If you’re ages were reversed, and he was the one who was older than you, do you think anybody would comment?”  
  


“It’s not just age though, it’s background.”  
  


“Almost everybody in this town has a history Cassandra, including you. It’s time to put the past firmly in the past. Now, you’ve given me the reasons you shouldn’t love him, what are the reasons you do?”  
  


“Dad, this is embarrassing.”  
  


“Cassandra, I’m in love with a man, who by the way is a decade younger than me. And you have seen it all play out, more than I would have wished you to see anyways.”

Cassandra blushed at the memory.

“Are we really going to keep on hiding from each other the fact that we are capable of having feelings?”  
  


“You’re getting soft in your old age.”  
  


“Enough with the evasive manoeuvres! Why are you in love with him Cassandra?”  
  


“I said might be.”  
  


“Cassandra!”  
  


“Because he sees me, he’s always seen me. He is willing to put up with the sarcastic and the dark side. He dousn’t care that I am stronger than him, like some men do. Because...” Cassandra takes a big breath. “Because he made me feel safe when I was at my most vulnerable, and because he’s funny, and clever, and kind.”

“Cassandra, don’t be afraid to take the chance on a man who makes you feel safe and seen.”

He walked around the table and kneeled next to her bringing her into a hug.

“But Dad, I’ve never really.. I don’t know where to go next. I don’t know what I can offer him. I don’t want this life.” She said waving her hands around to take in the citadel and the town.

“What life do you want Cassandra?”  
  


“I don’t know.” She said against his shoulder.

“Well, all I can do Is keep being here for you while you figure it out. And Cassandra, I do not like him.”  
  


“What? Who?” She said looking up at him.

“Varian, I don’t like him because he is cleverer than everybody else and he thinks the usual rules don’t apply to him.”

  
“When did you know?” She asked.

“The first time I saw you together, in the woods, he had pushed you behind him and was stood there protecting you from danger. Then the next night, you were all dressed up, and the boy couldn’t take his eyes off you.”  


“But, how did you know I liked him?”  
  


“Because if you didn’t you would have put him in his place.”

Cassandra gave a small laugh.

“Yeah, I guess I would have.”

“I wish it was a woman, I wouldn’t have minded that nearly as much, but it really dousn’t matter if I don’t like him, because at the end of the day Cassandra, if he is the one you choose, I accept that. I have seen him with you from a distance, I have seen him be kind, and patient, and gentle, so maybe, when you tell me you trust him, I could learn to trust him too. In time.”

“I haven’t made any choice yet Dad.”

He nodded.

“You will have to soon. ”

  
“I know.”


	10. Quirin Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Warning: Explicit sexual situations
> 
> I do not own the song or lyrics included, they are Rewrite the Stars from the Greatest Showman.
> 
> I hope you don’t mind a half chapter, I wanted to post something this weekend but I’m a bit short on time to finish the second part of this.
> 
> P.S. I give all of my chapters nicknames, the previous chapter was the one where Cassandra rolls her eyes a lot, this one is the one where Varian tried to turn Cassandra on with Science and the next one is the one with the least sexy shower scene in fanfiction.

Quirin part 1

It had been three days since Cassandra had laid eyes on Varian, and it had been a peaceful few day. She had spent time with her friends and family without having to thinking about Varian, his proposal, and how close she’d come to accepting in that gondola. The time had come to talk to him about it though, as Rapunzel had said, ‘lover’ could mean a range of things, she needed to find out what was on Varian’s mind, before she could give him solid answer. If she didn’t face this now then the decision would be made for her, either by an accident as in the kind that had almost happened in the gondola, or by Varian getting frustrated with waiting and moving on.

As she was walking down the maze of empty corridors down by Varian’s room she heard a groan. She reached for her knife and slowly padded in the direction of the noise; it was coming from round a bend. She pushed herself against the wall and glanced around the corner, ready to take on anything she saw… except, what she actually saw.

Rapunzel was leaning up against the wall, her head thrown back, eyes closed, biting her lip. Eugene, at least she assumed it was Eugene, because whoever it is has his head under her skirts, Rapunzel’s leg across thrown across his shoulder. She stared at the scene in front of her, shocked.

A hand grabbed her, she gasped and automatically raised her knife, lowering it again as she looked into familiar blue eyes as Varian’s hand closed over her mouth. He raised a finger to his own lips showing her to be quiet and started pulling her in the opposite direction, a bemused look on his face. He led her back round the corridors and into the library, where he automatically burst out laughing.

“Always in corridors, it’s like they want to be caught. You know one time I caught them at it pretending that they were a scullery maid and a stable boy? Dressed up and everything. I don’t think a single person in Corona hasn’t walked in on them. You’d think they’d know how to take it behind locked doors.”

He looked up noticing Cassandra wasn’t laughing.

“Oh, I’m sorry Cassie. I shouldn’t embarrass you.” He said, sounding tentative.  
  


“Do people actually do that?” She hadn’t mean to ask the question, it just slipped out.  
  


Varian tilted his head to the side in a question manner, he kind of reminded her of a spaniel when he did that. It was clear he didn’t understand what she meant, and she was beginning to feel very uncomfortable.

“Forget it.”  
  


“No, tell me.”

“Kiss, I guess.” Because that is what she guessed was going on under those skirts. “There.”

“Oh, yeah. I don’t think it’s uncommon.”

“Oh.” Cassandra rubbed her hand across her arm. Why was she having this conversation with him? Why did she ask? It was stupid, but she had seen the expression on Rapunzel’s face, and she hadn’t actually ever thought that a man could, or would, do that for a partner. Part of her felt like she had betrayed her friend by witnessing what was supposed to be a private moment, but another part of her felt curious. It was that part that Varian seemed to notice.

“Hey, next time you and I get stuck in a gondola in the middle of a storm I could show you.”  
Cassandra lashed out to punch him in the arm but he darted out of the way laughing.

“That is never happening again.” Except, wasn’t that why she had tried to find him that morning, to organise for that to happen again.  
  


“Oh well, guess I’ll just have to wait for the next run-away horse then.”  
  


“If it’s heading for you I’m not saving you.”  
  


Varian laughed.

“Oh, I thought I could watch you when you were aroused all day, the blush of your skin, the twinkle of your eyes, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. But aroused and embarrassed, that’s a whole new thing.”  
  


“I hate you.”  
  


“No, you don’t.”  
  


“And don’t talk about me being aroused, how could you know what another person is thinking. You’re not a mind reader.”

Something flashed into Varian’s eyes and he gave a small half smile. He walked up to her making her back against a table. He reached down and took her chin in his hand as he leaned in close to whisper to her.

“Arousal may begin in the mind, but it spreads through the body like an energy, leaving traces everywhere it touches.”

“I’m not aroused, I hate Fitzherbert.”

His hand was reaching down now, fingers delicately holding her wrist.

“It’s not Eugene or Rapunzel turning you on. It's the idea, the idea of somebody kissing you there. The idea of lips there, the idea of a tongue licking you. You’re almost panting Cass. I can feel your pulse beneath my fingers, your heart is racing.”

His hand reached up and stroked down her neck, they deftly unhooked one of the buttons on her blouse and pushed the fabric apart.

“You’re blushing all the way down your neck to your chest. “His fingers brushed downwards skirting the hot flesh above her corset. His warm breath continued against her neck. “Your eyes are glittering because your irises have widened, it's the opening of the capillaries, letting your blood flow faster.” His thumb grazed her cheek under her eyes. “You’re aroused Cassandra, your body is making itself ready for a man. It is beautiful. Tell me, are you getting wet?”

His voice was warm, his own breath hitching at the words. Cassandra could feel her heart racing, she felt dizzy, almost drunk. Then he was backing away from her and looking down at her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to try it Cassie?”  
  


Her chest felt tight because she was breathing too hard, and she felt a tingling in between her legs. How did he do this to her? They were joking a few minutes before. She licked her lips trying to answer, trying to tell him that this wasn’t what she wanted, but it was a lie she couldn’t bring herself to tell.

Varian put his hand on her hip. She stared, not moving away, she couldn’t do this. She knew she shouldn’t do this, but there was something in the way he was looking at her, the way he was moving towards her that she couldn’t escape.

He put his hands on her waist and she gasped as he easily lifted her feet off the floor, sitting her on the table that had been pushing against the small of her back.

All joking had disappeared, his stare was intense, those blue eyes, they could express so much, and now they were expressing pure lust.

“You only have to say no Cassandra.”

Her throat went dry and she opened her mouth as if to speak, but the words wouldn’t come, she didn’t’ want them too. She hated that he was right, she hated that she wanted him like this, that she could still want anybody like this, it was a weakness she had thought herself rid off.

When she didn’t speak he gave a mischievous grin. His hand grasped at the hems of her skirts and he pulled them upwards. As he knelt in front of her, she lost sight of his face, but she could feel his hands, sliding up her calves from her ankles to her knees. Gentle pressure, urging her to open her legs. She obliged.

She felt dizzy, this wasn’t like her, this wasn’t something that she did. She felt desperate, desperate to be touched.

Moist lips placed a kiss on the inside of her knee. She took a sudden intake of breath. Her hands reached out behind her steadying herself as she leaned back slightly on the table. The next kiss came a few centimetres further up her thigh, then another. His hands wrapped tightly around her legs as they began to tremble. She felt something brush against the fabric of her underwear, then a kiss against the skin where that fabric met her leg. A long lingering lick down the edges, a slim finger pulling at the material. Too intense, too much.

“NO!”

Varian jumped back as if scolded, he fell backwards with a loud thud and a wince, but he quickly scrambled to his feet. Backing away from Cassandra with his hands in the air and a weary look on his face.

He had stopped. He had stopped when she had wanted him too, he wasn’t Duncan. She could say stop and he would. Something inside her clicked at that knowledge, however out of control he made her feel, if it were too much, she only had to say no, and it would all stop. She could trust him.

“Cassandra, I’m sorry, I went too far.”  
  


She looked down at the floor, trying to gain her breath, trying to slow her heart.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t wrong, it’s just, my Dad comes in here a lot. Let’s not talk about it.”

  
“We could write a book about the things we’re not talking about.” Varian said with a soft smile.

She smiled back, letting him know that everything was alright between them. After all, she’d wanted him, he’d wanted her, things had got out of control for a few moments, that’s all it was. That was the lie she told herself. She looked around trying to find a way to change the topic, she saw a pile of what looked like scientific equipment in the corner.

“What’s that?” She asked straightening her skirts and trying to fix up her hair. Varian looked at the corner.

“Oh. Oxygen mask, fire retardant suit, a few other bits.”

“What for?”

“My work mapping the Lava tunnels. It helps me breath and offers a little protection from the heat.”

“Oh, why isn’t it in your lab?”

“I have a set in my lab, but I’m keeping a spare set here, in case there’s a fire in my lab, then I can use the stuff in here to help put out the fire.”

“What about, just not setting anything on fire?”

Varian shrugged as if fires were just inevitabilities in his book.

“Is it time for that talk Cassie?

“What talk?”  
  


“The one you’ve been avoiding.”  
  


She took a deep breath and nodded.

“Yes, it is.”

“You know I want you  
It's not a secret I try to hide.”

Varian sung stepping towards her with his hands spread open in front of him

“I know you want me  
So don't keep saying our hands are tied  
You claim it's not in the cards  
Fate is pulling you miles away  
And out of reach from me  
But you're here in my heart  
So who can stop me if I decide  
That you're my destiny?

What if we rewrite the stars?  
Say you were made to be mine  
Nothing could keep us apart  
You'd be the one I was meant to find  
It's up to you, and it's up to me  
No one can say what we get to be  
So why don't we rewrite the stars?  
Maybe the world could be ours  
Tonight.”

“You think it's easy  
You think I don't want to run to you.”

Cassandra answered.

“Then why Cassie?”

It was time to come clean, there was no avoiding it any longer.

“In my dreams I kill you. Over and over again I kill you.”  
  


“They’re dreams Cassie. It not real, it’s just your fears speaking. You’re not going to actually kill me. Your dreams are just showing you what you’re scared off.”  
  


“But it’s only you that I see myself hurting.”  
  


“We do spend a lot of time together, but maybe what you’re scared of at the moment is losing me? Maybe this is just how your dreams are interpreting that.” He said it kind of hesitantly, maybe even hopefully.

“I…”  
  


“Do you want to kill me? Stood here now?”  
  


“No.”  
  


“Have you ever wanted to kill me?”  
  


“NO!”   
  


“Then accept that it is just a dream. I do.”

Cassandra thought for a moment, he wasn’t scared of her hurting him, and the dreams, could they just be as he said? Not her mind telling her that some small deep part of her wanted to hurt him, but instead that she was scared of losing him. She knew she feared losing him. She was even more scared that they would get closer and then she’d be even more hurt when they eventually and inevitably parted.

“Go on a date with me.”  
  


“No.” She said startled at the change in direction the conversation had taken.  
  


“Why not?”

“Well, why should we?”  
  


“We have a lot in common.”

“Like we both tried to destroy Corona?” She said sarcastically.

“That and other stuff.”

“Other stuff?”

Varian looked around as if trying to think of something.

“Our mums are both dead.” He finally suggested timidly.

“I don’t know if villainous tendencies and dead parents is enough to build a romantic relationship on. Definitely not an emotionally stable one at least.”

“But it’s just a date, two people spending time together. Like the hours that we spent together in your room when you were recovering.”  
  


“That was different.”  
  


“How?”  
  


“I couldn’t run away.”  
  


Varian snorted.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t like having me around. We’ve sat and talked, we’ve eaten alone together, mainly sandwiches, but we’ve sat by moonlit pools, and danced together, and rode together, how is a date going to be any different?”

“I thought you said you wanted to be my lover, so why would we even have to go on a date?”  
  


“Wait, what? Oh…oh, did you think I only wanted? No, I want all of you. I’m greedy when it comes to you Cassie, I want heart, soul, and body as well.” He looked her up and down. “I really really want your body. Never mind. “He shook himself out of it. “I know you’re not interested in marriage, but I want to be with you, always.”

“I’m not made for dating.”  
  


“Why not?”  
  


“Because I don’t want that life.”

“What life”?

“I could never be a mother!” Cassandra shouted. She let out a deep breathe, the words she had always kept bottled up. “I could never let a relationship stop me from being me, not many men are interested in a woman who is stronger than them, or who enjoys fighting, and traveling. They want.. they want somebody like Faith, the meek and mild little housewife.”

“That’s the thing Cassandra, I don’t want a meek woman, I want you. As you are, a fighter a wanderer, and whatever comes next for you. I just want to be there to see it. I’m okay with you being the strong one, really I am, because at the end of the day I can always invent traps and weapons and if I’m not the strongest person in the room it doesn’t make me feel any more vulnerable, or any less of a man. Also, I invented a way to be lovers without the risk of pregnancy. “

  
“You’ll want the settled life eventually.”

  
“Maybe eventually I will. Maybe I won’t. Look, if we’re not still travelling around together when we’re old and grey then it dousn’t mean that we failed somehow, or that our relationship was a bad thing. It just means that there was a period of our lives when we grew best together, and that came to an end, and we entered a different period of our lives when we grew better on our own, or with other people.”

“You think we’ll grow best together?”

Varian nodded his head.

“We need each other Cassandra. Don’t you see? We’re the only ones who can understand each other, we’re the only ones who can help each other move on and be free.”

There was something true about what he was saying, but there was a lot more at risk if she took him on as more than just a temporary lover. In one case, with Varian’s little gloves the only risk was that their love making was unpleasant and they became awkward with each other. In the other case, she was at risk of getting her heart thoroughly broken, Varian would worm himself into her life until he was her everything, he was already part way there.

“So, what does it look like to you, being together?”

“I’ve promised to be in Corona next summer, but other than that I’m free.”  
  


“Free to do what?”  
  


“Whatever we choose, stay here, travel. I’d go with you wherever you wanted Cassandra.”

“One date.” She said giving in.  
  


“YES!” He did a little victory dance. “I knew it, you like me!”  
  


“Of course I like you, that’s why I don’t want to break your heart and crush your soul.”

“You think a lot of yourself for a person with such chronic low self-esteem.”  
  


“Maybe I just think you’re over emotional.”  
  


“Ha! Over emotional.”  
  


“Last time I didn’t return your affections you tried to crush me to death.”  
  


“You pushed me out of a tall tower.”  
  


“That was an accident. You tried to lock me in amber.”  
  


“You destroyed my home.”  
  


“You kidnapped my Queen.”

“Made for each other.”  
  


“It’s one date.”  
  


“It’s going to be spectacular.”  
  


“I’m already regretting this.” Cassandra said as she walked off.

She arrived in her room breathless, feeling the ghost of Varian’s lips on her thighs. Standing against the door she reached under her skirt to touch the place his fingers had been half an hour before, the slightest touch made her groan. Jeez, what was wrong with her? She had never felt this…what was the term Varian used… aroused, before. The fabric of her underwear was damp. There was pressure, and she needed to do something about it, she could not think straight.

He’d dared her to stop him, and she hadn’t, well not at first. She could have, easily, but she’d wanted it, he could tell she’d wanted it.

Her finger pressed into that sensitive spot as she thought about the look that he’d given her. She just needed to release the pressure; she’d be able to think straight if she released that pressure. She threw her head back and groaned.

***

It had been three days again since she’d last seen Varian, though this time it seemed that none of their friends had seen much of him either. Though apparently this was nothing unusual, the young man could spend weeks at a time in his lab without seeing much of the sunlight if he got taken up with a project. Apparently people didn’t usually start to intervene until the second week, forcing him to go out into the sunlight, eat a meal, and actually talk to somebody. After breakfast on the fourth morning Cassandra made him up a plate of food and headed down to the lab.

He didn’t even look up from his notepad when she walked in, furiously sketching his tongue between his teeth and hair jutting up in every angle.

“AHEM!” 

“Oh, Cassie, I um…” He ran his hand through his hair, probably in an attempt to tame it but the result was just that it stuck up even further. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I haven’t seen you at dinner these last few days.”

“I’ve uh, been keeping irregular hours.”  


Cassandra bent over to look at the sketches, some kind of wooden battering ram maybe. Varian quickly tried to tidy them away out of her sight.

“I can see that, have you actually slept at all?”  
  


“Yeah, at some point, I slept…”  
  


“So, that’s a no.”  
  


“So, it’s dinner time?”  
  


“No, it’s breakfast time.”  
  


“Hua, this place really needs more windows.” Varian said looking around his basement laboratory.   
  


“Eat.” Cassandra ordered pushing the plate at him. Varian grabbed it hungrily, throwing an apple into the small den in the corner where Pen gave a happy little squeak.

“I hope you’ve been feeding her, even if you haven’t been feeding yourself.”  
  


“Oh, she makes it known when she’s hungry. She crawls up my back and sits on my head until I feed her, it’s impossible to do anything until she’s taken care of.”  
Cassandra went and knelt beside the little creature. It gave her a happy little chirp then continued eating.

“So…” Varian said between mouthfuls of pastries. “What have you been up to?”  
  


“Not a lot, I spent some time in the library trying to find that second volume on my mother, but then I stopped.”  
  


“Oh.”

“I get it now.”

“What do you get?”  
  


“That I have a father. I know who he is. He is the man whose been there for me since I was four, and I don’t need a book to tell me that Rapunzel is my family. She was my family long before I knew we had a blood connection. I should have known that all along. I do not need to know who my mother is to know who I am, she may have brought me into the world, but I am not any part of her. Other people have raised me, other people have helped me grow into what I am. I have helped myself grow into who I am.”

His mouth quirked into a smile.

“Have you only just worked that out?”  
  


“Well, we can’t all be geniuses.”

“You’re the only one who writes your destiny Cassandra.”

She smiled fondly at him.

“So, what are you inventing?” She said giving Pen a quick scratch behind the ear before going back over to the table.  
  


“Not, inventing, not really. Just planning.”  
  


“What are you planning?” Cassandra managed to find another sheet of paper and pulled int towards her. It was a picture of the pool that they had sat beside the night they had danced together, drawn in the centre of some kind of map, but she couldn’t really make out what it was depicting.  
  


“Wait. You’re not doing all this for our date are you?”  
  


“No.” Varian looked pointedly at the floor. “Okay, yes.”

Cassandra picked up one of the remaining pastries, placed it in Varian’s hand and then shoved him towards the door. She was annoyed that he had been missing sleep, all because of planning for a date, and here she was thinking that he had been doing something useful down here.

“Hey.”

“GO TO BED!”  
  


“Alright, alright. “Varian started up the steps.

“You don’t need to work so hard.”  
  


“But I only get one shot.” Varian said shooting her a smile over his shoulder.

“Varian, you said it was just a date. I don’t like how much weight you’re putting on it.”  
  


“It just has to be perfect if I’m going to make you realize that you’re in love with me.” He said with a cheeky grin.  
  


“Varian.” Cassandra sighed.

“See you on Friday night Cassie.”

Cassandra watched him walk away. The thing was she knew that the date wasn’t going to make her suddenly realize that she was in love with Varian. Falling in love with him had not been sudden, it had been slow and creeping, like vines inching through her consciousness until it was undeniable, but undeniable dousn’t necessarily mean unavoidable.

***

She looked at herself in the mirror. She sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair, Varian had been clear when he’d given her instructions for their date, she was to wear clothes she could comfortably move in. She had gone with black trousers and a maroon blouse. She had tied her hair back, taking the time to do a few small plaits, and put in a pair of ankle boots. 

She sat down nervously, opening a book. Surely it was close to the time he had said he'd meet her. She waited, fidgeting, and trying to distract herself. Twenty minutes passed, and Varian still hadn't knocked on her door. Perhaps, he had got distracted, she was starting to feel unsure of herself. Varian wouldn’t stand her up, not when he had put so much effort into getting her to agree to go on the date in the first place.

Perhaps she had got something wrong, perhaps she was meant to find him when she was ready? Or maybe something important had waylaid him, and he hadn’t had time to come and explain to her. Feeling a sense of trepidation she got up and went to seek him out. She quickly glanced down the steps of his lab but as everything was quiet and still she continued to his bedroom. She knocked, there was no answer, she gently pushed it open to see that it was empty. New clothes were laid out on the bed. Shirt, trousers, a dark green leather waistcoat. Though the clothes were suited for the outdoors he had obviously made some effort in preparing for their date, but where was he?  
  


She headed back up the corridors feeling confused, she noticed a maid carrying laundry.

“Excuse me?”  
  


“Yes Miss.”  
  


“I don’t suppose that you’ve seen Varian, the scientist, around anywhere?”

“Oh, yes Miss. He’s been called out to help with a medical emergency. The surgeon was called out of town this morning you see.”  
  


“A medical emergency?”  
  


“Yes Miss, one of the girls in the town has gone into labour, the midwife is there but she sent out for help, apparently something is wrong Miss. Sophia, you know Sophia?”  
  


Cassandra nodded.

“She thought to come and get Lord Varian.”

“Varian is not a doctor.”

“He’s not Miss, but he saved your life.”

“True.” She conceded. “Thank you.”

She went back to her room and sat on her bed. She felt a little disappointed, but she knew Varian, and if there was somebody in trouble then of course he was going to go and help, it’s what Varian did, he helped people. She would just wait here and eventually he would rush through that door, looking all dishevelled and panicked, and he’d apologise, and she would tell him that she understood, and they would see if any of their date plans could be salvaged. She lay back on her bed, hand reaching for her book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Advanced warning, minor character death in the next part


	11. Quirin Part 2

Warnings: Medical situations and minor character death. – Bit of a brutal chapter.

Quirin part 2

Cassandra was bleary as she woke up, for a moment she had not realized that she’d fallen asleep, hadn’t she been on her bed reading waiting for Varian to come back? Something had woken her, what was it? There was another wordless shout, a small bang, like an explosion. She quickly jumped up and flung her door open. The corridor was busy with people, most of them either heading towards, or away from the door that led down to Varian’s lab.

“Cassandra!”

She turned to see Eugene rushing up to her. “We could need your help.”

“What’s going on?”

“It’s Varian, he…”  
  


Cassandra didn’t hear the rest of what Eugene was saying as she was already running towards the lab. She got halfway down the steps before she bumped into Edmund, who held her back. Eugene was close behind her. She looked down onto the scene below and gasped.

“Varian!” 

Her blood ran cold. Her heart stopped in her chest, as she wordlessly reached out to him.

“He’s not hurt Cass.” Eugene said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

Not hurt, how could he not be hurt? He was drenched in blood. Though he wasn’t moving as if he was hurt, as she watched he blindly grabbed bottles from the shelves and threw them onto the floor, the table was already overturned with papers littering the room. Minerals and fluids were mixing as they smashed on the floor, creating small blue burning fires and puffs of foul-smelling gases.

“What happened?” Cassandra asked. The two men looked at each other but neither answered, they obviously didn’t know.

“Has he done this before?” Cassandra asked to Eugene.

“No.”

“I would just leave him to it. “King Edmund said. “But I’m afraid he’ll blow us all to smithereens.”

Sophia, Cassandra thought. The maid had said that Sophia had been the one to have called him into town, and she had briefly seen Sophia in the hall as she’d run past.

“Back in a minute.” She said running back up the stairs, she needed to know exactly what she was dealing with, because she had never expected to see that wild look in Varian’s eyes again, she had never expected to see him loose control like this.

“Sophia.” She called as she ran up to the tall dark-skinned woman. She stopped when she realized that she was cradling something in her arms.

“What happened? Whose child is that?”

Sophia was clearly shaken, and as she stood with her Cassandra noticed that there were splatters of blood across the woman’s apron.

“She’s dead.” Sophia muttered.

Cassandra took her by the shoulders.

“Who is dead Sophia?”  
  


“Angelica.”

Cassandra felt a cold shock run through her body, the pregnant woman, the one who had given her tea after the incident with the horse, the day she had first kissed Varian. That answered who the baby was.

“I’m so sorry Sophia, I know that she was your friend. What happened? Why is Varian acting like this, I know they were friends but…”

  
“The midwife said that something was wrong, but the surgeon was too far away, so we called on Varian. There was nothing that they could do Miss, the surgeon made it back, but it was too late for anybody to do anything. He said that the uterus had split open on the inside, the baby could have suffocated. Varian, he figured it out, and he cut into her to try and sew her up on the inside because she was losing to much blood. He got the baby out, and the surgeon arrived and tried to help, but there was just so much blood.” Sophia was staring wide eyed as she talked, tripping over her words, but Cassandra heard enough to understand.

“Where is the child’s father?”  
  


“He dousn’t have one Miss. I came here with her, I used to work at the brothel with her. Varian, he came in and recruited us for this place himself. Us and half the woman here, but he and Angelica were close. “Sophia broke down crying as there was another explosion.

Cassandra quickly squeezed her shoulder in sympathy, and then ran back down the stairs. She saw Edmund and Eugene battling with Varian, trying to restrain him. Eugene was reaching up trying to grasp at the glowing vial in Varian’s hand, but the younger man was putting up a good fight. She ran straight over to the group, skipping across the pools of bright coloured liquids that were running in streams across the floor.

“Let him go.”

Eugene and Edmund looked at each other, Eugene nodded and they both let go of Varian and took a few steps backwards as Cassandra grabbed the young man’s hand and pried the vial off of him, placing it safely down on a nearby shelf. Then she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly so he couldn’t do anymore damage. He struggled against her at first but as she spoke softly to him some kind of recognition seemed to enter him.

“Varian, you can stop now, just stop now.”

He slumped against her, his arms coming up to hold onto her waist, his head fell against her neck and she heard a wracked sob escape his lips. Then, as if all energy had gone from him, his whole weight fell heavily against her and she lowered the both of them carefully to the floor, just holding him as he sobbed.

“Cassandra.” She eventually heard a quiet voice. She looked up and saw Eugene gesturing to the floor. Looking down she saw a stream of blue liquid slowly making its way towards where they were sitting. She pulled back from Varian taking his face between her hands, making her look up at him.

“Varian, I need you to concentrate for a moment. Is any of this stuff dangerous?”

Varian looked around, his red eyes barely seeming to take in the room around him, but he shook his head.

“Anything dangerous is in the locked cabinets.”  
  


Cassandra quickly looked over at the row of cabinets, they were all still locked. Nevertheless, they couldn’t stay kneeling here, waiting to be soaked with alchemy, the blood from Varian’s shirt had already soaked through her blouse as he had been holding onto her, she could feel the wetness of it against her skin. She looked at Eugene and Edmund, still standing against the wall, waiting to see if they were needed. Their expressions were unreadable.

“Rescue what papers you can, but then flood the place with a few inches of water, it should help neutralise everything. “Cassandra said, she looked down at Varian trying to see if she was making the right call. He didn’t argue, and she hoped that meant her instructions were right.

“We’ve got this, just take care of him.” Eugene answered.

“Come on.” Cassandra said standing up and pulling Varian up from under the arms. She pushed him along up the stairs and out to the corridor, the people who had been milling around quickly hurried away in fear. Except for Sophia, sat on the floor, holding the tiny baby.

“Stay here and don’t try to blow anything up.” She said letting go of Varian, he swayed slightly but then rested against the wall. She went back up to Sophia and knelt in front of her.

“Will you raise the child?”

Sophia looked up at her in shock. She looked back down at the baby and then shook her head.

“No, Cassandra. Not me. Not an orphanage though, please. If I had time I could find him two loving parents, I know I can.”

As Cassandra straightened up she saw her father and Frank heading towards them. Suddenly everything clicked into place.

“Two loving parents?” She asked Sophia. Sophia looked up at her nodding. Cassandra pointed towards her father. “He’s cared for me since I was four.”

Sophia looked down the corridor at the two men for a moment as if thinking, then she held the baby out for Cassandra to take.

“He’ll be raised right then.”  
  


“He will, he’ll be loved.”

“I heard explosions.” Her father said as he walked up to her. “Are you hurt?”

“No, Dad.”

His eyes alighted on the small child she was clutching, she pulled the blanket that were wrapping him back so that he father could see the intense grey eyes looking upwards and the light ginger hair. Her father’s face softened, even though he still looked puzzled.

“Well, hello little one.”

“Father, this is Quirin.”

He looked back down the corridor, his eyes widening when he saw the state of the young alchemist.

“Varian’s child?”

Varian, hearing looked towards him and scowled. Cassandra thought it was best to just ignore it.

“No, he’s an orphan. He has nobody.”

She thrust her arms outwards and instinctively her father reached out to steady the child’s head in his hand and wrap an arm around him. He looked down at the little child.

“Oh, poor baby. He is so small. This place does not have an orphanage, do you want me to take him into one of the bordering kingdoms and see if they have a place for him?”

“No, Dad, I want you to keep him.”

“Cassandra!”

His eyes widened. Hearing their conversation Frank walked over to them, his fingers gently working through the blankets to stroke the child’s tiny hand.

“This is insanity.” Her father muttered.

  
“Is it? King Edmund offered you a chance to have the life you were meant to have, Captain of the guard, and a family.”

“I’ve always had a family Cassandra, I have you.”

“Yes, and you were the best father that I could have ever asked for. Everything that I ever needed, but we weren’t’ a complete family were we?”

“Well, I...

“You, the two of you, and Quirin, and me when I’m around. We could be a complete family.”

He looked in bewilderment down at the child

“I…”

“Yes.” Frank said. “Yes, I want a child, and If he has nobody.”

John looked between Frank, Cassandra and the baby in amazement.

“We’d have to ask King Edmund; the child is a citizen of the Dark Kingdom.”

“I cant imagine he’d say no, he really wants you as his Captain.”

The baby stared up at the two men, unblinking and unaware of the chaos of his birth.

“Quirin, my son.”

Cassandra left the two men alone. She would have wanted to spend longer, but Varian needed her.

She took his arm and led him to his bedroom. He sat down on the bed, staring down at his blood-soaked hands. He was so still that Cassandra would have sworn he was a statue if she had not known better.

She sat on the bed and pulled him forwards for another hug. Oh Gods, he stunk, the metallic tang of blood. He was drenched, she had never seen so much blood. It was starting to dry in patches on his black leather apron and crumble off in a fine brown dust, but the arms of his shirt were still wet with it, dripping even. She could not imagine how horrific the ill-fated operation had been. He seemed completely unaware of his condition, sat on the bed, smudges of blood across his face, solidifying into his hair, making it spike upwards.

She reached out and grabbed his arm, trying not to shiver at the cold dampness, knowing that It had been the death of the friendly pregnant woman that she had met.

“Come with me.”

Varian didn’t seem to notice that she was there.

She tugged at him harder.

“I said, come with me.”

This time he looked up, he looked completely dazed and confused, as if that genius brain of his just could not comprehend what was happening, Cassandra suspected that he was going into shock. He was ghostly pale under all the mess, and as she pulled him up she could feel him tremble. She pushed him gently into the shower room where she started to fiddle with the dials, it didn’t take her long to work out how to get a steady flow of warms water running.

“You’ll need to take of your apron.” She did not say that the rest was so encrusted that she didn’t think they would be able to get it off without using the water to wash away some of the blood. Not without both getting more of it on their skin, and that was an unpleasant idea.

She turned to see Varian trying and failing to undo the knots of the leather thongs. His hands were shaking so badly. She went to help him and moving his hands out of the way was able to throw the apron away. She gently led him to the water.

“Sit down.” She said gently, he looked like he was going to collapse anyways. He did as she said, sitting with his knees up and head down under the stream of water. She watched as the water ran off him, a solid deep red colour.

She saw Varian’s trembling still and hoped that the hot water was helping him a little. When he spoke though, she realised that it was another emotion entirely that was starting to overtake him.

“So much blood.”

She knelt down next to him, not caring about getting wet, not caring that the fluid seeping into her trousers was more blood than water. She put her hand on his shoulder.

“But, you are okay with blood now, right?”  
  


“When I’m concentrating on a procedure I don’t notice it.”  
  


He wasn’t concentrating on a procedure right at that moment, so that meant he most definitely was noticing it.

“Shut your eyes.”

It was too late, Varian slumped sideways, falling heavily onto her, as she tried to hold him up.

“Great, just great.” She muttered.

She heaved him off her, wondering how he could be so heavy when he was so slim. She rolled him slightly over the tiled floor making sure that he wasn’t in the spray of water, she’d heard of bad date nights before, but accidentally drowning your romantic interest would be up there with the worst.

She looked down at him for a moment, trying to decide what to do with him. He would wake up soon, but with the blood now pooling around him there wasn’t anything to say that he wouldn’t faint again. How the hell he had managed to look after her when she was having her operation when he was still bothered by this affliction she didn’t know. She guessed it was as he’d said, and he just didn’t notice when concentrating on a procedure. She needed to get him clean somehow.

She went back into his bedroom and started rummaging around in his drawers looking for a knife, her hands froze on some papers in the top drawer. Pictures of her, these were not drawn by Rapunzel, she knew that, because Rapunzel had not seen her in the gondola. Is that what she looked like to him? Head thrown backwards, lips wide, a moment of such wild abandon, yet he’d made her beautiful, so much more beautiful than she was in real life, she’d never look that animated, that sultry in real life. She shook herself; she was meant to be looking after him, not snooping at his private belongings. She found a long pair of scissors and rushed back into the shower, relieved to see him starting to stir. She knelt and swiftly cut along the material of his shirt pulling the material back.

“What the...” Varian opened his eyes.

“Help me get you out of this.”  
  


He sat up and let her pull the shirt down from his shoulders, first off one wrist and then the other. She threw the offending garment into the corner. That was the worst of the blood gone. She gave a satisfied little huff, that caught in the back of her throat as she took in the man in front of her.

Muscles… that’s why he weighed more than she thought he would, she knew he was lithe, but he had a well-toned stomach…This wasn’t about that, this was about taking care of him, helping him, with as much gentleness and patience as he had shown her. She needed to help him get rid of the blood, best way of doing it would be to work from the top downwards. She needed to sort his hair first.

“You should get under the water before you get cold.”

“What about you?”  


“I’m not the one who’s at risk of going into shock.”

She was getting soaked though, and her clothes were starting to feel heavy with the water. She slipped her blouse off leaving only a thin camisole on underneath as she went to a row of bottles lined up along the wall.

“Will any of these explode?”  


“Why would I make exploding shampoo?”

“Well, I don’t know. It sounds like the kind of thing you’d do just because you could.”  
  


She picked out a bottle, unstopped it and gave it a sniff, cinnamon… that explained why she sometimes caught a whiff of that when around him, she just thought he had an addiction to pastries.

She walked over to where he was sat in the stream of water and knelt down behind him, she reached up to massage the shampoo into his hair.

“Cassie, what are you doing?”

“Shush, just let me take care of you.” She said trying to figure out where the worst of the staining was.

“I'm not a child. I can do that myself! OWW!”

Cassandra had snaked her hand into his hair and pulled Varian’s head sharply backwards, raising herself up she could stare down at him.

“Has anybody ever told you should learn to accept help?”

  
He shot her a petulant look, huffed, and folded his arms.

“Listen to me, you took care of me when I needed help, and I’m going to take care of you now, and that’s just the way it’s going to be, so stop complaining and deal with it.”

She let go of him, he gave a little grunt but didn’t complain any further. It took a long time for her to work the knots out of his hair, enough time for her to chastise herself for not being more gentle with him, it just wasn’t something that came naturally to her. At least the water was almost running clear now, just when she thought she was done she felt Varian leaning back heavily against her. For a moment she was afraid that he’d fainted again, but then she realized that he was so exhausted that all the fight had finally left him. Slowly she ran her hands down the tense muscles of his back, gently kneading with the heel of her hand as she did so. He gave a light little groan, she reached up and slowly rubbed his shoulders, just letting him have a chance to be still, to rest against her.

“Come on.” She said gently. “We should get the rest of your clothes off.”

He straightened at that, tensing again.

“I can do this bit on my own.”  
  


“Of course.” Cassandra conceded. She got up of the floor, letting the water run off her as she exited into the bedroom. She dripped over the floor as she did so, she had not prepared them any towels, and she hadn’t expected to let herself get soaking wet. She walked over to his wardrobe and brought out two thick towels, she went and laid one out on the bed for Varian and wrapped herself in the other one as she searched through the limited items in his wardrobe, eventually she pulled out a patched blue shirt and loose tan trousers for herself, and a cosy looking woollen jumper and black trousers for him. She quickly dried off and got changed, Varian coming into the room just as she slipped her arms through the shirt. She heard him but didn’t turn around. She’d laid all the clothes out on the bed for him and knew that he was getting dried and dressed behind her, she stared at the wall suddenly feeling awkward.

“You can turn around now.”  
  


She did so. Varian looked exhausted, there were no longer any signs of blood thank goodness but he was pale and there were dark circles beneath his eyes, his hands were covered in raw red scratches and welts from where he had smashed the alchemicals earlier.

“Come to my room, your bed, well… it probably needs burning, as do all your clothes. I’ll organise for somebody to do that, so you don’t have to deal with it.”  
  


“Thank you.” He said heavily.

They walked through the citadel, ignoring the concerned and scared looks that they were getting. In her room Cassandra made up the bed and wiggled up as far as she could to give Varian room. He stood there watching her.

“Are you expecting a written invitation?”

Varian laid next to her, staring at the ceiling.

“You need to rest.”

“Cassie... I…”

“You don’t need to say anything, you don’t need to do anything, you just need to rest. I’m going to stay here with you, all night, and make sure that you sleep.”

Sighing she reached forwards and tugged at his arm. That was all the encouragement he needed. He rolled round, curling onto his side, and rested his head sleepily against her chest.

She was still for a moment, she wanted to be tender, she wanted to reach out for him, it was in her somewhere, but she was so used to ignoring those tender urges that it felt almost unnatural. Gently, she reached for his damp hair, and started stroking it back from his forehead. Looking down she realized that he had already fallen into a deep, exhausted sleep. Despite everything she smiled to herself, his shampoo made him smell like a cinnamon roll, and tucked up in bed, with his weight upon her, she felt like she was wrapped in warm freshly risen dough. Here, for a few hours in the darkness, they could hid away from the horrors of the world outside Citadel doors.

***

It was the muttering that woke her. She looked around in the dark room waiting for her eyes to adjust. She moved her hand across the bed looking for Varian and was finally able to make out his shape sitting on the edge of the bed. She sat up and wiggled close to him. He again seemed unaware of her, as her eyes grew more and more adjusted to the night she was able to make out his hands stretched out in front of him. They were moving, slicing gestures, waving gestures, fingers continuously pulsing, he was moving as if he were… as if he were operation on someone.

“Varian, what are you doing?” She said softly, not even sure if he was present in the room with her or if his mind had taken him entirely back to earlier that day.

  
“I need to know what went wrong.” He answered gruffly.  
  


“Varian, come back to bed.” She said resting her hand on his shoulder.

“No, I need to know. I could have saved her.”

“Varian stop this. You couldn’t have saved her. Nobody could have, some people just can’t be saved. You brought her baby safely into this world, that’s enough.”

“No it’s not.”

She used all her strength to pull him backwards onto the bed.

“Let go.” He said struggling against her. “I’ve almost figured it out.”

She threw her leg over his body straddling him, and in his surprise she was able to pin both his hands to stop them moving.

“You’re too intense sometimes Varian, it can be scary.”

“So, I’ve been told.”

“There is nothing to figure out. You did everything humanly possible, and then probably a bit more because you are you. There was nothing else to be done. Now stop doing this to yourself.”

He looked up at her before quickly looking away, and although she could not make out his features and he didn’t make a sound, she could tell he was crying. She rolled back off him, lying still next to him again.

“Look, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be harsh. I’m just not as good at being gentle as you are.”

“S’okay. “He turned his back to her, shuddering as if trying to contain sobs. She put her arm around him, reaching to find his hand in the darkness. She stayed holding him till she was certain he was asleep again.

***

Sun was streaming through the window when movements woke Cassandra up again. She raised herself up on her elbow to see Varian already sitting up in bed. She reached for his shoulder.

“Varian.”

“I’m going to go help bury the body.” He said. “Best to do it fast in this heat.”

“Other people could do that.”

“I need to do it Cassandra.”

She thought for a moment, honestly, she wished he would continue resting up, but he wasn’t shaking anymore, and although his shoulders hung down heavily he seemed to have regained his senses.

“Ok.”

She watched him pad across the floor barefooted and slip out the door.

***

Cassandra headed down to Varian’s room for the third time that day. It was almost nightfall and he hadn’t returned. As she walked round the corner she saw a couple embracing, she stopped and hesitated as she recognised Sophia and King Edmund. Before she could turn and disappear the kiss ended, and they spotted her.

“Cassandra.”  
  


“Sophia, are you feeling any better today?” She asked ignoring what she had just seen.

Sophia sighed. “It was hard watching her be buried this morning, when only yesterday I was holding her hand.”

Cassandra nodded.

“Again, I’m really sorry. Wait, you were there? Varian hasn’t returned yet.”  
  


“He said he had something he had to do.”  
  


Cassandra nodded; her worry must have shown on her face.  
  


“He’ll be okay, you have to trust that he’ll be okay.”  
  


Cassandra gave a small smile.  
  


“I’ll uh.. head back to my Dad then.” Cassandra said turning back on her heel, leaving the couple alone. Any other day, the fact that something was going on between the King and Cassandra’s ex-nurse would have raised a lot of questions, but today she had too much going on to even question it.

She went back to sit with her father and Frank, after getting the official permission to adopt the baby they had spent the day sat around admiring the child, trying to figure out how to change nappies, where to get a cot so the baby didn’t have to spend to much time sleeping in an empty drawer, and the big question, what the heathiest way to feed him was. They had figured goats milk which had led to Frank travelling around the nearby farms till he found a goat to purchase.

The sun was setting, and Cassandra was considering sending out a search party when Varian came through the open door of John and Frank’s room. A woman with a large baby tied around to her waist stood behind him.

“This is Cece, I hired her as a wet nurse for Angelica’s child.”  
  


“Oh, thank goodness, we didn’t think there would be a woman available in the camp.” Frank said.

  
“There wasn’t.” Varian answered.

“Thank you for your assistance.”  
  


The young woman stepped forwards.

“Shall I take him now?”  
  


“Yes, he’s only had a few sips of goat’s milk, he must be quite thirsty.”

“It’s okay, they never drink too much in the first day. I will get him to fed though, this is my fourth, and he’s ready to be weaned so I have plenty of milk.”  
  


“Oh good.” John said with a slight blush. He went to hand the baby over but as he did Cassandra noticed Varian’s eyes following the child intensely.

“May I hold him? Just for a minute.”

John hesitated slightly, but then passed the child into Varian’s waiting arms. Varian cradled the baby, holding him close to his face. Cassandra could hear him whispering to the child.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Varian, Quirin…” John started.  
  


“Don’t call him that.” Varian said, he didn’t raise his voice, but he somehow managed to sound angry even though he had spoken softly.  
  


“I thought it was what the mother wanted?” John answered. “That’s what Cassandra and Sophia said.”  
  


“It was to thank me, calling him that, but I don’t deserve any of her thanks. I let her down.”

“I do not know your father well. I always told myself that if I somehow managed to have a son I would name him after a great man. I think Quirin must be a great man, because it would take a great man to raise somebody like you.”

Varian stared at him, puzzlement and shock showing on his face.

“I talked to Sophia, she told me what happened last night, she told me what you did to try and save them both. This baby, he would not be here right now if it weren’t for your quick thinking, even the doctor has admitted that by the time he arrived they would have both been dead if you hadn’t have acted as you did. You’re a great man Varian, I am sorry that it has taken me so long to see that.”  
  


Cassandra watched as her father put his hand on Varian’s shoulder.

“Son do not punish yourself anymore for this. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.”

Varian’s eyes were watery as he handed the baby over to the wet nurse.

“I know you’ll raise him right.” He said to John and Frank.

Cassandra took hold of Varian’s shoulder.

“Come on, you’re exhausted. I had a guest room made up for you.” She said as she led him out of the room.

“Take care of him Cass. “

“I will Dad.”

“We didn’t get our date.” Varian muttered as they walked down the hallway together.

“Don’t worry about that, we’ll reorganise it for next week, or the week after. Let’s just get you back to alright again.”


	12. Destiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, disclaimer, I don’t own any of the song lyrics and I am not using them to make a profit.
> 
> The songs used are Demi Lavato Warrior and Alicia Keys Girl on Fire.
> 
> Also, Varian’s line about baking being like alchemy isn’t mine. I lifted it from the comic series, the one where Eugene and Varian bake a cake.
> 
> No Warnings apply except perhaps for a little sword and knife fight.
> 
> Varian’s song lyrics are done in Italics
> 
> Not happy with this one, I find writing action scenes really hard – had to give it a try though.

Cassandra looked at herself one more time in the mirror, it had been many years since she had been on a date, and she had no idea of what she was supposed to do. She didn’t understand why she was so nervous when she had spent so much time with Varian in the past, it was usually easy… well, when he wasn’t driving her insane by being annoying or just downright sexy. She had again added some braids to her hair, pulling some of it up so that it was out of the way and letting a little tumble down her back. She had brought a new blouse in a light blue colour that reminded her of those that Varian tended to favour and she had borrowed a black waistcoat from Rapunzel, that was held in place around her stomach with laces.

There was a knock on the door, she took a deep breath.

“It’s just a date, it’s not a dragon hunt, unless that’s what he has planned in which case it is a dragon hunt, but it’s more likely a meal and a walk, you eat and walk all the time. It’s fine.”  
  


“UH..” She heard from the other side of the door. “It’s not a dragon hunt if that helps.”

Cassandra opened the door to see Varian stood there awkwardly.

“These doors aren’t very thick are they?”

“I guess not.” Cassandra said, she was slowly taking in the new clothes, the tight green waistcoat was very fetching on him.

“Uh… You’re beautiful.” Varian said holding out a flower her had been keeping behind his hand. It was a large yellow sunflower.

“I um…should have gone for the rose right? I mean, they’re more traditional and…”  
  


“I like it, it’s different.”

He gave an awkward smile.

“They’re kind of my favourites, not that I really have a favourite flower, but… they’re kinda clumsy but they make everywhere look happier and friendlier.”  


Cassandra gently stroked the thin petals and then placed the flower on her desk.

“Shall we go?” She asked.

“Um..Yes.” He offered her his arm. “Milady.”

They were silent as they walked through the citadel and took the gondola over the ravine, occasionally swapping awkward smiles. Cassandra jumped as Varian’s cool fingers touched hers.

“Sorry, calluses.” He said.

“Don’t apologize.” She answered lacing her fingers with his. “They’re the sign of hard work, and you should never be sorry for being a hard worker.”

He smiled widely; the gondola was coming to a stop.

“Do you mind if we don’t take the horses?” Varian asked. “Everything is in walking distance, and I don’t want them to get spooked.”

“Wait, why would they get spooked?”  
  


“You’ll see. Come on.” Varian picked up a lantern that had been set up by the edge of the path, Cassandra figured that it would be another hour or two before the sun set so he obviously planned for them to be out for a while. She hesitated but he grabbed her hand and pulled her along. They walked for about fifteen minutes into the forest, but towards the town. Varian was visibly excited as he walked, he usually saved that kind of enthusiasm for alchemy, so Cassandra did have to wonder if they were about to do some kind of experiment.

“Just here.” Varian said as they walked into a clearing. Cassandra’s mouth dropped open as she looked at what was in front of her.

There were a lot of wooden structures in the clearing, and ropes, and hay barrels, and pits. It was an obstacle course. She stepped forwards getting a better look, balance bars, tree trunks to jump across, a net for skipping over or climbing under, a large climbing wall, monkey bars, a ditch with a rope to swing across on, sandbags for carrying with a mark painted on the ground to show where you could drop them. Finally, there was a large structure at the end, doors fourteen or fifteen feet tall, held closed with a huge thick log, and in front of it was a tree trunk suspended by ropes like a battering ram. She turned around to see Varian looking expectantly at her.

“Did you make this?”  
  


“I designed it.”  
  


“For me?”  
  


“Well, the kingdom needed a training ground for the new guard, I just hired a team and got it made a bit earlier than it was needed.” Varian said modestly. “Do you like it?”  
  


She was speechless, nobody had ever done anything like this for her before. It had been years since she had got to train on a proper course like this, and she was so excited, it gave her something to build up to with her leg, she had been training every day for the last few weeks and now she had something to aim for.

“Cassandra, UFF!”

Cassandra threw her arms around Varian’s neck, making him loose his balance for a moment, he smelt of leather and cinnamon. He hugged her close to him, his hand stroking down her hair.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

He pulled back, still holding onto her waist.

“So, want to try it?”  
  


“What?”  
  


“The course, let’s give it a go.”

“I’m not ready for this Varian.” Cassandra said suddenly nervous again.

  
“Yes, you are.” He said grasping her shoulder and looked down into her eyes earnestly.

“I’ve got a limp.”

  
“And that might never go away, but it dousn’t stop you from being the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You need to learn what your new limits are and how to move past them, you can’t let a bad leg stop you from being the warrior that you’ve always wanted to be.”  
  


“Varian.” Cassandra sighed.

He reached down to her hand.

“I’m here, I won’t let you fail.”

She looked at the obstacle course. She had been able to complete similar since she was twelve. Perhaps, it wouldn’t be so bad, she had been pushing her leg further and further everyday, and it looked like it was a really fun course.

“Okay, let’s do this.”  
  


“Race you.” Varian said, running and jumping onto a balance beam.

“Hey, no fair.” Cassandra said running to catch up with him, as she was surer footed than him it didn’t take her long to get ahead of him and start to jump across the tree trunks. Her leg was fine and for the first time in forever she felt completely free.

“What you waiting around for?” Cassandra called back over her shoulder.

“Oh, you are so on.” Varian called.

Cassandra skipped between the gaps in the net and started on the climbing wall. She was halfway up when she felt her leg start to tremble. She turned surprised to see Varian was besides her, smirking at her as he passed. She pulled herself up another couple of foot holds, looking up to see Varian watching her from where he sat atop the wall, his face now serious. She grunted as a shot of pain shot up her leg. She climbed the last few feet, only inches from the top when her leg gave a violent shudder and she slipped. She let out a small gasp and felt herself falling but a strong hand wrapped around her arm. She looked up into Varian’s blue eyes. He grunted as he pulled her up, placing first one hand on the top of the wall and then the other.

“Pull yourself up Cassandra.”  
  


“I can’t.”  
  


“You can. I won’t let you fail, or fall, but I won’t go easy on you either. I’m sorry but you’ll never get back to full strength if I go easy on you.”

She ground her teeth and pulled herself up, breathing hard as she straddled the wall. She looked up to see Varian smiling at her, that rare deep smile that made her heart flutter. She reached out and kissed him gently, before hurling herself over the other side of the wall. Varian sat at the top of the wall watching her proudly for a moment.

_“She’s just a girl and she’s on fire._

_Hotter than a fantasy, lonelier than a highway.”_

“This is a story that I have never told.

I gotta get this off my chest and let it go.”

Varian watched her jump up onto the monkey bars, swinging across almost effortlessly.

_“Oh, she’s got both feet on the ground and she’s burning it down.”  
  
_

“All the pain and the truth,

I wear it like a battle wound.”  
  


_“Oh she’s got her head in the clouds_

_And she’s not backing down.”  
  
_

“So ashamed, so confused,

I was broken and bruised.

Now, I’m a warrior,

Now I’ve got thicker skin.”  
  


_“This girl is on fire_

_This girl is on fire.”  
  
_

“I’m a warrior

I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.”

_  
“Look’s like a girl but she’s a flame._

_So bright, she can burn your eyes.”_

Cassandra grabbed the rope and swung across the ditch, she landed hard on her bad leg and fell forwards onto her hands. She heard Varian drop from the monkey bars, rushing over to help her, but as she pushed herself up off the ground, testing her leg lightly, though aching it was still holding her up. She turned and grinned back at him, exhilaration of doing something she loved pumping through her. She grabbed one of the sandbags and threw it onto her back.

  
“Out of the ashes, I’m burning like a fire.”  
  


_“She’s on top of the world_

_Hottest of the hottest girls.”_   
  


“I’ve got shame, I’ve got scars

That I will never show,

I’m a survivor

In more ways than you know.”

Cassandra got to the suspended battering ram. She grabbed the rope hanging down from it and started to swing it, the tree trunk started to move, but not much.

_“Oh, got our heads in the cloud and we’re not coming down._

_This girl is on fire_

_This girl is on fire.”_

_  
_“Cause all the pain and the truth

I wear like a battle wound,

So ashamed, so confused,

I’m not broken or bruised.”

  
_“Everybody stands as she goes by,_

_Cause they can see the flames that’s in her eyes._

_Watch her when she’s lighting up the night.  
  
_

“Cause I’m a warrior.

I’ve got thicker skin”

Varian had caught up to Cassandra, he grabbed the rope meeting her eyes.

“Together.”  
  


She smiled and nodded, they began swinging the rope together, running back and forth to get momentum, this time the tree trunk moved backwards and swung forwards into the door, banging against it, the wooden shaft keeping the doors closed gave a creak.  
  


_“This girl is on fire,_

_This girl is on fire.”  
  
_

“I’m a warrior

And you can never hurt me again.”

The wood shattered and the doors burst open.

“Yes!” Cassandra shouted.

Varian grabbed her hand and they rushed through the open doors together, stopping in the middle of a large circle marked out on the ground in sand. Cassandra looked around confused.

“A fighting ring?”  
  


“Yep.” Varian said, he went to the side of the of the ring and picked up two swords, throwing one to her, that she caught one handed. “Need time to catch your breath?”

She looked down and noted that it was a blunted practice sword.

“Oh good, you don’t actually want to die.”

  
“Are you ready milady.” Varian said moving to the other side of the ring and getting into a duelling position.

  
Cassandra widened her legs and crouched down low, the sword out in front of her.

“Bring it on.”

They circled each other for a moment, thinking she saw an opening Cassandra dived at Varian, surprised when he easily skipped out of the way, he hadn’t been that fast when they had raced. She turned quickly on her heel and raised her sword again, going for an overhead blow, Varian raised his sword in time to protect himself, their swords clanging together. Varian grunted as he put weight against his sword arm, managing to push Cassandra backwards making her stumble. She had seconds to parry his next blow as lunged at her stomach. She dodged it dropping to the floor and rolling away.

"Wait, you can fight?" Cassandra said back on her feet, circling him again. She hadn’t expected him to have the skill that he was showing, hadn’t expected him to be this confident or fast.

“My father was a knight of the Dark Kingdom, as was his father, and his father before him. Once we came out of hiding he was happy to train me, well, maybe not happy, but I annoyed him until he gave in."

There was a smirk on his face but as he was talking Cassandra was tightening their circle, getting closer and closer to him. With a shout she dove at him again, only to find herself suddenly surrounded by a thick fog. She looked around confused, she could sense him near her, she could hear his heavy breathing. She turned this way and that, but the fog was just too thick to make him out.

“Using alchemy is unfair.”

"Don't expect your opponent to play fair. They'll use anything they can against you." Varian’s voice answered, she smirked, now he’d spoken she knew where he was, she turned and took a couple of weary steps forward, her sword raised ready to strike as soon as she saw him. Suddenly something from behind her connected with bad leg swiping it from under her, she fell to the floor with a grunt. A heavy body fell on top of her, hands were pinning hers down, and she looked up to see the exhilarated smile on Varian’s face.

"My bad leg." She said shocked that he would take advantage of the leg that he had helped to heal.

"Is going to be an obvious weak spot from now on so you'll have to leave to protect it better. I told you I wouldn’t go easy on you Cassie.”

She smiled, he thought that he had won, but she had one more trick up her sleeve. She leaned up, closing the distance between them, and kissed him. His eyes widened in shock, before they flickered closed. She pulled a hand free from his restraint and gently folded it into his hair, he gave a satisfied hum against her lips and let go of her other wrist. Which was exactly what Cassandra had been waiting for, she reached down to the belt at her waist, and moving slowly so that Varian would not notice she pulled the short dagger that she kept there out of its holder. She moved it up and gently touched the blade of the knife to his throat.

Varian’s breath hitched, he opened his eyes, he moved cautiously away from her, only moving a few milometers so the blade wouldn’t cut into his skin, then he let out a small deep chuckle.

"I'm not the only one with an obvious weak spot.” Cassandra said with a smirk. “You're dead."

“Okay, okay, you win.”

She dropped the knife onto the floor besides her, Varian continued chuckling. She silenced him with another kiss, he pulled back looking at her suspiciously, obviously wondering if she was trying to trick him again.

“Hey, I won. Don't I get my prize?” She flipped him on his back, straddling him and pining him to the floor as he had done to her minutes before, resting the length of her body on top of him as she kissed him deeply. She could feel their hearts beating fast next to each other, the gasping breaths coming out in unison between kisses. Their bodies were still full of the energy of the race and the fight, still feeling the exhilaration and adrenaline pumping through their bodies. Varian’s hands roamed her back, as their tongues met and parted. Cassandra pulled away panting, nuzzling her neck as she did so, the slightly damp skin, the smell of sweat, and leather, and cinnamon, familiar smells, the smells of adventure but also something purely Varian, masculine comfort.

Varian’s hand wrapped into her hair and he was drawing her back in for another kiss when her stomach let out a large grumble. Both their eyes met and widened for a second, then Varian let out a loud laugh as Cassandra started to blush.

“I think you may be hungry milady. Come on.” He said moving to sit up, allowing Cassandra to climb off him as he did so. “I’ve set up a picnic back near the ravine.”

He jumped up and offered her his hand, pulling her to her feet. The sun had set, and dusk was quickly falling. Varian took the lantern in one hand, and Cassandra’s hand in the other and they walked back out the way they came. They were silent for a few minutes as they walked, a comfortable silence but Varian broke it anyways.

“I’m glad to see that your Dad no longer thinks I'm going to drag you back down the road of villainy, turn you into my evil sidekick.”

“Uh, sidekick? Do you really think that I would be the sidekick?”

“Well, yeah. I'm the more experienced villain here.”

“Oh really.”

“Yep, I tried to destroy Corona twice, you only did it once.”

“Yep, but I was better at it. Even the second time when you'd had practice, you still failed harder than I ever did.”

“Wait… what.. no. Have you ever considered being nice to me?”

“I've considered it, but every time I'm mean to you, you come running back to me with those puppy dog eyes, so I have to conclude that you like it.”

Varian huffed and was silent until they got near to the edge of the forest and Varian bent down, near a tree, his eyes squinting in the fading light. Cassandra looked to see what he was looking at; it was a wooden box with lots of wires of different thicknesses and materials coming out of it.

“Just double checking it’s all safe.” Varian said. Cassandra noticed there were words written on the side of the box.

“Wait does that say explosives?”  
  


“It’s Okay, this is just the fuses, the explosives are lined along the edge of the cliff.”

“You’re going to blow something up? On our date?”

“Well, just the things I’m planning on blowing up, I hope. I think I planned it all well, I mean I was pretty tired when I did the maths. Anyways what’s life without a bit of danger.”

“Just how far away do I need to go to be out of the blast range?”

“I’m going to win your heart with the power of alchemy.”

“Fireworks?” Cassandra asked.

“Fireworks.” Varian confirmed a wide grin on his face taking her by the shoulders and leading her along the edge of the forest. “It’s perfectly safe, the picnic is quite a way from the actual explosives. We’ll get you a sandwich and I’ll run back and light it when it gets a bit darker. What.. the..” Varian suddenly grabbed her and pulled her back into the forest, hiding behind a tree. A moment later Cassandra saw what he was hiding from, there were two figures stood a little further along the edge of the cliff. Two remarkably familiar figures, Eugene and Rapunzel, and they were stood next to a picnic basket and blanket.

“Wait, what are they doing here?” Cassandra asked puzzled.  
  


Varian groaned with his hand on his forehead.

“I had to inform everybody that I was setting off explosions so that they wouldn’t think it was an attack. They must have wanted to come and watch.” Varian said in a whisper.

“They’re stealing our date?”

“Well, they didn’t know it was a date. They just think I’m carrying out experiments out here.” I didn’t think you’d like it if I told everybody.   
  


“Why? I’m not ashamed to go on a date with you.”  
  


“That might actually be the nicest thing you’ve said to me.”  
  


“There’s something very wrong with that.”  
  


Varian shrugged. “Oh no, not the lemon shortbreads.” He said as they watched Eugene put a biscuit to his lips.  
  


“Right!” Cassandra said bursting out from the undergrowth. “FITZHERBERT! YOU’D BETTER NOT HAVE EATEN ALL MY DINNER.”  
  


“Cassandra!” Eugene and Rapunzel said in unison jumping back in surprise.

Varian sighed, and walked out raising his hand in a nervous wave.

“Hi guys.”  
  


“What are you two doing out?” Rapunzel asked. Then she looked down at the picnic basket. “This was yours.”

“Yes.”  
  


“Oh.” Rapunzel said with a laugh. “I did tell him not to eat any of it, I said it looked like a lover’s picnic…WAIT A MINUTE, ARE YOU ON A DATE?” Rapunzel said suddenly looking up in wide eyes shock.

  
“Uh.. well..” Varian said.

“Yes.” Cassandra answered.

Rapunzel’s eyes widened and she put her hand to her lips jumping up and down excitedly.

“Oh goodness! Oh wow! Are you in love? Can I be your bridesmaid? Oh my gods, our kids are going to be best friends.”  
  


Eugene rolled his eyes and took his wife by the shoulders, starting to lead her away.

“Come on, lets view the fireworks from somewhere where we’re not viewing their fireworks.”  
  


“Do you have cute nicknames for each other?” Rapunzel shouted over her shoulder.

“Come on Rapunzel, leave them to it.”  
  


“This is the best news ever!”

Eugene paused next to Varian as he led Rapunzel away, and whispered to him. Cassandra was able to make out the conversation.

“So…date going well?”

“She’s only put a knife to my throat once.  
  


”Wow, she must really like you.”  


Varian shrugged with a smile.

Just as Eugene and Rapunzel passed around a corner and out of sight Rapunzel turned to shout one more time.

“Wait? Is he the one you were telling me about?”  
  


“Rapunzel, let them have some privacy.” Eugene groaned. Moments later they were out of sight.

“So,” Varian said stretching himself out on the blanket besides the picnic basket, and patting the ground next to him. “Ignoring that interruption. What’s your favourite sandwich?”  
  


“Strong cheese with a sweet pickle.” Cassandra answered sitting down close to him.

Varian hunted through the basket.

“You’re in luck, on the cheese front, no pickles I’m afraid.” He handed her over a sandwich and she hungrily started to eat.

“Though I think cheese and pickle is better on a cracker.” Varian continued talking as he reached for his own sandwich.

“Cracker? I’m travelling, I don’t have time for fiddly things like that when travelling. “

“You’ve stopped in royal households.”

“True, I have on occasion enjoyed a couple of crackers” she conceded, “but there’s nothing better than a thick piece of fresh brown bread.”

“True, with ham.”

“Why do you like ham sandwiches so much?”  
  


“It was a few days after my mother died, and my father had spent the entire time by my side. He didn’t leave me for a moment. He’s not an affectionate man, but he held me all night long, and on the third day I realized that he hadn’t had any rest, or anything to eat since my mother had passed. I had been so caught up in my own grief I had been totally unaware of anything else, anybody else. My father, he was trying so hard to look after me, you know, he wasn’t the most involved parent before that, my mother and I were so similar, he was always on the outside of our little bubble. That day, I made him a ham sandwich. It was the first time I had ever tried to take care of him, instead of the other way round, and I took him that ham sandwich, and he cried. It was the first time that I’d ever seen him cry, even though my mother’s illness and burying her, he’d never shed a tear. I kind of realized then, just how much he was there for me, he had put all his own emotions aside to try and be strong for me. It’s just…it was the first time I realized that no matter however different we are, he always has my back. I still forget that sometimes.”  
  


“How old were you?”  
  


“Ten.”  
  


“Do you remember her? Your mother?”  
  


“Oh yeah, I remember everything about her. She smelled of lavender, her favourite colour was green, she said it was because you’re always happy if you love green because all you need to do is look outside the window to see it. I guess she was a country girl at heart. She played the piano. She was the one who taught me alchemy, she used to make laundry detergents, and household cleaners, she used to sell them to the castle, but I know she did more complicated experiments as well, but there’s no notes left. She had a deep laugh, like you.”

“You and your dad still don't see eye to eye sometimes. Didn't he want you to marry Faith?”

“Yeah, but I get that, I do, two winters ago he got really sick, pneumonia, he's a strong man but he's chest has always been a weak point. He’s okay now, but I know he wants to see me married to somebody, because he wants to know that I'll have somebody when he dies.”

“Oh.” Cassandra said, it all made sense when he put it like that.

“Yeah, I do understand him now, most of the time. But, I still don't know why he wouldn't want a love match for me, not when he and my mother were a true love match. Most people thought it was a marriage of convenience, she was the daughter of the village leader before Dad you see, and my Dad was sort of in his training when they got married. They had nothing in common, but when they thought nobody was looking, they would be soft with each other. She would take him lunches and they would sit under a tree laughing together, sometimes when they didn't know I was around I would see them …well... A lot of kissing went on under that tree.” Varian said with the light blush of a child who had caught his parents in an affectionate moment. “They'd never be soft with each other when there was anybody else around though, they were almost cold around each other when other people were watching, even me, but I knew that they were happy, even if I couldn’t understand why.”

He reached into the picnic basket and brought out some crumbly biscuits.

“Here try these.”  
  


“The lemon shortbreads?” Cassandra said as she remembered that Eugene had been about to eat them as they had arrived. “I love lemon.”  
  


“I know, though they were out of the lemons we had imported for your birthday, I tried to synthesise lemon flavouring. I think it’s worked.”

Cassandra took a bite, they were good, they crumbled and melted in her mouth, the rich buttery flavour cut with the sour tang of the lemon.  
  


“It’s delicious.”  
  


“Thanks, it was my mother’s recipe.”  
  


“Wait, you made these?”  
  


“Yeah.”  
  


“You bake?” She said surprised, she’d never imagined him doing anything quite so domestic before.  
  


“Baking is just alchemy with slightly more mundane ingredients and tastier results.”

“I’m impressed.”

“See, I can cook, I can fight, wouldn’t I make the perfect travelling companion?”

She hummed non-committedly. 

“Time for the show.” Varian said getting up. It was true that the last of the light had faded whilst they had been talking and they were now sat in almost complete darkness, thought their eyes had slowly adjusted and with the moon almost full they could still make out the pathways into the forest, and each other’s faces whilst they were sat close.

“Do you mind if I take this?” Varian asked bending to light the lantern with something from his pocket. “I’ll only be gone a few minutes.” Cassandra nodded. She sat in the darkness thinking about how she’d seen a different side to her alchemist tonight. His skill set was enviable, he could hold his own in a fight, cook, make all manner of things, and care for wounds. He was right, he was the perfect travel companion.

She kept her hand on her knife, helping her to feel safe in the dark, until the light of the lantern reappeared from around the corner, with Varian holding it aloft. He had just sat next to her when the first firework exploded into the nights sky above the ravine, a bright purple flower shape blooming forth from a small ball of light, then another, blue this time, and then green and yellow lighting up the sky at the same time.

“I made the fuses of different lengths and different materials so that I only had to light them all once for the fireworks to go off at different times.” Varian said leaning back on his arms.

“They’re beautiful.”  
  


“They’re not the most beautiful thing here tonight.”

Cassandra couldn’t help but snorting.

“Oh, sorry that’s just so corny.”  
  


Varian gave a laugh.

“Yeah, I realized that the moment I said it.”  
  


“It’s almost as bad as one of Eugene’s lines.”  
  


Varian’s answer was drowned out by another loud firework, a huge yellow bloom that filled all of Cassandra’s line of vision. She relaxed back, watching as several smaller red bursts came from the centre of it.

“It makes me think of the fireworks display on New Year’s Eve at Bayangor. They’re huge, they last for hours, for three days afterwards the whole city just smells of smoke. I wish I could take you.”

He put his hand over hers.

“We’ll go.”

She looked down and brushed her hair behind her ears.

“It’s an eight-month journey.”  
  


“Then we won’t make this year, but we’ll make next.”

Cassandra watched the last few fireworks light up the nights sky before she shyly asked, “and where else will we go?”  
  


“I hear that in the Eastern seas there are these islands that have these tiny creatures living in the sea around the beaches. You can’t even see them they’re so tiny, it’s only through science that anybody knows they’re there, but when it’s night time, and the waves are crashing, they glow. It makes the whole sea glow with blues and greens, and you can swim in a lit-up sea. I would go swimming with you at midnight on one of those islands.”  
  


“Sounds magical, like the northern lights but in the sea.”  
  


“Not magic, science, and you’ve seen the northern lights?” Varian asked wide eyed.  
  


She nodded.

“In Arendale.”  
  


“Take me there too then, and to the valley of the dragons.”  
  


She smiled at his enthusiasm.

“It would take years to visit all those places.”  


“Then we’ll take years.”

“It sounds amazing.”

“We’ll get ready to leave soon.”

She pulled her hand away, everything suddenly becoming too real.

“There’s so much to consider. You know, I have found it very difficult being here in one place after all that time travelling. Waking up every day in the same bed, everyday holding the same views and the same schedules. I mean, I have no reason to be unhappy, all the people I care about are right here with me, everybody is under one roof, I missed that more than I ever realized and yet…”

  
“Yet, you still feel trapped.”  
  


Cassandra nodded.

“My leg has been getting better, I’ve been exercising it every day, but I was scared to properly push myself until tonight. Thank you Varian, thank you for showing me that I’m ready to take on the outside world again.”

Varian smiled and reached for her hand again. He raised it to his lips and kissed her knuckle. “I sensed something was holding you back.” He said in a sad tone. “And yet, I’ve just made it easier for you to leave haven’t I?”

“No.” She said squeezing her hand. “You’re one of the reasons it would be difficult to leave, and the one thing that has made being trapped here with my bad leg bearable.”

Varian sighed and got up. He offered her his hand.

“I know it’s dark, but there’s one more place I wanted to take you, a mini adventure, until we can go on a proper one. I’ve not been before but it didn’t look far on a map.”

“Okay, she agreed. “But, stay here with me for a few minutes more. I want to tell you something, but I’ve never told anybody it before. I’m nervous. Tell me something else about you, something that nobody knows.”

He sat back down next to her, his expression serious and thoughtful.

“Okay.” He answered looking down at his hands folded in his lap.  
  


He gave a deep sigh before he started talking.

“Just before my dad got trapped in amber we had an argument; I had lost trust in him and I thought I knew better than him. I shouted at him, I pushed him. I had never ever dared to lay a hand on him before. This was, a minute, seconds before he dived in front of the rocks to save me, they were spreading, and would have trapped me, but he sacrificed himself instead. That’s one of the reasons that I felt so much guilt, it was a triple guilt, him sacrificing himself for me, me having caused the reaction that trapped him, and the one that played on my mind a lot in that year, that I’d argued with him, I’d pushed him, I’d not trusted him.”  


Cassandra laid her hand on his shoulder.

“There was a lot going on in those days, so many people were keeping secrets from us, it was hard to know who to trust. It was easy to get confused. Let it go Varian.”  
  


“Oh, I have, I think.”  
  


“I want to tell you about how I lost my virginity.”

Varian’s eyes widened as he looked at her in shock.  
  


“Oh, okay, you don’t have to.” He spluttered.  
  


“I want to, it was a time when I let myself be deceived. I put my trust in somebody that I shouldn’t have, despite there being plenty of evidence that I shouldn’t.” Cassandra took a deep breath and she told her story. Varian listened in silence, squeezing her hand every now and then until she got to the end of her story.

“About a month after Duncan’s wedding I saw him again in the streets. He came up to me and he said to me that just because he was married didn’t mean that our fun had to stop.”

She glanced at Varian, nervous about what his reaction would be, he had known that she wasn’t a virgin, but with the details clear would he now judge her? She had been a different person back then, and she had been easily misled by her own heart, would Varian realize that she was almost a different person now? And not see her just as the silly girl she had been?

He sat there quietly his jaw tense, eyes staring straight ahead. It was a few moments before he spoke.

"I'm going to befriend him."

"Wait, what?”

“I'm going to befriend him because it isn’t strange when friends prepare you food, eat with you, or take you something they’ve made as a small gift.”

Cassandra just stared; this was not the reaction she had thought her story was going to get.

“I'll lace the sandwiches with powered heavy metals, they'll build up in his body over time causing all his organs to fail. “He turned to her. “You see Cassandra, if his health fails slowly then nobody will expect he's been poisoned, it's not like I cook him something and he falls over dead, it's slow, nobody will ever expect a thing.”

“And... I'm never going to get on your bad side.”

“You never could.”

“I’m not sure I agree with killing him, I mean, if you'd asked me ten years ago I would have said go ahead, but I've moved on. That is why I'm telling you actually. “She said taking his hands. “To move on.”

His eyes widened. “Oh.”

“That one mistake, could have cost me everything I held dear, my reputation, my chance at being accepted into the guard, my home, I would have been shipped to a convent. It scared me, and I don’t think I ever got over it until now. I’ve tried not to get too close to anybody since, my hearts been shy.”  


He squeezed her hand with a reassuring little smile that seemed to say that there was no reason to be shy with him, that he wouldn’t hurt her.

“I've never shared that with anybody before Varian, and I think it's been eating away at me for a long time. I think, I just needed to talk about it, with somebody who wouldn't judge me. Though you can be judge and jury for Duncan if you like, let's forgo the executioner part.”

“Are you sure? It would be quite easy.” He joked.

“I’m sure.” Cassandra said with a laugh, and then she went quiet. “So uh .. have you ever actually killed somebody like that? With poisoned ham sandwiches?”

“Cassandra, I would never betray the ham sandwiches like that, chicken’s another matter, but not ham. I've never actually killed anybody at all, thank goodness, all those unstable experiments I did in my youth could have gone really badly.”

“Well that's good, you don't seem like a psychopath, but I’m not exactly the best judge when it comes to that.”

“True. “Varian said, dodging out the way and grinning as she tried to slap his arm. “So, still want to go to the final part of our date or is it too late?” He asked.  
  


“Let’s go.” She answered. She was feeling relieved and free after her confession, and she didn’t want the night to end.

They walked back along the edge of the ravine, keeping close to the line of the forest with the lantern held high so that they could see their way. The night was breezeless and still, still carrying some of the warmth of the summer. As they moved along Cassandra felt as if nothing really existed outside of that circle of light, it was as if they were the only people in the world. They arrived at the pool they had sat by on her birthday, but Varian carried on along the stream.

"Aren't we stopping here?" Cassandra asked.

"No, it's a bit further." 

The path became overgrown, the ground started slipping downwards and Cassandra found herself having to watch her feet carefully to keep from tripping. The stream besides them slowly turned into a deep gully. Varian rested his hands on her waist to steady her as she climbed over a fallen tree.

Varian was kneeling now, scanning the edge of the gully with his lantern.

"Some of the steps are crumbling. Stay close." Varian said reaching out for her hand. She looked down the gully and spotted the steps.

"We're going into the stream?”

"There's a small walkway besides it." He reached out to her wiggling his fingers and she took his hand. On one of the steps she stumbled, but Varian caught her, holding her close for a moment. That moment, held against his chest, she looked up into his eyes, still bright blue in the shadows, butterflies in her stomach, and she knew, she knew that tonight she would give him anything that he asked of her.

The gully got deeper; the sides quickly began to stretch far above their heads. 

"It should be just round this bend."

They turned the bend and Cassandra' saw what they were looking for. A rough stone wall had been built into the banks of the gully, and in the stone wall was a doorway.

  
“Yes, I knew it was still here.” Varian said excitedly. He held the lantern up and Cassandra saw spots on the wall reflecting the light. She looked closer and saw that the doorway was surrounded by a pattern, alternate black flint with its glassy shine and the glowing mother of pearl shells that were reflecting the light back with soft pink and green glows. On either side of the doorway were two small windows.

“What is it?”

  
“Come see,” Varian said pulling her through the doorway. It was narrow for perhaps a meter and then it opened out into a room. She looked around, noticing the decorative swirls of different coloured pebbles on the floor, and a raised stone alter in front of them, but the light of the lanten did not touch the sides of the room or the roof.

“Hold on.” Varian said. He was stood near to the wall where they had just entered, there was a raised rim running around the wall, and Varian dipped a finger into the rim.

“Still wet.” He said.

“What?” Cassandra asked. He didn’t answer but instead he carefully lifted the glass of the lantern and pulling a small tallow of paper from his pocket and lit it, then he dropped it into the rim. The flame automatically started to spread in a line up along the wall, lighting up the room as it went, it lifted in a diagonal line till it reached above their heads. The flames started to spread quickly, splitting in two and running in two parallel curved lines. Cassandra turned on the spot watching as the room was being lit up. They were in a circular chamber, and by the time the two flames met in the middle the whole place was fully lit with a soft golden glow.

The chamber was topped with a dome, in the centre there was a big carved stone block, like an altar. There were eleven apertures in the walls, evenly spaced (the door being in the place of a twelfth). The apertures were just the right size for somebody to sit in, and indeed they had well worn wooden benches within them. Each of the apertures was decorated with different patterns in black flint and mother of pearl shells, one a large star, another consecutive circles, a third the sun with rays coming out. The rest of the walls were also filled with different kind of shell, from large conch shells to the small oyster shells, broken up in-between with rough cut sandstone, there was another line of the mouther of pearl circling the room just above her head. The whole place glimmered as the candlelight reflected the flames.

“What is this place?” Cassandra asked stunned.

“It’s a shell grotto.”  
  


“A grotto, like a cave right?”  
  


Varian nodded.

“Manmade?” Cassandra asked, though it was obvious that the cave couldn’t have become decorated like this by chance, they were a hundred miles from any sea.  
  


“As a present, from the first King Edmund to his wife, about two hundred years ago. I found a plan of it, but it was meant to be a secret meeting place so not many people knew about it in the first place, and I think it’s been forgotten about.”  
  


“Why would they need a secret meeting place if they were married?”  
  


“Well, they didn’t start off married.” Varian pointed out.

“It’s beautiful.”  
  


“Yeah.” Varian said smiling as he took it all in.

“And this.” Cassandra said running her hand along the top of the altar. “Is it for some kind of religious observations?”  
  


“Maybe, maybe they just sat at it and had meals.” A wicked glint entered his eyes. “Or maybe at some point it had a mattress on top.”  
  


Cassandra hid a smirk; she could play this game as well.

“What a shame they got rid of it.”  


Varian’s eyes widened and he audibly gulped. Cassandra walked behind him, running her finger along the line of his shoulders before whispering to him.

“If that is the case, what are all the benches for? Did they like an audience?”  
  


“Uh… I… Um… “Varian spluttered. “Let’s just assume the place had multiple uses.” He blurted nervously.

Cassandra found herself chuckling lightly. He turned around and took her wrist holding her gently.

“I’m in love with you Cassie.”

Cassandra stared at him in shock, the declaration had seemed to have come out of nowhere.

“No, you’re not.”  
  


“It might surprise you to know that I do know my own mind. “

“Why do you want to be with me?”

“Is it not enough to say because I do? It is not enough to say because I want you. In every way possible I want you Cassandra, I want to be near you, to watch you , to talk to you, to listen to you, to kiss you and to hold you at night when it’s cold. Just to race horses with you, or swim, or hike, or get on a boat and not know where we’ll end up next, but to just not care, because none of it matters as long as I’m with you.”

“Varian.” She said turning her back on him again.

“How much longer are we going to go on like this? How much longer are you going to make me crave you and then push me away?”

His hands came to rest on her hips, and he placed a soft kiss on her neck. She turned her head slightly away from him, folding her arms across her chest. His words were sweet, sincere but with a hint of desperation to them, she’d done that, hadn’t she? Made him wait for her as she dithered, as she had let her past mistakes influence her current feelings and decisions. She had not felt like she deserved his affection, had even for a while convinced herself that their relationship would only be sexual, but why continue denying him? When he knew what he wanted, and she knew too.

“Do you even know why you are fighting this?”  
  


“Of course I do.” She sighed. “It’s because you have so much power over me, and I’ve learnt to be afraid of other people wielding power over me. That is why I’ve been alone these last few years.”  
  


“Power? Cassandra I would never try to make you do something that you didn’t want to do.”  
  


She reached down and clutched his fingers.

“You have the power to make me feel, you have the power to make me realize that I don’t have to be alone, and you have the power to break my heart, to break me.” She turned to him. “Because that’s what will happen if I admit to this, If I give into these feelings and you end up leaving or hurting me. I will break.”  
  


He stroked her hair back from her face.

“I would never leave you.”  
  


“Never?”  
  


“I know I said that if our relationship broke apart it still wouldn’t be a failure, but I know in my heart that it would never be me who ended it. I’m yours, entirely yours, till the day I die, and there’s nothing in my life I have ever been so sure of, nothing that has ever made this much sense. You, you are the key to my destiny Cassie.”

With that her arguments melted away, and all that she could do was to kiss him till he was breathless, and then kiss him again.


	13. Burning Desire, Part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short notes- Half chapter, sexual situations, enjoy.
> 
> Long notes - Sorry, been a busy week, I’ve only finished half the chapter, but the rest is almost done, just got a few more paragraphs to write, and then the edit.
> 
> As this chapter is explicit, if anybody would prefer me to upload a separate none- explicit version for them to read instead do let me know.
> 
> This is not what I originally had planned, I wasn’t originally going to have the Team Awesome, Cassunzel moments, or any mentioning of the night before. But I just felt it would be fun to bring all the other characters back into it.
> 
> Warnings(for both parts 1 & 2 of the chapter): Oh boy, here we go – fingering, blow jobs (never written that one before!), ejaculation, joking mentions of premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, rough sex with a little restraint, a little biting, scratching ect.. some simply terrible euphemisms for orgasming because let’s face it’s impossible to write a sex scene without them, Swearing from the start, injuries, and the main characters facing mortal danger.
> 
> God’s I hope it’s good, I put my best into it.

Rapunzel stretched and looked down at Eugene, well, Eugene’s hair as that was the only part that was poking out from the sheets. She smiled to herself as she got up and padded along the floor. She felt a soft kick from her stomach.

“Good morning, which one are you? Are you hungry?”

“Hmm.” Eugene groaned from the bed. “Who are you talking too?”

“Baby one, or baby two, I’m not sure which.”

“You mean Flynn or Ryder.”

“We are not calling them that, and don’t say Lance and Eugene Junior.”

“ Ha! I wasn’t going to. I was going to say Eugene Junior and Junior Eugene.”

Rapunzel continued to get herself ready to go to breakfast, she was absolutely starving, and for the first time in several weeks she had woken not feeling any nausea. It was going to be a good day, and the fireworks display they had (eventually) watched from the citadel gardens had been beautiful the night before. She hummed as she brushed her hair, she was eager to get down to breakfast and see Cassandra. She had been so happy to see Varian and Cassandra together, her friends really deserved to find happiness and she hoped that it would be with each other.

Eugene reached over her for his moisturizer.

“You’re in a good mood.”

“Hmm,” she hummed, “I feel good.”

He smiled and squeezed her shoulder.

“I’m glad. Are you still going to go to the doctors today?”  
  


“Yes, just a check-up. It’s okay, you don’t have to come.”  
  


“I want to, believe me I do, but there’s so much to do.”  
  


“I know, you’ll make the next one.”  
  


He kissed her cheek before reaching up to fix his hair in the mirror next to her.

“I promise Sunshine.”

“I think I’ll ask Cass to go.”  
  


“Rapunzel, you know she doesn't like people prying,” Eugene said in a warning tone.  
  


“I’m not prying, I’m just asking. Besides, it’s Varian, he’s family. You know I’m shocked you’re not more surprised about this. It was a bit of a revelation.”  
  


“Well, I saw something between them a few weeks ago.”  
  


“What you did?” Rapunzel turned to him shocked, Eugene usually told her everything, why hadn’t he mentioned it? “Why didn’t you say anything?” She asked.  
  


“I wanted to, but I’m trying to be better at keeping people’s secrets. Besides, I talked to Varian and I knew that he had feelings for her but I didn’t know that they were going to date. You know how chilly Cass can be.”

“Feelings? Eugene.” Rapunzel squealed. “Is Varian in love with Cass?”  
  


“I’m not saying anything. Anyways, let’s go get you three feed, you’re starting to look a bit peaky.”  
Rapunzel turned to the mirror.

“I do not, you’re just avoiding the question.”  
  


“Absolutely, now let’s go.”

Rapunzel and Eugene were just turning a corner when she heard Varian’s voice.

“Coast clear ... whoops nope.”

Rapunzel saw a bare arm and a green leather jerkin disappearing back into to a doorway, Cassandra’s doorway.

“Vare, be careful.” She heard Cassandra saying as the door was closed. Rapunzel looked over at Eugene, who was deliberately staring ahead. She continued walking.

“Hey, it's not like this is the first time we've shared a bed. “Rapunzel almost jumped, the voices coming through the door was still clear.

“But I don't want them to think that anything happened.”

They were walking directly past the door now, she looked at Eugene again. She could see his eyes widen slightly at the word.

“So, that was nothing was it?”

“That more than that happened, and I haven't said yes yet.”

“Actually you said yes a fair few time last night.”

“Oww!” Varian’s shout and the preceding thud echoed down the corridor.

Rapunzel was blushing as she walked into the great hall.

“Those doors really aren’t that thick are they?”

“No, no they are not.” Eugene answered.

Rapunzel sat down with some bread and sausages and started to eat, a few minutes later Cassandra came through the door. She sat down across from them.

“Morning, sausages great.”

Rapunzel found herself not quite able to look at her friend, her cheeks were still hot. It wasn’t because she knew that Cassandra and Varian had spent the night together, but more because she had overheard a private moment and she knew the Cass was a private person.

“Oh just ask already.” Cassandra said, Rapunzel looked up in time to see Cassandra roll her eyes.

“Ask what?”  
  


“If Varian and I had a nice date? I know that you’re dying to ask.”  
  


Rapunzel gave a wide fake smile, at least Cassandra didn’t know that they had overheard her conversation with Varian that morning. Rapunzel could act like she had no idea just how well her friends date had gone to save the older woman any embarrassment.

“Was it a good date?”

“It was fine.” Cassandra said filling her mouth with sausage. Rapunzel wondered if it was just so that she wouldn’t have to answer any more questions.

“Just fine?”  
  


Cassandra nodded.

“Morning!” Varian said strolling in. Rapunzel looked up at him and noticed that he was wearing different clothes to those she’d glimpsed that morning. He sat down next to Cassandra, who started to blush lightly. Rapunzel watched them glance at each other and then look away.

“So um… did you enjoy the fireworks in the end?”  
  


“Yes.” Rapunzel said. “They were great. We watched from the gardens.” The conversation faltered to a stop.

John walked in, even though it had been five years Rapunzel still thought of him as the Captain.

“Morning you’re Highness, Cass.” He nodded at the men.

Varian kept his face pointed at the table, concentrating on his food.

“Morning Captain” Rapunzel said enthusiastically. “How’s Quirin.”

“Oh, he’s grand, sleeping soundly right now. You should come see him later.” The Captain surveyed the food laid out in front of them, pocketing a few apples. “Did everybody have a good evening? Did you see those fireworks? I wish we’d had forewarning, still Quirin did sleep through it, you know babies they sleep through everything.”

“Yep, saw them.” Eugene answered, shortly. “You know this bread is delicious, hunny, have you tried this bread.” He said to Rapunzel, obviously trying to change the topic.

“I wonder what they were for.” John continued.  
  


Everybody went silent.

John froze looking around the table. Cassandra was blushing and refusing to make eye contact. It was clear to Rapunzel that her friend had not mentioned her date to her father, and even though Rapunzel could admit that she hadn’t been really noticing much lately, it had been impossible not to notice that the old Captain could be somewhat cold to Varian. Rapunzel tried to think of an explanation to help take the pressure of Cass.

“A celebration!” She said. “For umm…”  
  


“Varian made them for me.” Cassandra answered. “In umm.. a late birthday celebration.”  
  


“I see.” John said. He picked up some bread rolls, staring intently at Varian as he did so. Varian had in turn seemed to become extremely interested in his plate. “I don’t need to know anything else.”

He headed back out the room mumbling as he did so. “He could at least have the decency not to look like the cat who got the cream.”

***

Cassandra blushed at her Dad’s words. Were they really being that obvious? Even Rapunzel was acting unusually uncomfortable, though that might just have been the morning sickness. She glanced at Varian, he glanced back and quickly looked away, his cheeks were red. She heard him mutter under his breath.

“I didn’t even look at him.”

“Awkward.” Eugene said loudly.

Though she found his remark annoying it seemed to break the tension as Varian gave a deep chuckle.

“Hey, he hasn’t tried to have me put to death yet.”  
  


“Ah!” Eugene said taking Rapunzel’s hand. “Our first date. I escaped hanging from your father to be stabbed by your stepmother. Still, the best day of my life, because I got you.”  
  


“Aww Eugene.”  
  


“I think I’m going to be sick.” Cassandra muttered. “You do realize that almost dying just after you’ve got together is not romantic right?”

“But he was trying and save me.” Rapunzel whined.  
  


“Not romantic.” Cassandra reiterated. “Slightly creepy in a stalker way, stupid, and definitely moving too fast.”

“Varian, help me out here buddy.” Eugene said.

Varian took a deep gulp of water. “Nope.”  
  


“So you’re always going to take her side now?”  
  


“Depends if she’s right or not.”

Cassandra smiled at him. “I’m always right.”  
  


Varian laughed so much he almost chocked on his water.

“Hey!” Cassandra said. “Name one time…”  
  


“Don’t, just don’t.” Eugene said in a stage whisper.

“Oh, I am not stupid enough to fall into that trap.” Varian said.

Rapunzel was grinning widely. “You know what we need to do, double date!” She squealed.   
  


“NO!” Cassandra said. “Remember last time?”  
  


“What happened last time?” Varian said.

Oh, she instantly regretted bringing that up…

“Her boyfriend tried to kill her and take over Corona. “Eugene answered.  
  


“What? Wait are you talking about me?” Varian said looking confused. “Because we never dated back then let alone double-dated.”  
  


“OH YEAH!” Eugene exclaimed. “You did that too, what do you know our Cassie has got a type.”  
  


“Don’t call me that, and he’s referring to Andrew.”  
  


“Wait, not Saporian leader Andrew?”  
  


“It wasn’t a real date, I never liked him, I was just trying to figure out what his game was.” Cassandra explained, Varian was still staring at her, his mouth hanging open in shock.  
  


“How did I never know about this?”

“What did you two even talk about on your date?” Eugene said.

“Not Saporians!” Cassandra shouted across the table. She grabbed Varian’s hand; it was time to get out of there before the conversation took yet another turn to the embarrassing. Besides, she had shared Varian for long enough now, she wanted to be alone with him again. “Varian, weren’t you going to show me that thing in your lab?”  
  


“I don’t remember…”  
  


“Yes! You do.” Cassandra said pulling him up and marching him towards the door. Then she said quietly so the others wouldn’t hear her. “I want to be alone with you.”  
  


“Oh! The thing in the lab!” He said loudly.

“Hey wait up!” Eugene said running up behind them. Cassandra sighed and turned towards him, hands on her hips staring him down.

“This better be good Fitzherbert.”  
  


“You,” Varian said pointing at Varian, “said you would check the roof of the hall with me today.”

“I uh…” Varian hesitated, looking between them both.

“You were the one who suggested that some of those haunted statues we knocked down were acting as ceiling supports.”

“Can it wait?”

“No, it cannot wait. “Eugene said raising his voice. “I’m the crown prince Varian, do you know how many things I had to rearrange this morning so that I could go help you climb over a roof?”

"Oh come on!" Varian gestured with his arms in a frustrated movement.

"Don't you ‘oh come on me’, that's my line, that's always been my line. A couple of days ago you said this was life or death because the roof might collapse."

Varian sighed he looked at Cassandra, she felt her heart sink. On their date last night they had got to be together with minimal interruptions, but that was last night, and in the cold light of day Varian had a job, and people relied on him.

“I did promise.” He said guiltily.

“It's okay.” She said resting her hand on his arm. She had been brought up to understand duty, and she admired that part of Varian. She would never hold it against him. Eugene on the other hand. She whispered in his ear as she walked past heading back to her room. 

“Thanks a lot Captain Cock-Block.'

“What the.... Well, how anybody ever mistook you for a lady with language like that I don't know.” Eugene shouted after her.

Cassandra shut the door as he finished talking. She took a deep breath, she supposed that a few hours away from Varian would give her some time to think about things. She flung herself back on the bed, or she thought, she could have a nap, it had been the early hours of the morning when she had finally fallen asleep, wrapped in Varian’s warm, safe, arms.

***

Varian sighed as he looked out over the ravine, the wind was blowing lightly in his hair, sometimes blowing it across his eyes interrupting his notetaking as he pushed it back behind his ears. From up here he could see the trail of last night’s date with Cassandra. He could see the natural clearing in the trees and knew that beneath that clearing in the canopy was the fighting ring where Cassandra had kissed him with such exhilaration. There, along the ravine he could still make out the tiny patch of the blanket that he had weighed down with stones, he had meant to collect it this morning. That was where Cassandra had opened up to him, where he had opened up to her, unspoken pains shared between them till they no longer held the same power they once had. He even fancied he could see the spot where the shell grotto laid hidden beneath the ground. He’d told her he loved her, and true, she had not said it back, true she had not made him any promises or agreed to be his lover, but her knew now that she would eventually, he just had to give her time.

Varian looked over at his cousin, who was knelt over examining some roof tiles.

“Eugene.” He sighed. “We’ve been up here for hours.”

“You’re the one who always says if you're going to do a job do it properly.”

“Well, to summarize, the roofs supports have been damaged, but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be, and it will still hold against snow and bad storms, it should be strengthened at some point, but it’s not high priority . Now can we go?”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”  
  


“Because last week you were talking about the possibility of a collapse.”  
  


“I said we just needed to check, and it takes worst case scenarios to get you to listen sometimes.”  
  


“I listen to you plenty.”

“Eugene! Can we go now.”  
  


“Alright, alright.” Eugene walked sure footedly along the roof, reaching down to help Varian to his feet. They walked along the slim flat area between the two slopes of tiles until they got the small ledge that led down to a flat fenced in area and an access hatch. Varian climbed down first. Turning to look back up at Eugene.

“So,” he said casually. “What was it that Cassandra whispered to you this morning?”  
  


“What?”  
  


“She said something to you, and you said she wasn’t a lady.”  
  


“Oh that.” Eugene said elongating the words. “She called me Captain Cock-Block, can you believe it?”  


Varian paused in what he was doing and stared at the older man as he climbed down the ledge. Did he just hear that right? He wasn’t surprised to know that Cassandra would come out with language like that. He knew that she had spent a lot of time growing up around soldiers. It was more the implication of the words, cock-block, as if Eugene reminding Varian he had to come to the roof had in some way stopped them from…

As Eugene landed on the flat ground and turned towards him Varian grabbed him by the collar pulling him close to his face.

“Eugene, I swear to all that is holy if you ruined my only chance at losing my virginity to Cassandra I will make your life unbearable from now on.”

“Hey, calm down!” Eugene shook him off. “She's not going anywhere is she? Wait, what was all that giggling about this morning if you two didn’t…”

Varian blushed. “What giggling?”  
  


“We heard you when you tried to leave her room, you are simply terrible at sneaking around.”  
  


“We just slept.” Varian lied. “I thought she was tired. I wanted her better rested."

" Jeez, just how long do you think it takes?"

"Longer than you." Varian fired back. This was not a conversation he wanted to get into with the older man. It didn’t feel right, Cassandra wouldn’t like Eugene to know any intimate details about her, on the other hand, the older man still called him kid all the time and he’d love the chance to get the upper hand just for once.

"Hey!"

Varian tried to climb through the open hatch, but Eugene caught his arm.

“Do you need to talk?”  
  


“No.” Varian said shrugging him off.

“Are you sure? It’s a big step.”  
  


“I’m not a teenage girl Eugene.”  
  


“I know… but more experienced woman, that can be daunting.”  
  


“More experienced?” Varian asked.   
  


“Well, you can’t tell me that Cass is a virgin, I mean...Yikes!”

Varian grabbed his collar again.

“That is my girlfriend…well, maybe.. but still. Don’t talk about her like that.”

“Okay, Okay, I just meant, she dousn’t live life by the usual conventions and she’s been travelling for a while. I imagine that she’s had other lovers, she is beautiful, even I can’t deny that. I wasn’t trying to insult her.”

Varian let go and gave an annoyed little huff. He wasn’t going to tell Eugene that he was wrong, that Cassandra hadn’t been anywhere near a guy in so long that Varian knew to treat her like a virgin, that would fall into the intimate knowledge that Eugene shouldn’t know category. He’d just have to let him have his misconceptions, and perhaps punch him if he ever made a comment like that again, once he could get away with because he was family, twice and he’d deserve a beating.

“So…uh... she seems willing, so why didn’t you seal the deal kid?”  
  


“It’s none of your business.”  
  


“Just wanted to be helpful. You know, in case, you had some problems.”  
  


“Problems?”   
  


“Couldn't raise the mast?”

“What no!” Varian said.

“Ship left the port too early, there's no shame in it, you are inexperienced.”

“No!”

“Realized that it was her time of the month and fainted?”

“Why are we friends?”

Eugene shrugged.

“I just don't want her to have a bad experience okay!”

“Okay.” 

“I think she's relaxed enough with me now, but I needed to be sure. I don't want to cause her any discomfort, okay.”  
  


“Okay.”  
  


“I care about her.”

“I know you do.”  
  


“I don’t want to move too fast.”  
  


“So uh.. what was all that giggling about?”

“Picking pockets isn’t the only thing that gives you nimble fingers Eugene.” Varian said jumping down the hatch.

***

Varian was looking for Cassandra when he bumped into King Edmund, literally. 

“Oh, sorry your majesty. Have you seen Cassandra?”

“Yes, she was looking for you actually.”

“Really, where did she go?”

“Oh, she left about a half an hour ago, when she couldn’t find you Princess Rapunzel asked her to go with her for a doctor’s appointment about the… well, you know.”

Varian sighed, it looked like it didn’t matter that he’d come down from the roof. She had gone already; he would have to wait till she got back. Wait for what though? The previous night had taken some turns he had not been expecting, very welcome turns. Was she really ready to be with him? He hoped so, but he could be patient, however much he just wanted to hold her close right now, and kiss that warm silken curve of her neck, he could be patient.

“How was that exploding gel coming along?” Edmund was asking him. Varian held back a swearword, another thing he had promised but had faded from his mind when he’d had Cassandra in his arms.

“Will it be ready for the demonstration tomorrow?”  
  


“Oh, yes, I’m just going to go and work on it right now.” He answered.

Though it was finished it was a dangerous substance, and he might as well go and take one more look at the compound. It wasn’t like he was going to be seeing Cassandra in the next few hours anyways. He headed back down to his lab. He would try and get some work done, though he had a feeling he’d spend most of his time daydreaming about Cassandra and the night previous.

***

_ The Night Before -Cassandra _

Cassandra moaned slightly as Varian’s hands wrapped around her buttocks lifting her up and placing her down on the stone altar, not breaking their kiss for a moment. Gentle kisses had turned hungry, shy hands had begun to explore, and loving words had turned into hitched breathes and humming moans. Cassandra’s fingers fiddled with the gold clasps on the leather jerkin, frustratingly slowly she undid them one by one until the leather parted and she could pull at the shirt beneath. She tugged the shirt out from his trousers and was able to slide under and touch the smooth warm skin. Varian pulled back for a moment, looking around, looking slightly confused.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing, I just thought it seemed like it was getting darker.”

Cassandra looked around.

“It has, the fires gone out over there.” Varian turned and looked.

“The whole thing is dying down.” He said.

Cassandra let out an annoyed groan.

“Danmit, the oils running out, I guess it had been there several centuries. We should get back, before the oil of the lantern goes as well.”

“I guess you’re right. “Cassandra sighed. She jumped down from the altar, feeling slightly disappointed. They walked together in a companionable silence, back out of the grotto and along the stream, up the steps and through the woods. As she walked the muscles of Cassandra’s leg started to ache deeply, from the knee all the way up to her hip. She tried to hide her discomfort as best as possible, she knew that there wasn’t any problem developing, she’d just pushed herself to the limits tonight. Despite trying to hide it, Varian turned to her with a concerned look.

“You’re limping worse than usual.”

“I’m fine.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard.”  
  


She reached for his hand, squeezing it before locking her fingers with him.

“It’s what I needed. Honestly, I’m fine, just tired.”

As they travelled in the gondola, Cassandra rested her head against Varian’s shoulder. She felt him press a soft kiss against her forehead, she could be soft with him like this, it felt normal, natural and yet there was still a little tingle of excitement at the unfamiliarity of these gentle touches, an anticipation of what would come next for them. 

They walked slowly up through the newly planted gardens, up the steps and through the dark corridors. However hard they tried to draw out the night though they eventually reached her bedroom door. Cassandra took a deep breath, she did not want the night to be over, she did not want him to leave her, she wanted to be with him tonight. She knew his heart, she knew his regrets, his secrets, now she wanted to know his body, she wanted to possess ever part of him. She turned to him as he bent and gently kissed her.

“Goodnight…”  
  


“Do you want too…” They both had started talking and stopped talking at the same time, but despite the muddle of words they understood each other. Varian let go of her hand.

“You’re tired.”

“We've slept together before; we could just sleep.”

“You say that like it's even possible.” Varian said, running his fingers over her lips, his eyes staring intensely into hers, and she knew it was true, they may have slept close together before out of necessity, or seeking comfort, but that couldn’t happen tonight. Tonight they were both feeling too much to be contained if they laid together. She took the hand that was lingering by her lips and gently kissed his fingertips, sucking one into her mouth before answering.

“Stay anyway.”

His eyes closed and he groaned, then hands were wrapped around her shoulders, and she was pushed back against the door, his lips hungry against hers. She could feel the gentle twitching and growing of his excitement against her stomach. They pushed against each other, hands wrapping in hair, tongues delving into mouths, desperate to get closer but already as close as they could be in that moment. Eventually a thought entered Cassandra’s mind, they could not stay in the corridor undisturbed for ever, even in the dead of night. She knew she had to get him into his room and out of his clothes. She fumbled with the door handle, half walking - half falling backwards until they were both on there bed, the door kicked shut behind them.

They fumbled in the darkness, buttons and laces pulled at, material tugged.

“Damn, why are these so hard? “Varian said as his fingers were hooked under the laces of her vest.

“You said wear something for outdoors activities, you never said with easy access.”

He laughed pulling her on top of him.

“You're a wicked woman Cassandra.” He said his finger finding their favourite place in amongst her tumbling locks.

“So I've been told.”

“What happened to the lantern?”

“Good idea.”

Varian got up with a frustrated huff and went to get the lantern that he’d left outside the door, he used the flame from it to light the lamp on Cassandra’s desk so that they would still have light if one ran out, and then he turned to look at her, and for the first time Cassandra felt slightly apprehensive. She had not been naked in front of a man, not fully, not ever. She was older than him, and she knew that her breasts were not a pert as they would have been at his age, her skin not quite as soft. Yes, her muscles were still taut, her stomach still flat, but she was not twenty-two anymore. Then there was the big ugly red mark up her leg. Something must have shown on her face because Varian’s expression turned serious as he looked at her, and he went to sit on the edge of the bed reaching for her hand.

“You’re nervous.”

"No, I'm fine." She said reaching for him again, his hand reached up to catch hers, stopping her from kissing him with a pointed look and a raised eyebrow.

"Okay, a little nervous."

He sighed rolling onto his back and placing his hands over his eyes.

"Okay." He said looking up, "we're not having sex tonight."

"But.."

"I want you to feel comfortable, so I'm going to show you that I'm willing to put your emotions first.”

"Varian, I want you."

He lifted a pillow over his head and groaned into it.

"You're killing me here Cassie." 

He seemed to think about him for a while and then threw the pillow away and brought her to him in a kiss. The kiss was calmer than before, full of restraint. He looked her directly in the eyes, searching her face for something. “I want you Cassie, so much it hurts, but I want you to be relaxed.”  
  


“Varian, I might not get to be relaxed, I did this once, ten years ago, and it was awful. I might not be a virgin, but I might as well be for as I don’t know what to expect with somebody who actually cares about me.”  
  


He gave a short nod.

“Cassie, lay on your side, facing away from me.”

She paused for a moment, then deciding to trust him turned to her side. He scouted close to her.

“How do you sleep?” He asked. This time the question warranted her turning and looking at him oddly. He tilted his head slightly waiting for her answer.

“Like this.” She said drawing her legs up slightly.

“Good.” He pushed even closer to her his knees bending so that he was wrapped around her, every part of her back pushed against his warm lean frame. She could feel his hardness pushed up against her buttocks. For a disappointed moment she thought that he planned on going to sleep, as she had suggested at her door. Why ask her how she slept otherwise? But then his hands were lifting her hair to place soft moist kisses on the back of her neck, slowly making their way along to suck at that point just below her ear, and she sighed letting go of that small moment of tension where she had thought that she’d be left with this pent up energy all night.

“I want you to be as comfortable as possible.” Varian whispered against her, his voice wavering slightly with his efforts to control himself. He continued to kiss her neck as his hand slipped downwards to her breast, he had loosened the strings of her vest enough to slip his hand between it and the rough fabric of her shirt, the warmth of his hand sinking through the thin material to her skin. It sent shock waves that warmed her in far more places than just her breast. As the edge of his palm connected with her hardened nipple she agave a soft groan and found herself pushing her hips back against him, digging that hardness between the ample flesh of her cheeks. His breath hitched next to her ear, his hand stilled for a moment, before nimble fingers began to brush over the sensitive little circle, pushing back and forth before giving a light experimental squeeze, all of which just left her groaning and trying to push against him, because however good it felt, this was not where she wanted him. She wanted him in between her legs, she was painfully aware of that part of her swelling and throbbing, demanding him.

His fingers left her breast and travelled up to her chin, tilting her head as he leaned up to kiss her. Cassandra put her hand to his cheek, feeling the start of prickling stubble beneath her hand as threw herself hungrily into the kiss, trying to convey just how much she wanted him, just how much tension and energy there was in her body. She didn’t know the words for these feelings, she didn’t know how to ask for what she wanted, but she knew by how he met her kiss with the same level of energy that he was feeling the same. His body was tense with the same energy, the only area of looseness being their lips moving against each other. He pulled back with a sharp gasp, his eyes meeting hers just looking at her for a moment.

“I want to touch you.”

“Yes.” She didn’t need to think, she wanted him to touch her, anywhere, do anything, just to ease this feeling.

"I'm going to prove to you that I can make you feel good.”

He kissed her again, his hand sliding over her stomach down to her trousers where they unhooked the catches at the top and pushed beneath the different layers of fabric. Fingers trailed through her hair into her open and waiting lips, she let out a groan at the first touch, almost rubbing against him longingly. Varian answered her with a soft moan of his own. His fingers were light, just a breeze as they slowly tested the limits of her folds, running up and down mapping the edges where bare wet skin met black curl, travelling down as far as that little ledge where vagina stopped and backside began, then back up to the very top where he seemingly accidentally nudged at that swollen little nub that her own fingers knew so well. She wished that he would linger there for a moment, just to push down on her and give her the pressure she desired, but instead his fingers worked deeper, becoming slick with her juices. They found her opening, ghosting lightly around it, testing the parted flesh with the lightest of pressure, nuzzling just slightly, just millimetres inside of her and circling around as if trying to figure out the limits of her. She flung her head back against his shoulder, her hands reaching behind her to claps at his hips and draw him closer to her.

“Yes. Please…” She uttered, her eyes closing, everything except the movement of those fingers disappearing. He placed a kiss on her neck as the tip of his finger entered her, pushing agonisingly slowly into her as she groaned partly at the pleasure of the tingling pressure, partly in frustration at wanting more. Then his finger slipped out of her and it ran in a line up her slit, a sweeping gesture, until he hit her sensitive nub, making her hips jerk, and just as she was starting to want this sensation instead he was sweeping back down and dipping into her again. Back up and down he went, stoking the fire within her further, and further, making her pant as her body grew hotter and hotter, as if in fever, making her want him more, but unable to say where it was she most wanted his touch, inside of her or on that sensitive little swelling.

The energy within her was building up in waves of pleasure, she started circling her hips, feeling the hard dick rubbing against her buttocks, and when he slipped more fingers inside of her she moved to rock against them as he stayed still, letting her use him how she wanted. Finally his fingers slipped out of her and when they ran back upwards to run over that tense little nub he finally lingered, crooking his fingers he ran his rough knuckles over the spot, circling again and again as her body tensed and waves of pleasure grew and crashed within her. Her hips jerked back and forth of their own accord; her thighs clenched over his hand locking him there. His hips were moving in rhythm with his hands now, thrusting himself against her. She could feel something coming, a more powerful building of energy, starting in her stomach, travelling up her spine, and then bursting, filling her entire body so all she could do was give a gasping scream, barely feeling as fingers slipped back inside of her, she gave into the blinding white pleasure.

When it was over, she was partly aware of him moving away from her, rolling to lie flat and look up at the ceiling. Her heart was still hammering against her breast, her legs still feeling wobbly as if they had lost their bones. She had half expected him to take her then, the heavy hardness of him jutting into her had told her how much he wanted to. It would have been easy, to just slip her trousers down and slide into her, already wet and open, his pleasure following hers.

As she watched him she noticed his lips forming unspoken words.

“What are you saying?” She asked him when she could find her voice.

“Elements.”

“Why?” She chuckled.  
  


“I could feel you pulsing around my fingers, I could imagine that around my dick, and I could almost come just imagining it.” He said huskily.

“I would have let you, take me that is.”  
  


“I told you, I want you to know I can make you feel good, I want you to know I can put you first. Did I prove it?”  
  


“Do you really need to ask?”

He gave a little hum and a half shrug, before reaching his hands out to frame her face.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? How sensuous you are? The way you react to me, the way you move against me, the sounds you make, do you have any idea?” He kissed her before settling back into the pillows eyes closed.

Cassandra couldn’t help smiling at the compliment, the raw honesty in his voice. She looked Varian up and down taking in his body, stretched out with his arms above his head, making his already slim frame look longer and slimmer. She noticed the bulge in his trousers, and with a sense of relaxed confidence that followed her climax she reached for him. Varian’s eyes flicked open as he sensed her hand near his belt. He looked at her and gave her a soft smile.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to see you.”

“If you’re sure.”

His breath hitched slightly as he reached and undid his belt and with a small shift of his hips pulled the material down revealing himself to Cassandra.

The slight bumpiness of the skin at the base, the thick vein running along the bottom, the head, dark pink and glistening with a creamy liquid. It had a strangely graceful curve, ending parallel with his belly button. The instant she touched him he groaned. Emboldened she ran the tips of her fingers up that thick vein. She was surprised by how hard and hot flesh could be. She stroked over the glistening head making Varian gasp and his hips buck upwards. She liked that she could do that to him, she liked that she could have the same power over his body as he had had over hers.

She had never really examined a man in this state before, she had felt one inside herself, yes, a smaller one, but never touched one like this before. She wanted to know everything about this body, she wished he were naked in front of her, so she could see the planes of his stomach, the muscles of his arms, but she understood that some limits had been set tonight, and she wouldn’t push him, as he would never push her.

He was looking down at her now, his eyes half closed, his lips parted. She bent low, smelling the headiness of him, fingers briefly brushing the thick hair, feeling the difference between it and the smooth hard skin. She cupped a hand around the underside of his dick, holding him gently as she licked upwards feeling the different textures of the skin against her tongue.

He gulped and panted under her. She touched the tip of her tongue to the silky tip, swirling in a circle around that little opening, the little smears of liquid were salty in her mouth. Varian’s hips stuttered, his fingers clenching and unclenching in the bedsheets. She had wondered if this would have crossed a line with him, but he seemed far from concerned. With a single quick movement she slid her lips down over the head of his dick and took him into her mouth.

“Uh, wait.”

Cassandra stopped, sitting up, wondering if she had found that line he didn’t want her to cross. He reached out for her hand.  
  


“What?” He said looking a little baffled.

“You’re not the only one who knows how to research.” Cassandra said realizing that he had not expected her confidence, her knowledge.  
  


“Oh.” He seemed to be struggling to come up with a coherent sentence. “You don’t have to.”

“You don’t want me to?”  
  


“It feels amazing, but I wanted tonight to be about you.”

“And I want to watch you, I want to taste you.”

She bent back down, her lips pausing over him giving him a chance to stop her again, when he didn’t she slid her lips back down over him, pulling back up and bopping back down a few times.

“Oh! mercury, hydrogen and argon.”

Cassandra tried to hold back a laugh, she pulled off of him with a satisfying popping sound, and wrapping her fingers around him gave him a couple of long licks from base to tip, before diving back over him, her tongue flickering over his head. She could feel his thighs tensing beneath her hand, a few trembling shakes. His fingers wrapped in her hair gently massaging the back of her head. He was giving soft moans that just turned her on, she could imagine what it would be like to have this part of him properly inside of her, for her to rock back and forth on him, with him moaning like this beneath her.

“Cassie, I’m gonna…”

She froze, she didn’t really know what she was meant to do. She pulled off of him and wrapped her hand around his shaft trying to copy the movements of her mouth moment prior. Varian let out a few gasping breaths and a hot stream of white liquid flowed over her hand. She found herself smiling in satisfaction, she had done that, she had made him feel good. She wiped her mouth with the side of her hand and laid her head on his shoulder, her arm wrapping around his stomach.

“Cassie.” He breathed.

“Hmm.”  
  


“I love..”

She silenced him with a finger to his lips.

“Just go to sleep.” She said softly.


	14. Burning Desire part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings in the previous chapter. 
> 
> Please forgive me if I don't answer messages for the next few days, the story is getting close to completion and I don't want to accidentally give away the ending.

Cassandra was walking next to Rapunzel; it had been a long and tense morning. She had made up her mind about Varian’s proposal, and she was hovering between anticipation, and nervousness, butterflies filling her stomach. She had found it hard to settle at any task, her mind distracted, she hadn’t been able to read, her morning exercise was cut short by the subtle ache that was still there in her leg, and the wet nurse had shooed her away from baby Quirin when she’d gone to check on him because apparently he was picking up on her nerves and he wouldn’t sleep properly. She had stroked her baby brothers head and handed him back.

She had been unsure when Rapunzel had asked her to go with her to visit the doctor in his little clinic in the town, on the one hand, being out and about would calm her down, on the other it might make it longer before she actually got to talk to Varian. In the end she had agreed, she wanted to try and be as involved in the Princess’s pregnancy as she could be, she wanted to prove to her that this time she would be there for her. 

Rapunzel seemed in a brighter mood than she had in weeks, not that she had been in a bad mood as such, just distractible, but today as she walked on the balls of her feet through the forest Cassandra recognised the teenage girl she had first met, the one who was just excited to be out in the world. Rapunzel walked in front of her then turning to walk backwards whilst talking to Cassandra.

“SOOO…”

“So?”

“Varian?”

“Did you actually ask me to come because you were nervous? Or did you just want to pry into my private affairs?”  
  


“A little from column A, a little from column B.”  
  


“I’m going back.” Cassandra said turning around.

“No, no, no.” Rapunzel said running after her and grabbing her hand.

“I am really nervous Cassandra, since that woman died a few weeks ago, I’ve been getting scared again.”  
  


Cassandra sighed, and took Rapunzel’s hand. She knew that Eugene had tried to hide Angelica’s death from his wife, they had never actually met so Rapunzel hadn’t been upset over that, but hearing of a pregnant woman dying when you were pregnant was going to affect you, she understood, childbirth was a dangerous thing and birthing twins even more so.

“You’re not going to die Rapunzel.”

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t want me prying into you and Varian’s relationship.” Rapunzel said. “It’s just exciting, it’s distracting me from how scared I am. I know it was just one date, and it’s not like you’re in love with him… Wait, you are?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“There was a look.”

“There wasn’t a look.” Cassandra said, wondering what it was her face had done to reveal her thoughts.  
  


“There was definitely a look.”

“Why are you so interested?”  
  


“Why would I be interested in the man I consider to be like a little brother, and the woman I consider to be a big sister getting together and living happily ever after? As if we were actually one big family? Yeah, why would I be excited about my best friend moving back to Corona? Wait, what was THAT look?”

“There was no look.” Cassandra said. Though she knew there had been, because at Rapunzel’s mention of her moving back to Corona Cassandra’s heart had skipped a beat in the sudden realization that she would have to explain to her friend that she had no intention of moving back. She knew the younger woman would be upset, but it was a conversation they would have to have at some point so might as well just get it over with.

“Cassandra?”

“Okay, we may have talked about Varian coming travelling with me for a little while.” Cassandra said suddenly feeling guilty that her and Varian had been making all these plans without telling their friends, who had grown to rely on Varian not just as the royal engineer but as an essential part of their family.

Rapunzel stopped in her tracks, her face fell as she stared at Cassandra.

“A little while, like a few weeks? Or like five years?”

“I don’t know, wait, why are you crying? Don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying.”

“Then what’s that water coming from your eyes?”

“Okay, I’m crying because I’m happy for you.” Rapunzel trying to give a wide smile despite, sniffling and wiping her eyes againt the sleeve of her dress.  
  


“Then why do you look so miserable?”  
  


“Because I thought you might come back to Corona,” Rapunzel let out a sob, “and now not only are you leaving again but you’re taking Varian with you. I don’t want to have to miss you both. I won’t see you for another five years.”  
  


“Rapunzel, I promise, it is never going to be that long again between me visiting ever again.”  
  


Rapunzel took a few deep breathes as if trying to calm herself.

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.” Cassandra said pulling her friend in for a hug.

“I don’t want to lose you both.”

“You won’t, I promise. Varian loves you; you know that.”

“I love him too, and he has a right to go away and find his own path if that’s what he needs. I promise I will be happy for him, but I’ll also miss him.”  
  


“I know, and I’m sorry that I’m only telling you about this now, but it’s all new and I’m still working things out.”

Rapunzel pulled away.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you’re working it out Cass. Honestly I would be happy for the both of you if you become… whatever it is you want to call it.”  
  


“Lover, and you’re still crying.”

“I’m pregnant, I cry a lot.”

“Oh, look on the bright side Raps, If I’m travelling with Varian then he’s going to make sure that we come back to visit Corona more often.”  
  


“Okay, but, please Cassandra, don’t leave on a long journey before the babies are born, please? I know I have no right to ask, but I just, I need him Cassie. ”

Cassandra took a deep breath, for weeks all she had wanted to do was leave, to feel free to make her own choices and set her own schedules again. It was true she wasn’t ready to leave on a long journey yet, maybe just a few small ones to test the water with her leg, but to wait longer, it was a big deal for her.

“I know you do, and I promise.”

“I can’t explain it, but I just have this feeling that I need him around, that if something goes wrong, he’ll be the one to fix it, it’s silly I know.”  
  


“No, Raps, it’s not silly. You’re feeling vulnerable and you want to have your family around, Varian’s part of that family. There is nothing at all silly about that.”  


“You’re part of my family too.”  
  


“Then I will be there too.” Cassandra promised.

***

Cassandra opened the doorway leading down to Varian’s lab and felt a bubble of excitement in her stomach when she saw a light at the bottom of the stairway. She had checked about five times that day, but he was finally down from the roof, and she was finally home from the doctors, it was time. Today was the day her life would change. She walked down the stairs; Varian was looking closely at a vial in his gloved hands. He looked up at her, he froze, hand suspended in mid-air as he stared at her.

“Okay then. “

He didn’t speak for a moment.

“Okay then?” He finally said slowly.

“I’ll be your lover.”

The vial dropped onto the table shattering as shards of glass bounced to the floor.

“Oh shit!” He said rushing to the shelves behind him and picking up a large bottle, dousing the top of the table with its contents.

“What was that?” Cassandra said walking closer.

“Acid, really, really strong acid, but I think I got it all. Do you mean it?”

“Acid makes things disintegrate right?”

“I sorted it, acid meets alkaline it neutralises it. Did you mean it?”

“Yes.”

“Oh…Oh.” He was staring at her wide eyed like a deer caught in headlights, it wasn’t the reaction she had been hoping for, and it made her feel a bit uncomfortable. Had he changed his mind?

“Don’t’ make me regret this.” She muttered looking down at the floor.

That seemed to be the catalyst that he needed, he ran to her, gathering her in his arms and kissing her soundly. Pulling away to rest his forehead against hers. “You’re really mine?”

“Absolutely.”

“Oh Cassie.” He pulled away, goofy grin on his face. “So, uh, would you like to see the exploding gel I’m working on?” He said pointing to a thick purple goo held in a container on the table.

“No.”

“Oh, okay. What would you like to do?”

“I just agreed to becoming your lover.”

“Oh, right we should do something romantic. I guess the moonlit picnic thing has already been done. Wow, I should not have used up my only three date ideas in one go.” Cassandra smiled at him and took his delightful goofy lovable face between her hands, silencing him with a kiss. A kiss that’s intentions could not be misinterpreted.

“Oh, you meant, right now” Varian said when she let him go, his eyes were wide. “I’m.. I’m cool with that. “

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Let me just put out the fire. “ He said turning around and throwing a bucket of sand into the large fireplace that acted as the main light and heat source for his lab. She then watched him go over to the shelfs where he picked up a few of those familiar little tins and a bottle of something else.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, it just takes away any extra friction form it not being skin to skin contact.” He walked over to her, giving her a gentle kiss and lacing his fingers with hers.

“Wait.”

He paused as he was trying to lead her to the door.

“I won’t get pregnant?” Cassandra asked, just needing to hear it said aloud.

“No, Cass. The little gloves, they catch all of the seed, and so far I’ve not heard of them ever failing or breaking.” He said patiently.

She nodded. “Okay then.” She let him gently tug her towards the steps.

“You can change your mind.” Varian said gently as they reached the top of the stairs.

“I know, but I won’t. I want you Varian.”

He smiled at her.

“I want you too. We should go to my room, it’s in a quieter area of the citadel, we’re less likely to be overheard or disturbed, besides, it’s a brand-new mattress.”

“Well then it needs breaking in.”

They let go of each other’s hands as they made their way through the corridors.

“Oh Varian?” Eugene had just appeared in the library doorway.

“NOT NOW EUGENE!” They both said in unison. Eugene raised his hands in the air and stepped back into the room.

“Never mind then.” He said.

Cassandra pursed her lips as they continued down the winding corridors into Varian’s underground room, at one point she caught Varian’s eye and they both burst out laughing.

“He probably didn’t deserve that.” Cassandra admitted.

“Oh, I’m not sure that he didn’t. He is Captain Cock-Block after all.”  


Cassandra gasped. “He told you that?”  
  


Varian nodded with a smirk. They were at his room now and as Varian opened the door Cassandra felt a wave of anticipation in her stomach. Varian closed the door firmly when they were inside and turned to her. They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment.

“Is there anything you want me to know?” Varian asked.

Cassandra was a little taken back by the question.

“Like what?”  


He shrugged.

“Anywhere you don’t like to be touched maybe, or anything you don’t want me to do?”

“Not that I can think off.”

“Okay.” He said casually. “Anything you really want to try?”

“I don’t know, why are you asking me this?”

“I just want to give you whatever you want.” Varian said stepping up to her, placing his hands on her hips. “I think it’s important that we speak honestly about each other about this, understand each other’s expectations.”

“Okay but I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, if anything feels wrong, just tell me.”

“I liked last night.”

He smiled in response.

“I liked it when you kissed my neck.” Cassandra started shyly, she’d not talked like this before, but she could understand that Varian wanted them to be open with each other, and she could at least give it a go. “I liked when you touched my breasts, I liked feeling your dick against me, and I liked watching you come. But I wanted more, and…and I wanted you to be less gentle.” It was hard of her to admit that, hard of her to admit the desires that had flooded her seemingly endless nights alone.

She looked up at Varian, his eyes were closed and his jaw was tense, for a moment she wondered if she had said something wrong, but then he opened his eyes and looked at her with such hunger she realized it was the opposite, and something she had said had brought him to lust.

He grabbed her and spun her round his lips crushing into hers. She was pushed against a wall, hands held above her head, and for a second she struggled but he was too strong. She’d not realized that he was actually stronger than her, physically, even if she could take him in a fight due to being better trained, he was stronger. There was something about that that made her stomach flip in a pleasant way.

She pushed hard against him. His eyes widened, startled, but then as she pushed him onto the bed and straddled him he smiled widely, pulling her back down into his kiss again, not wanting to be apart from her for a second. She worked on the buttons of his shirt, pulling it open and staring down at him, the smooth stomach, the muscles, dusty flat circles of nipples, with dark hair spread across them. She ran her palm down feeling the warmth of him, admiring the beauty of his masculine form. He pulled away from her for a moment, pulling the shirt completely off and then grasping his hands around her buttocks and squeezing as he pulled her back close for another hungry gasping kiss.

She gave a startled cry as he moved under her, rolling her onto the bed and stretching out above her. He gave a small smirk before kissing a line down her neck and starting to pull apart the buttons on her blouse. She panted against him, as he sucked at her skin. She reached down to run her hands over the tight muscles of his back, feeling her way around two raised scars that ran down the sides of his ribs. He pulled away catching first one hand and then another and pushing them down beside her head on the pillow, his hands holding her down by the wrists. He was dominating her. It wasn’t what she had expected, he was so gentle and kind usually. But it was so sexy, this change in him, the confidence. She gasped and groaned and occasionally playfully struggled against his hands as he kissed her lips and neck.

At one point he pulled back and looked her in the eyes.

“Are you okay with this?” He said.

“Yeah.” She breathed.

“It’s just you’re kind of wiggling as if you want to get away from me, but I can tell that you’re not putting your whole strength into it so I’m not really sure what message to take from it.”  
  


She pulled her hand free and dug her nails into her back bringing them down sharply. He gasped and winced.

“Oh, so that’s how you want it?” He asked with a wicked smile.

“Yes.”

“I can do that.” He bent down to kiss her but instead pulled her bottom lip between his two teeth and nipped lightly, then went to do the same to a spot on her neck, leaving tiny little purple marks where he had pinched the skin. Cassandra let out somewhere between a groan and a growl as she tried to flip him onto his back, he let her, for a moment, as though he had been overpowered, but the next second she had been flipped back and she was pinned beneath him again. She had not known that this was what she wanted until this moment, but it was. She couldn’t begin to understand why when she had such pride in her athletic capabilities, her fighting capabilities, that she just wanted to be held down by him, she wanted him to be the one in control, she wanted to just give in to him.

“You’re mine.” He growled playfully.

Cassandra rolled her hips up against his in answer drawing a short gasp from him. He gripped her hip raising them up slightly and started rubbing his clothed hardness against her creating a delicious friction.

“Clothes off!” She demanded.

Varian did not need to be told twice, he was up and pulling his trousers off, before she could even sit up, he was naked before her. He was magnificent, all well-defined lines and angles, from the sweep of his narrow hips up to his rib cage, to the jutting muscles of his calves. There were enough little details of his body to keep her mesmerised as she took them in, she realised for the first time that his feet as well as his hands were just a little too large for his body, that his strong forearms were littered with scars, from just at the point where his gloves would stop to his elbows. There were the other two scars on his ribs that her fingers had already discovered, still slightly raised and red, obviously not old. His chest hair now she looked at it made her think of a bird, its wings outspread across the muscles of his chest and then trailing down in a tapering line of a tail. All of this just made him more perfect in her eyes, and yet, her favourite parts of him were still those gentle blue eyes, his smile, and his fingers, long and delicate when not hidden by gloves.

Varian was watching her closely, his head tilted to one side.

“Nervous?”

  
“Not at all.” She reached up running her hand down his stomach. “Just taking it all in.”

He bent and kissed her gently.

“Let me see you.” He said softly. She nodded, her reservations of the day before had been washed away by pure want, her own, and that which she could see on his face. She tentatively stood up and pulled off her blouse and awkwardly stripped her trousers off, feeling her face grow hot despite herself under his intense gaze. She reached behind her, thankful that instead of a corset she was only wearing a small camisole, held together at the back with a few small buttons.

“Let me help.” Varian said, stepping behind her and moving her hands away. He placed a kiss where her neck met her shoulder as he undid the small buttons and slid the thin material off her so that it fell to the ground. He buried his nose in the crook of her neck, stroking her bare stomach with the back of his hand before he hooked fingers into her underwear and pushed them down. She stepped out of her clothing and turned to him.

His eyes travelled around her slowly, his expression unreadable. His stare was too intense, she unconsciously started to fold her arms over herself to cover herself up, but Varian gently took her arms and moved them back down to her sides.

“Don’t.” He said huskily. He continued to look at her until his eyebrows furrowed slightly and he spoke again. “You’re glorious, just… Cassie, you’re perfect.”

She felt herself blush as his hands came down and rested on her hips. He kissed her again, as their naked bodies came together, soft feminine curves against masculine hard angles. Their soft patience with each other collapsed back into hunger. Varian swept his arms under her, lifting her and dropping onto the bed where he kneeled over her. His hands wandering freely now, down her sides, over her breasts, not really concentrating on any one part of her, just exploring the curved lines of her body. His finger stopped at the top of her left thigh, hesitating over the thick angry scar there.

“It’s ugly.” She muttered.

“That’s not what I see. This,” he trailed his finger up the thick red mark “is what brought us together. So anytime I see it, I will be thinking about that. I will always regret the pain you had to go through, but I’ll always be grateful that it brought you back to me.” He moved down the bed to place an accepting kiss on the scar.

He continued to kiss her hips, her stomach, moving up in a line until her reached her breasts. His tongue darted out, licking the nipple as his finger gently kneaded the flesh. “So beautiful.” He muttered as if to himself. His mouth enclosed the rosy bud, sucking gently, a shot of pleasure shot down inside of her, an invisible line connecting nipple to womb. She grasped at his hair, holding him steady against her, he pulled off only to attack the other side, rolling it against the tip of his tongue, teeth lightly grazing making her shiver.

He flipped her over making her gasp, as he looked down at her back and ran his hand from the top of her neck down the hollow of her spine. He bent over her, kissing her sides, fingers finding the lines of her shoulder blades, then without warning she felt a sharp pain as his teeth nipped at the flesh of her buttocks. It was so unexpected, and yet it drove her wild, the idea that she didn’t know what he would do to her body next, she was completely beholden to his whims. She gave another surprised gasp as fingers drove into her from behind. He moaned against her, his fingers spreading, opening her.

“So wet.” He mumbled.

She was flipped again and when she looked up at him she could see an animalistic wildness in his eyes. He parted her thighs with his hands and she watched as he settled between them, she squirmed as she felt his breath close to her centre, and then his tongue was on her and it was a strange wet pulsing sensation, a light sucking and she felt a wave of pleasure starting, her back braced against the pillows as she felt it rise up over her body. His hand came up to squeeze her breasts. She started withering, as the feeling became almost too intense, he gently pressed down, holding her still as she panted and shook.

He stopped before she reached the peak of her excitement, coming up to settle his hips between her legs. He gave her another hungry kiss, and she could taste her own juices on his tongue. She could feel his hardness between her legs, just resting inside the lips. As he gently pushed up and down she could feel the head of that shaft rubbing against the little bundle of nerves, sending pleasant shivers up and down her body, she was so close to coming undone, so close to having him inside her. She realized that she wasn’t nervous, not in the slightest, she felt desperate to be filled by him. Their eyes met, there was an unspoken question, and there was only one answer for her.

“Yes.”

He paused before entering her, and gave her a reassuring little smile and a gentle kiss, so different from the hungry battle they’d been partaking in, the one she’d just had to surrender to completely in the end because the feelings were just too much. She knew by that kiss that he was still in control despite all their games, and he wouldn’t hurt her by going too fast, or too hard, despite the roughness of their lovemaking so far.

He need not have worried though, Cassandra was fully ready and as her body accepted him she felt no discomfort, only a full, stretching, relief that left her groaning. The knowledge that he was inside her made her whole-body tingle, she felt a strange sense of completion, of rightness and belonging, as if this moment was the whole reason she had a body. As he stared at her trying to judge her reaction she wrapped her legs around his hips trying to pull him deeper, and her hands came to rest across his back. He relaxed and began to move within her.

They moved together easily, as if they had been together for ever, and already knew the ins and outs of each other’s bodies. Varian had started slowly, not pushing his full length into her, but as she had wrapped legs and arms around him, and angled her hips into him, he slipped deeper and deeper with each thrust until he could feel the head of him pushing against that backwall that separated vagina and womb. Yet still, being as deep inside her as he could possibly go she seemed to want to draw him further, as if wanting their bodies to melt together.

He was spurred on and on for her want for him. Her gasps and moans, she could take everything he could give and still be hungry for more. He was aware of her muscles tightening around him, her back arching, fingernails digging in, he was close, so close, but he kept holding back. Hearing her moan, feeling her around him, being with her in this moment, he just wanted it to last as long as it could.

“Do you trust me?”

“What?” She asked as if startled out a dream.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

Varian pulled out leaving her for a second feeling strangely bereft. She looked at him confused.

“Get on your hands and knees.”  
  


She looked puzzled. He reached for her chin. “I just think you’ll like it. If not, tell me.” 

Varian had hoped that she wouldn’t stare at him like he was weird. Yes, he thought that she would like the deepness he had heard that this position brought, but there was also the need for him to pause for a few seconds. He had been very close to his point of no return, and he was dammed if he was going to finish yet.

She nodded and feeling slightly awkward got onto her hands and knees. Varian’s hands grasped her waist and he pulled her towards him. With a bit of fumbling he found his way inside of her again. She gasped when he rammed into her hard. She was so wet and open. He wrapped his hand in her hair, not pulling but just holding her there, feeling that sense of control. She was his, he was claiming her, he wanted to make her feel so good that she would never look at another man again.

“Mine.” He grunted as he thrust in and out of her wildly.

She felt fuller than before, somehow he was deeper than before, and he was hitting a spot inside of her that made her whole body fill with warmth and made her gasp over and over each time his dick dove back into her. His fingernails racked down her back adding a stinging burn to the sensations taking over her body, and she was lost.

He went quick, deep and fast. She started crying out with every push. The drag all along her inner walls, shivering at the sensations, so full, he couldn’t go any further, muscles trembled, her arms gave way beneath her and she clawed at the bedding. The pleasure was like nothing she had ever experience, it was deep inside of her, there were no waves of pleasure taking her over anymore, because she had already drowned in it, her body had completely surrendered to it, she had no control over her languid muscles, every atom of them filled with a pleasure that just didn’t seem to end, her mind felt empty and numb. When she stopped shuddering and trembling, laying still beneath him he finally let himself go, his own climax ripping through him so powerfully that he thought his heart might stop.

“Oh fuck yeah.”

He held himself within her, as the last shivers ran through his body, leaning over her, face pressed against her back in a trembling, relaxed state of exhaustion. Eventually he found his voice.

“Are you okay?”  


She hummed in response.

He pulled out of her, keeping his hand on the thin rubbery material, and checking that it had caught all of his seed.

Sated, sweating, gasping. They lay next to each other.

Then she started to laugh, he shot her a concerned look but saw how relaxed she was and knew not to be insulted. He turned to her, and she did the same so that they were lying looking at each other. Varian took in the relaxed smile, the red cheeks, the damp hair, and he fell a little more in love with her.

“So uh, do you think the whole town heard that or just the citadel?” He joked.

“Being in the old dungeons it’s probably pretty soundproof.” Cassandra smiled.

“Ahh good.” He looked across at her. “Doing Okay?”  
  


“Yeah.” She said breathlessly. “Just, might have given myself a headache.” She said raising her hand to her forehead  
  


“Yeah, you are loud, but I’m just going to put that down to my sexual prowess.”  
She swatted at him and he laughed as he caught her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckle.

“Cassandra?”

“Yes.”

“That really was amazing, thank you.”.

“It really was.” She said with a happy sigh. She was silent for a moment longer. “I didn’t expect that.” She said quietly.

“What? That I’d be good? I’m insulted.” Varian said with a mock insulted tone.

“No, that it would be so… rough, wild, I don’t know.”

“I wasn’t too rough was I?”

She shook her head. “I liked it, the roughness, is that normal?”  
  


“There is no normal.”

“Did you know I’d like that?”

“You seemed to be liking it, so I carried on.”

“How did you know what to do?”

“Good sex is like a good conversation; bad sex is like talking when nobody is listening.”

“What?”

“I made a study of what makes sex good and what makes it bad.”

“I heard something about that, from the girls who came here from brothels. Why did you ask?”

Varian shrugged.

“I just wanted to know really. I was around those women for a while, and there was a bit of a drunken conversation about what different men liked, and I asked if it was the same for women. if they liked different things, and I got such a range of answers that I needed to find the answer, I needed to understand. It’s just the way my brain works, if I have a question I have to find the answer.

“And the answer is to listen?”

“Well yes, bodies have ways of communicating, when I touched you you’d moan, or move closer, or tremble, I listened to that. It just seemed that you wanted to be allowed to not be in control, I mean as if you wanted me to take control so that you could just let go for a while.”

Cassandra turned away suddenly she was feeling guilty.

“I guess I shouldn’t have wanted that, considering it was your first time.”

“Hey, no.” Varian said leaning over her and turning her face back to him. “Cassandra you blew my mind, really. You were so beautiful, so passionate. Do not think for a second that because it wasn’t soft and gentle with lots of whispered words, or whatever, that it meant less. It meant everything Cassie. If sex is a good conversation then what I got from that one is that you’re really into me, and I’m really into you, and we feel free enough with each other to let our true desires show.” He kissed her gently. “That is intimacy. Both of us, we’ve got that little bit of dark in us Cassandra. That part of us that we always have to control, every day staying in control of our emotions, not allowed to get angry, or frustrated, or let go of ourselves even just for a little bit, because we’re frightened of what will happen if we do. I could guess that things between us weren’t going to be slow and sweet, because we can actually let ourselves lose control with each other knowing that nothing too bad is going to happen, knowing that neither one of us in going to judge the other. Not being soft and sweet dousn’t mean that it dousn’t have loving emotions behind it. At least on my side it did.”

“I..” She sighed. “I really like you Varian.”  
  


“I know, and that’s enough right now.” He kissed her fondly on the forehead then opened his arms to her. She gratefully sunk into them and let him stroke her hair. It didn’t take long for them to fall into a deep sleep contentedly wrapped up in each other unaware of anything else happening elsewhere in the citadel.

***

Down in the lab, the broken glass Varian had dropped laid on the floor undisturbed, next to it pieces of crumbling wood were dropping down. Unnoticed by Varian the acid that he had dropped hadn’t just spilled over the tabletop but had hit the table leg as well. It had been slowly disintegrating ever since, until it collapsed, the table tilted, the vials of purple and green gel that had not been cleared from the table rolled off. They rolled across the floor coming to a stop in the fireplace amongst the still warm embers.

The little racoon, that when it suited her, answered to the name Pen, watched all this with small black eyes, before curling back up into her blankets.

The contents of the vials began to grow hotter, and hotter, until they ignited. The explosion is small, noticed only by the small mammal, but it starts a dangerous series of events. The explosion sent shards of glass and sparks all over the room, they hit the rest of the table and a fire starts, they hit the shelving with the other chemicals, they hit the bookshelves, and they hit the carpeting running up the stairs, fires bursting out everywhere they hit. Pen, as an animal instinctively knows to fear fire, she bolts up the stairs, through the slightly open door in search of the comforting humans. It was good that she was so quick, as It only took seconds for the whole room to be alight, and for those other chemicals on the shelves to start to boil and burst out of their own glass casings.

***

“Varian!”

Cassandra startled awake at the shout. The door burst open and Eugene flew in. She was about to shout at him to get out, but she saw the wild determined look on his face and her blood ran cold. Something was wrong, very wrong. Varian was reacting quicker than she was, he was already pulling on his trousers.

“The babies?”

“What, no, this whole place is on fire! Come on!”

Adrenaline started to rush through Cassandra’s body, leaving her feeling slightly breathless and dizzy as she collected her trousers from the floor and started pulling them on, searching for her boots.

“RYDER!” Cassandra’s eyes shot to the door, seeing Eugene turn around, she knew that voice, it was her Dad, and he sounded panicked. “I can’t find Cassandra.”

“She’s here. Wait…” Eugene was trying to block the door, but her father pushed passed, took in the scene before him in a second and rushed to help her. She had been pulling on her boots, the confusion throwing things out of order. Her father pulled a blanket from the bed, wrapped it over her shoulders, covering her up, and pushed her sharply towards the door.

“Hurry, get out of here.”

She turned around looking for Varian, she saw him, shirtless but booted just behind her, and she let herself be pushed into the corridor. Then they were all running as a group, her unlaced boots making her stumble as the ran through the empty corridor. Everything looked normal at first but as they ran she started to hear a rushing crackling noise, and smoke started swirling around the ceilings, soon most the corridor was filled with it, blocking her view, heating the air and making her choke. She was heading towards the familiar corridor that led to her room and the great hall, but her father pushed her away, down a narrower corridor.

“Dad, it’s that way.”

“That way’s gone.” He said.

Cassandra looked around, starting to feel the creeping fingers of fear take over now. She saw Eugene and Varian mere steps behind them. When he saw her hesitating Varian rushed forwards and took her hand, giving her the strength to fight the fear and carry on down the unknown dark smoke-filled corridors.

“Ryder! Which way?” He father shouted, looking around as they came to a fork in the corridor. Eugene rushed forwards and pointed to the left. They carried on; Cassandra imagined that she could feel fresher air hitting her face and hoped that meant they were almost out.

There was a noise, a strange loud creaking. Everything happened within a few seconds. She heard Varian shouting her name, felt a harsh push against her back that sent her stumbling a few feet and then falling to the cold stone floor. There was a roar, a bang, not one noise but the combination of too many to work out, multiple crashes and creeks. A burning heat rushed over her.

Cassandra coughed, dust filling the already clogging air. She reached out trying to find Varian, but he wasn’t next to her. She pushed herself up onto trembling legs, and turned to see the corridor behind them was filled with rubble and large stone slabs reaching two thirds up the wall. Large fragments of wooden beams were jutting out, burning with bright orange licks of fire, she lifted her arm across her eyes instinctively protecting them from the sudden light. As the dust cleared she heard a cough from the other side.

“Varian!”

His head and shoulders appeared on the other side of the burning rubble. Blood was dripping down his neck. He looked at her as smoke slowly filled the corridor. She looked at the rubble trying to figure out if there was a way to climb over it, or clear it, but as she was thinking a flicker of orange fire burst through a door to her side, making her back away her arm raised to protect her face. Varian wasn’t moving, he was just staring at her. Cassandra was aware of her father and Eugene getting to their feet behind her. Both quickly taking in the situation.

“I love you Cassandra.” Cassandra looked up from the pile of rubble at Varian’s hard eyes.

“No, don’t say that.”

“Eugene.” Varian said calmly.

“Just a second kid we’ll get you out of there.” Eugene said desperately looking at the wall of stone and fire separating them.

“The fire is on your side Eugene. There’s no time. Get her out.”

“NO! Vare!” Cassandra said.

Eugene had paused to stare at Varian.

“Eugene, please.” Varian said his voice cracking.

She felt her father grabbing her arm, trying to pull her backwards but she fought back trying to get his hands off her. She watched Eugene and Varian stare seriously at each other, their faces lit by the orange flames. Varian’s hand squeezing the top of his bleeding shoulder, blood trickling between his fingers.

“I love you kid.” Eugene said. Without warning Eugene turned on the balls of his feet and dove at Cassandra, his shoulder meeting her stomach, knocking the air out of her. She felt herself lifted, a confusing moment when all she could see was the ground below her as he hefted her up over his shoulder and began running down the hall with her. Her head snapped up, finding the disappearing form of her lover.

“No, let me go! We can get him out! Eugene!”

She saw the smoke rising around Varian, he met her eyes one last time before his face was concealed by the dense smoke. He spoke to her, but she didn’t hear him over her own shouts. She didn’t need to hear him though; she knew what he had said.

Eugene didn’t put her down until they had emerged out a doorway into the cooler cleaner air of the gardens. He dropped to the floor coughing and trying to gain his breath, Cassandra got to her feet straight away despite the ache in her lungs and rushed back towards the door, she could only think of getting to Varian. Her father caught her.

“No Cassandra!”

“SON!” She heard a voice coming behind them. Strong arms were picking her up around the waist again, she kicked back.

“We need to get to the Gondola, the smoke is too much, we need to go.” Edmunds voice said behind her.

“Dad, Rapunzel?”  
  


“She was on the gondola that left a few minutes ago, Sophia is looking after her. She’s safe. Where is Quirin’s boy?”

Eugene raised himself up from the floor.

“He’s not coming.”

There was silence for a moment. Cassandra was struggling to take in what was going on, were they really planning on leaving him? He was in there, not twenty feet away, if they didn’t get him out soon then the heated smoke would choke him. Why didn’t they understand, why weren’t they helping?

“Alright.” Edmund said gruffly. Cassandra was aware of being carried across the grounds; she beat wildly at the wide shoulders beneath her but they were unmoving. She was carried into the gondola and dropped unceremoniously onto the wooden planks She looked up seeing Adira by the door.

“Is that everybody?” Edmund asked.

“Only hair stripe.”  
  


“Lock the doors.” Edmund ordered. Adira met his eyes quickly, then gave a short nod.

Cassandra’s heart sunk; a sickening panic was rising inside her. She needed to get to Varian. She dived for the door.

“No!” She shouted.

She was aware of the other people in the full gondola staring at her with fear as she tried to pull the door handles out from Adira’s grasp.

“Stop it girl!”

She was knocked off her feet again, by the wide sweep of the woman’s arm.  


“Cassandra.” Eugene said from behind her. “Cassandra, this is about more than you and me, more than any of us, there are twenty people in this gondola, and we need to get them safe before the smoke starts to overtake us all. Varian wanted you safe, he would have wanted everybody safe.”

“No, he’s not gone.”

Eugene grasped one of her arms, her father the other and they physically pulled her away from the doors as the gondola started to move. Cassandra rushed to a window, blind panic taking over, pushing past people as she did so, she stared out at the Citadel as they slowly began to move away from it, wondering how she could get back, how she could get to Varian.

She became aware of Eugene standing behind her.

“I will never forgive you for this.” She said.

“I know. I will never forgive myself either. He made his choice Cassandra.”

“He wouldn’t have chosen to be left behind.”

“He was choosing to get you out safely.”

If Eugene were about to say something else then it was interrupted by the largest roaring crash that Cassandra had ever heard. The gondola shook violently knocking some people to their feet. Cassandra stared in horror as the citadel was entirely hidden with a cloud of dust and smoke, she watched as it cleared to see a sight that made her heart stop. The middle of the citadel, what was the great hall, was gone. Its roof had collapsed. All that remained in the middle of the towers and wings of the ancient citadel was a hole, a big pile of rubble. For a moment she was still, staring in shock. Then she let out a long scream as she fell to her knees.

“NOOOOOO!”


	15. The Long Night Before The Dawn

The long night before the dawn

Varian watched as Eugene carried Cassandra away. She was reaching for him, screaming for him. He’d promised her that he would never leave her. Now, here he was, breaking his promise.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

The smoke was getting into his eyes now, stinging them, he couldn’t see her anymore, but he continued to watch for a few moments. He prayed to gods he didn’t really believe in that she would be safe. He just needed to know that she was safe, that was the most important thing to him. That would give him courage to face what lay ahead.

One of the burning wooden beams in front of him collapsed in on itself sending out a sudden wave of heat, he raised his arm to his eyes protecting them. Time to leave, he looked up one more time to where he had last seen Cassandra. Then he turned away, and ran back down the dark corridor, his hands out in front of him so he wouldn’t run into a wall.

He didn’t have a plan, when that ceiling had come down, and he’d seen that there was no way past, something inside of him had grown eerily cold, eerily calm. Some part of him had accepted it, accepted that this may be the end, as long as she survived, he could accept it. But that didn’t mean he was going to go down without a fight, today was not a good day to die. He’d waited years to lay claim to Cassandra’s heart and now that he had it, one-night was not enough.

***

“Eugene!” Rapunzel buried her face into her husband shirt. He was here, he was safe. She held onto him feeling his breath against the top of her head as he rested his face against her hair, the beat of his heart under her fingers, his hands against her back as he held her close. She’d been so anxious waiting for him. Eugene had hurried her onto the gondola, made sure she was safe, kissed her soundly and then he’d turned to leave. He’d gone to make sure that everybody got out safe, that their friends got out safe.

He held onto her for a long moment, his body tense as he held her. He pulled back and looked her up and down, his hands coming to rest on her stomach.

“Are they alright?”  
  


Rapunzel nodded.

“The doctor has been sent for, but nobody in our gondola was seriously injured.” Eugene nodded, he looked to the gondola behind him, Rapunzel had been watching for him as people had filed out, coughing, singed, but none looking badly injured. Now though she could see the Captain hanging in the door way, Edmund looking in worried, and she knew that there was somebody injured in the gondola. She looked up at Eugene, a cold dread settling in on her as she realized that he wouldn’t meet her eyes. She ran to the door of the gondola.

“No, Sunshine, wait.” Eugene caught her hand, trying to pull her backwards.

“Who is it Eugene?”

She saw his eyes glistening with unshed tears, the despair now showing clearly on his face. This was bad, she needed to see for herself. She pulled herself loose and ran to the door of the gondola, she looked around the wooden box until she saw Cassandra huddled in a corner, wrapped in a blanket, head down but recognisable by the curtain of black curls.

“Cass!” She went to run to her, but Edmund’s arm reached out across the doorway blocking her. She looked up confused.

“Just, go slow Rapunzel, she’s not herself.”  
  


“She’s hurt?”  
  


He shook his head.

Rapunzel looked back at the figure of her friend. Not hurt, not herself, she’d seen what Cassandra could be, when manipulated, when hurting, when scared, but that was years ago and things had changed. Then she realized, she looked around the faces here on the edge of the cliff, Eugene, the Captain, Edmund, Adira.

“Where’s Varian?” She asked, her voice shaking, because she already knew what the answer would be.

Edmund grimaced, and looked down at the ground. She felt Eugene come up behind her, she leaned back into him, her breath escaping her.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t get him out.” Eugene answered his voice breaking. She turned to bury her head in his chest, feeling his tears splash against her face.

“Is there any hope?”

“Oh Sunshine, there’s always hope.” He said holding her. She took a deep breath and pulled out of his arms. Though she felt like her chest had been torn open, she knew that Cassandra needed somebody right then. She turned to the door, putting her hand reassuringly on Edmund’s arm.

“Let me see her.”

Edmund nodded.

Rapunzel padded on her feet to the unmoving bundle of blankets. She sat on the floor next to her, and reached to lay her hand on Cassandra’s back.

“Cass?”

She showed no recognition that Rapunzel was there. 

“I’m here for you Cass.”

***

Varian pushed through the door into the library. Coughing loudly as he took a moment to sit on the floor and rest. The smoke was getting thicker, and he still didn’t have a plan. He had followed the corridors, heading upwards, heading west, heading away from the worst of the fire. It had led him into the vicinity of the library. He thought if he stopped here, being close to the books might remind him of something, anything, to help him get out.

“Think Varian, think. Where are you? You’re in an ancient castle, ancient castles have secret passageways, unfortunately you don’t know where they are. There’s volcanic activity in the area. You’re on a big rock outcrop, in a ravine, surrounded by water, and none of that is helpful.” He coughed again, he was sweating, the air he was breathing into his lungs was hot, and he found himself gasping. If only he had something, anything, from his lab, he was sure he could come up with a way to get out, he hated that he’d been caught out without any of his usual bag of tricks.

The library hadn’t helped, and he could sense the air getting warmer, the roar of the fire getting louder. Suddenly there was an almighty rumble, the walls shaking, books falling off the shelves. Varian instinctively threw himself under a table, covering his head with his hands. He had no idea what had just happened, but it wasn’t good. He stayed under the table for a few moments expecting the walls to fall down around him, but nothing happened. He opened his eyes, and gasped, he knew how to get out, but it was dangerous, extremely dangerous.

In front of him was the equipment that he had used to inspect the lava tunnels below the citadel, the mask and container of air that had helped him breathe, the dark fire-retardant coat and gloves. The lava tunnels built by the ancient kings ran all beneath the citadel. They had a few different entrances that Varian knew of. He should be able to reach one of them, but although he had been down in the tunnels twice before he had only stayed there for a few minutes and he had been hooked up to ropes and pullies to stop him from falling. He’d always had somebody close by making sure that he would be caught if he slipped. He didn’t have those now.

‘Okay, stay here and die, try and get out and probably die, does anybody have a solution that dousn’t include the dying part?”

He got up and started to put on his breathing equipment, used usually to protect himself from the sulphurous gases, now to protect him from the heated ash filled air. He noticed as he pulled his air tank onto his back that the little dial was showing it was close to running out. His chances of survival were getting slimmer by the second, he had to hurry.

***

Time wasn’t moving normally, the pain was unbearable, she’d never experienced anything like it before, it seemed to stretch out endlessly before her. Every breath was an effort, knowing that she would have to take another one afterwards, and another one, not knowing when all of this would end. She could sense Rapunzel next to her. She had felt hands wrapping that blanket more firmly around her, trying to keep her covered and warm. There was a hand resting on her back, she looked up and saw Rapunzel, tears streaming down her face.

She couldn’t focus, she recognised where she was now. She looked across at a spot a meter away from them. His hands were in her hair, pulling her head back, his lips and teeth grazed down her neck, sucking and nipping at the skin, pleasure mixed with pain. He had been so alive, his body under her. There, on that spot, a few weeks ago, she had finally given in and admitted to herself that she wanted him.

She couldn’t be here, she couldn’t feel these memories, it was too painful knowing that she’d never be that close to him again.

“I need to get out of here.”

Rapunzel helped her up.

“Let’s just get you into something a bit more…” Rapunzel said removing the jacket that was covering her nightdress and helping Cassandra into it. “There we go. Can’t have you going around half dressed can we?” She said sniffing and wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. Cassandra took the dropped blanket and draped it over Rapunzel’s shoulders.

Rapunzel led her out into the nights air. They walked along the edge of the trees, this pathway, she had walked this with him only the night before. His strong finger wrapped around hers. She had felt happy and secure in the knowledge that he loved her then, now it was Rapunzel’s thin delicate fingers holding her hand. She kept her head down, she didn’t want to look into anybody’s eyes, if she could just keep watching her feet, moving one step at a time, she could keep all the thoughts at bay for a little while.

The air smelt of smoke, and occasionally a light sprinkle of ash fell into her view, she watched it falling to the ground, blown over by a small end of summer breeze. She could hear it still, the fire, it sounded like a soft uneven roaring, in the background of all the hushed whispers and cries of the crowd gathered there on the cliff edge. The citadel had become a living place, dozens of staff had made a home there. She hated them for crying over a building, crying over a handful of belongings, didn’t they know what she had just lost? Didn’t they know what the world had just lost?

Rapunzel was leading Cassandra away from the crowd. She made the mistake of turning her head, of looking up, of letting herself see that fire reaching up to the horizon. Her legs gave out from under her again, the walls of pain were closing in again, and with a sob she let go.

***

“Princess?” Rapunzel looked up from where she was sat on the ground next to Cassandra. Where she had been sat for the last hour, hopelessly watching her friend sob, unable to get through to her, unable to comfort her.

  
“Doctor.” She said welcoming the man in front of her. “Can you do anything for her?”  
  


The doctor looked down at Cassandra.

“Who did she loose?”

“Varian.”  
  


The doctor gave a sharp intake of breath.

“Well, for that I am truly sorry. I can make her sleep, if we find a bed for her. I know that some people have gone ahead to the town to organise a place to stay. We’ll wait for them to get back. Now,” he held his hand out to her, “come with me, let’s check you over.”

  
“I don’t want to leave her.”

  
“People will keep an eye on her, let’s make sure that the heirs of this Kingdom and Corona are doing okay, shall we? You’ve had a shock yourself Princess.”  
  


Rapunzel didn’t want to leave Cassandra, but she could see the Captain watching them. She had to take care of herself, because she wasn’t just herself anymore, she was responsible for the two lives growing inside of her. She touched her hand to Cassandra’s shoulder.

“I’m not going to be far.” She said gently. Cassandra didn’t reply, she was staring down at the ground, curled in on herself, completely still and quiet. She’d been doing this between the sobbing, and there was something about it that was scarier to Rapunzel than the tears. Rapunzel couldn’t think of Varian in that moment, it was too painful, she was putting off facing that right now, and trying to just deal with her friend in front of her.

She followed the doctor. She sat answering his questions and letting him touch against her stomach, listen to her chest, take her pulse, she felt the tears start as her brain started screaming at her the words she was trying to ignore. Varian was gone.

“Sunshine.” She looked up as her husband approached. “Is everything okay?” He asked the doctor.

“All fine your Highness. It looks like most people have escaped with no injuries, a few scratches, a couple of twisted ankles but you’ve all been very lucky.”  
  


Pain seared through Rapunzel’s chest and she found herself gasping, tears now escaping.

“Oh sunshine.” Eugene was holding her now.

“I’m sorry.” The doctor apologised. “That was thoughtless of me.”

Eugene nodded at him and waved him away with a quick thank you. He picked her up and started carrying her away from the crowd.

“I’m trying to have hope Eugene.” Rapunzel whispered. “But I’m struggling to see how.”

“I want you to go with Max into the town. There’s some houses almost complete, some beds have been made up, I want you to go and rest.”

She pushed against him lightly, getting him to place her back on the ground near where Max was stood waiting.

“Cassandra needs a bed more than I do Eugene, the doctor said he could give her something to sleep.”  
  


“I’ll make sure that she gets somewhere, I promise Rapunzel, but I need to know that you are safe, and breathing fresher air. I need you to have a drink and something to eat and to try and sleep. I need to know that you and the babies are safe.”

  
“I will, but I need something from you too. I need to know what happened.”  
  


His face was blank, his jaw clenched, but as she reached to squeeze his hand he started talking.

“Almost everybody was out, but nobody had seen Varian or Cassandra. I knew that John had gone for Cass, so I went for Varian. They were together when I found them.”  
  


“Oh.” Rapunzel said, realizing exactly what that had meant. She glanced back at Cassandra, to know somebody n that way, and then too loose them. It was hard to imagine the layers of pain she must be going for.

“The fire, it had taken over a large part of the building. We had to take a different way out, in the service corridors that run under the citadel, but the fire must have been above us, because the roof of the corridor caved In.”

Rapunzel gasped, she reached out for Eugene again, even though she knew he was uninjured she felt the need to touch him, to make sure.

“Varian was trapped on the other side.” Eugene’s voice cracked again. He stared down at the floor, and Rapunzel saw the droplets of tears falling to the ground. “He…he…told me to get Cassandra out.”  
  


“You saw him?” Rapunzel said shocked. When Eugene had told her there was always hope she had imagined they had got accidentally separated. She couldn’t imagine her husband abandoning his cousin in the fire when he was able to see him, too talk to him.

“You don’t understand Rapunzel, there was a look on his face. He was so determined, so accepting. I know that look, it was a man willing to die if it meant the woman he loved was safe. I know what that is.”

“Eugene.” Rapunzel wrapped her arms around him.

“He’s not a kid Rapunzel, he knew what he was asking, and I had to do it.”

“It’s okay Eugene. It’s not your fault.”

***

John rocked his son in his arms, the child who would not have been born if it had not been for Varian. He should have been eternally grateful for the boy for that but sat at the edge of the forest was his daughter. Not that he could recognise her as his daughter at that moment, curled up in on herself, unmoving apart from the sobs that racked her body. He’d never seen her like this before, and it frightened him. He had known that no good was going to come of the relationship between Cassandra and Varian. He couldn’t have said what was going to go wrong but he had sensed it from the moment that he had seen them together, that the boy was going to break Cassandra. He looked over to Kevin, he didn’t need to speak, Kevin came and took the baby off of him. Squeezed his shoulder as he looked over at Cassandra. John needed the fortitude, he’d always been so scared of losing her, they didn’t have blood to connect tie them together, but she’d always come back to him before. All he could do was hope that she would come back to him this time as well.

As he walked up to her he was reminded of when she had been a child, small and vulnerable and so alone, he’d not thought of her that way in such a long time, she had grown so strong and so capable. 

“Cassandra I…”

“Go away Dad.”  
  


“Cassandra…”  
  


“You could have done something.”  
  


He looked down at his daughter. Perhaps she was right, perhaps he could have done something, perhaps he could have found a way to save the man she cared so much about, the one she had said made her feel heard and safe. Hadn’t that been his job as a father? To keep her safe? Yet he’d failed so many times. He hoped that she would forgive him one day.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

When she didn’t respond he left her in peace, not knowing how to break through to her grief, knowing that she wouldn’t accept comfort from him. He sighed as he walked away. He looked around for Kevin, but he caught sight of the Prince standing looking over to the Citadel. Ryder, he still called him Ryder, yet the thief he had once known had become the Prince of Corona, and had as it turned out always been the Prince of the Dark Kingdom. He was a good man, a man that had made him see the shades of grey, understand how good people could become criminals, and how they could be reformed. He went to stand next to him.

“What are you thinking of your highness?”  
  


Eugene turned and looked over his shoulder.

“How is she?”  
  


“She won’t let me in.”

Eugene nodded.

“Am I crazy or is the fire keeping only to one side?” The Prince said looking out over to the burning citadel.   


“No, you’re not crazy. It was a tactic I learn many years ago, when a city is being ravaged by fire you can pull down a row of buildings to try and stop the fire from spreading further. The main hall collapsing has stopped the fire from reaching the Eastern wings, the royal apartments seem untouched.”  
  


Ryder turned to him, his eyes suddenly bright with hope.

“What if he made it to that side?”  
  


“Keep your voice down.” He snapped looking over his shoulder to check if Cassandra had heard, she hadn’t moved though, and he doubted she was within hearing distance. “You know he wasn’t on that side, he was trapped in the worst of the fire. “

“But if he…”  
  


“Believe what you must Ryder, but don’t let Cassandra hear you talking like that. It might give her hope. He’s dead Ryder, if you give her hope, she’ll just has to go through all that pain again. I don’t know if she’d survive that.”  
  


Ryder looked back over his shoulder again, his arms folded across his chest.

“You’re her father. You know best.” He said eventually.

***

Varian was staring down at the lava; he had never actually been this close to it before. Balancing on the thin rim that ran along the edge of the tunnel, his feet barely more than a foot from the molten rock. He could feel the skin of his soles blistering in the heat. He winced at every little movement; every little sidestep. He had to go slow, careful not to loose his footing and plunge into the bubbling lava, yet he had to keep moving because the oxygen was running out in his breathing tank and he didn’t know how long he could breath the dangerous gases given off by the lava without passing out. He took another small step and the stone under his foot crumbled, he threw himself as far against the wall as he could, closing his eyes expecting to feel the rest of the stone give way and that weightless moment of falling, but he didn’t. He opened his eyes, took a deep breath, and carried on inching further along the tunnel.

***

The Citadel was still engulfed in orange flames, it was as if the ravine had an island of fire in the middle. Cassandra could see a figure stood at the edge of the cliff, just a silhouette against the flames. She recognised Sophia’s tall frame, her long braided hair. She knew that the soft song coming through the confusion of noises, voices and cries, was Sophia’s farewell to Varian. She listened for a moment.

“Lay down

Your sweet and weary head

The night is falling

You have come to Journeys end

Sleep now

And dream of the ones who came before

They are calling

From across the distant shore.”

The song was interrupted when the large shadow of Edmund walked over, resting his hand on Sophia’s shoulder. They were in love weren’t they? They were in love and Cassandra couldn’t bear to watch them any longer. She looked down at the floor. Tears starting again.

***

“Sophia my love.” Edmund said looking down at her with concern in his eyes. “Are you quite well?”  
  


Sophia sighed, she wrapped her arms around herself and looked across at the flames of the citadel.

“He was the one who brought me here, he was the one who gave me a second chance. I owe him so much.”  
  


Edmund stood with her silently, his arms wrapping around her, she leaned into his comforting warmth.

“This will kill his father. It is a duty I do not relish. Varity, Helena, look after the child.”

Sophia tilted her head upwards and kissed his cheek, there was nothing more to say.

***

Sophia bent down next to the younger woman Cassandra. She had developed a real fondness for her, and she felt a wave of affection as the woman’s tear streaked face tilted up towards her. She put her hand on her shoulder.

“There’s a bed for you, and the doctor has prepared a sleeping tonic.”

Cassandra was staring at her blankly.

“You must be getting cold; you’ve been sat here for hours. Come to the town, get into a warm bed, it’ll help.”

The empty green eyes were looking past her now, over to the citadel.

“I can’t sleep.”

“That’s what the sleeping tonic is for.” Sophia explained gently. 

Cassandra shook her head.

“I won’t sleep till I see him.”  
  


Sophia paused for a moment, wondering if the raven-haired woman had gone into denial, then she realized that she meant she wanted to see the body.

“That’s not a good idea.”  
  


“I don’t care, I won’t be able to rest until I see him.”

“Cassandra, the victims of fire, it’s not a pretty sight.”

Cassandra looked up at her the tears in her eyes.

“Until I see him, I’m just going to keep imagining how he died. All I can see when I close my eyes, even when I just blink, is him stood there in that fire.”

“And if you see the body then you might see something worse.”

Cassandra didn’t answer her, she was looking upwards into the air. Sophia followed her gaze and saw an owl circling overhead.

“The fires dying down.” Cassandra muttered. “We’ll be able to go over in a few more hours.”

“You can tell that from an owl circling overhead?”

“We understand each other.”

***

  
Sophia didn’t answer her, she probably thought that Cassandra was going crazy, they sat in silence for a while. Cassandra had stopped sobbing a while back, an emptiness filling her instead, and a determination to gat back to the Citadel. To go to that corridor where she had last seen Varian. It was all she could think of, to go to that corridor, nothing would stop her.

“The racoon is back.” Sophia said, looking into the woods.

The little creature ran out and jumped into Cassandra’s lap. She pulled the creature up into a hug. She hadn’t even thought of the baby racoon, or wondered if she’d survived the fire, but now she was here Cassandra was overwhelmed by how glad she was to see her. This little creature was a connection to Varian. She’d lived in Varian’s lab, Cassandra and Varian had fixed up the animal’s leg together, bonded over her.

“She ran off the second we opened the gondola doors.” Sophia was saying. Cassandra barely heard as she stroked Pen’s velvety ears.

“He’s gone Pen. He’s gone.”

“Please Cassandra, just come rest for a few hours.”

Cassandra didn’t answer, why waste breath fighting, trying to explain. It was pointless.

“At least have a drink, clear your throat of all this smoke.”

Cassandra took the bottle offered gratefully.

“Thank you.”

***

Varian realized that he was starting to get dizzy, a part of him had known for a while that his head was starting to swim, that he was losing concentration, that each breath was getting harder to take, his chest starting to hurt. He had assumed that it was just the adrenaline, and the blood loss from the shallow gash on his neck. Now he recognised that it was lack of oxygen, the air tank hadn’t lasted as long as he’d hoped. He looked along the long tunnel, seeing a little indent where he knew from past exploration there were steps leading upwards and into the gardens. He needed to keep going, just another twenty feet.

***

Cassandra became aware of something clawing at her leg. She looked around, numb and confused, alone now, till she saw Pascal trying to get her attention. She looked down, the chameleon tilted his head to the side, somehow managing to look sad. He laid his head against her. She stared down at him, grateful for this little offering of comfort.

“I thought Rapunzel had left.” She said to the little lizard. He nodded his head and then pointed his tail towards where Eugene was passing out blankets and coats to some of the castle refugees. Rapunzel had obviously told her reptilian friend to keep an eye on her husband.

Cassandra sighed and looked away. Pascal was nuzzling her hand again, trying to get her attention.

“I never told him I loved him Pascal.” She whispered.

***

Varian immerged from the steps and collapsed onto the ground, he couldn’t see where he was, clouds of thick smoke were still around him. He coughed and gasped, his head swirling, it was still so hot. He could feel his lungs aching, he was breathing but there wasn’t enough oxygen to satisfy them. He couldn’t pull the mask off though however much he wanted to, a few breaths of that hot smoke-filled air would be enough to knock him out. He just had to keep moving, however much every part of him was aching with the effort to continue. He got to his hands and knees, crawling, he hoped, away from the fire. His arms gave out as he gave another loud coughing wheeze. His forehead banging against the ground. He laid still for a moment, a wave of dizziness over taking him. Then something happened, he thought he could feel a breeze, though it couldn’t be, and he could smell lavender. Fingers were in his hair, a soft familiar motion from his childhood.

“Mother?”  
  


“Just keep moving.” The soft lyrical voice he knew so well from his memories answered.  
  


“I don’t know where to go.”

“Look up Varian.”

Varian looked up, through the smoke he could make out a small shape, beady eyes surrounded by a black mask, little black paws with long toes, a bushy white and black striped tail.

“Ruddiger!”

Wait, this made no sense, nothing made sense, Ruddiger was dead, his mother was dead. The little animal made a chirping noise and turned away from him, running a few steps before looking back over his shoulder and chirping again. He wanted Varian to follow him. Varian pushed himself up, unsteadily to his feet, ignoring the pain as he stumbled slowly after his Raccoon. He could make out shapes coming out from the thick smoke, walls, and occasionally he passed a burning bush. The crunch beneath his feet let him know he was walking along one of the garden paths. The smoke was becoming less thick as he moved away from the citadel, his breath was gasping, his chest burning, he needed to get air. He fell to his knees again, but he felt the brush of fur as the racoon ran through his arms encouraging him to get back up. He grimly carried on.

He could tell where he was now, there in front of him, a shape coming out of the smoke was one of the gondolas. The raccoon ran ahead of him and pawed at the door. Varian slowly followed, he pulled the door open and stepped inside, when he saw the air in the gondola was clear he pushed the door closed. He took off his mask and falling to his knees taking a deep breath feeling the clear air filling his lungs. He looked around, the part of his brain still working told him that this gondola, the new one that had been built to replace the old broken one, was somehow airtight. But this box of clean air was not going to last forever, being wooden a spark from the citadel could easily light it on fire. Still coughing he walked over to pull the large handle to start the journey across the ravine, the journey to safety. The gondola didn’t move.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” Varian said.

Hadn’t he designed this himself, as a safety feature? Three gondola’s, an automated system of pullies, the gondola’s couldn’t all move at once, one always had to be on the town side of the ravine, one on the citadel side, a third free to move in either direction. Except, both of the other gondola’s were on the town side, meaning this one would not move unless he released the locking mechanism from inside the castle. His own safety mechanism was going to be the end of him.

“It’s no use Ruddiger.” Varian said collapsing back to his knees but looking around he couldn’t see the little animal. He finally let into his exhaustion and darkness took him.

***

As the sun rose over the horizon Cassandra made a decision, the fire in the citadel had died down. There were still a few little areas of orange flame but for the most part it was over, and what was left was a castle half destroyed. Roofs had collapsed, windows had exploded outwards, the lead holding them in place had melted down the wall leaving dark shiny scars in amongst the blackness the smoke had left. Most of the walls were still standing, and the towers hadn’t been consumed, the greenery that had surrounded it had all gone. It was time to go over there, it was time to find Varian.

She called Owl down to her. Whispering to him briefly, sending him ahead. She stood, her limbs aching with having sat on the cold ground for so long. She made her way over to the gondola, Pen running behind her. She found her way blocked by the gigantic form of King Edmund

“Cassandra, “he said gently, “you need to go and rest.”

“I’m going over there.”

“That is not a wise idea.”  


“I don’t care.”

“Cassandra! This is still my kingdom; I still have the final say in what happens here.”

Cassandra was about to answer when Eugene walked over.

“What’s going on?”

“She wants to go over to the citadel.”  
  


“That’s dangerous.”  
  


“Butt out of this Eugene.”  
  


“She intends to search for the body I believe.” Edmund said to his son ignoring her.

“The fire burned hot Cassandra, there may not be much of a body to find.” Eugene said to her.

“Then I’ll find my necklace, some equipment, a note, anything that he made or touched. You owe me that much at least Eugene, I have nothing left.”

Eugene took a deep breath, before turning to his father.

“I’ll go with her, we’ll survey around the building, but nobody” he looked pointedly at Cassandra, “nobody is to go inside unless we’re one hundred percent sure it’s safe, do you hear?”

Cassandra nodded; she wasn’t really agreeing with him. She’d do whatever was right for her, but right now she just had to appear to agree to anything that would get her over to that side of the ravine.

“We may be able to recover something to take back to Quirin.” Eugene stated.

“Okay then.” Edmund agreed. “But take Adira with you, she’ll be able to help if you run into any trouble.” Edmund said shutting a suspicious look at Cassandra. He waved Adira over and explained what they were going to do, then the small party made their way over to the gondola.

Cassandra sat with the racoon on her lap as the gondola began to move, she looked over at the shell of the citadel, scared of what she might, or might not find. However painful it would be to find Varian, the hardest thing was not knowing what had happened after they had left him. Her mind had come up with many nightmarish scenes throughout the night, whatever nightmare lay ahead of her, at least it would have a defined shape.

She didn’t know what her next move was though, after she found Varian, what would she do? She couldn’t go back to the life that she had been leading before, not when he’d shown her how empty it truly had been.

“I thought I was an outcast,

I thought I stood alone

A thief, a traitor, a villain,

No place to call my own.

I thought no one could love me

And how could I have known I was wrong,

Oh so Wrong,

And then I thought I’d found it,

A dream that I could share

I thought I was so lucky

This really isn’t fair

I thought he was my purpose

I thought he was where I belong

But now he’s gone.

Everything we yearned for,

Everything we planned

All my sweetest memories just ash floating to the ground.

And everything I dreamed with you

Every hope, Every feeling,

Love and trust and happiness

They’re done, they’re gone, they’re through

And whats left, me alone

I guess our lives mean nothing.”

She felt the tears starting again. She could see booted feet appear in her vision.

“Oh Cassie.”  
  


“Don’t call me that.” She snapped. “You have no right to call me that.”  
  


“I’m here for you Cass.”

“How do you think it happen Eugene? “She said, her head snapping up to look at him. “Do you think he choked to death on the smoke? Or did he get crushed when the roof collapsed? Or maybe he got burnt to death by the fire?”  
  


“Stop this!”  
  


“You left him to die, so how do you think it happened?”

“Don’t lose yourself to anger again Cassandra, not like with Zhan Tiri. The person you’ve been these last few months is the person he was in love with, and the person he wanted to save. Do not let it be in vain.”

“Shut up! You don’t get to talk to me like that. You should have left me there with him! You should have let me die with him!”

“I love you too much, I loved him too much, to have let that happen.”

Cassandra stood up and walked to the other side of the gondola. Pointedly turning her back on him. She stood like that until they had crossed to the other side and the doors had been opened. Then she wordlessly followed behind Adira, her eyes searching the ravaged landscape the moment that her feet had touched the hard ground. The air was still slightly smoky, but breathable now. The newly planted gardens around the gondola landing point were unrecognisable, bare scorched branches, ground covered in ash. She looked up to see Owl swirling above her, hooting as he landed on the gondola next to the one they arrived in.

She began following Adira and Eugene as they walked through the gardens, but she didn’t get far before Pen started to fuss and turn in her arms. Her nose twitching, her ears back as she looked around.

“Pen!” The raccoon jumped from Cassandra’s arms; dashing back up towards the gondola. Cassandra thought that the little creature must have been frightened by the scent of fire. She was pawing at the closed door of the gondola, her little claws making a scratching noise as she seemed to try and dig through the wood. Cassandra turned to go and calm her, it wasn’t even the right gondola, the one that they had just left had it’s door wide open, but Pen was clawing at the gondola that had stayed at the citadel. She bent and picked the raccoon up but it twisted and turned in her hands trying to get loose.

“Uh Pen!” She said as the animal jumped on top of her head, it’s little paws resting on either side of her head. She reached off to try and grab her, but the animal was to quick and jumped back to the ground.

“What’s going on?” Eugene said walking up behind her. Cassandra felt the anger rising as he came close.

“Nothing.” Cassandra growled. Pen was clawing at her leg, looking up at her and then over at the gondola door. Cassandra getting frustrated pulled the door open, if the racoon wanted to go in the gondola then she could go in the gondola. In fact, bringing her over was probably a bad idea, Cassandra could probably lock her safely away, and collect her on the way back. 

The raccoon rushed in the moment the door was open. Cassandra leaned in to pull the door shut, but as she did she spotted something, she froze.

She didn’t know how he’d made it this far before succumbing to the smoke, but here he was, in this wooden box, trapped, unable to go any further it had become his coffin. She took another step forwards, the body was facing away from her, clothed in some kind of thick black coat, a mask and some kind of equipment thrown off nearby. She could see his gloved hand, reaching out for something, his silky hair loosely falling over his face, hiding it from her. So still, so lifeless and yet, perfect, untouched by the fire.

“Cassandra, what is it?” Eugene’s voice came from behind her.

She continued to stare, unable to move any closer, scared that if she did he would disappear, as if he were just a figment of her imagination. She could feel Eugene next to her now, so close that his arm was brushing hers.

“Oh Gods.” He breathed.

“I… I can’t.”

Eugene pulled her to him, her grief was overwhelming her, she couldn’t feel anything else as she felt arms wrapping around her. A voice in her ear.

“You don’t have to. I’ll check the body.”

Cassandra let out a dry sob, the body, the empty body. He had been so alive the night before, so alive as he had held her, laughed with her, made love to her, and now, now he was still, now she would never hear that laugh, or see that smile, or feel the heat of his body. With a feeling of disgust she pushed Eugene away, his weren’t the arms that she wanted holding her, how dare his heart beat next to her when Varian’s never would again.

“Hey! Raccoon! Get away!”

Cassandra turned to look at where Eugene was looking. Pen was at Varian’s head, the racoon was shuffling around, its little nose digging in through his hair. Something broke in Cassandra allowing her to step closer to Varian to try and capture the little creature. She froze, had he just… no she was imagining it, his head didn’t just move, it must have been a breeze hitting his hair.

“Rud..”

She ran the last final steps, dropped to her knees, and flipped Varian over, barely noticing the heaviness of his body. She ran her fingers over his skin, still warm. Had she just imagined it, she swore she had heard his voice, quiet, barely a breath, but she had heard it. She lowered her head to his chest and let out a sob. She could hear his heart beating. Feel the movement of his breathing.

“Cassandra.” Eugene was pulling at her arm.

“NO!” She held on close to him, tears falling heavily from her eyes, unable to put her relief into words. She ran her fingers over his face, bent and kissed him, feeling the breath against her lips.

“Cassie…”

His eyes opened, perfect blue, the most beautiful thing in the world. He reached up to her, laying his gloved hand on her cheek. He gave a small smile and let out racked cough.

“Are you alive?” His voice rasped.

“Yes.” She said bending to kiss him again. “Yes.” She repeated.

“Holy…” Cassandra half heard Eugene say.

She was unaware of much except his eyes looking at her, the feel of his heart where she pressed her hand to his chest. Then the gondola was moving, and Adira was hovering over them, she couldn’t make out the words that they were saying. Varian was lying back down his eyes closing again.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you to the doctor. Just hold on a few more minutes okay Kid.” Eugene said kneeling next to them. “Try and keep him awake Cass.”  
  


Cassandra nodded. They were on their way to safety now. She leaned over him pulling his head into her lap and stroking through his dirty hair.

“Stay with me Varian.” She said quietly. “I can’t lose you. I love you.”  
  


His eyes opened and met hers, and she knew that he had heard.

“I love you.” She repeated.


	16. Time to Heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex and hurt, uh.. and I guess implied kink maybe.

Time to heal   
  


“Some call ships, infantry or horsemen

The greatest beauty earth can offer;

I say it is whatever a person

Most lusts after.”

Varian opened his eyes, the room in front of him swam for a moment, but then became clear. He was in one of the houses in town, he knew because they all had the same layout and timberwork. He groaned slightly as his body woke up enough to feel the pain, concentrating in his arm. He could remember most of the day before clearly, the fire, making his way through the lava tunnels and then things started to get confusing, because he had seen his mother, and Ruddiger, and Cassie.

Cassie… it was Cassie’s voice speaking to him. He looked around and found her face, she was sat in front of a window, the warm orange glow of the setting sun behind her made her look like she was surrounded by a halo. She jumped up when she saw him awake, she dropped the book she was holding and rushed over. Her soft hand on his cheek as she looked down at him made him remember a half-awake moment on the gondola, when she had touched him like this, and bent over him, and told him that she loved him.

“If you do anything that stupid again I will kill you myself.”

“You love me.” He muttered. He had heard those words, hadn’t he? It hadn’t been a dream. He couldn’t be sure, not when he knew his mind had started to play tricks on him.

Her cheeks reddened, and she glanced away.

“I… on the gondola…” He stuttered. “I heard you, no take backs.”

“Yes. I love you.”

He smiled, and then, the reality of the previous day crashed down upon him like a bucket of ice water. He sat up trying to get out of bed but finding his arm in a sling.

“Hey, hey calm down.” Cassandra said trying to push him back down into the pillows.

“Who was hurt? Rapunzel, the babies, are they okay?”  
  
“Shush, they’re alright. Everybody is alright. You’re the only one who was hurt.”

“Everybody is alright?” He asked to make sure, a wave of relief rushing over him.

“Barely any injuries.”

He sunk into the pillows listening to the heavy thud of his heart.

“It was my fault.” He whispered.

“Vare?”  
  


“All of it, all of it was my fault. If anybody had died I…” He gulped. “I couldn’t have forgiven myself.”  
  


“What do you mean?”  
  


“I left dangerous chemical out on the side; I think… I don’t know how, but I know that I started the fire.” He closed his eyes a wave of nausea over the thought of what could have happened spreading through him.  
  


Her hands carded through his hair, as she gently shushed him again, trying to calm him down.

“It was an accident. Nobody is going to care about whose fault it was, everybody is just so relieved you’re alive. Everybody thought you were dead Varian.” There was a little hitch in her voice as she spoke, Varian opened his eyes to see tears running down her face.

“Hey.” He said reaching up with his good arm to wipe the tears away. “Hey, I’m sorry.” 

The breath was knocked out of him as Cassandra flung herself at him. She buried her head into his stomach, her arms wrapped around him. As he took a deep breath, feeling the ache in his lungs. He burrowed his face in her hair, feeling the thick silken curls against his skin, it smelled of smoke, but he didn’t care. He kissed the top of her head. He forgot his hand was bandaged and tried to reach for her, his breath catching at the sudden pain. She looked up at him, and his heart ached with just a single look at her. He kissed her closed eyes, tasting the salty tears, her warm cheeks, her soft lips. She was alive, his biggest fear when he had been pulling himself through the smoke-filled castle grounds had been that it would all be for nothing. That she hadn’t made it out, that he would have to live a life never seeing her face again.

As she moved she hit his arm and he winced. She pulled away her eyes wide.

“Oh, Vare, I’m sorry. Your arm.”  
  


“Yeah.” He looked down at the bandages. “I don’t really remember what happened, did the doctor bandage it?”

“Yes, he’ll come and see you before the nights over.”

“How bad?” Varian said looking down, not knowing what was under the bandages.

“It’ll be a while until you’re experimenting again, but the hand is undamaged. “

Varian gave a relieved sigh.

“Come here, I want to kiss you again.” Varian said reaching for her again, not wanting to think about the day previous, not wanting to think about what came next, just wanting to be here with her, alive in this moment.

***

Varian hadn’t really been aware of falling asleep, he had remembered Cassandra lying next to him, her fingers running through his hair, her lips drifting petal light over bare spots of skin, neck, hands, face. Now he was definitely aware of waking up, because it hurt, his chest hurt, his arm hurt, the blistered and raw soles of his feet hurt, burning stinging aching pains all over. He groaned, and coughed, then winced at the pain the coughing brought.

“Hey, you doing okay Cuz? What do you need?” An arm was behind his back helping to lift him up so he could breathe easier. His felt something in his throat and coughed again and again, his body wrecked with it. He could feel fabric touching his chin, and as he gasped for breath he looked up into the worried eyes of Eugene.

“Urgh, yuck.” He said as he finally finished coughing, and took the handkerchief of grey streaked mucus from Eugene. “Got a lot of ash to cough up I guess.”

Eugene’s face was serious as he nodded, looking away. Varian had the feeling he might be hiding something,

“Eugene, is everything okay?”  
  


“Yeah, of course.” Eugene said, too brightly and cheerfully. Varian raised an eyebrow.

“Okay then, was what Cass told me true? Was everybody uninjured?”  
  


“Yes, nobody was injured. Why would Cass lie to you?”  
  


“She wouldn’t, but there are things that people wouldn’t tell her.”  
  


Eugene sighed.

“I’m just feeling guilty. I was here when the Doctor was checking you over, he said you might always have a weak chest from now on.”  
  


“Might, and I’m not going to let that get in my way. Why do you feel guilty?”  
  
“I left you behind.”  
  


“I told you too.”  
  


“I shouldn’t have listened. I’m never leaving you behind again. Team Awesome dousn’t leave a man behind. “

“Eugene, I don’t blame you. Far from it, I’m grateful to you for getting Cassandra to safety.”  
  


“I thought you were dead.” Eugene said looking him straight in the eyes with an intensity he wasn’t expecting. “I love you Cuz.”  
  


“I know.”  
  


“No.” Eugene said placing his hand on his shoulder and leaning in close to him. “Don’t shake it off, don’t take it lightly, listen to me. I love you Varian.”

Varian felt a kind of happy fullness in his chest. He knew, he did know, they were never shy with each other, they were family and they loved each other. He reached up for the hand resting on his shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze. Varian had been brought up to not say these things out loud, men respected each other, they could be jovial with each other, they didn’t get emotional with each other. Except Eugene was not afraid of his feelings, and nor was Varian. He looked at Eugene sincerely.

“I love you too Eugene, and I’m sorry I scared you.”  
  


Eugene smiled and his hand dropped away from Varian’s shoulder. Varian felt a moment of guilt, he knew he had a lot more to apologize for than worrying Eugene, he needed to confess.

“So uh..” Eugene said more casual, leaning back in his chair now. “You finally got Cass, huh?”

"Guess I can't deny it.” Varian answered, after all, Eugene had literally walked in on them naked in bed together.

“So, uh…worth the wait?”

“Eugene, it was so hot we burnt down the castle.”

“That would be funny if it weren't for the sheer amount of horror and destruction.”

“Hey, everybody knew that me and Cassie getting together would result in horror and destruction. At least this time it wasn't intentional.”

“This time? You plan on destroying a thousand-year-old castle again? Do I need to keep you away from Corona? Because honestly, we only just finished the last of the repair work from the Zhan Tiri debacle.”

Varian knew it was time.

“It was me Eugene. I’m not joking now. I started the fire.”

“Yeah, we all guessed it probably was.” Eugene said with a sigh.

“Will there be a trial?”  
  


“Not if I have anything to say about it. Look, Ki..Varian, you were working on something for the Kingdom right?”  
  


“Right.”  
  


“And it was an accident?”  
  


“I was careless.”  
  


“But an accident?”  
  


“Well, yeah I didn’t mean to do it.”  
  


“So, we’ll forget about it. We just say it was an accident. That leaves it open ended, a dropped lantern in the library, a problem in the kitchen, it dousn’t need to become public knowledge.”  
  


“But Eu…”  
  


“I don’t want to go back to the days when people used to avoid you because they thought you were dangerous, and nor do you. This stuff you do, we’ve all felt the benefits, and we all know that there’s a risk of the occasional explosion. This was a bad one, a really bad one, but nobody got hurt, so we’ll do our best to forget it.”  
  


“I have to tell your Dad though.”  
  


“That’s up to you. He’s waiting to talk to you downstairs actually.”  
  


“Wait what?”  
  


“He wanted to see you were okay for himself.”

“Ahh.. Eugene, I might not be up for this.”

Eugene squeezed his shoulder again.

“Hey, it’ll be okay. We all just have some questions, like how the hell did you survive?”  
  


“Lava tunnels and breathing apparatus.”

Eugene paused and stared at him.

“Lava tunnels.” He parroted back in shock. “Varian, only you would think to go into tunnels of lava to get away from fire.”  
  


Varian shrugged, and then winced.

“Here.” Eugene said reaching out and passing him a glass of dark liquid from the bedside table. Varian recognised it from the liquorish smell that it was the pain killed that Cass had been on. He drunk it down quickly, trying to ignore the thick cloying taste.

“Strong.” He said screwing his face up.

“I think you need it.”  
  


“I’m not going to lie, everything really hurts. “Varian admitted. “Call your dad up. It’s best for me to get this over with.”  
  


Eugene nodded.

“I’ll be here with you.” Eugene went to the door and shouted down the stairs. A few moments later Edmund’s huge form filled the doorway. He looked over at Varian with a small soft smile.

“Varian, you look in fair health.”  
  


“I don’t feel it your majesty.”

Edmund gave a chuckle.

“Well, you’re not dead, and that’s good enough for me.”

“Your majesty, I owe you the sincerest of apologies. I’m not sure what happened, but yesterday, or I’m guessing the day before that now, I was working on that new explosive for you. I did not take the time to make sure it was safely stored. Something must have happened, because I am pretty sure given that fire most affected the area near my lab that it was my thoughtlessness that was responsible.”

“I’m going to say this only once my child, put it out of your mind.”  
  


“But..”  
  


“No, listen here. You have performed many great services to this kingdom, and in performing one of them there was an accident that almost cost you your life. Nobody is holding you responsible for that.”  
  


“But.. I was distracted by a woman.” Varian muttered his head starting to feel fuzzy from the medicine.

“Well we’ve all been there.” Edmund said with a laugh.

“Turns out he’s human after all.” Eugene said looking at his father. “I think I lost a bet with Lance, we thought he might be from another realm or something.”  
  


“Your grandmother had a saying, the gods gave men a brain and a cock, but only enough blood to power one at a time.”

Eugene laughed.

“True, very true.”

“Oh I have stories.” Edmund said.

“And I do not want to hear them.” Eugene replied.

“I am responsible for all of this. I’m sorry. I will do whatever I can to make it right.” Varian tried again. Why were they not taking this seriously? He’d destroyed half of their ancestral home.

“The place needed redecorating anyways, as for helping, you’re the one who has breathed life into this kingdom again, you will never owe me any kind of debt. Though, you can help with the plans for the new great hall, I think we need to get some light into it. Just because it’s called the dark kingdom didn’t mean they had to take it so literally. And there is the problem of where we have the wedding now that the usual place is a pile of rubble.”  
  


“Wedding? We’re uh.. Cassandra and I arnt..”  
  


“Not you boy! Me.”  
  


“Wait what?” Eugene said looking at his father in shock. “You? Who are you marrying?”  
  


“Well, Sophia of course.”

“Sophia… wait, what? When did this happen?”

“The young people get so caught up in everything they barely see what’s going on right in front of them.” Edmund said looking off to the side. “Oh when you’re young you think yours is the only story going on. “He directed at them. “You kids you think that it’s all about your story, but I’m not so old that I don’t have my own.”

“I really like Sophia.” Varian said.

“She’s a likable woman. Are you trying to do the if you hurt her I’ll hurt you thing?”

“No. I know that you’re not going to hurt her.”

“Wait, you knew about this?” Eugene said looking at Varian. “Sophia, the maid, wait.. didn’t you pick her up with Quirin’s mother at a brothel?”  
  


“Yep.”  
  


“Dad, we’re going to have to talk about this.”

“I don’t see why.”  
  


“You might be being manipulated.”  
  


“He’s not.” Varian said. “She loves him, I’ve seen it.”  
  


“And I love her, so why not get married?”  
  


“Wait… this is crazy.”  
  


“Crazy like a fox. I am marrying Sophia, she will be a good wife and a good queen, and she makes me very happy.”  
  


Varian nestled into his pillows, everything was feeling strangely heavy, and he thought he could smell lavender again.  
  


“Well, I want you to be happy dad. And I’m happy for you, it’s just taken me by surprise that’s all.”

“Well, you were busy with the pregnancy, otherwise you would have noticed.”  
  


“You could have mentioned to me that you were seeing somebody.”  
  


“It’s not really been that long since I first met her, and she only agreed to marry me yesterday. I do believe that he is trying to sleep.”  
  


“Not asleep.” Varian muttered.

“Okay Cuz.” He heard Eugene say through the thick fog that seemed to be surrounding him. He felt a blanket being pulled up around him. “You get some rest now. We’ll talk later.”  
  


Varian hummed in response, before sleep took him.

***

“Go with my blessings if you go, always remember what we did. To me you have meant everything, as you well know. “

Varian smiled at the familiar voice.  
  


“Are you reading to me when I’m asleep?”  
  


“No, that would be weird. I’m reading to you when you’re passed out.” Cassandra replied.

Varian opened his eyes and looked at her.

“Are you wearing lavender?”  
  


“No.” She said looking puzzled at the question.

“I can still smell the lavender.”  
  


“Are you alright?”  
  


“My dreams were full of things, some terrible, some lovely.”  
  


“The lavender?”  
  


“My mother.” He answered simply. “I had a hallucination.”  
  


“A hallucination?” Cassandra was starting to look weary. “Do you want me to call the doctor?”  
  
“Not now, in the fire. My mother was with me, I didn’t see her, but I heard her, and Ruddiger, Ruddiger was there.” He looked down at the small raccoon kit who was curled into his side, contented as he ran his fingers over its ears. He was so used to Pen being beside him now that he sometimes didn’t even notice she was there.

“How do you know it was a hallucination?”  
  


“Um… I think I’ve told you this before but they’re dead.”  
  


“Yeah, and we’ve never faced ghosts before.” She said sarcastically.

Varian looked away. Yes, the thought had crossed his mind, but he’d pushed it way. The idea of his mother still processing some form of consciousness even now, years after her death was a tempting one, but it opened up too many questions. What kind of existence did a ghost have? Was it painful for them to be without a body? It was easier to let the dead rest in peace.

“What did she say to you? Your mother?”  
  


“She told me to get up, and when I did, Ruddiger was there, and he led me out to the gondola. I was low on oxygen; I was probably concussed from that ceiling falling on me.”

Cassandra reached over and held his hand.

“It’s okay to believe in more than alchemy Varian.”  
  


“Alchemy is simple though, if you mix the same amount of two chemicals together, at the same temperature, you will always get the same result. If you do calculations right you’ll always get the same result, one plus one is always two. Everything else in the world is far more complicated.”  
  


“You believe it was them, don’t you?”  
  


“Yes, a part of me does.” He admitted.

“I believe it too.” Cassandra said squeezing his hand.

“You…you do?”  
  


“I do, Varian, the fact that you survived, that was part science, part something else. I don’t care what, all I care about is that you’re here with me now.”

“I’ve been thinking, my thoughts are foggy, but I’ve been thinking. You should go.”

“What? You want me to leave?” Cassandra said pulling away in shock.

He nodded, reaching for her hand again to let her know that everything was alright between them.

“You're getting fidgety, you've spent a long time inside, you want to go wandering. I get it, and now, with this, it might be a while before I’m healed enough to travel by horseback.”

“I'm not going to leave you when you’re hurt.”

“Oh, I'm healing up fast. Cassie, I'm letting you go, encouraging it even, because I need to see if you'll come back, and of your own volition, not because you got hurt and needed to be cared for, but because you wanted to be with me. I'm always going to feel unsure of if you're choosing me, or if I just wore you down.”

“Wore me down?”

“With my undeniable sexiness.”

She rolled her eyes.

“I remember that medicine makes you go a bit funny in the head.”  
  


“Think about it. I don’t want to be the one keeping you here when I know how unbearable you’ve found it.”  
  


“Are you trying to get out of this?”  
  


“Never. I’m not saying go for good, I’m not saying go for long even. I’m just saying, you don’t have to stay and nurse me.”  
  


“You nursed me.”  
  


“Yeah, but… Cassie, I’m better at it.”  
  


Cassandra laughed.

“You are at that. I can be soft and gentle you know? For you I can become soft and gentle.”

“I know.” He reached for her, his hand going to the back of her neck as he brought her in for a kiss. They were disturbed by a knock at the door. Cassandra rolled her eyes and Varian gave a sigh.

“Come in.” He called, expecting Eugene to walk through the door. He was surprised to see Cassandra’s father, stiffed lipped and straight-backed walk in.

“Dad? Is everything alright?” Cassandra asked.  
  


“Yes, Cassandra everything is fine. I wanted a word alone with Varian.”

Cassandra shot a raised eyebrow at Varian. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, but he couldn’t really refuse, and he couldn’t really make a dive out the window, because although he was sure he would survive the fall with his feet all blistered he wasn’t likely to outrun the new Captain of the Dark Kingdom guards.

“It’s alright.” He said giving her a smile, despite the fact that he was screaming on the inside.

“I’ll just be downstairs.” Cass said kissing him briefly on the cheek as she got up and left the room.

The Captain stared down at him his arms crossed across his body. He was silent for a moment, letting the tension in the room build up.

“So, you deflowered my daughter.” He finally said.

“No... I mean yes.. of course, because she was totally flowered... Do you see anyway of this conversation ending where I keep my testicles? Because I really like my testicles, and I think Cassandra likes my testicles, and you like Cassandra.”

“You really don't know when to stop talking do you son?”

“No, it’s like I want to but my mouth just keeps going. I’m slightly concussed.”

“I'm not keen on some aspects of your lifestyle.”

“Right.” Varian said, he was completely unnerved, and had no idea where the conversation was going next.

“Brothels.”

“I'm not a customer.” Varian said, trying to think of how to convince John of that fact. “Just a.. sort of health advisor?”

“Hmm.. and what are your intentions with my daughter?”

“I don't know what her intentions with me are yet. We’ve not really got round to discussing it.”

“Hmm..” John hummed bad temperedly.

“Captain, I’m sorry. I can't answer your questions, because I honestly don’t know how Cassandra sees our relationship right now. I’m sorry you had to walk in on what you did, I wouldn’t have wanted you to find out that way, and I can understand why you’re angry. Look, can I just say I love her, and won't do anything to hurt her.”

“And what happens if something comes of that night, like a child?”

“Oh, I took care of that. “

John raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“Do you really want me to go into the details, because I get the feeling that you don't really want me to go into the details.”

“No I guess I don't.” John sighed. “She chose you; she has the right to choose, and she knows her own mind. “

“Ha! Could have been worse.” Varian said nervously, then when he saw John’s disapproving face he added “Or not…”

“No, it could have been.” He said begrudgingly, then his demeanour shifted slight, he stood a little less straight, his eyes became less hard. “I’ve seen you with my daughter, I've seen you be tender to her, and patient with her. I guess you aren’t the worst person in the world to be with her.”

“Thanks.” Varian said, truly meaning it, because he knew it was as close to approval from the Captain as he was going to get.

John briefly squeezed his shoulder before leaving.

“Get well soon son.”

***

Cassandra took a deep breath as she stepped out into the street, they were in a house at the end of a road. It probably wouldn’t be the end of a road when it was finished, but at the moment, with the town half made she was stood in the dirt with the cobbled stone street having ended a few feet away, and the start of the forest on her other side. She saw two women stood in the doorway across the street, she recognised them from that day months ago when the horse had escaped. They were fans of the books that were named after her.

“It's Cassandra of Corona again, I heard she's staying in that room with Varian.” One woman said to the other in a loud whisper.

“Wait, so Varian really was her lost lover?”

“I guess so.”

“Because he said he gave her the necklace?”

"Yes! I am Cassandra of Corona and I'm going to go on adventures with my almost lost lover Varian." Cassandra shouted across the street.

"Oh, I can't wait to see what happens in the next book."

"Nor can I!" Cassandra said happily. 

"I bet she finds out her father's really a Prince, and she's a lost Princess."

"No, that one’s already been done."

She felt as if she could laugh, and yet just as she said the words something within her grew heavy. Cassandra of Corona, the wondering knight adventurer, was she still that person? She didn’t know anymore; she didn’t know who she really was at all. Here she was, with her friends, her family, the love of her life, but she wasn’t sure what happens next. The last five years she had been trying to be in charge of her own life, to make her own decisions, to leave her own mark on the world, but in reality, she’d often not had a clue what she was doing, or where she was heading from one day to the next. She had been lost, and now… so much had changed. She knew that Varian did not define her, her father, and her mother, and her friends did not define her, and yet in a way they all shaped who she was, but who was that?

“Cassie!”

She turned and saw her own lost Princess heading towards her. She smiled at her.

“Is everybody going to call me that now?”  
  


“It suits you, you’re softer, more open than you used to be, and it’s a softer more open name. Am I not allowed to call you it?”  
  


“Well, it was only Varian who used to get to call me that.”  
  


“Because he was special.”  
  


“You’re special too Raps.”  
  


“Yay Cassie!”  
  


“Wait I didn’t…” She was about to argue that she hadn’t really been giving her permission to call her that but decided it wasn’t really worth it, she liked it, it had grown on her. Now, if Fitzherbert called her it, it was going to be a different matter.

“How is he?” Rapunzel asked.

“He’s okay, I think. Lots of little injuries but nothing major. He’s in with my Dad right now.”  
  


“You’re Dad?” Rapunzel looked nervous for him.

I know right.” Cassandra said.

“Are you alright, you seem kind of distance?”

“I don’t know.” Cassandra admitted. “I’m really happy, and yet, somehow a little sad.”  
  


“You went through a lot Cass.”  
  


” That night, I felt so lost. A part of me still feels lost.”  
  


“You’re not lost Cass, you’re with us, and that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be.”  
  


“Maybe.” Cass sighed.

Rapunzel reached out and pulled her into a hug.

“I know, just because I want you’re place to be with us, dousn’t mean that it is.”  
  


” I think maybe one day it will be.”  
  


“But not yet.” Rapunzel said pulling away with tears in her eyes.

“But not yet.” She confirmed.

***

Varian winced as he lifted himself up, looking at Cassandra as she dumped a bag and her new outfits brought from the haberdashery on the bed. She’d had to replace most her belongings for the second time within a few months, but at least the few shops around the town were well stocked.

“What’s all this?”  
  


“I’m moving in, till you get better.”  
  


“Cassie, people will talk.”  
  


“And what will they say other than the truth.”  
  


“Your reputation is at risk my lady.” Varian said with a light smile that let her know he was teasing her.

“Some people actually believe I had sex with a dragon.”  
  


Varian laughed. “I hate that book.”  
  


“And yet you have a copy.”  
  


“I have a copy of all the books about you. I know they’re not real, but occasionally they struck on something that was pretty close to what you would actually say or do, and it made me remember you and smile.”  
  


Cassandra bent down and kissed him lightly.  
  


“Well, now you don’t have to read them, because you have me, and because I’m going to burn every single copy of that book that I can find.”  
  


“I’ll join you in that.” Varian said, he sat up further reaching to bring her back down to kiss her again, but she saw the pain flash across his face.

“Varian, you should take your medicine.” Cassandra said pulling back and seeing the cup of dark liquid on the bedside table.   
  


“No, it dulls my mind. I have too much to do.”

For the first time she noticed that there was a notepad and pencil on the bed next to him.

“No, all you have to do is rest.” Cassandra said reaching across him to take the notebook off of him and move it out of reach.

“I had an idea, the breathing equipment, babies when they’re born too early, they’re lungs are underdeveloped.”

  
“Lie down and drink your medicine.”  
  


“No, Cass, it gives me nightmares. I just need distraction.”  
  


“Nightmares?”  


Varian glanced away, and Cassandra knew that whatever he had seen was leaving it’s mark.

“Burning, everybody burning.”  
  


She leaned into him, resting her head against his chest, curling into his warmth.

“It’s okay, I had nightmares for a while when I took that medication. I still think you should take it though. I don’t like to see you in pain Varian.”

  
“I just need distraction, I’m pretty good at blocking it out if I can distract myself.”

She looked down at the notebook that she had taken away from him, she wanted to spend time with him, but if he needed to work on his inventions to distract himself then she should just let him. Suddenly an idea entered her mind, maybe she could distract him.

“I can distract you.” She said with a smile, slowly becoming filled with a sense of playfulness. She hitched her skirts up and climbed onto the bed, swinging her legs over to either side of his hips. Varian gave a small chuckle.

“Cassie, the mind is willing, but the body is broken.”

Cassandra gave him a wicked smile. She bent down, careful not to knock his injured arm, and whispered in his ear.

“Well, one part of you isn’t injured, and that’s the only part I really need.”  
  


Varian gaped at her.

“You’re incorrigible.”  
  


“So are you.” Cassandra answered, because she could feel that hardening against her core.

He laughed, then coughed.

“Oww, oww...”  
  


Cassandra moved to get off of him, worried that even though she was being careful her weight would make it difficult for her to breath, but his uninjured hand grabbed her hip and made her stay.

“It’s okay.” He said. “Please, you’re distracting me.” Varian said. “I don’t feel the pain so much when I am with you.”

“Then let me just take care of you, let me distract you, let me help you feel good.”

Cassandra smiled at him. She met his eyes letting him see exactly what she panned to do. Letting him stop her if she caused him any discomfort. There was a fire in his eyes as she reached to pull his trousers down and slipped her hand over his growing dick. She smiled as she felt him hardening with every gentle stroke of her fingers. He settled deeper into the pillows, his eyes closing, she could sense the tension leaving his body, his mind relaxing.

“Shame about your little gloves.” Cassandra said quietly to herself.

“Hu?” Varian opened his eyes and looked at him. “Oh, I think there were still some in my pockets from that night, probably didn’t survive the heat though.”

“Where?” Cassandra said looking around, and then seeing the clothes neatly folded on a chair in the corner. She climbed off Varian, hearing him llightly groan in protest.

“You don’t have to.”  
  


“Varian.” Cassandra said turning to him when she had found the little tin in the smoke-stained trousers. “You can say no to me.”  
  


“Oh Cassie, I’m never going to have the self- restraint to say no to you.”

She kissed him, cautious not to hurt him she straddled him again, her skirts falling over them so that they were covered. She reached forwards and undid the buttons of his shirt so that she could run her hands over the muscles of his stomach and chest. Then she fiddled with the little glove and slide herself onto him, breathing deeply at the stretching sensation and rough friction, she was not as ready as she had been before, but she still wanted him.

Once he was buried deep inside her she started to circle her hips slowly, her hands resting across the taught muscles of his stomach. She was feeling him out, learning with him what ways to move to arouse those new feeling within her, to hit those deep spots she was only just discovering. Learning what made him groan, and with his injured body, wince.

"See, I can be gentle."

She said, and she was, this love making wasn't like before, it was soft and gentle and slow. The sense of desperation, the burning heat of their first encounter, it wasn't there this time. She knew it would be again, it wasn’t lost forever, but what they needed, both of them, right now, was to feel each other under their fingers. To sense each other’s heartbeats, the gentle movements of their bodies, for their breath to come in sync, and for them to relax one hundred percent secure in the knowledge that each other was alive.

She paused, she thought she could hear something. Yes, footsteps coming up the stairs, the door creaked open a notch and then shut quietly again. The person, she didn’t know who, paused on the other side of the door, then she heard steps heading back down. Somebody had seen them, she knew she ought to care, but she didn’t.

“Hey? Where did you go?” Varian said, his hands reaching up to stroke her face. He hadn’t heard or seen, he’d had his eyes closed, moaning lightly into the pillows. She didn’t want to tell him; she didn’t want them to stop. This was what they both needed, to feel each other again, the warmth, the energy pulsing through them, they were alive, they were together.

“Just thinking about how much I love being with you.” She replied, as that’s what she had been thinking before she’d been disturbed.

He smiled softly at her, his gaze hazy, she had never been looked at with such adoration. She smiled back and continued her soft and slow movements. There was no rush, they had all the time in the world, to run their hands over the clothed shapes of each other, to pause and place gentle kisses against each other lips and to whisper to each other over and over again ‘I love you’. Their bodies could not hold out against the pleasure forever though, and when they came they came together their backs arching in union, her breathy cry meeting his soft grunt.

They laid together, soft strokes of fingers over skin, and barely heard whispers, until Cassandra heard the changes in Varian’s breath and looked up to find him asleep.

Although night had fallen Cassandra felt a little restless, her mind unsettled. She kissed Varian’s forehead before righting her clothes and heading out the room.

She grew weary when she saw that there was a light at the bottom of the stairs, she knew that she’d not left any lantern in the little room. She crept down slowly, not wanting to make a noise. Though she was pretty sure that the person waiting for at the bottom of the stairs was going to be friend and not foe, the barely finished houses that those from the castle had taken were all grouped together, they had been walking in and out of each other’s quarters quite freely.

She was greeted by the sight of Eugene sitting in a chair, reading by lamplight. She felt a small smirk grace her face when she saw a neat little pair of glasses on the bridge of his nose. She knew that his vanity meant he probably didn’t let people see that often. A thought that was confirmed when she gave a short little cough and he whipped them off of his face.

“How long have you been here?”  
  


“A while, I tried to make myself known but you seemed busy.” He answered casually. “You know most women would give their partners a break after they’ve just almost died.”  
  


“Fuck off Fitzherbert.”  
  


“You know I would have thought that with him still being alive you would have found it in your cold heart to forgive me.”  
  


“Oh, I do, but you’re still an arsehole.” She gave him a little smile to let him know that she was being honest, that she did forgive him, and that nothing had permanently changed between them. She thought he understood as she sat in the chair opposite him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t sleep, I needed to know he was okay.”

“Well, I know you saw that he was. So why are you still here?”  
  


“Honestly, I’m not sure. But I think I needed to know that you were ok?”

“And, do you think I’m okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“Neither do I. That was really scary.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“How much I feel for him, how much he seems to feel for me, it terrifies me Eugene.”

“Oh, we're doing this now are we?” Eugene said looking surprised, and Cassandra understood why, they didn’t have the touchy feely kind of relationship, but he had been there, he had been in that fire with her, and at the time he may have been acting against her but for Varian and Rapunzel’s sake she had chosen to forgive that.

"Yeah, I can understand.” Eugene finally said.

"You can?”

“Yeah. You know, there was a reason that it took so long for Rapunzel and me to get engaged, and it wasn’t because we weren’t crazy for each other. We faced losing each other a lot in those first few years, it was really intense sometimes.”

“I don't know if I can live without him anymore, and that scares me. Plus, there's so much going on in my head Eugene, I've been stuck in here for so long. I’m still not confident about how well I can manage with my leg. Here, it's not been my usual life, it's been like a hiatus. What if I only have feelings for him because they filled a gap?”

“They do fill a gap, there was a gap in your heart and it's not because you are recovering, or your life has been on hiatus, it was because that gap was always there. What are you saying Cassandra? What are you thinking? Because a few days ago I was worried you were going to jump of a cliff because you thought you'd lost him? And now you seem to be trying to talk yourself into walking away.”

“I just want to know it's real.”

“It's real.”

“Good things don't happen to me Eugene.”

“Maybe if you started to let them they would.”

They sat in silence with each other for a few moments, nothing left to say.

“I’m going to go and hold my wife now.” Eugene said. “I still don’t know if you’re alright, and I still don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep, but I’ve said my piece.” Eugene said getting up and heading for the door.

“Yeah.” Cassandra agreed. “Eugene?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t sit around listening to people have sex, it’s just creepy.”

Eugene laughed.

“I didn’t hear much, I had to check what was going on because for a moment I couldn’t tell if that’s what you were doing, or if he was in some kind of pain.”

“They’re not mutually exclusive you know.”

“I’m starting to question if all of that equipment you used to store in your cupboard really was guard stuff.”

“Goodnight Eugene.”

“Goodnight.”

***

A group of them had gone back over to the Citadel, now with all the fires gone out it was time to see what could be salvaged or protected and what needed to be discarded. Then Cassandra guessed it would be up to Edmund to think about how to best start the rebuild, and where to live until then. She had tried to talk Varian out of going, but he’d wrapped his feet up and ridden Max out to the Gondola. Cassandra had lost him once they got into the ruins of the building. Sophia had asked her to go to Eugene and Rapunzel’s room with her, she had wanted her help to see what was worth collecting as it wasn’t safe enough for Rapunzel to go over herself.

When Cassandra had turned around Varian was gone. So she’d followed Sophia and found the royal apartments as they had expected, intact but smoke damaged. It hadn’t taken long for them to collect valuables to keep them safe from robbers. Sophia had picked up the little golden sun necklace that Cassandra had borrowed on the night her father had arrived. Cassandra had gone to put it with the little lock box of jewellery when Sophia had stopped her.

“The Princess mentioned to me that she wanted you to keep it. I forgot to tell you.”

“Really?” Cassandra said looking at the little symbol of Corona.

“I’m sure that’s what she said, though you can ask her yourself. She said that she wanted you to always remember where you came from.”  
  


Cassandra smiled and put the necklace around her neck. Confident that they had done the best they could for the day Cassandra set off round the edges of the citadel to find a side entrance that would lead to Varian’s lab. As she walked in the corridors towards where the fire had started the damage became clearer. The corridors were dyed black with smoke, the stones showing scar marks where things that no longer existed had a week ago been. Everything was just an empty shell, piles of ash and rubbish lying around. She paused at the doorway to her room, there was nothing left. She doubted it was even worth looking through the rubble, yet she knew she would, maybe the next day though. For now she headed back to the lab, she saw Varian stood in the middle of the ruined room, not just charred piles of what used to be furniture but twisted and fragments of metal, equipment now unrecognisable. Varian looked up at her, the smile that graced his face quickly faded. She felt anxious, sick almost, but she knew what she had to do, and she was sure that he would stick with her.

“I’ve made my decision.”

Varian’s expression was unreadable as he waited for her to continue.

“I love you.” She said.  
  


Varian gave a half smile and looked away.

“Your leaving aren’t you?”  
  


“Yes. I love you, but I love Rapunzel as well. I’ve seen how much she relies on you, and I can’t take you away from her right now when I know that she needs you. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if something happens to her or the babies, knowing that if you were around you would have been able to come up with some kind of miracle to save them.”  
  


He gave a small bitter laugh.

“Miracle?”  
  


“That’s what you do Varian, you make miracles.”  
  


“So my choice dousn’t matter?” He asked looking up at her.  
  


“It does, but you already made the choice Varian. Were you really going to leave Corona now?”

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and swallowed.

“No, I wasn’t.” He finally sighed. “ I won’t leave Rapunzel with the babies on the way, but that’s not to say I won’t someday.”  
  


“Good, because someday not far from now, you and I are going to go on an adventure, and somebody will write a book about it.”  
  


Varian gave a true smile at that.

“When will you leave?”  
  


“Perhaps tomorrow, I have a few places I want to see, and not much time to see them in.”

“Not much time?”  
  


“Well, I have to be in Corona by the end of the year. I can’t possibly risk the roads being blocked by snow. I have to be there for my best friend when she’s having a baby.”  
  


“So, I’ll see you by the end of the year?” Varian said hopefully.

“Yes.”

“And us?”

“Well.” Cassandra said stepping forwards and placing her hands on his waist. “I thought we we’re lovers.”

“Yes.”

“And I thought you loved me.”

“So much.”

“And I love you.”

“Yes, so that leaves us?”

“At the start of something.”

“I can live with that.”

She leaned in and kissed him, letting a few tears fall from her eyes. She didn’t know if she were making the right choice, but she only hoped that it wasn’t a permanent one. She wanted to be with him, but all of her thoughts had got confused, all of her emotions so intense. Her chest ached at the idea of leaving him, and yet she felt if she didn’t try and be secure in who she was on her own now then she would never be.

  
“So, will you go on a date with me? In Corona, at the end of the year.”  
  


“I look forwards to it.”

She kissed him again, pouring all of her feeling for him into that kiss, and he kissed her back, hard and desperate, before he let her go, and wiped the tears from his face.

“Cassie?”

“Yes?”

“You might just find that you want to stay.”

“I might.”

Cassandra smiled, she was free to go, to stay, to be on her own, or be with her friends. She was free to love Varian, Rapunzel, herself. 

They’d be together again. Because they had something that was too strong for it to be lost just from being separated for a few months. She knew that deep in her heart, she did. She had to trust that good things could happen to her. But she also needed space, she had felt so lost when she thought he was gone, she needed to find herself again, to know that she was still strong, that she could still handle herself. Then, once she knew that she could manage without him, then she could truly be with him, knowing that she was herself, and she was freely choosing him, and he was freely choosing her. Maybe permanently maybe not. Probably permanently, hopefully permanently. But for now she had been cooped up too long and the wind was calling her.

***

_The next day_

Varian was on his hands and knees searching through the charred remains of his bedroom when Eugene walked in. He watched as the man raised his hand to knock on the door and then decided against it, as the door was charred black, and would probably fall apart at his touch.

“Did you drop something?”  
  


“Not exactly.” Varian said, shifting a few shards of wood with his gloved hands. He knew that it would be around here somewhere, because these shards of wood had once made up his bedside table, and that’s where it had been when the fire had hit.

“We’re going to need to leave in the next few days, if we leave it too long Rapunzel won’t be able to travel.”

“I figured.”

“Should you be doing that with your arm?”  
  


“Probably not.”  
  


“Okay.” Eugene said with a sigh as he walked in. “Tell me what you’re looking for and I’ll help.”  
  


Varian’s eyes narrowed slightly, as he concentrated on pushing a few more shards out of the way.

“Hey, I found a metal box, of some sort. Not melted. “Eugene said as he bent into the rubble of Varian’s desk. Varian looked up.

“Oh that's a lock box, I keep some of my notes in there.”

“Hey, might have saved something useful.” Eugene said, but as he picked the box up the spring opened, and some lightly singed pages fell to the floor. “Nope, just pornographic pictures of Cassandra. Man I am never unseeing those.”

Varian reached over to where the pages had fell next to them, trying not to smirk at Eugene’s discomfort.

“I'm going to need these.” He said, but though he was teasing Eugene a cold shiver ran through him as he realised it was true, he would be needing them, these were all he would see of Cassandra’s face, for how long he didn’t know. As he carefully folded them he saw a small glint out of the corner of his eyes, and he smiled widely diving for the little purple stone.

“Found it!” He said holding it up and turning it in his fingers. There were streaks of silver running down it, the remains of the setting and chain, and he knew that although he could remove them that he wouldn’t, it was pretty in a way, and a reminder of that night, not of the fire, they could move past that eventually, but of the first time they had made love. He hoped that as his injured healed, and the trauma faded that that would be the part of the night that remained clear in his memories.

“Is that Cassandrium?”

“Cassie’s necklace. I knew the gem would survive. Now I can make her a new necklace.” 

“She’s gone, you know that right?” Eugene said wearily.

“She’ll be back.”

“How can you be so sure? She didn’t come back before.”

“Because she’s moved on, she’s forgiven herself, and that means she can start again.”

“Are you Ok?”

Varian stopped to consider the question.

“Better than Okay.”

“That seems a little odd considering the love of your life just walked out the door.”

“I know.”

“You’re still a bit weird did you know that kid?” Eugene said, offering him his hand and helping him to his feet.

“I thought you weren’t going to call me kid anymore.”

“Slip of the tongue, sorry. You know, I’m kind of happy that Cass isn’t travelling with us, with you two unable to keep your hands of each other for a minute I think it would have been rather awkward with us all travelling together in the air balloon. Oh gods, I’m just giving him ideas. “

Varian shrugged, though Eugene mentioning it had automatically led him to consider whether it was possible. An idea for their end of year date started to form in his mind.

“Why aren’t you more upset about this?” Eugene said. “Varian, a week ago you were willing to die for her, and she just up and left.”

“The reason that I’m not devastated that she’s gone away is that because when she comes back, it’ll not be because she’s injured and delirious. It’ll be because she chooses too. It’ll be because she chooses to have a part in all of our lives. Eugene, this time she’s going to choose us, she’s going to choose me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the last chapter, then there is a short five years later epilogue. I was thinking of writing in some little elements of an unresolved storyline to open it up to a sequel, but I think I’m going to leave it how it is, I’m almost relieved to be close to finishing, I put a lot of myself into this, love and grief – and I admit to being proud of it. I hope you have enjoyed it. Thank you for your support.


	17. Return to Corona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last chapter, sort of. There is a few more loose ends to tie up, in the next few days the final chapters of it’s sister fic Second Chances will be up, showing how Edmund and Sophia handled the aftermath of the fire, and ending with King Edmund’s wedding (Eugene and Varian have a place in that chapter). Then There’s a ‘missing scene’ one- shot coming called ‘A proper goodbye’, and then it all ends with a five years later epilogue, the title chapter being ‘no longer enough’, so watch this space over the next few days.

_Cassandra_

The cold wind was blowing across the water, even stood here on a hill looking down at the city she could feel it hitting her skin. It was going to be a bitter winter. She was glad that she had a place to stay, though she usually did for winters there had been one or two when she had found herself still camping in the snow. It hadn’t been pleasant. Despite the cold wind she only felt warm, the last few days as she had got closer and closer to the city she had felt a growing anticipation in the pit of her stomach, she’d been restless, her mind flooded with memories of the times that she had spent with him, only the tiniest twinges of doubts now remained.

She looked down on the valley below her, the stretching advance of farmland that lay before her and the city, and in it, just little a collection of unpaved streets and little square houses was old Corona, where Varian had grown up. It wasn’t hard to spot his house from up here, the building was different, a little cottage built onto the ruins of an unfinished grand hall, once belonging to a rich lord who had disappeared and left the project unfinished. It was already half in ruins when it had eventually been given over to the elders of the village. That was where she would find him, because although he had rooms at the palace he didn’t often stay in them. Choosing instead to be around to help his father on the farm.

She looked up and saw owl looking down at her from a nearby tree.

“It feels like home.” She said. Owl tilted his head and hooted in answer.

She clicked her tongue at Fidella and they started to gallop along the dirt track down the side of the hill. It did not take long to get down to the village. Cassandra’s heart was thudding wildly as she dismounted outside of Varian’s cottage. What if he wasn’t actually there? She had waited so long to see him; she couldn’t imagine having to wait any longer.

There was a little growl and bark from her side, and she turned to see a full-grown racoon staring at her from behind a tree, it’s heckles raised.

“Pen?”

The animal’s demeanour changed as it seemed to recognise her, and with a little chirp the animal ran to her. Cassandra dismounted and kneeled on the floor catching the little animal up for a quick hug. Pen purred in her arms; all weariness gone. Realizing that with Pen being there most likely meant that Varian was too made Cassandra’s stomach flipped.

“How’s he doing?” She asked the raccoon. Pen tilted her head to one side and ran to the door of the cottage, looking back at Cassandra to make sure she was following. She pushed the door open.

_Varian_

Varian was concentrating hard on the plans for the new great hall of the Redemption citadel. He’d just received them this morning via a crow, and he’d promised king Edmund he would run his eyes over them to see if he could come up with any ideas. As it was he was currently writing notes suggesting a fake ceiling with a gap to add some insulating materials, to keep it warm in the harsh northern winters. He was so completely absorbed in what he was doing that he didn’t notice Pen until she had jumped up onto his desk and nudged at his hands.

“I fed you.” He said trying to push the animal off his paperwork. She was an affectionate little creature and had become a great companion for Varian when he was spending time in the lab. But, he’d forgotten how permanently greedy racoons could be. She immediately jumped back onto his papers nipping his hand gently.

“Ow! What is it? What’s up with you?”

Then suddenly he realised, there were footsteps coming towards him. He looked up.

“Oh.”

He’d forgotten that his heart could do this, he’d forgotten that it could skip several beats, he’d forgotten that he could forget how to breathe, and his mouth could go instantly dry.

She was just like his dreams, skin so pale it was almost luminous, hair even longer now, hanging down her back in thick raven locks that always begged him to run his lips over them, big eyes of murky green, the most beautiful thing on the planet to him. She stopped a few feet into the room.

They stared at each other; they’d been apart for three months. When they’d left they’d been full of passion for each other. In the week after the fire they’d barely spent a moment away from each other, always finding a reason or a way to touch one another, to check that they were still there. With her now, in this room, Varian had to wonder if somehow he’d fallen even more in love with her whilst she’d been gone. He swallowed, trying to find words, any words, but he couldn’t because his whole body was just full of a tingling energy, a fullness, and an instantaneous desire. He found himself remembering what it was to be with her, to be inside her, to feel her skin, so much beautiful soft warm skin.

He got up and walked over to her. Her arms reached out for him as he got close and he walked into them, feeling them automatically got to rest on his waist, on his back, pulling him close. His hands in turn went to her face, running over her lips, under her eyes, across her cheeks, reminding himself of every millimetre of it. Her mouth fell open as she tilted her head up to him, and for a moment they just drunk in the looks in each other’s eyes. Then he bent and kissed her. It was like electric, a jolt running straight to his groin, she melted against him, her body softly moulding itself to him, her hands wrapping into the hair at the back of his neck.

He wrapped his arms around the top of her legs and leaned back to lift her off the floor, their lips not parting as their tongues spared and danced. He turned with her in his arms, feeling her wrap her legs around his waist so it was easier to carry her. He was burning now, just burning with desire for her, so many nights spent thinking about her, about the words they’d say to each other, about the places they would see together, part of him had to wonder if having her here with him now was just a dream. He carried her to the table, she broke their kiss to push aside some of the papers and he took a moment to be glad that he’d not been working on any experiments when she had arrived.

They were both breathless, their lips both growing swollen with the kisses. Cassandra was wearing a skirt, which he thought was strange considering she preferred trousers, but he was grateful for it as he pulled the material upwards and grasped at the round thighs, pulling her legs apart so he could rest between them. Their bodies able to line up once again as they pushed and pulled against each other hungrily searching to get as close to each other as they could. He pulled the travelling jacket she was wearing from her shoulder and she shrugged it off so it fell around her hips into the table.

Varian slipped his fingers down Cassandra’s inner thighs, pulling away from her kiss for a moment to breath against her neck and nip at the skin there, drawing a breathy gasp out form her. His hands reached the wet lips of her sex and he paused, his eyes widening when he felt there was no more material between them. He met her eyes and she gave him a wicked smile that instantly let him know that the lack of underwear was most definitely on purpose, probably the skirt as well, she’d been planning this, she’d come here this morning knowing exactly what they would do. He gave a slight groan knowing that she had been wanting him a much as he had been wanting her. That would also explain how wet and swollen the flesh was beneath his fingers.

Cassandra was reaching for his belt now, pulling it loose and Varian gave a deep sigh of relief as his dick came free from its clothed caging. He reached into his pocket and got out the little tin that had been waiting there for the day she came back to him. He handed it to her, he gave a light groan as she fiddled with it for a moment and then rolled it onto him. The light pressure of her fingers felt wonderful and he kissed her again and again unable to get enough of her lips.

He pulled her close to him, his hands firm on her hips, his finger reached for her again finding her open and wet. He rested his head on her shoulder, removed his fingers and angled his hips up, and with a small push he was easily enveloped by her slick warmth. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders, and she pushed herself that little bit closer to him, taking him deeper as she wrapped her legs around him. He looked up and their eyes met, mere centimetres away from each other. They stared at each other, not breaking eye contact as he drove himself in and out of her, every nerve ending on fire. He found that she was moving with him, a gentle push to meet each of his. He groaned and buried his nose in the skin of her neck, smelling the weeks of travel on her and not caring in the slightest because she was here with him and that was all that mattered.

More skin, he needed more skin, he kissed her mouth, her tongue meeting his hungrily. He reached for the buttons of her top, pulling them loose and finding a silky fabric of a slip underneath, he pulled the edges of it down from where it rested on the top curves of her breast until he was able to reveal a nipple and take it into his mouth. Her back arched, pushing the subtle flesh towards him, she gasped as his teeth grazed her, her hand wrapping in his hair tugging lightly. Feeling a rush of adrenaline and annoyance at not being able to freely access all the skin he hungered for his mouth left her and his hands gripped the silky material tightly, tensing his forearms he pulled hard, the material gave a satisfying rip. Cassandra looked at him eyes slightly shocked as he smiled delighted at seeing her breasts and belly revealed to him. Being with her always drove him to the edges of his control.

He could feel himself coming to completion, a ball of tightness in the bottom of his stomach, his muscles slowly becoming tenser. He just wanted to hear her breathy scream. He reached his hand down between them, feeling the place where there bodies joined, their swollen flesh tightly together, his finger brushed himself then headed upwards till he felt that hard little nub and her hips bucked against him. He circled his thumb against that spot, as her hands came up to frame his face, pulling him to her in a uncivilised breathy kiss. With her tongue deep in his mouth, he could feel her legs start to tremble around him. She pulled away from him, her forehead resting against his shoulder now, holding him tighter, continuous little moans and gasps escaping her mouth. He grunted as he could feel the tingling heading up his spine. Her inner muscles were squeezing against his dick in waves now, as she gave a breathy scream against his shoulder and he allowed the overwhelming feeling of his relief spread though his body. It was more than sex, he thought in the seconds before thought left him, it was as if their souls connected, like their bodies had been starving for each other when they had been parted, and were now getting the much need sustenance of each other’s touch. Then the pleasure spread through his body and he could feel the tingling of his seed leaving him as a rush of electricity run up his spine filling him with sense of completeness and contentment.

He opened his eyes, and there she still was, clinging to him, real, and alive, and completely his. He ran his hands down her back and placed a soft kiss on her neck.

“Hi.” He whispered into her hair.

“Hi.” She laughed back.

“Uh… good journey?”   
  


“Good ending.”  
  


“Yeah.” He breathed.

“You owe me new undergarments.” She said looking down at her bare chest.  
  


“I’m good for it.” Varian said wincing slightly as he slipped out of her. He looked at her, he felt calmer now, clearer headed and simply happy that she was there. He’d known she would come back for him; he’d known that they belonged together, and here she was.

“Cassie.” He said gently, running his hand round to the back of her neck, as he bent down and kissed her lips feeling the tingling of his oversensitive lips moving softly against hers. He rested his forehead against hers, his eyes closed, allowing his body to fall back into its usual rhythms. “I love you.”  
  


“I love you too Varian.” She said back, and when he opened his, yes, he found hers right there smiling back at him.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“Yes, I found out that I can managed on my own. I'm good on my own. But I'm far better, and far happier with you. “

He leaned forwards and kissed her on the forehead.

“I'm glad you've worked it out Cass. “He took a deep breath looking away, almost afraid to ask.

“So umm… are you staying for long?” He said asking the question that was most prominent in his mind.

“For the winter.” She answered.

“And the future?”

“My future is unclear, but I know you’re in it, and that's enough for me.

“I told you, you're my destiny.”

“I’ve decided that we make our own destinies now.”

  
“So, in the Spring, what direction are you going?”  
  


“Which direction do you want to go?” She asked. He smiled widely, knowing and not just suspecting now that she planned on including him in that journey.  
  


“To the east, I hear there are technologies that are different to ours.”  
  


“Well, that sounds like an adventure worthy of Cassandra of Corona.”  
  


“We go together?”

“If you're not fed up of me by then.”

“Never.” He laughed.

“Always”, she took his hand, “we always go together from now on, I won't feel the need to go off on my own again now. I think I outgrew it at some point and just hadn't realised.”

He gave a wide smile and rested his forehead against hers. 

“Always and forever my love. We'll be together always and forever. It's like a dream.” He whispered dizzy with the overwhelming sense of love.

“It's not a dream, this is reality now, and it won't always be perfect.”

“I know. But it'll always be worth it.”

“Varian, is everything okay in their son?”  
  


“Shit!” Varian said, reaching down to try and do up his trousers and Cassandra pulled her shirt closed to try and cover herself up as the door to the lab creaked open. They froze their eyes meeting in shock. There was no hiding what they had been doing, not with Cassandra’s skirts still drawn up and Varian’s shirt open, his hair sticking on end, both of them covered in a light sheen of sweat, with eyes glittering and limps swollen with kisses.

Varian turned to his father, using his body to block Cassandra as she tried to at cover herself better, pulling her traveling jacket back on.

“Hi Dad.” Varian said a little to brightly.

Quirin, stared at his son, his face blank, he leaned a little to the side, obviously trying to look passed Varian to see who he was with. Varian turned to look at her and saw that she was more decent than she had been.

“Uh Dad, you remember Cassandra?”

_Cassandra_

Cassandra saw a distinct frown grace Quirin’s face.

“Yes, she took control of my mind and destroyed half of Corona, tea?"

Yep, thought Cassandra, that had been the last time she had seen Varian’s father, and she’d never apologized to him. She’d been so keen on seeing Varian again that she’d forgotten that his father might be around, she’d forgotten that they had a past.

“Ha! Yeah.” Varian said awkwardly running his hand through his hair. “Tea would be great. We’ll uh.. be out in a minute.” Quirin nodded and walked out the lab, leaving the door open.

“Sorry.” Varian whispered turning to her.

“Your Dad has reasons to hate me.”  
  


“I doubt he hates you; you’ve got to remember he spent a lot of time around the moonstone, he knows what it could do to people’s minds. Add an ancient demon and I think he’ll forgive you.”

“Do I look alright.” Varian looked her up and down. “Yeah.” He said reaching his hand out to her as she jumped off the table. She quickly ran a hand over his hair, trying to flatten it, and corrected a few buttons on his shirt that in his rush to do them up under the eyes of his father he’d buttoned wrong.

They walked out of the lab hand in hand, to the big table in cottage kitchen. Quirin barely glanced at her as he put a mug of sweet tea in front of her. She thanked him, but as he sat down opposite them his eyes never left Varian.

“Is she the one?”

“What?” Varian asked.

“Is she the one you've been wallowing over for the last few months.”

“I’ve not been wallowing.”  
  


Quirin raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, well, maybe just a little.” Varian said blushing.

Casandra had the feeling that she shouldn’t actually be present for this conversation, it might make things more awkward.

“Excuse me.” She said standing up.

“Where are you going?” Varian asked.

“Checking for fires.” Cassandra answered heading back into his lab and closing the door.

She looked about, she knew better than to touch any of the things lying around so she simply walked to the back of the room, away from the door so that she wouldn’t overhear, or at least be seen to overhear the conversation going on next door. She didn’t know how to feel about the fact that it seemed Varian had not mentioned her to his father. She didn’t really know if that said more about her and Varian’s relationship, or his and Quirin’s. She saw a chair set against the back wall, and went to sit down in it, but as she did, she found to her surprised that the muffled voice from the next room had become clearer.

“How can two people who have hurt each other so much ever be together?”

“They forgive each other, and themselves Dad.”

She heard Quirin hum. She looked around and saw the reason for the clearness of the voices, a large hole at the foot of the wall, it went straight through to the kitchen. She paused, she had left the room so that she didn’t hear this conversation, but something made her stay.

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy Dad.”

“No, Varian, you don’t understand, you told me you were thinking of leaving. Were you think of leaving with her?”  
  


“I was thinking of leaving before I met Cassie again, but yes, now I’m thinking of leaving with her. Nothing is set in stone Dad.”  
  


“I’m trying to tell you I want you to leave. Of course I love having you here, but you need to find your place in the world. You have so many talents Varian, you can’t stay living in a tiny village for the rest of your life. I’ve been waiting for you to leave for the last few years. “

“What are you going to do when I go? I don’t want you to have to work on the farm alone. “

“Oh, it’s time to hand this over to the next village elder, time to train somebody to take my place. When you were a small child I thought that would be you, but I’ve been aware for a long time that your path lies elsewhere. I will be handing the farmland over, keeping the house. King Fredrick has always made it clear that when it comes time to retire I’ll be kept on with a retainer, enough to live on, and the title of a royal adviser. I’ll probably be required to show up for some meetings, do some palace business, but for the most part it’s a retirement package. Now, this woman of yours.”  
  


“She understands me, more than anybody ever has I think. I’ve always wanted that.”   
  


There was a pause and Cassandra found herself holding her breath.

“Well, then you have my blessing. Not that you need it. “

“It means a lot to me to hear you say that.”

She heard the clinking of their cups as they both drunk for a while in companionable silence. She considered making her way back to the kitchen when she heard Varian speak again.

“So uh.. can she stay with us over winter?”

“Sleeping where?””  
  


“Uh…”

“Hmm.” Quirin gave a deep laugh. “She can stay. Varian, do you intend on marrying the girl?”

  
There was silence for a long moment, and Cassandra felt her heartbeat rushing, she didn’t know what she would do if he said yes.

“I’m not sure that she wants to be tied down in that way. We’ll get round to discussing it one day.” Varian answered eventually.  
  


“Hmm… I don’t think I understand young people today, but as long as you’ve had the decency to offer it.”

  
“Of course I do dad, come on, you raised me right.”

  
“I know I did. I’m proud of you son. Now, I guess I’ve got the winter to get to know your…”

“Lover.”

  
“Varian.” Quirin groaned. “Can we please just say girlfriend.”

  
“Okay, she’s my girlfriend.”

“Now, why don’t you go and get the poor lass whilst I serve up the soup. That laboratory of yours is always too cold.”

Cassandra was walking towards the door when Varian opened it, his eyes widened slightly in shock.

“So, how much did you hear?”  
  


“Everything, though I didn’t mean to.”  
  


Varian nodded.

“Well, I think he forgives you.”  
  


“I still owe him an apology.”

“Come and have some soup, apologies go down better on a full stomach.”   
  


Cassandra walked back into the kitchen to find Quirin placing bowls of steaming soup, and chunks of bread down on the table. She had seen the bubbling pot before, but now that it was served she could smell the delicious warming scent of it.

“Winter vegetable, with some bacon fat.” Quirin said. “Varian made it.”  
  


“Thank you.” 

Cassandra sat down and tried the soup, it was thick with barley, and warming with the taste of bacon and cloves. Varian buttered a piece of bread and handed it to her. She ate it hungrily, her own cooking skills were somewhat lacking, though she kept herself strong and healthy she wouldn’t call her own attempts tasty.

“Well, she has a good appetite.” Quirin said with a smile.

Cassandra paused in eating.

“Sorry, was hungrier than I thought. It’s good.” She said.

“So, I guess that you’re back just in time.” Quirin said.

“For… oh, you mean to meet the royal babies. Two, three weeks to go, right? Well that’s how I planned it anyway.”

There was a stony silence at the table. She stopped eating and looked around, a sickening feeling starting to enter her stomach.

“You don’t know.” Varian said slowly.

“Know what? Varian, tell me.”  
  


“The twins were born premature.”

“How premature?” Cassandra said, her nervousness building.

“At about thirty weeks.” Varian explained.

“That’s too small.”

“They were about three and a half pounds each.”

Cassandra stood up. Her hands clutching at the table as she felt a wave of heartache for her friend. Three pounds was just too small, too delicate for the world, she felt tears prickling behind her closed eyes. She felt a hand on her back.

“Cassie? Cassie, they’re alright. They all alright.” Varian was saying quickly. It took a few moments for the words to sink in. She opened her eyes, blurry with unshed tears and looked into his concerned face.

“They’re alright?”  
  


“Yes.” He reassured her.  
  


“But, how? That small, babies don’t survive that small.”

“They’re at six pounds now, and that’s a really good weight. I think they’ll be fine now.”

“But how?”  
  


“Well.. I um…” Varian said running his hand through his hair.

“He made an artificial womb.” Quirin answered.

“What?”  


“Not exactly.” Varian said. “It’s more of a special cot. I came up with the idea just after the fire, it was to do with the breathing equipment. There’s a few problems with premature babies and one is that there lungs aren’t developed enough, so I thought if I could invent a way to get them more oxygen, and then there’s the fact they can’t swallow and breath at the same time, so we had to use some tubes to put the milk down for the first few weeks, that was the scariest part, and then they’re ability to fight off illnesses isn’t so good so we had to make it a really clean environment to try and stop things that cause illnesses from getting in.”  
  


Cassandra listened as Varian explained, his voice to fast to catch most of what he was saying, but she understood the general point. Varian had foreseen a problem, understood the problem, and solved the problem. At least, that’s how she thought he saw it. She saw it differently.

“Wait? So, the babies are in a machine?”  
  


“Most of the time, when they’re not having skin to skin contact with their parents because that’s important, it’s been shown that it helps early babies to survive. I don’t know why, but I felt that the mix between the midwife’s knowledge and science would be the best. I have seen way too much of those twos skin lately, but today, today the babies are coming out the incubators for good and Rapunzel and Eugene are going to take them outside for the first time.”

“You made an artificial womb for babies to live in when they’re too small to survive outside of their mothers?” Cassandra repeated, checking she’d understood.

“More of an enclosed cot, but yes.

“I knew that they were going to need you. I knew that you would be able to come up with something if they came too early. You really are a miracles worker do you know that?”  
  


“It’s science, not miracles.”  
  


“Same thing.” Cassandra said throwing her arms around him and kissing him gratefully, feeling a rush of relief after her moment of fear.

There was a delicate cough from the side of them and Varian pulled away with a blush. They’d both forgotten that Quirin was sat watching them.

“I want to go see them.” Cassandra said.

“Let’s finish up lunch, then we’ll go.”

***

They tied their horses up just outside the city gates. She gave Varian a soft smile and stretched her hand out to him. She was feeling slightly anxious at being back here, in a place where most people remember her as the blue haired rock controller. She felt comforted when he took her hand and walked beside her, his thumb stroking gently over the back of her hand.

Corona was the same as it had always been, and yet some things were different, some new buildings, others repainted, the faces that had been familiar were now older. At first she walked through the streets chatting to Varian, excited to be about to see her best friend’s new family, happy to have Varian’s hand in hers, but as they continued Cassandra became aware of the eyes watching her, the people crossing to the other side of the street when they saw her. Not everybody could forgive and forget as quickly as Varian and Rpaunzel had.

“I can’t believe that I wasn’t here for the twin’s birth. I really wanted to be here for Raps.” Cassandra said, trying to keep her mind off the past and concentrate on the happy things happening all around her.  
  


“She knows, and she forgives you. It’s not as if this could be foreseen.”  
  


“You foresaw it, and now that I think about it, didn’t that doctor tell us that it was a good possibility?”

Varian shrugged. He was saying something, but Cassandra couldn’t hear, she wasn’t aware of anything except the shape of the person in front of her. So familiar, the wide shoulders, the huge arms, hair thinning on top now, but the nose, the eyes, all the same.  
  


“Cassie?” A squeeze of her hand brought her out of her moment of shock at seeing the ghost from her past. The one who had haunted her for so long. Varian was looking at her with confused eyes, then he glanced to where she was staring, and his eyes widened before his face settled into a frown.

“Is that him?” He whispered to her. “Duncan?”

“Yes.” She said back, her voice squeaker than she would have wished.

She could see something steely and cold enter into Varian’s eyes, sense the tensing of his muscles. This was a side of him she knew about but hadn’t really got to see, the man who had started a brawl in a brothel. She gave his arm a slight tug trying to get his attention.

“It’s the past. I’m over it. Honestly Varian. Let’s just ignore him, please.”

Varian closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he let go of her hand, instead wrapping his arm protectively around her waist as he walked forwards, guiding her as they walked past the fisherman. Just as they passed him Varian turned and shouted out to him.

“Hey Duncan!”

Cassandra felt a moment of panic as Duncan looked over and saw the two of them walking so close together, she saw his eyes flash with recognition and then flicker down to where Varian’s hand was resting on her waist. Fear, she suddenly realized, he was scared of them, whether her or Varian she didn’t know, but she suddenly realized that the man who had held so much power in her mind, didn’t actually have any power over her whatsoever. In fact she and Varian had the power over him.

“Lord Varian.” Duncan said nervously with a light bow of his head.

“You should come round sometime for sandwiches.”

“Uh..ok.” Duncan said, nervously looking somewhere between confused and terrified.

“Actually, best not. Cassandra is living with me for a while, and I hear that the two of you have an unpleasant history.”  
  


The bigger man grew pale as Varian turned his back to him and led Cassandra away. She looked up and saw the smirk on his face. He looked down at her and she couldn’t help smiling back.

“Varian, don't you dare give him sandwiches.”

“He'd deserve it”

“But murder doesn’t look good on you.”

“Like orange, I don't suit orange.” He said causally. Cassandra swung her hip into his, making him stumble sideways for a second. She found herself giving a little giggle, she felt weird, like shadow in her life had finally gone.

“I just wanted to make my point clear.”  
  


“And what point was that?”  
  


“That I know how he treated you, and that you’re under my protection.”  
  


“Do you really think I need your protection?”

Varian shrugged. “ No, but I get the feeling that a man like him dousn’t really hold women in in esteem, It’s whether he thinks that you need a man’s protection, and I’m pretty sure he’s not going to forget that little conversation for a long time.”

  
“He’s nothing is he.” Cassandra said. “All that time, and he’s just a somewhat dim, ordinary person, he has no power over me.”  
  


Varian leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“He only ever had the power that you let him have.”

“Well, that powers all gone now.”  
  


“Good.”

“Did he just call you Lord Varian?”

“Services to the crown, it’s a thing now.” Varian said casually. “Save the heirs to two thrones and they give you a title.”

***

They arrived at the castle gates, two familiar guards stood on either side.

“Hey Pete!” Varian said running up to one of the guard. He turned and have them a slight look of panic when he saw Cassandra, lowering his spike slightly before a look of realization ran over his face.

“Or yeah, you’re a good guy again right?”  
  


“Right.” Cassandra said.

“I hear congratulations are in order.” Varian was saying happily.

“Shush, how did you know?” Pete said looking around. “Nobody was meant to know yet, I only told Lady Crawley, Stan of course, my mother, Faith’s mother, the chef, Monty, Attila, the Princess, the Prince, the Queen, the King, and a couple of stranger I met in the bar last night, but they weren’t even from here.”  
  


“Uh.. It’s kinda town news Pete.”  
  


“Congratulations?” Cassandra asked.

“Faith is expecting.”  
  


“Faith?” Cassandra said shocked.

“They’re married.”  
  


“The moment we got back from the Redemption Citadel. About two months ago now.”  
  


“And how far along is she?”  
  


“About three months.. uh I mean.. two months, definitely two months. We’ve only been married two months after all haha.” Pete laughed nervously. “But the uh.. doctor said to expect the baby a month early because she has umm… speedy pregnancy signs…”  
  


Cassandra raised an eyebrow, and Varian was trying and failing to hide a smirk.

“I’ve heard about that, speedy pregnancy signs.”  
  


“Yeah, it’s a thing.”

“Well, send her my congratulations and best wishes, won’t you?” Varian said clasping the man on the shoulder.

“Will do.” Pete said as they walked past him into the castle ground.

“So, where do you think they’ll be?” Cassandra asked, still trying to absorb the fact that Varian’s ex had managed to get pregnant and married in the few months since she’d last seen her.  
  


“They’ll be in the nursery waiting for me to show up and check everything is alright to remove them from the cots. Hey, I’ve got an idea.” Varian said suddenly stopping.

“What?”  
  


“Come with me.” He said grabbing hold of her hand and pulling her up the stairs and through the corridors.  
  


“Where are we going?”  
  


“The nursery, we should hide you from Rapunzel so you can jump out and surprise her.”

“Is that the best idea?”  
  


“It’s an awesome idea, as she’s no longer pregnant there’s no chance of shocking her into labour, or into wetting herself.”  
  


“You guys got way too close when she was pregnant didn’t you?”  
  


“She’s a sharer. Babies, bladder, I really heard way more than I was comfortable with. Right, here we are, you stand over there. I’ll call her out, and you can be all like ‘surprise’. Oh Rapunzel.” Varian shouted opening the door. “Can we have a quiet word out here.”  
  


Cassandra flattened herself against the wall as Rapunzel walked out. Cassandra felt a wave of joy when she saw her friend walking out into the corridor, once again slim and in pink.

“What is it Varian?”

Cassandra leapt forwards and put her hands over the girl’s eyes.

“Wait, what? Who?” Rapunzel said shaking her head from side to side trying to look past her hands, but Cassandra moved with her. “Varian?” Rapunzel said starting to sound slightly worried.

“I brought you a surprise.” Varian said.

Cassandra lowered her hands, and Rapunzel turned around slowly to face her, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping open.

“Surprise.”

“Cass!” Rapunzel threw her arms around her. Cassandra returned the hug, feeling a wave of fondness for her best friend.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here in time for the twin’s birth.”  
  


“It dousn’t matter, you’re here now.”  
  


“What’s going on out here? Cass!” She saw Eugene looking out the door.

“Told ya she’d be back.” Varian said smirking at his cousin. “I’m just too adorable to keep away from.”  
  


“I wish I could deny it.” Cassandra said pulling away.

“But she can’t.” Varian said smugly crossing his arms across his chest.

“Don’t make me change my mind.”  
  


“Come meet Aelia and Adrian. We’re taking them out of the cots Varian made them today, and we should be able to take them outside for the first time, right Varian?” Rapunzel said enthusiastically.  
  


Varian nodded and followed them all back into the royal nursery where Cassandra was met by two terrifying large see through boxes full of metal pipes and little tubes. She stopped in her track.

“It takes a while to get used to.” Eugene said. “But they don’t really need any of this equipment anymore, it’s just there in case of emergencies now. They’ve been managing really well for the last few weeks.”  
  


Varian was looking into one of the boxes, shifting the lid off and looking down into it.

“Hey Ads.” He cooed.

Cassandra had been so taken aback by the boxes that she’d not really looked to closely into them and she now took a step towards Varian, peering passed the tubing to see a perfectly normal, if small baby, wrapped in a knitted green blanket.

“Cass, come meet Lia.” Rapunzel said grabbing her hand and pulling her over to the other ‘cot’. Cassandra looked down at the little baby and felt a wave of affection. She looked like Rapunzel, but with Eugene’s eyes, she had a tuft of light brown hair that was sticking up and she was looking up at them with pursed little lips. Rapunzel shifted the lid of the cot and making a soft cooing noise lifted her daughter out and held her out to Cassandra.

“Oh, I’m not sure.” Cassandra said holding her hands up.

“Here.” Varian said rushing over. Cassandra stared at him in shock as he took her arms and rearranged them into a cradling gesture, before she could refuse again the tiny warm bundle was placed in them and she was stood there awkwardly looking down at the baby.

“So,” Varian was saying to Rapunzel. “All looks good to move them into normal cots tonight, just so long as you sleep in the room with them, to know if they get into any distress.”

Rapunzel put her hand over her mouth, her tired eyes filling with tears.

“Really?”  
  


“They’re as healthy and strong now as I would expect any baby to be if they’d gone full term.”

Cassandra watched Rapunzel turn to her husband, and he wordless enveloped her into a hug. Despite Cassandra’s nervous glances down at the little female twin in her yellow blanket the inevitable happened, and Aelia opened her mouth and let out a short annoyed squeal.  
  


“Oh no, shush, shush.” Cassandra said nervously rocking the little baby back and forth.

“A mother’s job is never done.” Eugene said letting go of his wife. “Lunch time.”  
  


“Yeah.” Rapunzel sighed. “If they’re not sleeping then ones hungry.”  
  


“Let’s give her some space. We can go get something from the kitchens to eat outside.” Eugene suggested to Varian who nodded and followed him out of the door. When Rapunzel had rescued Cass from the crying enfant, she tried to do the same, but Rapunzel rested her arm on her arm.

“Sit with me, I want to catch up.”  
  


Cassandra hesitated before nodding. She followed Rapunzel and sat on the edge of her bed as Rapunzel fiddled with the openings of her dress and put the baby to breast.

“There we go.” She said quietly to her daughter before turning her attention back to Cassandra. “So, how long are you here for? Are we going to have time to catch up properly before you head off again?”  
  


“I was thinking I’d stay till the worst of the winter is over, and take a boat out just before spring.”  
  


“The whole winter? That’s so exciting, we’ll get so much time together!”  
  


“Looking forwards to it. Does that hurt?” Cassandra asked nodding towards where the baby was suckling.

“Only sometimes, tingles, pulls mostly. So, are you back for Varian?”  
  


“I’m back to meet these little ones.”  
  


“And Varian?”  
  


“Yeah.” Cassandra admitted. “Mostly Varian.”  
  


“I was worried when you went away so soon after the fire.”  
  


“I had to deal with my feelings in my own way.”  
  


Rapunzel nodded.

“You really love him don’t you?”  
  


“I really do. He saved them, didn’t he?” Cassandra said nodding at the baby.  
  


Rapunzel nodded.

“Yes he did. I always had a feeling that I needed to keep him around. Thank you for letting me keep him for a while longer.”  
  


“Hey, it’s Varian’s choice, it’s always his choice.”  
  


“And now he chooses you right? When you leave in the Spring, it’ll be with him?”  
  


Cassandra smiled.

“Yeah, he does, and yes, it will.”

Rapunzel nodded.

“Will you fetch Aiden for me?”  
  


“I uh..” Cassandra hesitated looking back to the second cot. She closed her eyes for a moment, she could do this. “Sure.” She said.

“Just support his head.” Rapunzel reminded her.

Cassandra carefully picked up the child as he gave a little yawn and looked up at her, now she could see that despite being Aelia’s twin he had slightly different features, his hair was nowhere near as thick, and his eyes were green like his mothers. It was surprising to her, as she’d always thought that twin’s were meant to look the same, but then again, she supposed it made sense that if they were of a different gender then they couldn’t be identical.

The moment had something soft, and private, and feminine about it, as Rapunzel laid her daughter on the bed next to her and took her son to nurse him. But something felt heavy and unsettled in Cassandra, here was a beautiful and perfect family. Two parents desperately in love, a mother who looked at her children with absolute adoration, gentle, trusting, patient. A father who would go to the ends of the earth to protect his family, who was not afraid to show emotion, who’d grown loyal, who had lessons to teach. Both clever and quick in their own ways. Cassandra had always known that she’d never have this, a perfect little family, and here at the centre of one was her best friend, a woman who always seemed to manage to get everything that Cassandra had secretly desired in life. She wasn’t jealous, no, she loved Rapunzel, she was just sad, because she knew that she didn’t fit into this perfect little picture. She wasn’t like Varian, who was Eugene’s cousin, who had saved these babies, and whom she knew had spent many sleepless nights being an extra pair of hands to their parents. She wanted a little piece of this family, she wanted her part, but she couldn’t find it, and she’d never have a perfect family of her own.

Never loved by her mother, raised to be hard, to know duties and regulations, she didn’t process this motherly ability that Rapunzel seemed to process. Babies freaked her out, not that she’d had much chance to be around them. She’d never be a mother, she’d never be responsible for a child, as that was the only way she knew she could be sure that she would never damage a child as much as her mother had damaged her. Yet, there was Varian, kind and patient and loving. He was already bringing around changed in her, she was already feeling herself soften, feeling more confident in showing her love. Maybe one day she’d change enough so that she could do it, maybe one day she’d learn to be soft and patient, maybe one day she would hold a baby of her own, and not be terrified by the idea that she’d ruin it’s life. Maybe one day, in the very distant future.

“Cassie?”  
  


Cassandra shook herself and looked at her friend giving her a quick reassuring smile.

“Is everything alright? You looked sad for a moment.”  
  


“No, no not sad. I’m really happy for you Raps, truly. I just rushed the journey wanting to be back here for you, and I think I wore myself out a bit.”  
  


“Where are you staying? I can have a guest room made up for you?”  
  


“Not necessary,” Cassandra answered, knowing that she didn’t need to explain, “but perhaps I can take advantage of one after we go outside? A bath, and some clean clothes will do wonders.”

When both twins were full they carried them down the stairs and out into the gardens.

Eugene ran up to meet them, quickly taking the baby from Cassandra’s arms and turning around with him.

“This is the outside world Ads, you finally get to see it.”  


Rapunzel was smiling at her husband with complete joy.

“We’re all free again.” She said. “I’m sorry Varian, I know how amazing your cots were, but I feel like I’ve been trapped inside for two months, and I’ve felt so guilty that the twins were stuck in one room.”  
  


“It’s okay. I get it.” Varian said from his spot stretched out on a picnic blanket, an arrangement of sweet treats laid out in front of him.

“It’s just we haven’t had many normal experiences with the babies yet.” Eugene explained to Cass.

“Really? Because constant worry, and never sleeping sound like a pretty normal parenting experience to me.”  
  
“Ha! I’d come up with a witty reply if I weren’t so tired.”

They turned to watch Rapunzel lay her little daughter in the grass, she slipped the socks off of her delicate little feet and placed them back onto the ground.

“Feel the grass between your toes Aelia, it’s one of the best feelings in the world. It’s freedom.”  
  


“It’s the chance to catch a cold.” Eugene said rushing over.

“Oh stop fussing it’s fine.”  
  


“I don’t want us to have to spend another week inside because they got sick, not when we’ve just got out for the first time. Varian, tell her.”  
  


“I’m not getting involved.”  
  


“See, if he thought they’d get sick then he would say something.” Rapunzel argued.  
  


Cassandra hid a smirk as Varian met her eyes and gave an exaggerated sigh.

“See what you’ve left me to deal with on my own?” He said wrapping an arm over her shoulder as she sat next to him.

Rapunzel had obviously given in because she’d picked her daughter and laid her on the blanket Eugene placing Adrian next to her, the twins wiggled next to each other, intent on each other’s faces as they’re hands flailed about trying to find something to grasp until they finally found each other. They laid for a moment making little noises to each other as they held hands until their unruly limbs parted and reached up to the sky again.

“Shouldn’t we get some kind of shade for them? What if the sun is too strong, and you know now that I think about it, it really is just too cold to have them out here.” Eugene said looking around nervously.

“Eugene, I can’t believe I have to tell you this, but sit your butt down and eat some cake.” Varian said.

“They’re wrapped up warm Eugene.” Rapunzel reassured him resting her hand against his arm. “Besides, there was a conversation we were going to have, you know, when Cass got here, and we’ve got them both here together now, privately.” Rapunzel said annunciating every word.

“Oh… Yeah, that.” Eugene said suddenly twigging onto what every Rapunzel was talking about. Cassandra looked nervously at Varian, who shot her a puzzled glance back. What could they possibly want to talk to the both of them alone about?

  
“With the twins not being well enough to leave the nursery we’ve been putting off somethings, like the christening.” Rapunzel explained.

“Oh, I’d love to be around for that.” Cassandra answered.  
  


“Well, we’re going to kind of need you around. Cassandra, will you be godmother, to Adrian and Aelia?”  
  


“Me, really?”  
  


“Yes. Really.” Rapunzel laughed at her stunned look.

“I’d be honoured. But, do you really think I’m the right choice?”  
  


“Yes, Eugene agrees. You’ll protect them and you have so many good qualities, and when you come back from your adventures you’ll teach them so much about the world.”

Cassandra had been wondering what part she had to play in this beautiful family, suspecting that she didn’t have any role to play. Yet, here it was being handed to her, a chance to mean something more to them all, a defined part in their lives. She was allowed to be a small part of this. She was overjoyed. She could rise to it; she could learn how to hold and play with these little babies. She would do it because she loved Raps, and she wanted to always be a part of her and her children’s life.

“Yes, of course yes! I’m honoured. “Now hand me a baby!” She said her hands reaching out. Eugene smiled at her as he passed her his daughter.

“You never asked who the godfather is?” He said.  
  


“Hu? Who’s the godfather?”  
  


“Varian, of course.” Rapunzel said.

“Wait, what?” Varian said looking equally stunned.

“I thought that was obvious.” Eugene said. “I mean, who else would we ask? Who else came up with a way to keep them alive? Who else spent so many night sat up with us making sure that they were alright? And worked out all of their problems with us. Vare, there were three people who were involved in brining our kids safely into the world, we know that. We’re never going to forget that.”

Varian stared at them.

“That’s if you want to be, that is.” Rapunzel said. “Wait, are you crying?”  
  


“No, nope, I’m just allergic to something. I accept, but I uh.. need to go and do something.” He said getting up.

“Oh no you don’t. Eugene said jumping up, “come here,” Eugene said grabbing him and pulling him into a hug. “You’re not going anywhere.”  
  


“Gettoff.” Varian said fighting his cousin’s arms, and tripping over. He gave a big huff from the floor as Cassandra let out a laugh.

He turned and met her eyes.

“Best day ever.” She mouthed.

He smiled back at her, his features warm and gentle, that proud happiness that she loved to see so much shining in his slightly wet eyes.

***

She relaxed into the water watching the clouds of steam rising around her, aches and pains from weeks of riding and sleeping on the ground started to ease. She hadn’t even been aware of them; she was so used to living with discomfort that it wasn’t until it eased that she full recognised it was there. The hot water gave filled her with a sense of relief and relaxation. The smell of lemon oil was rising with the steam, the clean citrus smell making her feel as if the dirt and grime of travel was being lifted from her skin. She raised a leg out of the water into the cold air, and smiled as she felt a rough cloth being drawn across it, rubbing against the sole of her foot, working its way between the toes, and then up over her calf. Then there was a soft splash as the cloth was dropped back into the water. A light kiss was placed against her ankle as fingers worked massaging the arch of her foot, making her moan lightly at the strong and deliberate touch.

“Feeling better?” Varian asked.

She hummed, without opening her eyes.

“I feel more confident leaving, now that I know they’re okay. I’ve been worrying these last few months that something else would go wrong.”  
  


“I know, I’ve been the same, only, you know, here, and with all the information. They will be fine now though, and we’re free to leave in the Spring without having to worry about them. They’ve got this.”

The cloth was taken back up, and her arms were lifted gently out the water, one by one, as the cloth was drawn up and down them. Her fingers were played with, each one feeling a father light touch of lips against it before her arms were let to drop back into the water.

“I can’t believe how stiff my neck is.” She said. “Honestly, I never notice how rough constant travelling is on the body until I actually stop.”  
  


“Lean forwards.”

She opened her eyes and looked up at Varian, smiling at him as he stood there, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up. They shouldn’t be here, not like this. There were strict rules in the castle, all those within the royal household were supposed to keep to the highest of moral standards, to act with modesty and decorum. Any breaches meant instant dismissal, but Cassandra was long past the point where anybody could threaten her with a nunnery, and Varian’s skills were too rare for the rules to not be bent in his favour.

He was displaying other skills now as his hands worked on the tight muscles of her neck, massaging away the tensions, relieving the ache. She groaned softly and he paused for a moment. She tilted her head back, looking at him upside down to see why. There was a look on his face that she was starting to recognise so very clearly. Without breaking eye contact with her, his hand trailed down over her shoulder, lightly trailing over her breasts and stomach, he had to practically lean over her before it reached it’s intended destination between her legs. She pulled him down into an upside-down kiss.

“Yes.” She whispered.

  
***

The christening had been a beautiful and quiet affair, just the twins, King Fredrick and Queen Arianna, Rapunzel, Eugene, and of course Cassandra and Varian. Lance and the girls had joined them afterwards for a meal in the hall. It had been comfortable, everybody on a fond and intimate level with each other. The room buzzed with laughter and love, and as they left they took a warm feeling in their hearts with them.

Cassandra had felt something strange when holding the babies, those little people who she would watch grow up from a distance, that she had vowed to be connected to for the rest of her life. She was not a baby person, she didn’t find them cute. She found them a little scary in the way that you had to protect their necks, and that they needed so much, and that you never knew if they were about to throw up on you, or pee on you, or something involving bodily fluids getting all over the clothes that you’d freshly washed and laundered. Still, She’d started to relax when holding Aiden, and she’d looked into his little face, a few months old now and starting to recognise those around him, and he’d smiled at her, and she’d smiled back and she’d felt something in her chest. This tiny baby was a tiny part her, he was the descendant of her sister, but more than that, she was his sworn protector. She had been with his mother as she had made her first steps in understanding the world outside the tower, she had watched his father turn from egotistical thief to actual decent human being, and here he was, the sum of the people that she loved so dearly. She would love him, she would watch him grow, she would see all the ways in which he was his parents, and all the ways in which he was his own little self. Cassandra had never ‘got’ babies, but she could look at this one and see all the potential in the world. She’d looked over at Varian holding baby Aelia and smiled softly at him, here was another thing that they would get to share, responsibility and love for these little people.

Varian turned and grabbed her hand as they walked out the castle gates.

“It’s lovely tonight, let’s walk for a while by the sea.”

Cassandra looked up at the mound of grey clouds blocking out the moon above,] and the glint of the icicles catching the light of Varian’s lantern. Their breathes coming out in little white clouds, though they were warm inside their fur lined coats. Nobody who wasn’t feeling the warmth of companionship and love they had been drinking in all night would have called it a lovely night. Yet still, Cassandra agreed, and they walked together in a happy silence down to where the calm black water stretched out, the horizon lost in the dark.

“We’re going to sail past that horizon soon.” Varian said.

Cassandra was about to answer when she felt something cold and wet land on her nose. She looked up to see a flurry of whist snowflakes start to make their way down.

“If it gets too bad we can always head to your rooms in the castle. It’s a lot closer than the cottage.” She said.

“Stay a moment.” Varian answered squeezing the hand he was holding. She paused at something in the tone of his voice and turned to face him, seeing him looking down at the floor, unsure, hesitant. She rarely saw him like this these days, they weren’t usually unsure, or shy with each other anymore. He took a deep breath as if stealing himself for something and then looked up to meet her eyes.

“Cassandra, I never actually asked. Do you want to get married?””  
  


She paused, looking at him, everything seeming to freeze in that moment.

“I mean… to me. I’m asking.”

***

“Are you ready?” Varian asked, turning to her, and taking her hand.

“I'm ready.” Cassandra said confidently. Varian smiled back and started to speak the words that they had sat together and written out a few weeks before.

_“I vow to take you Cassandra, to be my partner in this lifetime.”_

“I vow to take you Varian, as my lover for life.”

_“To be with each other always.”_

“To help each other to grow, and to change.

_“To make the right decisions. And become the best versions of ourselves that we can be.”_

“To travel this world together.”

_“Hand in hand.”_

“Facing whatever life throws at us.”

_“Because we are strong Individually.”_

“But stronger together.”

_“I'll never ask more from you than you can give.”_

“I'll always give you as much of me as I can.”

_“I accept your faults.”_

“I accept that you'll make mistakes.”

_“But we can forgive each other.”_

“And ourselves.”

“ _Because we're just human.”_

“And the important part is.”

 _“_ To love each other.” They finished in unison.

Varian picked up the pen and signed his name in an italic flourish. Their fingers touched as Varian passed the pen to Cassandra, she felt a tingle running up her arm. She was dizzy and breathless, there was a gravity to what they were doing, the promises they were making each other. She bent down and signed her name beneath Varian’s. Her fingers ran under the drying ink, she’d never thought she would be doing this, she never thought she’d ever meet anybody that it would mean so much with.

She turned and looked up into Varian’s shining eyes and she kissed him. Slow and sweet, before taking his hand in hers, and closing the day of hearts book. They walked quietly together out into the moonlit corridor, locking the door with the stolen keys. Then with a smile at each other they walked back to the rooms that belonged to Varian, to spend their last night in Corona. The next morning they would spend time with Quirin, and before the day was out they would begin their journey together.

***

Rapunzel and Cassandra’s eyes were filled with tears as they stood by the castle gates. It was tempting, so tempting to stay here, so tempting to fit into this little family filled with love and hope. But even though she had her place here, it wasn’t her family, it was Rapunzel’s. Cassandra’s world was very different, but with Varian by her side, it would still be beautiful. She hugged her friend again, not wanting to say the words ‘goodbye’, because they would never truly be saying goodbye again. Cassandra knew that from now onwards she would always find her way back here. Corona wasn’t her home, Rapunzel and Eugene, Aelia and Adrian, Max, Pascal, and Quirin, these people made up a home for her to return to.

She pulled away and kissed the twins laying in their grandmothers’ arms. Smiling up at Arianna as Aelia giggled and clasped the necklace that dangled from her neck, the gold sun of Corona with the purpled teardrop of Cassandrium hanging down underneath it. She kissed the chubby little baby hand as she gently prised the fingers off.

“I need to take that with me, but when you’re older I’m sure your godfather will make you your own necklace.”  
  


“I might just make you your own element.” Varian said, his hand resting on Cassandra’s back as he leaned over to tap the baby’s nose.

Cassandra tore her eyes away from the babies as Varian kissed Rapunzel on the cheek, and gave Eugene a big bear hug. Cassandra let a tear run down her face as she went to hug Rapunzel one final time.

“We’ll be back before the twin’s second birthday. I promise.” She whispered into the short brown hair.

“I know you will, I know you keep your promises. I’m going to miss you both so much.”  
  


“I know, I’m going to miss you too. I love you Raps.”  
  


“I love you Cass.” Rapunzel said, holding her tighter for a moment.

She pulled away, crying openly now as she turned and pulled Eugene towards her, he unbalanced and gave a grunt as fell against her. She quickly wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

"I love you too Eugene, but if you tell anybody I said that I'll deny it and remove one of your testicles."

She turned to look at Varian "he can still have more kids with one testicle right?"

He nodded a smirk on his face.

“Charming as always Cass.” Eugene said, but he gave her a warm smile and clasped her hand tightly. “I will actually miss you, I mean, not much, but…”  
  


“Eugene.” Rapunzel chastised.

“You’re like a sister to me.” He said dropping all pretences. “Take care of each other.”

“We will.” Varian promised as he held his hand out for Cassandra to take. “Are you ready?”  
  


“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Rapunzel and Eugene watched as their friends walked away, starting their newest adventure together.

“You know, I think they’re in love.” Eugene joked.

“Eugene. “Rapunzel smiled. “Stop joking around, it’s obvious they’re in love.”

“So, do you think they’ll come back married?”

“I don’t know. They don’t seem to care much about traditional roles.”

“You can say that again.”

“I think they know what they are too each other and that’s all that matters to them.”

“Well, if it’s good enough for them then it’s good enough for me.”


	18. No Longer Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here we go, the final chapter. For some reason it dousn’t feel quite good enough but it was the ending I always planned so…  
> Disclaimer: I do not own the song used, it is Husavik from the movie The Story of Fire Saga  
>  Before reading you may be interested to know that the sister fic A Second Chance which follows the minor Characters of Sophia and Edmund (with appearances from Varian, Eugene, the Brotherhood, Fait & Pete) has been completed, the final chapter features Varian calming Sophia before her wedding and Eugene helping Edmund prepare.   
>  Also, there is a shower smut one-shot that is a missing scene from the Time to Heal chapter of this – and that is called A Proper Goodbye.  
>  Though I am going on an upload hiatus after this (to do some proper planning for my next series of fictions – Masquerade, The Price Paid, and The Death and Rebirth of Eugene Fitzherbert), I’m open to any questions about the fiction, unfortunately can’t take requests at the moment, but ask me anything else.
> 
> Finally, thank you all for reading, thanks for the kudos, and for the reviews it’s been an absolute delight to read them and has really helped me grow in confidence and continue to write.  
>  Please enjoy the final chapter.

No Longer Enough

Cassandra looked over at the shape of Varian leaning against the railings of the ship. She felt nauseous, tired, but more than that, she felt so lonely. It was all her fault; all of this was her choice. Perhaps tonight she would tell him, perhaps tonight she could do something to try and heal them.

She walked up to him, resting her hand on the small of his back, feeling the warmth of his skin under the thin shirt. He looked up at her, his face closed to her, something hanging in the air between them. She couldn’t bear to lose him, yet she couldn’t find the words. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the light of the day would make things easier.

She bent to kiss him on the cheek, feeling the rough stubble against her lips.

“I’m going to bed.” She said.

Varian leaned towards her, his mouth opening for a moment as if he were about to say something, but then he straightened himself, and his face went blank again.

“Sleep well Cass.”

She turned away from him, feeling a now familiar ache in her heart as she walked away. Something made her stop though, she turned back to face him, watching as he stared into the silent water.

She could remember that night five years ago, the night when he had proposed to her. The water, a different part of the world, but still as dark and still.

_“Cassandra, I never actually asked, do you want to get married?””_

_She paused and turned to look at him._

_“I mean… to me, I’m asking.”_

_“I uh...” She froze, unable to say anything, unable to really think of anything to say._

_“It's open, it'll always be open, if you ever decide you do want to. Just say.” Varian said eventually._

_Cassandra swallowed and nodded, trying to find her voice._

_“Do you mind that we're not?”_

_“I know what we are to each other.” Varian said. “Married or not, I know what we are to each other. I know what we’re promising each other, being here together.”  
  
_

_An idea had entered her head._

_“I know what I want to do.” She said._

So they hadn’t got engaged, and she’d never said yes, she’d never said no, but they had made promises to each other and signed their names in the day of hearts book. As of yet, they’d never broken those promises, till a few weeks ago, because she knew that she wasn’t giving him as much of herself as she could. Fear and uncertainty were making her hold back.

“Turn around.” She whispered.

She just wanted him to turn to her, to see her, to know what was on her mind, to figure out why she was struggling so much. To tell her that it would all be okay, that he wanted it too, but he didn’t. However close they had gotten neither would ever be able to read the others mind. He couldn’t tell that she wanted to stop for a while, she needed to rest, but he loved travelling, he shone when he travelled. She turned away from him, but as she did so she heard a soft voice coming through the night air, and as she listened her heart started to lighten.

***

Varian leaned on the railing looking out into the dark still ocean. He felt a hand come to rest on his lower back and he looked up into the serious face of Cassandra, his lover of five years. She leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

“I’m going to bed.” 

Varian looked up at her, feeling a deep longing in his heart. He wished he could grab her, and kiss her, and try to show her just how much his heart was aching right now. Instead he just gave her a soft smile.

“Sleep well Cass.”

He turned back to look at the ocean, wishing as he had for many weeks now that maybe in the morning something would be different. Maybe the distance that had been growing between them would disappear. He had tried to talk to her about how he was feeling, what he was thinking, but for some reason every time he started the conversation they had been interrupted, or she had seemed nervous and had excused herself, saying she felt sick, or tired.

On the way towards this distant ocean they’d passed through the dark Kingdom and stayed a month. That’s when Varian had started to feel doubts, because it was then that he’d started to see how much they had missed whilst travelling. The small town was now a proper little walled city, the citadel had been remade to his designs, but far more beautiful than he had expected, with twenty foot high stained glass windows that made the room fill with different coloured lights as the day went on, it was beautiful, hopeful.

Sophia had developed into a well-loved Queen, always charitable, always willing to spend time with the citizens and listen to their problems. She’d not forgotten her humble origins, she talked to every person as if they were an equal and they adored her for it. Edmund didn’t become the king he was born to be, because he was born to be the king of an ancient warrior culture. Instead he became the king of a peaceful, artistic, trading people. His intelligence and diplomacy started to shine through as the symptoms of his isolation disappeared and under Sophia’s gentle hands he started to gain confidence in dealing with people again.

Then there was the Captain and Frank, able to live their lives happily together in the walls of the Citadel, peaceful and unjudged. Quirin, as the first child born within the new town of Redemption had become the darling of the entire town, but mainly the brotherhood. Under the watch of his fathers, and a group of men (and Adira) who had been raised warriors, had made the six-year-old an able horseman and archer. Varian had sat watching Cassandra play with her young brother, fighting with toy swords, telling him stories at night, and bending down next to him on walks to gently explain which plants were edible and which had healing properties. Every time he saw how gentle or how playful she was with him, and how he adored her in return something had ached inside of Varian. A strange longing, they’d missed so much of Quirin’s life, of Ad’s and Lia’s lives. There was something else as well, something that he didn’t want to put into words yet, a deep need.

These were thoughts that he wasn’t allowed to have, but that creeped into his mind anyways. What would it be like if it were their child that she was chasing through the gardens? That would it be like if it were their child giggling and staring at her with adoration? He tried not to let the thoughts linger knowing that if unchecked they had the power to turn into a slow poison to their relationship. Five years ago he had chosen Cassie, five years ago he had chosen to link his destiny to her, and travel the world with her. He’d known what that choice had meant, not just adventure, exploration and a chance to learn new skills (as well of course of spending everyday waking up next to the love of his life), it had also meant leaving his father, his friends, the home and the rhythms he’d lived his entire life to. He’d known it meant being childless, for the rest of his life. Cassandra had been so adamant in those early days of their relationship that she never wanted to be a mother, that he’d never mentioned it again, and he’d helped her in taking every precaution to assure that a pregnancy didn’t happen by chance. He’d always been sure that he’d made the right decision …always, until now.

He’d had enough of never knowing entirely where he’d be from one week to the next. He’d had enough of living out of a saddle bag. At first he’d loved it, they had seen all the things they had wanted to see, climbed mountains till they were well above the clouds, swam from tiny island to tiny island in clear warm oceans, dined with far away kings and ridden dragons, and there was still so much of the world left. Everywhere they had been they’d heard of a new place to discover. Yet, lately his excitement had ebbed, lately the endless days on the road were becoming tiring, and when he’d left Corona, kissing his godchildren goodbye for the third time in their short lives, something had felt wrong. Then a few months later leaving the Redemption Citadel, the wrongness had truly steeled into his heart, every day since, as they travelled further away it had felt like a step away from where he genuinely wanted to be.

He’d tried to tell her, he had, but for some reason she had been growing distance. They were speaking less, and for the first time in many years she had been taking separate rooms from him, or sleeping on the other side of their campfire to him. At first she said that she had felt she was coming down with something and she didn’t want him to catch it, but it had been weeks since he had held her in his arms at night, and he didn’t know why.

He looked over the black ocean and began to sing.

“All by myself

With this great, big world before me

But it's all for someone else

I've tried and tried again

To let you know just where my heart is

To tell the truth and not pretend

All I needed was to get away

Just to realize that I was meant to stay

Where the fields meet the seas and skies

Where the people sing cause they’re a happy people

In my hometown, my hometown

Thought I made it clear, do I have to say it?

It was always there, we just didn't see it

All I need is you and me and my home

To be with you, with you

In Corona, by the sea

In my hometown”  
  


He jumped slightly as he heard the soft padding of feet behind him, he turned to see Cassandra stood there. Tears starting to fall from her eyes. He knew she’d heard, but he couldn’t stop now, he needed her to know. He needed these barriers between them to come down. If this was going to be the end, at least he knew it was because they’re hearts longed for different things. Though that thought was too painful for him to fully consider, because the thing his heart would always long for most, was her.

“You want the world

All the maps and horizons

To be seen and to be heard

And I followed you

But now I know what makes me happy

And I can tell you feel it too

Where the fields meet the sea and skies

Where the people sing because they’re a happy people

In my hometown, my hometown

Where the walls are painted a thousand colours

And the magic nights surpass all others

All I wish is to be with you, with you

In Corona, by the sea

My home, my hometown.”

He finished. He looked at her, her skin shining in the moonlight, the trails of tears glistening on her face. So beautiful, so strong, and yet so vulnerable. She was his best friend, his partner in everything, the person who truly knew him, truly accepted him. He could only hope that she would accept this too, that they could talk about it, come up with a solution or a compromise. He didn’t want to lose her, but he wanted to go home.

“I didn’t know you felt this way.” Cassandra said stepping forwards.

“I’ve tried to tell you how I’m feeling, but I don’t know, maybe I haven’t been explaining myself properly.”

“No, Vare, it’s me. I’ve been distant. I’ve had some things that I had to work out in my own mind before talking to you.”

He reached for her hand.

“Just tell me, are we okay?”   
  


“I hope we are; I hope we will be. Vare, do you remember those promises we made to each other when we signed our names in the day of hearts book? I know it’s been five year, but they still stand as far as I’m concerned.”  
  


“For me too Cassie. I took them very seriously, whenever I’ve been unsure about things I’ve thought back to that night, and I remembered that as long as we’re honest with each other we’ll be okay. Tell me what’s wrong Cassie? Let’s work it out together.”

She avoided his eyes.

“You want to go home.” She stated, Varian knew she was avoiding telling him what was on her mind, but it was okay, because they were both holding something close to their hearts, and if they needed to start with him then it was okay.

“Cassandra.” Varian sighed. “You know I’d follow you to the ends of the earth, I already have,”  
  


“Twice.”  
  


“And I’ve loved every moment of it. “He said honestly. “But these last few months…”  
  


“Something has changed.” She filled in for him when he struggled to find the words.

  
He nodded.

“Not how I feel about you, Cassie. That will never change, I love you soo much, I can’t bare the idea of living without you, but..” He looked down.

“I feel the same Varian, exactly the same, its time to go home. It’s time to go to Corona.”

“Really?” Varian stared at her shocked. All the times he’d imagined having this conversation with her, all the solutions that he’d come up with in his mind, things like her spending a year travelling and a year in Corona with him, or them returning home just for a little while to figure things out, he’d never thought that Cassandra would say that.

She nodded at him. He took her in his arms pulling her close to him, barely daring to hope that all this time they’d been feeling the same thing, and that there wouldn’t be any need to part ways even for a single day.

“But you didn’t want that life.” He said confused.   
  


She let him hold her for a few more moments before pulling away.

“Vare, things change. People change. I think I’m ready for that life, I don’t think I could avoid it even if I wasn’t.”

“What do you mean?”  
“Vare, do you remember that night in Maruyama, with the waterfall and the cherry blossoms?”  
  


Varian smiled at the memory. It hadn’t been the last time that they had made love, but as was the way with their love life certain times stood out as different from the others. That night, dizzy from the fermented rice drink, they had skinny dipped in the warm pools of water with the pink flower petals gathering on their skin. The full moon had made the night light, there had been the quiet hum of insects in the trees, the slight rustling of a breeze in the leaves, and then all that was left was each other’s loud groans of ecstasy filling the night as they’d taken pleasure in each other’s bodies, again and again until the sun rose.

“That was a good night.” He wanted to reach out to her, to touch her and feel the connection to that night on her skin, but her arms were folded around herself, and her eyes were focused down to the deck. “What made you think about that?”  
  


“Well, we kind of forgot about your little gloves that night.”  
  


Varian was confused, he’d remembered that night clearly. The first time they’d made love he’d had one of the little tins in his pocket, never being without one these days. Then as the night had gone on and their desire for one another had failed to be sated with one session of love making they had come together again, and although Varian had at the time not been so drunk that he’d failed to hesitate to enter her without a prophylactic, she had assured him that she was okay with it. He’d thought briefly of the moment the next day, and concluded that with Cassandra’s feminine knowledge of the rhythms of her own body, and the strange fluctuations of fertility, that she had known that nothing would come of it if just for this one night they allowed bare skin against bare skin. He’d revealed for days in the knowledge that there was still a trace of him left inside of her. Now he was uncertain if he’d been right not to be worried.

“Yeah, I know.. Cassie?”  
“I’m pregnant.”  
The words hung between them, as Varian felt his heart miss a beat in his chest. The words took a while to filter into his mind, for him to make sense of them. Pregnant, from that night, almost three months ago now. She had a child growing within her, his child, a person made up of him and her and the love that they’d shared together. The answer to all those thoughts, all that subtle and secret mourning. His eyes drifted to her stomach trying to find a new curve to it, trying to see a visible sign of the little life growing there, but there was nothing yet. It was then that a flood of relief and joy, hit him, he’d never known how much he wanted this till this moment. Yet, as he let out a sob he was battered with more thoughts and feelings, guilt over what he was feeling, guilt over not having the sense to turn her away that night, because he knew, she’d said it clear enough, Cassandra didn’t want this. Yet, she didn’t seem angry with him as she stepped up towards him and wiped the tears from his face with her thumb.

"Are these good or bad tears? I can't tell." She said softly, worry in her eyes.

" Both, I don’t know what to feel. I know that you never wanted to be a mother, and I feel so guilty that I’ve allowed this to happen.”  
  


“We, Vare, it takes two.”  
  


“And I feel guilty because I'm happy, I've been wanting this for a while now, but I just, I couldn't tell you. I had decided that I wanted you more than I wanted a child.”

" Varian, people change.” She repeated.  
  


“What do you mean?”

“I’m a little scared, I was more scared before I knew that you wanted this, that you wanted to go with me to Corona. Everything still feels so unclear, and I don’t know exactly what the future holds.”

He took her hand.

“It won’t always be perfect.”   
  


“But it’ll probably be worth it.” She said, repeating the words that they had sometimes said to each other.   
  


“Definitely. Everything we do together is worth it.”  
  


“What about that time we had to catch that rare fish for that seal pup christening? You smelt like fish guts for two months afterwards.”  
  


Varian laughed, for the first time in weeks, he could tell that things were beginning to clear between them, they were beginning to understand each other again.

“Okay, apart from that. Just to be clear, the plan is to have this baby and to move back to Corona for good?" He asked.

"Yes. That's what you want isn't it?"

"Yes, but how do you feel about it. Really?”

  
“ I’m happy, I think. “ She said pausing, her hand resting on her stomach. “Yes, happy. We’ll go home, have a baby raise him, her, with our friends and your dad around.”  
  


“Our next adventure.” He said.  
  


“Our next adventure.” She agreed, a bright smile now bursting onto her face. She leaned towards him and their lips met. Varian pulled her close, relief spreading through his body as he felt the easy and familiar connection between them. All the pain of the weeks before was drifting away with that kiss. He had been worried that he would lose Cassandra, but here she was in his arms, with his child growing inside of her, as much his today as she had always been.

"And uhh.. Varian.” Cassandra said pulling away from him and biting her lip nervously. “Maybe it's time we revisited the marriage idea."

He let out a short bark of laughter and pulled her into a tight hug. His face buried into her hair, smelling the saltiness of sea air there as he mumbled into the curls.

"Marry me Cassie." He said without any reservations.

"Okay."

He laughed at the simplicity of her answer, after five years of thinking that he'd never get her to wear a dress and walk an aisle. He pulled away and saw a wide easy smile on her face, love in her eyes, no trace of worry or doubt there, just warmth, and unshed tears of happiness.

"Are you telling me all I had to do was knock you up?"

She gave a snort of a laugh. Then her face grew serious.

"It's a long journey, do you think we'll make it in time?"

He knew she meant home to Corona in time for the birth. He looked out to sea, quickly measuring the miles between there and their home. He knew that the smart answer, the cautious answer, would be that they should make their way to the Redemption Citadel and stay there until their child was old enough to travel, and the winter was well passed, but the answer in his heart, in both their hearts he suspected, was that their child should be born within Corona.

"It depends, keeping you safe, and well rested is the most important thing. We can't rush it. Now, come to bed with me. I've missed you."

She kissed him again, sweetly this time, just before taking his hand and walking with him towards his cabin.

“Pregnant and engaged, quite the night.” She said.

He hummed happily.

“You know Nigel is totally going to throw a fit when he realises his royalties are about to dry up.” Varian joked.

“Well he got eight books out of me. Where were my royalties? Besides, it's time for a new story."

"Hmm.. what story is that?"

"One of settling down, and building a life, surrounded by the people that we love."

"I think I’m going to like that story."

Eugene watched his twins bickering as they waited to go into the bakery, at least he thought that it was bickering, it was hard to tell sometimes seeing as the twins had their own secret language that nobody else was privy too. Their two-year-old brother little Freddie was running around them, trying to join in with a conversation he couldn’t understand, adding little words like ‘pies?’ and ‘yellow’, and his new favourite curtesy of his godfather Lance ‘Danmit’.

Rapunzel must have heard that one because she turned from where she was talking to Feltspar and pointed at Freddie. “What have I told you about that word?”  
  


“Forgot Mummy.”

She met Eugene’s eyes, giving him a sympathetic little smile. She knew that his heart had been feeling heavy in the last few days, a growing dread upon it. She was worried too but being Rapunzel she had meet his concerns with hope. She had sat next to him in his office that morning, holding her pregnant belly, as he had again read the last letter he had received from Varian. It was dated to over six months before, true, it was hard to send mail when you were on the road, but he’d always managed before, and this was by far the longest they had been without a letter. It wasn’t just that they hadn’t received word from their travelling friends in a while, the content of the letter was also worrying. Varian had written about where they had travelled, where they planned to go next, but then the letter had taken a turn, and he’d written of a growing distance between him and Cassandra, a longing to return home, an inability to communicate his wishes to his partner. The fact that he had written something so intimate was telling, Eugene’s young cousin was truly worried, truly hurting.

A figure had appeared coming up the hill. Eugene squinted, as an apprehension started to creep under his skin. Though he couldn’t make out the face the man walking up the hill towards them was dressed in foreign eastern clothing, and as far as he had known Corona hadn’t been hosting anybody from that far abroad.

“Attila.” He shouted into the shop. “Watch the children.” He started off in the direction of the stranger. Rapunzel watched him her brow furrowing as she noticed his discomfort.

He was getting closer to the man now, and his eyes widened as he recognised something familiar about his face. He paused as he met the man’s eyes, he was giving him a big friendly smile and Eugene cursed his slightly bad eyes for not being able to be sure of his identity his eyes sight growing worse as he got closer to his fortieth year. A few steps more and he was sure. He rushed forwards, grabbing the man up in a tight bear hug.

“Varian!”

His loud call had alerted Rapunzel who was running towards them, despite her large stomach.

Eugene looked down at his cousin, the younger man looked tired, but he was smiling widely. Eugene looked around; Varian was on his own. No horses, not the latest in his string of racoons, but most importantly, no Cassandra. Varian turned to Rapunzel; his eyes wide as he looked down at her stomach.

"Congratulations your Majesty."

Rapunzel threw herself at him. "Varian! Oh wow! I can't believe you're here!"

"Well, I'm a lord of Corona, the old laws say I have to ask your permission to marry."

Rapunzel gasped happily, but Eugene was slower to react. His worry from that morning still hadn’t abated.

"Nobody follows that law anymore." He said.

Varian paused at the tone in his voice, his excited smile dropping.

“I know, but..”

“Where is Cass, Varian? You haven't written in six months, the last letter you sent, you said some things, and now you show up without her?"

Varian’s eyebrows furrowed.

"Eugene, give him a moment to explain." Rapunzel said gently.

"Who are you asking to marry Varian?"

"Lady Cassandra of Corona, Eugene. Who else?"

"Oh thank heavens, for a second there.” Eugene said with a relieved laugh, before pulling the younger man back into a hug. He patted his cousin and friend, on the back.

“You’re finally tying her down hey?”

Varian shrugged him off.

“Just making what we’ve always had official in the eyes of the rest of the world.”  
  


“We’ve always known what the two of you were.” Rapunzel said laying her hand on Varian’s arm. “But of course you have permission to get married.”  
  


“So uh.. where is Cass?” Eugene said looking around, but as he said it he could see two familiar figures coming through the Corona gates, the wide form of Quirin, and the raven haired woman he had grown to consider a sister.

“Oh, she just took a few minutes outside to sort..ah, here she is!” Varian was saying before spotting his fiancé himself and rushing to her. Eugene had noticed something strange about the way Cassandra was walking, her slow pace, her arm in front of her, head down concentrating. She was carrying something, and what became clear to him as Varian’s head bent low over the bundle.

Rapunzel gasped. She reached for his hand, and he held it tightly as their two friends walked carefully back to them. Varian’s arms around Cassandra’s waist, his adoring eyes never leaving the blanket in her arms.

“Your majesty, may I present my daughter." Varian said with a proud grin as they got close.

Rapunzel dropped Eugene’s hand as she rushed over pausing, a foot away from Cass with her hands covering her mouth.” Oh she is beautiful, Cass”. She gave the smiling woman a one-armed hug.

As Eugene’s shock wore off he found himself laughing with joy, he stepped forwards and clapped Varian on the back. 

"Congratulations Kid.

"Eugene!"

"Sorry, congratulations Varian. How old?”

"Two weeks, we meant to come here, but we were running a bit late and got caught up in Equus. Can I talk to you for a moment, quietly?” Varian said looking around nervously.  


He put his hand on Varian’s shoulder and turned him away from the two women, Cassandra’s hands now free of the baby that Rapunzel was holding and her hand upon Rapunzel’s stomach.

“I need to claim sanctuary.” Varian said quietly.  
  


“Sanctuary? What on earth did you do Kid?”  
  


“It wasn’t me.” Varian said glancing towards Cassandra. “She broke a priest nose.”  
  


“I’m going to need some context here.”

“Well, it was a few weeks ago, and there were signs that the baby was going to come soon. You know, a show. You know the thing that comes out of them that looks like a sneezeweasels snot goblet when you've just punched them in the nose?”

“Bloody, mucusy got it. Don't need to hear more. You know I find that forgetting about the intricacies of labour immediately after its over is very good for one’s mental wellbeing. Especially when it comes to making the next one.”  
  


“Well Cass went into a kinda panic, and she wanted to get married then and there because for some reason the idea of having our child born out of wedlock wasn’t sitting well with her, though it never bothered her before.”  
  


“They go crazy sometimes in the last few days.”

“Yeah, and you know that I’d do anything for her. We were close to Equus, so I persuaded the midwife to come with us to a church to see if we could get married. Anyways, the priest was not particularly obliging, and we got into heated words and suddenly these guards turned up. I’m not sure if she meant to break the priests nose in front of them, or if he just got in the way of one of her contractions, actually I’m pretty sure she did mean to, just not to be caught.”  
  


“Did he deserve it?”  
  


“Yeah, he referred to the baby as something unpleasant, something that started with a B.”  
  


“Okay, he deserved it then.”

“Anyways, it turns out that the midwife was a really good getaway driver, but we’ve got a couple of bounties over our heads and if you could make those go away that would be great.”

“Well, I am glad it was you and not me. Pregnant Cass, yikes!” 

"Not the most comfortable nine months of my life I'll admit, but I'm guessing it's nothing compared to what she was felling soo…"

"We forgive them everything Vare, because they give us the dreams we hadn't known to dream.”

“Or the ones we hadn't hoped too. Can you make it all disappear Eugene?”  
  


“Oh Eugene can’t, but the Prince of Redemption can, and if not well maybe a bit of the old Flynn Rider charm will do the job.”  
  


“Thanks Cuz. It's better this way, we get married with you guys around. It'll be nice.”

“Goodness knows we've waited too long for you guys to tie the knot to not actually see it. Now, are you going to introduce me to your daughter or not?”

They walked back to the two women; the baby having been swapped back into Cassandra’s arms. She smiled brightly at Eugene, her eyes were tired, but she was glowing, a calm and confident beauty that he’d not seen there before.

“Eugene, this is Cecelia.”

Eugene bent his head over and looked at the little sleeping face that peaked out of the blankets. Pales skinned, and rosy lipped like her mouther, but already with a mop of unruly black hair just like Varian’s, and there, barely decipherable now, but bound to become more prominent was a white streak. Eugene looked back up at Cassandra’s soft eyes.

“Congratulations Cassie. She is perfect.”

For once Cassandra didn’t correct him on her name, she just smiled at him, and he realized that the poisonous snake woman he had first meet was long gone. Though he was confident that she could still hold her own if she needed to.

“You look good Cass, settled, happy.” Words he’d never thought he’d use to describe her.

“I am.”

“How long are you staying?”

“Well...” Cassandra said meeting Varian’s eye. “I was hoping you would need a royal science adviser.”

“We do.” Rapunzel said enthusiastically.

Eugene looked between the couple, the little smile they were sharing, the slight nervousness. They were getting married, they had a child, and now she was asking about jobs? Could it be that the famous Cassandra of Corona was looking to settle down? He smirked as he came up with the perfect idea, an offer that would keep her in Corona with them if that’s what she was looking to do.

“And I could use a co-captain of the guards. “He said. “I mean, truth be told I’m run off my feet with prince duties and parenting as well as keeping the guards well organised and well trained. I really need somebody who knows all the castle rules and regulations, and somebody who can train with a large range of weapons. Any ideas?”

Cassandra was staring at him open mouthed.

“I think he means you.” Varian said leaning close to her and winking.

“R…Really?” Cassandra stuttered.

“Can’t think of anybody better for the job. Though, it looks like you've got your hands full yourself, maybe just deputy co-captain for a while. Though uh.. take all the time you need.”

“Yes! Absolutely, Thank you Eugene.”

“Glad to have you Cassie.”

“Wait.” Rapunzel said looking between the three off them with a look of astonishment. “Are you talking about a permanent job, are you saying you’re staying here permanently?”

“Yes. We're home.”

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this far.  
> 


End file.
